It's cute in a way until you cannot speak,
Leave to have a cigarette, knees get weak
They had their date on Saturday and spent the whole day together. They had ice cream, went to the boardwalk, took stupid pictures, and went out to a new restaurant together. They went to a gallery-showing in the park, and then as the sun was setting, they headed back to Ikkaku's apartment. This was the part Ikkaku had dreaded.
He'd brought a condom, and all day, it had felt like a time-bomb in his pocket. Yumichika was cheery and sweet - albeit snarky; moreover, he was acting like his normal self as he held his hand, while Ikkaku was an absolute wreck. He wondered how it was so easy for Yumichika to pretend like this was just a normal date, like what would happen afterwards wasn't real. Ikkaku hadn't been able to keep it off his mind, and had been distracted and jumpy the whole time.
When it was finally time, Ikkaku held Yumichika's hand tighter and walked home with him, every step feeling like he was just that much closer to his doom.
His palms were sweating, and he hoped it wasn't noticeable.
"You know, I actually like your apartment," Yumichika commented idly as they entered his rooms and shut the door. Ikkaku said the customary 'feel at home' speech and escaped to the kitchen for a minute to wipe his hands. He came back to see Yumichika looking around his scant book-shelf and then lounging on his couch like he owned it.
"I expected more junk," Yumichika teased, painting a picture of food-garbage and laundry all over the floor. Ikkaku rolled his eyes.
"Pssh, yeah right. What am I, a pig?" Never mind that his apartment was normally exactly like that.
"Don't get me started," Yumichika said flatly, raising an eyebrow at him, one arm on the back of the couch as he looked over his shoulder at Ikkaku. Ikkaku didn't think of a response quick enough, and Yumichika's expression softened as he extended a hand and made a 'come hither' gesture with one finger.
Ikkaku drifted over and leaned down as Yumichika touched his face and kissed him softly. Ikkaku put his hands on Yumichika's shoulders gently and rubbed slightly, kissing back awkwardly at that angle. Yumichika turned around, knees on the couch cushions, leaning over the backboard and snaking his arms around Ikkaku's shoulders. Ikkaku picked him up effortlessly, taking a moment to enjoy the weight in his arms, the legs wrapping around his back tightly. He could get lost in those legs, slowly running his hands along them, settling one under the thigh. He placed the other on Yumichika's lower back as he carried him to the door at the end of the hall.
Without breaking their kiss, he opened one eye and turned them slightly, raising a leg and using his bare toes to turn the door-handle and kick the door ajar. He shouldered his way in, enjoying the soft sigh Yumichika made against his lips as he slowly set him down and shut the door behind them.
Yumichika's hands ran down his chest, and immediately Ikkaku thought 'this is a mistake.' Gritting his teeth and steeling his resolve, he felt that condom burning a hole in his back-pocket. It was too late to back out. He wasn't gonna' fuck this up. Yumichika gave him a small smile, smoothing his hands over his chest again. Ikkaku slowly took his hand and led him to the bed, letting Yumichika put one leg up and then scoot onto it.
Yumichika was touching him now, hands running all over him, and Ikkaku's hands rested awkwardly on his back. He was so excited, his heart was pounding, but he was so damn nervous that for the life of him he couldn't even bring himself to kiss Yumichika anymore.
Ikkaku sat up at the edge of the bed, running a hand through Yumichika's hair hesitantly, before dropping. He smiled when Yumichika kissed his cheek.
"Come and get me," Yumichika invited, peeling his shirt up a little bit, and Ikkaku's eyes shot down to the skin there, magnetized, saliva filling his mouth. In a disjointed movement, he dug the condom out of his pocket and dropped it on the bed, still staring.
Yumichika took his hand and slowly dragged it to the bare patch, and Ikkaku's fingers closed on the fabric, his thumb skating over the smooth clear skin. He swallowed, scootching towards him, cautiously laying Yumichika down and pulling his shirt up very slowly. He leaned down and kissed his belly-button, to which Yumichika giggled and shoved at his head. Ikkaku smiled and kissed his way up as he rolled his shirt further towards his chin, finally helping him pull it over his head and off, setting it to the side.
On his knees above his boyfriend, Ikkaku ran his hand down his chest once or twice, kissing him on the lips, other hand holding his jaw. Yumichika gave that pleasure-sigh that always went straight to Ikkaku's groin and consequently made him feel enough guilt to halt everything.
His hands went to the mattress and fisted in the blankets. He grit his teeth and kissed Yumichika in determination. There was no backing out. They were at his house, and he couldn't change his mind and tell Yumichika to go home. He would not fuck this up. Yumichika wrapped his legs up around his hips and pulled his lower body down until they were pressed together. Ikkaku promptly let out a gasp and staggered, falling to his elbows above Yumichika as the little devil moved his hips in a slow sensuous grind.
"What're you doin' ta' me," Ikkaku grit out, grinding his teeth. Yumichika just laughed lowly, kissing his way up his neck towards his ear, and suddenly, shit, Ikkaku couldn't support the weight of his head, letting it rest against Yumichika's shoulder as a hot tongue traced the shell of his ear.
Yumichika's hands pulled Ikkaku's shirt off, running over his muscles and gripping hard, squeezing, stroking him all over, holding him around his back like he was their anchor to the world. Ikkaku just bit his lip until he tasted blood, holding as still as he could as Yumichika kept grinding against him. He just couldn't… he couldn't, no, he just…
"Touch me," Yumichika demanded in confusion, then resorting to a more direct invitation. "Ikkaku, you can touch me." Ikkaku cringed. He could just ignore this guilt and make love to Yumichika until they both ran their stamina dry, but Ikkaku would wake up feeling horrible, and Yumichika didn't deserve for him to regret sleeping with him. "I'm right here," Yumichika prompted again when Ikkaku got distracted. "What are you waiting for?"
Ikkaku bit his tongue hard, grimacing, and it just spilled out then, because he was so fucking scared that something would go wrong. He couldn't shake the fear that he might be turned on purely by the idea of Yumichika being unwilling somehow, the idea that Yumichika was fucked up and sleeping with his assailant, and Ikkaku didn't want things to be that way.
Ikkaku moved off of him, sitting back. Yumichika sat up, face pinched in a small pout, eyes narrowed.
"I'm waiting for you to get pissed at me and tell me to get off you! I fucking raped you in a freezer!" he shouted, hands turning into claws in front of his chest as he tried to make Yumichika grasp the awfulness of that. "I liked it! You wanted to date me after I did it! I raped you and we started dating! Someday when people ask how we got together, one of us'll have to say it's because we were locked in a freezer together and I took advantage of that! What the fuck is okay about that to you?! Why is that not getting through your thick skull! I raped you!"
"Ikkaku, I pretty much made you do it with that toothbrush-comment," Yumichika said smoothly, eyes piercing holes in his head. "How could you not?" Ikkaku let out a rough breath, digging his nails into his scalp. His boyfriend was so fucked up. Didn't Yumichika get that even though he'd been a little shit and unnecessarily cruel, it didn't make it okay that Ikkaku had cracked, that he'd snapped? Nothing would make that okay to him.
"You don't get it. This is fucking me up, okay? How am I ever going to know what you mean now?" Ikkaku wailed, "You say you liked me all that time, but you treated me so bad. Your words and your actions are fucking backwards, and now they're not, which makes it double-backwards. What am I supposed to do now that you're being so nice to me? What do I do? I feel like I'm playing Russian roulette with my dick, and it's awful. I feel awful," Ikkaku said, voice going small and broken.
Yumichika snorted.
"No, shut up. Wipe that look off your face, you little jerk," Ikkaku snarled, glaring at him. Yumichika just bit his lips and snickered a little. "You treat me like shit for months, and then I finally snap and we have sex, and even though you said 'yes', I'm rough as shit - and then it comes out that you like me. Now you're a frickin' sweetie. What the fuck?"
Yumichika closed his eyes and raised his eyebrows, shrugging once. Ikkaku growled and looked away from his naked chest, crossing his arms hard. "It's called 'tsundere.' A lot of men like it."
"I don't think," Ikkaku snapped, "that it's supposed to get that extreme."
Yumichika was quiet for a moment, shrugging again, seeming to look unsure then. Ikkaku's shoulders slumped. His boyfriend's diva attitude was unbearable at times, but he truly didn't want to make him feel bad.
"Anyway… You know," Ikkaku rubbed his neck awkwardly. This shit was going horribly. "Now that I think about it, you were actually nice to me when I was following you around with those puppy eyes… You know, before I said anything about liking you. Why is that?"
Yumichika sighed wistfully. "It's nice to know what you want and that you like me, but to hear you say it out loud is different. I thought maybe you cared enough to like me silently… I don't know. I wanted you to like me enough that you would still be fine with being friends. So when you broke and asked me out, I thought there was a breach of respect. Like as if, that's all you were ever after and you were never interested in me as a person, just how I look. I thought there was no respect there."
Ikkaku's face scrunched up and he shook his head wildly, "I do respect you. How could I fall for someone I don't respect?"
Yumichika crossed his legs and bit his thumbnail, something Ikkaku only caught him doing when he was embarrassed, which rarely happened. Ikkaku blinked in surprise. Had he said the wrong thing?
Yumichika, slightly flustered, expressed with his hands as he spoke, "You don't know what it's like to…" He swallowed visibly and looked down at his lap. "I always have people after me, so when people are nice to me, I always have to wonder why. It drives me crazy... When you were so sweet to me but didn't ask me out, I hoped… that… that I'd found someone different who wasn't chasing me short-term… who was genuine and who really liked me for me. I thought you wanted to get to know me. So… I guess the bitterness when you seemed not to have self-control and just blurted it out… the bitterness just got to me."
Yumichika put two fingers to his temple, avoiding his eyes. "Then when you were so nice to me again after we had sex, even after everything I said and did, I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to start over and treat you better... I can't keep trying to chase you away when I don't want you to go."
'… Awww.' Ikkaku's heart squeezed hard.
"I see that I was wrong about you, and I see that maybe I was too harsh, and I really just am trying to fix things, alright? You're not a bad person, and you deserve for me to be my best. That's why I'm trying to be nice," Yumichika said, narrowing his eyes suddenly. "Although, if it's such an issue, I can stop anytime."
Ikkaku was quiet for a minute. "You thought… You thought that I was after only one thing and that I was gonna' hurt you."
"But I was mistaken. You're a complete softie."
Ikkaku shook his head, his stomach having dropped through the floor. "No. I proved you right about me… I did hurt you." He sat there in a daze, staring at his hands. Yumichika had been testing him… and he'd failed the test.
Yumichika looked up like he'd forgotten he was there for a second. "Yes, but you won't do it again. You said you won't do it again, and I believe you. I'm the one who drove you to it in the first place," Yumichika said flippantly. "I consented Ikkaku, it wasn't a rape. You're being paranoid and making yourself think you're more of a monster than you are. You're like... Komodo dragon on the scale of monsters. See? Not even a fantasy creature yet, still just a regular animal with bad breath." Ikkaku had no response, still staring at his hands in horror at his revelation.
Yumichika frowned lightly when he saw that his snarky rambling wasn't helping. Ikkaku looked miserable. Yumichika shifted awkwardly. Damn, he was horrible with comforting people. "Don't look so..." Yumichika cleared his throat. "Ikkaku, it was my fault. I goaded you into it. I kept provoking you."
Ikkaku shook his head hard, grimacing, feeling like crying. Now that he understood Yumichika's sad and twisted motivation behind everything, Ikkaku really felt like he'd committed battery on two counts. He was such an asshole, he was such a fucking asshole. "I should've had better willpower."
"Do you have willpower now?" Yumichika asked coyly, trying to lighten the mood as he unbelted his pants. Ikkaku pursed his lips and looked over there, but he didn't move.
"Yes." Ikkaku grit his teeth as Yumichika opened the button on his jeans and raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'how about now?' "Fucking steel," Ikkaku insisted.
"I can melt steel," Yumichika said breathily, smiling and licking his lips. Ikkaku felt his heart kick into high gear and a shudder ran through his whole body. Shit. Fucking shit.
His erection had other plans, but Ikkaku grabbed his own calves hard, legs folded, and just sat there like a rock. Yumichika reached a hand out and rubbed his back. Ikkaku's jaw tightened as Yumichika's fingers began making an extremely slow walking motion up his spine, stepping on each vertebrae. Yumichika was trying to tempt him, but it wasn't going to work. He was a brick wall, he was a boulder, he was a steel door. He would not be moved. "No," he said shortly.
Yumichika rubbed lower, rubbing – 'Ohhhh, fuck, that's good.' Ikkaku's eyes fluttered shut for a moment before he just about had a spaz attack, flipping out and retreating to the headboard like a scared animal, glaring at Yumichika and pointing.
"No, okay? Just no," Ikkaku said lowly, growling, in a defensive stance. Yumichika just laughed a little bit, shaking his head and lying on his back, lounging up by the pillows as Ikkaku hopped off the mattress to get away from him.
"Okay," Yumichika agreed, and Ikkaku crouched on the floor for a few moments before cautiously getting back on the bed, facing away from Yumichika, legs crossed as he glared at his hard-on and willed it to go down.
His efforts were ruined when he heard a long sensuous sigh from behind him; his shoulders shot up, the hair rising on his arms. He could hear Yumichika smiling, baiting him so plainly that it was overly obvious and almost humorous, like it was bad porno dialogue. "Hnnnn, Ikkaku, It's so hot in here, but I can't get out of these clothes. My zipper is stuck. Please, won't you help me?"
Oh geez, Yumichika was sure making this tempting, but he wouldn't budge. He had willpower, he could control himself. He just couldn't get over what he'd done before, especially after hearing that Yumichika had only been afraid of being used, and was now trying to fix things. He wouldn't let himself slip up again. He had to prove to himself that he could sit here and keep in control.
"Do it yourself."
"But I need someone strong. You'll do just perfectly." Ikkaku considered it for a moment silently. That certainly tugged on the masculine part of him that wanted to prove himself a good lover.
"…"
With some exaggerated almost comical moaning in which he could certainly hear Yumichika smiling, he caught a bunch of clothing rustling, and oh shit, Ikkaku just couldn't turn around now. Yumichika was undressing, wasn't he? Oh fuck, he had to look. No… No, he couldn't. His eyes got wider and wider as he heard Yumichika's pants come off, and yet more rustles, the snap of elastic.
"…" He let out a harsh breath, biting the knuckle of his thumb. "You're making this really hard to resist," he groaned, brow furrowing as his other hand gripped his erection through his jeans and squeezed. 'Fuuuck. Just get over there and make love to him. He's your boyfriend and he wants it. You want it. Just give in. Just give in. Give. In. Fuck, just turn around.'
He put a hand down to his side and made to turn around. 'No. You're a man, and a man's gotta' have a little restraint.' He dropped his head into his hands as he heard that elastic waistband snap once again and then slide. His erection twitched. 'A man's gotta' have self control. Self control. You like him a whole lot and he deserves a man, not an animal. You can do this.'
"Hmmm." He could hear Yumichika's tongue parting from the roof of his mouth and a slow wet noise. Rubbing. Fabric. Skin… Skin sliding…
'FUCK!'
He heard weight put on the mattress, a slow creaking, and suddenly, Yumichika's hands were on his sides, wrapping around his front, his chin on his shoulder. He could feel a bit of skin on Yumichika's side rubbing against his back, the side of his thigh pressing against his sacrum. Ikkaku's eyes went wide and his breath ceased. Was he naked?
He let out a dry sob of self-pity, eyes screwed shut. Fuck these hang-ups.
"Why won't you hold me?" Yumichika asked, running a finger under Ikkaku's chin to turn his face towards his a little. Ikkaku gave a small shrug, meeting his eyes pitifully as their cheeks rubbed together. "Really, Ikkaku, what's the matter? Is it just not doing anything for you? Are you hurt? What's wrong?"
Ikkaku gave a long sigh, fists clenching as more of Yumichika's skin pressed against his bare back. He wanted more than anything to just turn around, grab his naked boyfriend in his arms, and throw him into bed, never mind that they were already on the bed. His resistance was starting to crumble and chip away, but he had to hold on just a little longer.
"It's too soon," he got out uncertainly. "I date for a year before having sex." Usually that was his rule, but things had been fucked up ever since they'd done it in the freezer. Their relationship was messed up and weird, and he didn't know what to do about it. He'd never hurt one of his love interests before and it was really fucking with his head.
Had it been the circumstances, an isolated incident, some weird one-time thing, or was he really like this? Had he been like this all along? Some sicko rape-fetishist? What if that was who he was? What if he turned around and tried to do it with Yumichika again, but the moment he did, his hard-on went down? How would he live with himself?
"Yeah. I date for a year first," Ikkaku said firmly, although it was kind of late to say that after they'd already done it.
"Oh, but you have to make up for the freezer incident, don't you? That's what's causing all this," Yumichika pinpointed. "You're still upset over it? I'm not, so why are you? Won't you just forgive yourself?" Ikkaku was silent for a minute. Yumichika sighed. "Take me to bed now, then we can pretend it never happened and wait another year, just as you wish," he proposed. "That way you and I can get over what happened before, and then we'll wait and go slow."
"Like that'll work," Ikkaku said with a scowl that was cut off with a surprised strangled noise as Yumichika licked his neck ever so slowly, leading up to his ear and biting it. Ikkaku clapped his hand over his mouth, eyes scrunched shut. "Ahhh," he moaned through his fingers as Yumichika's tongue ran up the shell of his ear and his mouth latched onto it and sucked. Shit. Shit. He was so fucked.
"It'll work beautifully," Yumichika whispered, kissing his ear and then moving back into his line of vision, chin on his shoulder, hands messing with the button of Ikkaku's jeans where they were wrapped around his front. Ikkaku grabbed his wrists and held his hands still, bringing them to his stomach and holding his fingers fiercely, warmly, with trepidation.
"Once you're reassured that you haven't hurt me and that you can be gentle, things can go back to being sweet again without you wondering. Don't pretend that if we waited a year you wouldn't be driven mad wondering about yourself." Ikkaku's eyes shifted to the side. Damn, if it was bad now, imagine what a year would do to his self-respect. "You'll be reassured that we can be together without you forcing me – not that you ever were – and we'll have that memory. Then we can take things slow. Just do it with me now," Yumichika said, and Ikkaku just listened to the twisted logic that seemed to make the most rational sense at the moment.
Ikkaku let out a long sigh with a wry grin. "You know, I'm starting to think that the basis of this relationship is sex."
Yumichika snorted, a coy smile on his lips. "Mutual hatred, I thought was more like it."
"And now?" Ikkaku asked, turning slightly to catch his eye where his face was right next to him. "What is it now?"
"Passion," Yumichika said, like it was obvious. Ikkaku's heart burned with desire and tenderness. Ugh, he had to be in love. He must be for it to feel like this. He was falling in love. It was probably going to be full-blown no-going-back romantic love within the next week.
"What about love?" he asked uncertainly, although he made sure it didn't show in his voice.
Yumichika pursed his lips innocently, eyes closed, eyebrows raised as he shrugged cutely. "Do you want there to be love?"
Ikkaku's brow furrowed, choosing his words carefully, because ambiguity was no good when it came to getting Yumichika to take him seriously. He had to be head-on direct. "… I think I do." He nodded. "Yes, I do."
Yumichika turned him slightly, and Ikkaku followed him, crawling after him until Yumichika pinned him on his back. To his relief, Yumichika still had his briefs on, and as his lithe body wormed up Ikkaku's in one smooth motion, Ikkaku's bulging erection rubbed against his stomach. "Then I'll love you like you've never been loved before," Yumichika said in a whisper. Ikkaku shivered and his hands drifted upwards slightly, stalling.
"That had better not be a euphemism for sex," Ikkaku warned.
"Not entirely," Yumichika said with a sly grin. Fuck this man. Ikkaku's head dropped back as he laughed with a sigh. Yumichika splayed his legs, one going on either side of Ikkaku's body, straddling him, and Ikkaku moaned through buttoned lips, stomach tightening up.
His hands cautiously strayed to each of Yumichika's thighs, thumbs rubbing slightly. He'd decided that it was okay for them to do this, but he still felt kind of… apprehensive.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Ikkaku asked suspiciously and really nervously. Yumichika just smiled, kissing his nose.
"I forgave you for what happened. You need to forgive yourself. We've both done each other wrong, and the way to move forward is to leave that behind and start new with no hits on either of us." Ikkaku sighed, but nodded. "So why don't you seduce me a little," Yumichika invited, whispering, eyes smiling coyly in the darkness. Ikkaku cleared his throat, giving his best go.
"Uh… I like your… butt," he said awkwardly, lips flattening into a tight line as his hands crept up slowly, finally resting on the soft squishy toosh that he'd been staring at for upwards of six months. He gave a cautious squeeze, fingers tightening until they were embedded in the soft flesh, and that was so satisfying, he couldn't believe it. "Feels like you bike a lot," he went on, wiggling his grip a little bit but not easing back, and god, would someone shut him up?
"Hm," Yumichika laughed, seeming to be absolutely charmed by his dorkiness, leaning down and kissing him, and suddenly, Ikkaku had his arms full and was being kissed breathless. All he could do was hold on and lay there as Yumichika slid down him and grabbed his belt, opening it up. One glance at Yumichika opening his belt-buckle and loosening the leather strap had Ikkaku's head falling back and his hands holding the sheets tight, eyes wide and locked onto the ceiling.
Shit, Yumichika wasn't fucking around, getting his jeans and boxers around his ankles within five seconds. Ikkaku compulsively closed his legs for a second, but was consumed by wet heat almost immediately, leaving him moaning and looking down in disbelief, hands hovering over Yumichika's head as he watched on.
"Sh- shit," he choked out as he watched those lips he'd seen playing around with bubblegum countless times wrapped around his cock and sucking hard. Fuck, Yumichika was doing it like he fucking meant it. "Shit," Ikkaku repeated, hands twitching into loose fists, just floating there above Yumichika's head and shoulders as he bobbed away.
"Oh holy shit," Ikkaku gasped, chest heaving, hands finally dropping and touching Yumichika's elbows on either side of him where they rested next to each of his legs. Yumichika's fingers wrapped around the base of his cock as he bobbed his head, tongue working sinfully slowly. There was a little popping noise as he pulled back, and Yumichika smacked his lips, before licking inside Ikkaku's slit to gather pre-cum. Then he sucked him back inside with a wet slurp, humming like he was really enjoying it.
Ikkaku gasped, breathing like he had apnea, shuddering all over. Would you believe he'd never had a blow-job before today? He swore he could feel Yumichika's hot throat just a little bit each time he went down, and oh fuckkk, he was going to die, wasn't he? Yumichika was taking him to heaven right now.
Yumichika swallowed with him inside, and Ikkaku's eyes rolled back in his head.
As soon as he could breathe again, he leaned up slightly on one elbow to watch, rubbing Yumichika's face with one hand, encouraging him every time he had enough air to do so. "Yeah… Oh, yeah, just like… Shit, you look so good. You're so good, yes, fuck, fuck-" he panted, seeing one of Yumichika's hands had gone back and inside his underwear, moving rhythmically. Shit, Yumichika was fingering himself.
Ikkaku whimpered brokenly, eyes falling shut as his head dropped onto his pillow. He let out a long low whine like a wounded animal, a breathy sound catching and leaving his throat as Yumichika sucked at the head, swirling his tongue around it. A dry sob escaped as he pounded at the bed with his fist, biting the knuckles of his other hand. Fu-huuuck.
Yumichika wasn't even close to through with teasing him apparently, because he pulled back with a zealous gasp, licking his lips, a little trail of saliva connecting his mouth and Ikkaku's cock. It twitched as Ikkaku let out a stuttered curse-punctuated moan.
Yumichika smiled and ripped the condom open with his teeth in one motion, gripping Ikkaku's cock and rolling the rubber down over it with both hands. "Lube?" Yumichika asked, and Ikkaku just lay there breathlessly for a moment, gazing at his pretty boyfriend over him.
"Huh?"
Yumichika's face soured as he sat back skeptically, like he was considering putting his clothes right back on. "You bought some, didn't you? Lube is not optional during sex. Don't tell me you thought 'lubricated condom' means an effective substitute for the real thing. That freezer incident was just a blip. Contrary to what your guilty-conscience believes, I don't enjoy pain, and I'm not doing it without lubricant."
Ikkaku blinked for a minute, before his brain caught up and remembered that he did buy some and that it was in a shopping bag in the bathroom under the sink. He told Yumichika, sitting up and watching him walk out of the room and get it. On the way back, Yumichika was unhooking his underwear from his ankles and crawling back on the bed smoothly, long slender legs folding beautifully as he cracked open the unused aluminum tube and rubbed some of the lotion on his hands, warming it up and turning it into oil.
Pumping Ikkaku's erection once or twice, getting the rubber thoroughly slippery, Yumichika rubbed some of the oil between his legs with a low hum. He straddled Ikkaku heavily, pushing him down into the mattress and rubbing his butt against his cock, pinning it to his stomach. Ikkaku moaned, hands gripping the bed helplessly as Yumichika smiled and bit his lip.
Shit, they were about to have sex. Ikkaku grit his teeth, knowing Yumichika was going to pleasure him like crazy and there was nothing he could do about it. All he could do was gasp, "You… I'm so glad that I got to meet the real you. Be good to me," he panted in traditional Japanese, as if they were meeting for the first time. Yumichika's smile faltered and Ikkaku could see him swallow.
"Kochira koso yoroshiku." he said in his ear, kissing him. "I'll be better than the best."
"Haaah," Ikkaku moaned tightly as Yumichika sunk down on his erection, pressing them into the bed, hardly stopping for a moment before Yumichika began rolling his hips, holding Ikkaku's wrists down. "Oh," he mumbled, the heat and tightness unlike anything he'd ever imagined. It was dulled with the condom on, but compared to that day they'd been locked in the freezer together, Ikkaku liked this much better. There was no chafing, no grating, no rawness, just smooth slick warmth. And it felt… it felt right. There was no more weight on his shoulders, no more troubles on his mind, just bliss and a sense of rightness that somehow made everything make sense.
Yumichika's slim body pressed against his, and Ikkaku lifted his own legs, bent at the knee, making the perfect angle for Yumichika to ride him. His hands balled up into fists where Yumichika pinned down his arms, and all he could do was shudder and gasp as Yumichika smiled at him, hair in a whirl.
Ikkaku had wanted this for so long, to try to get Yumichika to fall for him again, but every time Yumichika leaned down to kiss him or smiled like Ikkaku was the man for him, Ikkaku was the one who fell in love.
Whack!
"OW! What the fuck?!"
Ichigo couldn't believe he liked this idiot sometimes. He was always pulling dumb shit like this and driving him fucking crazy. Ichigo hit him again, scowling, trying to get him out of his way.
Renji hit him back with a broom handle so hard that his hands hurt from the force rattling up it, but Ichigo had successfully blocked. Yeah, they were in their mid-twenties, close to graduating college and having grown-up jobs, and they were fighting with the fucking brooms.
"I'm trying to do some goddamn cleaning, would you just-"
"You're the one making a fucking mess!" Ichigo shouted. "Look at this shit!" He pointed at the dust all over the room.
"That's your fault!" Renji practically screamed, clawing at his eyesockets in exasperation as he fell into senseless ranting. "You were the one knocking all that shit off the ceiling. I was going to dust it later, but you just got the floor dirty again! You always complain that I don't ever clean, and then you fuck this up and say I did it! Quit slapping the ceiling and coating the kitchen in shit! You're making my job harder!"
"Would you shut up and get out of my way?! You have to dust first, otherwise you'll have to clean the floor again, dumbass! It's common sense!" Ichigo snapped, kicking Renji away and getting another whack to the side. They'd already cracked the plaster and had broken a plate, but they were ignoring the damage, as they always did until it was too late to reverse.
"Just lemme' do this my way and get off my back!"
"You're fucking it up, so I'm taking this job away from you!"
"I didn't ask your opinion!"
"Neither did I! Move it!"
"Get the – fuck – outta' – here!" Renji hollered, beating Ichigo's broom harder and harder, trying to back him out of the kitchen, but Ichigo deftly shoved him back with a foot to the gut. "Get out! What the fuck are you even doing in here when you clearly can see me already sweeping the floor?" Renji growled, and Ichigo just glared back, feeling like they were in high school again. These shitty arguments happened pretty much every day, and god, Ichigo got so frickin' irritated, but it helped him burn off the steam that built up from sitting still in class all day.
And all that sexual frustration that he'd suddenly been tossed.
"Fuck you!" Ichigo shouted back, blocking again and ducking, parrying, and then getting locked against the wall. Renji glared, mouth drawn tight, eyes narrowed in a dead-pan stare, his hair coming down a little bit. He looked like he had been wrung dry and worked down to the bare bone, daring Ichigo to test him and see what happened. Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "I was getting this huge spider before it dropped into your hair and crawled down your neck into your shirt, and touched all over your skin with its legs."
Renji immediately backed off and grabbed the back of his neck, rubbing hard, looking up and ducking, moving out of the kitchen in a crouch. "Ugh!" he shouted, pissed that Ichigo had used that against him, "You little shit!"
"Hahaha," Ichigo laughed, grinning widely, knowing full well what thinking about spiders on his body did to Renji.
"Where is it?" Renji asked, holding dead-still, arms away from his torso, feet apart, teeth gritted. "Okay, yeah. Okay," he repeated, breathing carefully, toes curling. "Alright. I just have to shave my head and take a shower, then change the sheets, and then-"
"It's right here," Ichigo said, pretending to pick something up by pinching the ground and then letting Renji move in for proof. All of a sudden, he threw it in Renji's face, finding it hilarious when he flinched back, shouting in surprise and disgust, arms snapping up for protection. Of course, he hadn't thrown a damn thing, and Renji realized that when Ichigo practically choked from trying not to laugh.
"I'm gonna' spank you," Renji growled, eyes dark and sinister, "You'd better fucking run, because it's coming." He threw his broom down and lowered into a fighting stance. Ichigo just stood there, rolling his eyes.
"Yeah right, like you'd ever-" Smack!
Ichigo blinked, standing there silently thinking, 'oh you did not', murderous rage filling up the thermometer in his head and bursting it.
"Yeah, that shut you up real fa-Hh-" Renji grunted, head snapping around as Ichigo punched him right in the face. "Oh, that is it!" Renji shouted, grabbing Ichigo's fists, which were still barraging him with a string of never-ending blows, "You're going to your fucking room!"
Before he could say something like 'make me', no joke, Renji grabbed him around the waist, picked him up like he was nothing, and carried him kicking and screaming into his bedroom. Ichigo was breathlessly grinning as he was thrown down on the bed, and as he sat up, he watched Renji slam the door and heard him pile something against it.
"What the fuck?!" Ichigo screamed with an incredulous laugh when he heard Renji breaking into laughter out there. "How am I supposed to clean, you dirtbag?!" Ichigo called, touching his butt where Renji had slapped him.
"I'm mad at you and I don't wanna' look at your face, so I'm gonna' do it! You're useless, now take a break before I do something I regret," Renji said, footsteps retreating. Ichigo pursed his lips, whistling a little.
"You sure you're okay by yourself with that spider still out there? It could be anywhere." It took ten seconds for Renji to unbarricade the door and glare at him, blocking the doorway with his body, shoulders hunched and fists clenched.
"Go get it, right fucking now," he growled, and Ichigo snickered, passing by him, laughing and stumbling when Renji grumbled and shoved him hard between the shoulder blades. "I don't wanna' hear shit from you either, now go get it." Ichigo just privately shook his head and sighed with a smile.
Ichigo was starting to realize that even though the arguing really and truly drove him up the wall and blew his temper to shit, he thought that maybe he liked it. Maybe it made him like Renji. Maybe.
Renji hovered near him anxiously, face a vicious scowl, but his fists were opening and closing, stance ready to bolt in case Ichigo decided to throw the spider at him when he really found it this time. Still, he stuck around, needing to see Ichigo find it so he could be sure that it was outside. It wasn't that he was afraid, honestly not, because he was fine with touching them on his own terms – he just didn't want the little shits touching him without him knowing, especially not his hair. He'd woken up with one on his face before, and then in the ensuing panic, he'd lost track of it on his bed; he wasn't going through that shit again.
Ichigo handed it off to him in a paper towel and Renji crushed it himself, taking it all the way down to the garbage cans on floor-one of their apartment complex. Meanwhile, Ichigo cleaned up the broken glass and plaster bits.
Ichigo smiled a little, then let it fade away in contemplation as he watched Renji scrub the floor on his knees and wipe his forehead, all from the comfort of the couch now that he wasn't banned to his room.
Now, a foolish man might think that he was in love after all that he felt and all that had happened, but Ichigo had thought he was in love before and had later second-guessed himself, but… looking at Renji and feeling that something…
Not the warm buzz he'd been waiting for, not the lightning flash, not the hot muggy passion, but… this undeniable wave of peace and comfort… security. Even with all of their roughness and the craziness of their fights, Renji was such a comfort to him, simply by being so out of control. He let Ichigo be his punching bag, the outlet for his stress, and Ichigo was the same for him. They were obviously going to be good together if Ichigo let this go on, and he was getting close to saying 'fuck who doesn't think so.' They'd be good together, and he didn't care as much who gave two shits about it. He wanted this. He didn't just want to sleep with him, he wanted… he wanted the relationship that Renji had been trying to maintain between them.
It was just hard to… hard to admit it, to accept it.
He really might be in love… like actual love. With a guy. With his friend. With a guy he'd repeatedly had sex with.
Renji had... Ichigo hated to even think it, but Renji had been really... sweet. He'd been so understanding and wonderful and patient that it really made Ichigo see how good of a catch he'd been landed with. He wanted Renji to feel that way too. He wanted to be a good boyfriend, he just... Ichigo wasn't confident about that stuff. He was in love for the first time - maybe - and it was all kind of scary and weird.
Ichigo put his fingers to his mouth and gave a quiet sigh. Well what the fuck was he going to do about it, then? He still didn't want to come out and say it. He still wasn't completely sure, because his 'love' feelings might do another disappearing act if he told Renji that it was okay to go back to being romantic like before.
He didn't want to chase Renji off again. Renji didn't deserve that shit. He wasn't going to be a fucking heartbreaker, and he wanted to be sure. The problem was that he was ninety percent sure, and the other ten percent just wanted to fuck some more. Maybe there was a little tiny nonexistent thing that was actually bigger than anything else, a thing that really wanted…
Ichigo wanted that sweetness back, okay?
He wanted to give that hand-holding sappy shit another go. He wasn't so afraid of it anymore and he wanted to try again, but he didn't want to say it. Saying it was always the problem, because that would be admitting it. Admitting it felt like giving up, it felt like failure, like a mark on his pride. Worse was that if he said it, it couldn't be un-said.
It had been about an hour, and Ichigo had finished up bumbling around in his closet, folding his laundry, and when he wandered back out, Renji was wearing his reading glasses on the couch, hair down, a huge textbook open, assignments around him on the remaining cushion. God, was he gorgeous. Ichigo swallowed.
"Hey," Ichigo called, sitting down by him sideways, one leg up on the couch, one arm on the backboard, a finger rubbing Renji's shoulder searchingly. Renji made a soft noise, eyebrows rising, and then as if he'd noticed Ichigo finally, he looked up from his book.
"Hey," he replied simply, looking back to the passage he'd been reading.
"Whatcha' doin'?" Ichigo asked mildly, trailing his finger over Renji's shoulderline, up to the back of his neck, scratching a little. Renji hummed in response, moving in by an inch, but his attention wasn't stolen completely from his work.
"Studying for thermodynamics," he answered finally, writing something down, tongue out to the side, in deep concentration.
"You wanna' take a break?" Ichigo asked after a long moment, building up the nerve, fidgeting. Renji looked up and marked his page, closing his book. Then he nodded, attention on Ichigo, body relaxed, legs open.
Ichigo was only in his boxer-briefs and a t-shirt, since it was so hot out, and to his surprise, Renji was in these full-length sweat-pants and a t-shirt of his own. He had to be burning up, but he looked content, even with his hair down. He should be sweltering, and more importantly, horny, but in pants like these it would be really obvious, and Ichigo didn't see shit.
Ichigo drew his other leg up and sat still, swallowing uncomfortably as they both just stared forward at the wall for a minute. Renji had far better self-control of his body, it seemed, because Ichigo hadn't caught him with an erection even once since their deal. Ichigo however, was a hot mess.
Renji either wasn't turned on by him, or had an iron will. Both were issues. Ichigo was so tired of waiting already, and it had only been a month. He hated being so confused, especially when concerning his own feelings. He was longing for a touch that he wouldn't ask for. He just couldn't act on his desire, but he had to. He was going to try. Why was it so fucking scary? It wasn't like Renji would reject him, right? They were already together. Nothing to be nervous about. Nothing.
Damn, he was sweating.
Renji took a moment to close his eyes and let out a long breath, enjoying the silence and the opportunity to rest his brain. Ichigo fidgeted madly, putting his legs back down, hands on either side of him as he inched closer, then closer again.
Renji stoically ignored him, as if he wasn't obviously scooting over to him. Ichigo finally was right next to him and put a hand on Renji's face, turning him towards him. He clenched his eyes shut, wrinkling his nose, and kissed Renji's mouth, basically just mashing their lips together.
Seconds passed and Ichigo's eyes opened. Renji wasn't doing shit. Ichigo kissed him a little more, but received no response. He pulled back, sitting normally again, staring at the wall with his hands in his lap. Renji did the same thing, not even looking at him or moving hardly, perfectly calm. Ichigo began sweating bullets and growing red at the lack of reaction, confidence shot to hell. Finally, he got up and stomped away.
Renji knew. Renji knew. Renji was making him say it, was that it?
Ichigo stomped right back into the room, and Renji calmly looked back over the edge of the couch at him. Ichigo inhaled, and tried to say something and then let the air right back out, infuriated by Renji's non-expression. Oh, he was so fucking mad and red in the face, he was gonna' explode.
"Look…" Ichigo began, gritting his teeth, "Maybe I…" His anger began to dwindle into uncertainty and embarrassment, even shyness. "Maybe I sort of appreciate you, and... Well, and- and maybe I like it when… you touch me," he got out, eyes on the wall, anywhere but Renji's face as his fingers curled anxiously. "And maybe I like you too," he said, leaving himself with a loophole.
"…" Renji didn't say anything, just watching him calmly. Ichigo chanced a glance at his face and quickly darted his eyes away again. He blushed redder, squirming where he stood. He felt naked, in a bad way. Those words weren't good enough, huh? He'd have to try harder.
"Maybe I love you," he said as plainly as he could, with as little malice and reluctance, looking up for a reaction, seeing that Renji had stood up with a careful expression, as if he was thinking and trying to pin down one last little thing.
"Yeah, I…" Ichigo trailed off, clearing his throat as Renji strolled towards him. It'd be worse if Renji was making fun of him, but this silence, it made him feel like he was being interrogated, tortured, because here he was spilling his guts in both senses.
"Yeah," he repeated, nodding, staring at his feet, seeing Renji's toes there in the top of his vision. When he looked up, Renji didn't smile, he didn't frown either, he just looked at him.
"Huh," Renji said, as if he'd thought of something mildly interesting of note, one hand on his chin, the other supporting his elbow.
"Fucking say something," Ichigo finally snapped. He was starting to get how Renji had probably felt when he'd first tried to ask him out. This was fucking nerve wracking. He just wanted this to be over with. Would Renji just say something already?
When I feel you around,
I was mad as hell when I hit the ground.
When I see you laugh away
It hurts but I just won't say,
Oh, oh, oh… Love …