June 6
The bonus of my knowing about the baby is that she's too tired to do much at night. She talks about decorating a room and if it will be a boy or a girl. She has ridiculous names picked for each gender. But then she touches my face, apologizes for not wanting sex and rolls over. I don't mind not having sex. Well I want to be having sex but not with her. I'm horrible I know. I'm excited to be a dad though. I get a chance to make a difference. And that's terrifying and so exciting at the same time.
June 7
I can't stay away from him. I can't resist sharing in his sunshine. I can't say no to him and I can't stop the way my heart speeds up at the sight of him. I can't, I'm a weak man. Who can fault me when Muggle men do so much more than have a racing heart? So today when he asked if I wanted to eat lunch with him I nodded and followed him to the break room. We had it to ourselves.
"So is the wife being baby crazy yet?" He asked taking out his lunch. I chuckled.
"All she can talk about is the gender as what she wants to name the baby." I answered.
"Are they decent names at least?" He asked smiling. I shook my head pulling out my own lunch. I pulled out the green apple I always ate with my lunch. I like the sour taste and the way they are green like some very intense eyes I happen to adore.
"I can't stand green apples. They are way too sour!" He said smiling. I shrugged and bit into the apple.
"I love them. Sour like my soul." I said around my apple. He gaped at me.
"Draco Malfoy you made a joke."
"Who says I'm joking?" He laughed at that. (Merlin, I love that sound). He pulled out a sandwich and began to devour it. I pulled out some leftover pasta from last night (my wife is a chef in her spare time and she loves to cook) and began to eat as well, having just finished my apple.
"Ginny is about to have the baby. Like any minute now and I'm a little nervous. James didn't come quietly." I raised an eyebrow at that.
"James is my toddler. Sorry thought you knew about him." He explained. I nodded.
"Her mum wants to take James for a bit while we adjust to having the baby once it gets here but Molly is overworked and tired." I nodded and then heard myself say
"He can stay with me. I have tons of room at my house and my wife won't mind having him around." He gaped at me over his sandwich.
"Are you joking again?" He asked skeptically.
"I rarely joke." I answered. He thought for a moment.
"I might take you up on that. I'll talk to Ginny." He said already going back to the sandwich.
"Sure let me know what you want." I answered.
We ate in silence, but I ached to talk to him. To listen to his voice as he talked about something unimportant. I wanted to tell him how I felt, it swept over me in such a strong intense wave I choked on my pasta.
"Easy there Draco you ok?"
"I'm fine." I croaked, trying to swallow around the stuck noodle. He laughed and got up, walking around the table we were seated at and clapped me on the back. The pasta moved and I swallowed. But his hand stayed on my back. I didn't move.
"Is that better?" He asked quietly.
I nodded slowly. His hand moved up and down on my back as he murmured "good," then he went back and sat down. I breathed deep wondering if I was reading too much into the conversation or not. I felt heat creeping up my neck and face and looked down into my food so he wouldn't see. We finished our lunches and went back to our work.
Now I'm sitting here wondering if I'd be able to fit into his life. Would we raise our children together? Would we get married if we left our wives? Or would it never go beyond this burning longing in my chest?
June 13,
This past weekend we had a party for the Auror department. Jeffery hosted it and so Sunday afternoon she and I headed over to the Moon house. It was a relatively small house on a sprawling piece of land. The house sat at the top of a small hill overlooking the slopping green lawns of the property. Asteria had made a pasta salad dish to bring and she quickly set off chattering with the wives about babies and cooking. I grabbed a cold butter beer and walked over to where Jeffery and several others were talking.
"Ah, Draco! Glad you could make it!" Jeffery said clapping me on the back. I smiled and joined the easy conversation. A pretty witch from the department was recounting how she had spent most of last Friday dealing with an old batty women convinced her grandfather clock was trying to kill her. It was quite the funny story and we were all laughing by the end of it. I always enjoy seeing those people, they are quite an entertaining bunch. He however hadn't shown up yet and I tried not to be disappointed.
We were starting to eat when they finally showed up. We had spread blankets on the grass and I was sitting down beside her with our plates loaded with turkey, salad, and other food from other families. We had some of everything. I had just handed her a plate when there was a popping noise from across the yard.
"Ah the Potters are here" she murmured. "They should sit with us. Go invite them would you dear?" I nodded and stood up making my way over to his family. Ginny was fanning herself and looked a bit overwhelmed.
"Oh hello Draco. How are you?" She asked trying to keep a hold of the toddler struggling to break free. He bent down and scooped up the child.
"I'm fine thank you. My wife is over there if you'd like to go sit with us. I'll help your husband get food." I offered. She nodded and headed off toward my wife waddling slightly from the baby. I followed him toward the table laden with food. His toddler was struggling in his arms and without thinking I reached out taking the squirming child and used my wand to produce colored bubbles that settled the child right down.
"Thanks. That's James. He's quite the handful and he's been cooped up all day." He said pulling three plates from the stack and loading them with food. (He'd bewitched the one of the plates to hover behind him so he could balance all of them.) James was contentedly reaching for the bubbles and drooling all over my robes. I didn't mind though, the child was cuddly and sweet.
We walked back over to the blanket where Ginny and Asteria were talking happily. When we sat Ginny reached for James, but he fussed and clung tighter to me.
"Come on sweetie, Mr. Malfoy doesn't want you to sit there and get him all messy."
"No!" James called.
"Ginny I don't mind feeding him if you want." She bit her lip but passed over the plate for James. He settled into my lap and showed me the bits of food his mother had cut for him.
"You're very good with him Draco." Ginny remarked. Her husband nodded and reached over to tousle his child's hair. His hand brushed my chest and I had to carefully control my breathing. James was now babbling a steady stream of nonsense and I couldn't help but grin, moving past the almost electric shock his father had just unintentionally given me.
"Draco, it looks like James has finished let's go down and show him the ducks." His father said. Ginny nodded and so we stood up, me still holding his child. We walked down the hill toward a pond on the property. I set James down when we reached the water and he raced forward to splash in the water.
"It's a good thing I can just use a cleaning spell and clean him up before his mom sees" he said between chuckles. I laughed too.
"You're really good with him, you're gonna be a great dad" he continued. I sighed then and looked down. "What?" He asked.
"I... I'm not going to be a good father" I muttered.
"Nonsense, you're a natural with James, your child will be no different."
"I suppose. I feel like I'll let him down." I sighed.
Before he could answer however, Asteria came rushing down the hill.
"It's Ginny. I think her baby is coming." She gasped out. He went pale and stared at me.
"Go, we'll take James. Go." I said. I'd never seen him run so fast, and once he reached Ginny they disappeared with a pop. James had been watching his dad run and burst into tears at the sight of both parents disappearing. I scooped him up and held him close.
Asteria and I headed home with James soon afterward. She kept trying to take him but he wouldn't leave me, and clung to my robes like a monkey. "I give up. I'm going to bed, goodnight my love" she murmured pecking me on the cheek. I watched her climb the stairs and then cuddled the child closely. We fell asleep in an arm chair by a big fire, James asleep on my chest.
Asteria woke us this morning and said she was going to work, and that she had already sent an owl to Jeffery explaining that I wouldn't be in today. I nodded and she left. I stood with James and tried to get him to eat some toast. He was having none of that but he did like the banana I cut up for him. He sat on our dining room table while he ate and I hovered over him making sure he didn't fall. I changed his diaper once he had finished eating and then conjured up some blocks for him to play with. He enjoyed that but once a block tower hit him in the face on it's topple over and he began to cry. I picked him up,
"Hush baby its ok. There there, Draco's here. I've got you, don't worry. I'm here shhhh." I murmured as I paced the room rocking the fussy child. It was then that an owl tapped on the window. I opened the window and the owl dropped a letter and swooped out. I opened the note one handedly as I balanced James in the other.
We are proud to announce the arrival of Albus Severus Potter born today at 10:56 am.
Thank you Draco for all your help! If you could come by Saint Mungos at 2, we would love for you and James to meet the baby.
I smiled and glanced at the clock. It was 1:45 and I decided to go over early. James and I apparated to the hospital and walked in to the front desk.
"Hello, could you give me the room of Ginny Weasley. Or Ginny Potter I suppose." I said.
The plump witch smiled "94, and aww your son is adorable." I almost corrected her. I should have corrected her but instead I smiled said thank you and walked to room 94. (Really it's her own fault for not recognizing famous Harry Potter's son. Please I'm too pale to have a son look like James does.)
I knocked on the door and then pushed it open. He was sitting by the bed watching Ginny hold the baby with adoration in his eyes. I closed the door and walked over to him, and smiled.
"Hello Ginny and baby." I said. She looked up and smiled at me. James leaned out of my arms to gaze at the baby. Ginny turned the child so her first son could see him. James turned and looked at me and I smiled.
"James, this is your brother Albus." He said. James looked at me again and then back at his parents and little brother. I tried to set James down but he shook his head vigorously and snuggled close.
"That's adorable, you two have bonded quite well haven't you?" He asked me. I nodded and leaned my head on the top of James'. His dad stood up and picked up Albus and held him for me to see.
"Can I hold him? I'll trade you." I offered. He nodded and I handed a squirming James to his mother and held the tiny baby. He was warm despite being so small and he seemed too breakable for this world.
"He's so little. I'm gonna break him." I said softly.
"You're not. We trust you" he said sitting on the bed. James started wailing then.
"Dwaco mine! Broder no get!" He cried stamping his feet on the bed causing all of us to laugh. I passed Albus back to his mother just in time to catch James who had leapt off the bed. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and tucked his head under my chin.
"Don't you want to go home with Daddy sweetheart?" Ginny asked.
"No! Dwaco!" James yelled and started to cry. I began bouncing him and swaying to get him to settle.
"I'm right here it's ok. I'm here" I murmured soothingly. His parents gaped at me. The he laughed.
"Draco, you might have to come over and visit now that my son seems so enamored with you."
"I'd love that." I answered.
"Why don't you boys go to the house? My mum will be here soon and hopefully she can convince the nurse to let me go home" Ginny said. After glancing at me, he nodded and we left the room, he stopped to say good bye to his wife. We stepped outside.
"Let's apparate. If you don't mind holding on to me I'll get us there." I made sure I had a good grip on James and then took the hand he extended toward me. His hand was warm and I hoped he couldn't see my reaction to holding it. Suddenly we were standing in front of a quaint little house (did I just use quaint to describe something? Man I really am gay. Anyway). It was two stories and had a garden the wrapped around the house. He dropped my hand sooner than I would have liked and we headed into the house. James wiggled and I set him down. Once on the ground James went running around the house bringing me toys until my arms were full of stuffed animals, a toy broomstick, a Gryfendor lion, and a story book about his dad. I sat at the kitchen table and set the toys down in front of me, chuckling he set a glass of fire whiskey in front of me and took a swig of his own.
"Thank you for taking James. It was very very helpful."
"Of course, anything for you guys." I said before blushing and downing my whiskey.
"Well we appreciate it very much." He said as James raced up, shoved some blocks into my hands and dashed off again "I think he appreciated it too." He said catching his son as he dashed past. We drank some more, had some food Mrs. Weasley had left in the fridge and then he tried to put James to bed.
"No! Want dwaco!" He cried. I stood up and helped Harry wrestle his son into bed. James insisted I crawl in the bed too, which I did because he was surprisingly strong with his fists in my hair. Then he pulled his dad down on the bed so we were both lying on either side of James. He grabbed a book.
"Dada read to dwaco and me!" He demanded. Harry sighed and read a book about some little wizard who wanted to save the world. James fell asleep quickly. And that was when I realized my legs were tangled with Harry's. I looked over the top of James' sleeping head to see Harry staring at me.
"What?" I whispered.
"You're eyes are kind of intense and I've never noticed how long your eyelashes are." Harry murmured.
I flushed
"Mine are nothing compared to your eyes." I whispered. Now he was blushing. We lay there for a few more minutes listening to James breath deep. Then Harry sat up, untangled himself from his son and me and then stuck a hand out to help me up. I grasped his hand and he pulled me up. When we stood we were close, so close I could feel his breath fanning on my cheeks. He's shorter than me and I looked down at him. He looked up and very slowly reached up and brushed some hair off my forehead. The hand he'd offered to pull me up was still holding mine. I wondered if he was going to kiss me. I wondered if anything would happen as his hand was still in my hair. And then he dropped both his hands and stepped back.
"You should go." He said quietly. I nodded and apparated away right there.
Now I'm home trying to remember how his hands felt in my hair and how I was supposed to survive not feeling that again.
June 14
He wasn't back to work today. I'm not surprised, a new born is hard to handle I'm sure. I kinda miss James. I wish that happy little boy was always around me. That would make me so happy. Maybe I can be Uncle Draco. Even if that's the only part of his life I share I could live with that. But man I wish he'd touch my hair again.
June 16,
I miss him. Fuck it I'm gonna write his name. Harry. Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry. I love the way it looks, and the way my hand glides over the page as I write it. The letters mean nothing by themselves but together they mean something amazing. With that incredible hair and amazing green eyes. Harry Malfoy looks even better in my opinion. (I don't mind Draco Potter either)
Ugh what am I thinking dreaming of him? I'm married. He's married with a new baby no less. My gracious I'm the worst person ever. What a horrible home wrecker I am. Merlin's beard I'm the worst person on this planet.
But I can't help the fact that I love him. And have since I met him in school.
June 18,
Today was a decent day. I slept late because I've been feeling a bit down lately. I woke up to an owl pecking at the window. I heaved myself out of bed and opened the window for the bird. I took the note from it and unfolded the parchment.
Draco, James has not stopped asking when his uncle Draco is coming over for a visit. Ginny will be at her mum's house and I'll be alone with the kids. If you'd like to come and play with James we wouldn't mind. Send word back with the owl if you can make it.
-Harry
I felt my heart swell at reading that, then I noticed a note on the dresser. I picked it up and read Asteria's neat handwriting informing me that she had gone to a friend's house to help them decorate. A small smile crept up my face as I turned over Harry's note and wrote that I would love to come and visit and that I'd be there at around 12:30. Once the owl left I stretched, waving my wand toward the bed. The sheets arranged themselves and the bed made itself. She loved the bed made perfectly and I didn't mind it. I then walked into our bathroom and peered into the mirror. I'd slept shirtless because it was hot. I sighed as I stared at the scars marking my chest. She didn't like them, they made her uncomfortable. I understood that. They were big angry marks crossing my chest, usually red and puffy, given to me by a curse in my sixth year. I looked down at my arm that still bore the dark mark. It had faded but I was pretty sure I'd always have it. I shook my head and climbed into the shower shedding the rest of my clothes. I may be feeling depressed and not myself but I still care deeply about my appearance. I use specially imported shampoos from Nicaragua because there's some magical flower there that smells heavenly. My hair is quite long now because I like the way it looks around my face. I use conditioner that smells like cinnamon and the tropical spicy mixture smells good. I take long showers and when I was done it was already 11:30. I wrapped a towel low around my hips and walked across the room to my closet, I was rummaging around looking for robes when I heard a pop upstairs. I froze listening, but when I heard nothing else I continued to search for robes I actually wanted to wear. The house is huge and we use very little of it so pops and creaks aren't that out of place.
"Uncle Dwaco!" A small voice cried as a small black haired boy shot into my closet and grabbed my leg. James grinned up at me.
"What... What the heck are you doing here?" I cried. James reached up with his little arms and jumped up. I sighed scooped him up and wandered out into the hall way. I could hear a baby crying and the frustrated sighs of Harry.
"Harry Potter what the hell are you doing in my house?!" I called. There was thumping on the stairs and a breathless Harry appeared.
"Sorry James asked if we could come and meet you and I said we could. I thought you said 11:30 but I see uh.. That you probably meant 12:30 and then I accidentally apparated to the bedroom and James got out of my grasp and I'm really sorry Draco." Harry said all of that very fast. I sighed and shook my head, my wet hair falling in my eyes.
"Well if you'll give me a minute or two I'll get dressed and do my hair." I tried to set James down but he fussed.
"I guess you can come into my bedroom if you'd like." I turned back into my room and set James down on the bed. Harry came in and sat down next to his son. I walked into my closet and continued to look for robes.
"So this is your bedroom?" He called.
"Yep." I answered frustrated now that I still couldn't find the robes I wanted.
"Wow. It's different then I though." He said.
"What were you expecting?" I answered giving up temporarily on the robes and pulling on a white button down shirt and gray slacks. I pitched the towel over by the bathroom door and continued to look for my robes.
"I guess I was expecting something more dark and more you." Harry muttered. That drew me out of the closet, I stood by the door and stared at him.
"I didn't decorate it. Asteria did." I said. He nodded as if this explained everything. And then I spotted the robes I wanted. Right behind Harry draped over a chair. I walked around him and grabbed the robes. I reached down and started to button up my shirt. I could feel his eyes on my hands and I struggled not to react.
"It's rude to stare Potter." I muttered as I pulled the robes on and headed to the bathroom.
"I wasn't staring." Harry said softly. I peered into the mirror and adjusted my collar over the robes and then I combed my hair. I styled it in the low pony tail I always wore, making sure it was framing my face exactly the way I wanted. I walked out and sat down on the bed beside Harry.
"Accio socks" I muttered. A pair of black socks came shooting out of a dresser drawer and collided with Harry's head. James giggled and crawled into my lap. I chuckled too, and reached around him for the socks.
Let me tell you putting on socks and shoes while the child of the man you love and that man himself are sitting next to you is quite the challenge. James was not happy that I kept leaning down.
"Alright alright there wiggle worm I'm done." I said to a squirming James. He giggled and stood up on my legs to stare into my face. He was holding my thumbs so he could balance and I smiled at him. I was struck when I glanced at Harry how much like a family I felt. He was leaning against one of the posts of my bed holding Albus, smiling at me and James. I smiled back and bounced my legs so James jumped a little. He squealed in delight and I did it again.
"Well we should get to my house if you still want to. It's easier to have them there." I nodded and stood up holding James. We turned on the spot and appeared at the Potter house.
I spent the afternoon playing with James while Harry watched on tending to Albus. James grew fussy and tired by 3 so I flopped onto my back next to where James was fussing on the ground and used my wand to create pictures on the ceiling. Unicorns and magical forests. James settled down and then fell asleep.
Harry had just come down from putting Albus down when he saw us.
"Man I envy you. He never goes down that easily." I looked up and smiled. I picked up a sleeping James and carried him upstairs to his bed where I tucked him in. Harry was waiting downstairs when I came back down.
"Thanks Draco. I appreciate it." Harry said softly. I nodded smiling.
"He's an adorable child." I murmured.
Harry smiled and sat down on the couch. He lazily waved his wand and the toys James had pulled out to show me rushed back to where they belonged. I sat next to him and sighed. I was tired.
"You're going to be a great dad." Harry muttered leaning his head back on the couch. I smiled and pushed some hair out of my eyes.
"You always get that look when anyone talks about your family. Like you're trapped or something." He said peering at me.
I sighed. "It's very complicated." I said.
"I'm happy to listen if you want." He offered. I stared at him.
"I... I'm not in love with Asteria." I said quietly. He didn't react very strongly just nodded and waited for me to continue.
"I'm not sure I ever was. The problem is I love someone else." I said.
"Who?" Harry asked. I almost told him. It was perched on the tip of my tongue, I almost said it.
"Someone who is married too and who I have no chance with." I muttered instead. He looked at me and then shrugged.
"I'm sorry. I'm also sorry about the other night when I touched your hair. I was really tired and I'm sorry" he said. The subject change caught me by surprise.
"Don't worry about it. I'm not upset." I replied. He sighed and grinned.
"Thank goodness!" He said. I smiled. And suddenly he was hugging me. I was shocked but then I hugged him back. He smelled like baby and apples and candy. Without meaning to I tucked my head into his shoulder breathing in his scent.
"I'm sorry you feel trapped. Maybe you could talk to Asteria." He murmured. I nodded against his chest and then he released me. I smiled and stood.
"I'd better get going." Without waiting for him to respond I apparated home.
Maybe I should leave her. Just disappear in the middle of the night. Maybe I should just end it all put every one out of their misery.
June 20,
I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of pining for the wizarding world's hero, tired of wishing I was going home to him and tired of wanting more than I can have. Bloody hell I should have come out after Hogwarts. Then at least I'd be married maybe to a man. But then there would be no baby.
I don't even know what I want anymore. I want Harry but I want the baby to have a married mother and father. I don't know what to do. What do you tell your wife when you no longer love her if you ever did, and that you're gay? What would Asteria think? How do you leave someone pregnant with your only child? Do you leave that someone?
June 22,
Today I was sitting in the break room eating my lunch and reading the Prophet when he came in. He smiled and sat across from me.
"Hey Draco!" Harry said.
"Hullo" I murmured.
"How have you been?"
"I've been ok."
"Did you talk to Asteria?" He asked.
I shook my head and continued to read the paper.
"Oh. I'm sorry Draco. What about the mystery love?" Harry asked.
"He's ok I guess. I don't really know." I replied.
"He?" Harry said, both eyebrows shooting up in surprise.
"Surprised Potter?" I said coolly.
"No... I just didn't know you were gay." Harry stammered.
I chuckled.
"Yes well the marriage to a woman is a bit confusing" I said. After a pause I continued "I probably have been most of my life. But you know my parents." I said to explain my marriage to Asteria.
"Oh yeah. Well I hope you and he end up together." Now I felt surprised.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Yes. Everyone deserves to be with someone they love and to be happy."
"Are you happy?" I blurted.
He took a minute to reply. "Yes most of the time." He said simply. I nodded and glanced down at my green apple.
Green like his eyes. Bitter like my soul. I bit into it and felt his eyes on me as I did.
"Why are you staring Potter?" I murmured.
"Because... I hate green apples but you make a peaceful face as you eat yours." He said and glanced down. I chuckled and took another bite.
"They remind me of the man I love. And how we'd be as a couple." I said.
He raised an eyebrow. "He's got green eyes and he's sweet like the initial taste. But I'm bitter and hard like the majority of the apple. Its lame I know." I finished. He grinned and my heart fluttered. (Did I just write fluttered? Man Draco your gay is showing). He nodded.
"That's cute Draco." He said. I glared at him. I'm not cute. He's cute. I am not. He stood and threw out his trash from lunch and walked around the table toward the door. He touched my shoulder.
"Everyone deserves happiness. Even ex-death eaters." He said as he squeezed my shoulder and grinned before leaving. I sat there for some time, wishing he'd stayed. Wishing I could tell him how much I wanted to pin him to the table and kiss him.
June 25,
It rained all day today. I didn't see him all day. We had started to eat lunch together every day. We are falling back into the give and take of our school days. He wasn't at lunch today though and I didn't really worry about it. He's got a new baby, maybe he needed time off. Jeffery left at five, he and his wife were headed to the coast for the weekend and he was anxious to leave. I sat down at my desk in Jeffrey's office and finished preparing a report for the muggle office. I left at about 6. When I stepped outside the ministry it was pouring steadily. I pulled the hood of my cloak up and turned the corner. There I heard a moan in the alley behind the Ministry. I glanced around. I was alone, so I drew my wand and headed toward the moans. He was sprawled on his stomach, robes and cloak pooled around him and he was moaning.
"Hello? Sir, Can you hear me?" I called as I approached. I knelt down next to him and then I saw the shattered glasses lying a few inches from his face. I pushed some of the black hair away to reveal the scar. I swore then and glanced around. We were alone.
"Harry? Harry can you hear me?" I asked. I rolled him over, revealing the vomit stained robes. I waved my wand and the vomit vanished.
"Harry? Harry come on what's wrong?" I asked. I pushed his hair back from his face and stared at him, he moaned again. I sighed and scooped him into my arms and started out of the ally.
"You're going to have to help me out here Potter, try and hold on will you?" I growled under his floppy weight. I was unsure if I should take him to the hospital or not and decided he was too important to not help. We apparated to Saint Mungos. He moaned again and promptly threw up all over me.
"Oh you're so dead." I muttered and waved my hand performing wand less magic to clean us up. I stumbled in and scowled at the nurse.
"I found him in an alley behind our work and I don't know what's wrong with him." I said. The nurse raised her eyebrows and looked at Harry curled against my chest. I glared at her.
"Right this way Mr. Malfoy." She said and we headed down the hall way. She pointed out a bed in one of the many rooms and I gently laid Harry in it. He tried to cling to me.
"The doctor will be right in. Should I owl his wife?" The nurse said skeptically. I glanced up from Harry's hands tangled in my cloak.
"Yes you should. But tell her not to worry about it I've got him." I murmured. The healer rolled her eyes and left the room.
"Come on now Harry. You have to let me go. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you." He moaned again and I finally got his hands to release my cloak. I smoothed his hair and sighed.
The doctor entered then and began to examine him.
"He's drunk. And it looks like someone slipped him some potion with his drink." Harry then proceeded to lean over and puked on the healer's shoes. The doctor waved his hand and the mess disappeared.
"It looks like a Puking Pastel to me." He grinned. And I rolled my eyes.
"I'll give him some fluids and we will keep him tonight so it can get out of his system. You're welcome to stay." The doctor winked and left the room. I froze. I was that obvious?! Then a new healer came in and handed me a letter.
Draco, If you don't mind staying and watching Harry I would greatly appreciate it.Thanks,
Ginny
I folded the note and put it on the table next to his bed. I pulled the glasses I'd grabbed when I'd picked him up and tapped them with my wand. They were instantly repaired and I set them by the note. I leaned down and brushed his unruly hair back. He was breathing deep and seemed relaxed. I sighed and sat next to him. I pushed a hand through my hair and looked out the window at the rain. I probably sat with him for most of the night.
"Draco." He said very softly.
"Yes. I'm here." I replied scooting closer. I took his hand and squeezed hoping I was being comforting.
"Oh I feel awful." He muttered.
"I know I know. It's all gonna be ok." I muttered. He reached up and rubbed his head and sighed.
"Ginny got angry. She's tired an overworked with the baby and I'm a horrible husband." He murmured.
"No, you're excellent. She's tired. And you're busy. Two children are a lot." I replied. I reached up and brushed his hair back again. I'm so obsessed with his hair. Soft like wings, and wild like him. I love it.
"Oh. Your hand is so cold. It feels amazing." He said as he reached up and held my hand to his forehead. I smiled at him. I longed to tell him I love him. I want to tell him how much I want him to be with me. I want him.
"Do you want my other hand too?" I whispered.
"That sounds dirty Malfoy." He said, green eyes flashed to me, and I could see the smile in them. I flushed and looked down. "Yes I want it. I'm so hot."
"Yeah you are." I said under my breath without thinking about it.
"What?!" Harry asked. I froze.
"Shit." I muttered. Harry reached over and took my other hand from my face and pressed it to his neck.
"Ah. That feels better." He said. He closed his eyes and relaxed. I kept my head down but I could feel his pulse under my hand and I loved that feeling. I sighed and glanced up. He was gazing at me.
"Feel better?" I asked.
"Yes. But please don't move your hands." He said softly. I nodded and leaned closer to release the tension in my elbows. He reached up and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear.
"I like it long. It suits you." He said.
"Thank you." He pushed his hand through my hair. I couldn't help but lean into his hand. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his hand on my head. Suddenly his hand pulled me forward. I opened my eyes and looked at him in wonder. I was an inch from his face. And then he kissed me. He tasted like butter beer and sunshine. And his lips were soft and warm. He was hungry. His mouth opened and his tongue brushed across my lower lip as his other hand grabbed the front of my robes and pulled me closer. I had to stand up so that I could reach him. His hand was tangled in my hair and my hands were on his face and in his hair, I opened my mouth to allow his tongue in.
"Ah! I'll come back later Mr. Malfoy." A voice said. We sprang apart. I was panting and my hair was a mess.
"Fuck." I muttered.
"I'm sorry. I... Things with Ginny are slow with the baby and I... I don't know what I was thinking. I'm straight." He said.
I laughed, a rough sound that was cruel and hard.
"Yes I know. Wonderful Harry Potter, savior of our kind, wouldn't dare be gay, or dare be caught kissing death eater Draco Malfoy. I wouldn't dream of forgetting that you are the boy who lived and I'm a fucking death eater." I snarled.
"Draco... That's not what I meant." He said.
"I know what you meant. I know I'm just a fucking mistake." I yelled and stormed from the room. I apparated home and now I'm sitting here crying. Why is he so awful? Why do I love him? Why do I care so much?