Beauty of the Dark

The beauty of the dark, is the beauty of you.
I dreamed dreams of you but nightmares always block the view.
I can't sleep, no.

The beauty of silence, is the noise of no words
When everything I listen for is here when you walk in the door,
tonight, yeah.

Where is the light in your deep dark room?
A shock of light could save you from the shadow.
Why is the dark behind the moon?
Out of reach until the light is shattered.

Mads Langer

Chapter 2

The room I was in was not my own. The walls were white and I was laying in a bed that was uncomfortable and definitely not the bed I was used to. I screamed and a nurse ran in with a doctor right behind her.

"What the hell am I doing here? Where's Bella? Bella!" I yelled, screaming her name over and over. It was obvious that I was hospitalized but where was Bella?

"Mr. Masen," the doctor began sternly. "I need you to calm down so I can talk to you; if you cannot do that then the nurse will have to sedate you."

I stopped and tried to calm myself down, though my voice was still a little uneven. "Who are you and what am I doing here?"

"Firstly, my name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. As far as your second question is concerned, you have no life threatening injuries; we are simply keeping you in for observation due to your head injury," he explained, motioning toward my head with his hand. "What do you remember about last night, Mr. Masen?"

Memories of the accident flooded back to me as he spoke the words. "We were in an accident - Bella and I - we'd had a fight, and then a deer ran in front of the car, and she swerved to avoid it and then we hit a tree. Is she ok? Where is she? What room?"

I watched with a sick feeling in my stomach as the doctor's face fell, and his disapproving expression transformed into one of pity.

"Mr. Masen. I'm sorry to say that Ms. Swan didn't make it…when you hit the tree, she died instantly because of the impact and then the car exploded."

"No you're lying," I said, shaking my head. I looked at him. Really looked at him. Something wasn't right. He was young. Too young to be a doctor, but with an air of authority only senior members of staff could possibly possess. "She didn't die on impact, I know she didn't. Why are you lying to me?"

"Mr Masen, I assure you. I am not lying to you." Pity crossed his face, pity and something else; shame? It was gone too quickly for me to decipher anything else. "I am truly sorry for your loss."

He turned away from me as the nurse made her presence known again, but I wasn't satisfied.

"No, you can't just walk away from me," I objected. "What the hell happened to her?"

The nurse grabbed my hand as Dr. Cullen walked out of the room without a backward glance. "It'll be okay. I know it seems hard for you to grasp but Dr. Cullen wouldn't lie to you. As much as you would like to believe the opposite, Ms. Swan died in the car crash. There was no one at fault. It was an accident."

I stared at her disbelievingly, feeling my heart beginning to break.

"I love her. I can't just live without her. I don't know how to live without her."

My voice was empty and weary; it had only been five minutes since I'd woken up, but in those five minutes, I'd lost everything. As the weight pressed down on me I began to sob on the kindly nurse's shoulder, losing track of time. I sobbed until I slept.

As I was sleeping again, I dreamed of the accident, but I was not really in the accident; It was an outer body experience. I watched myself being carried out of the car. There were three different shadows and one of them picked up Bella's lifeless body and took it away. Then, there were simply flames.

"Bella!" I called over and over again until I was shaken awake.

"Edward, Edward, wake up. It was just a dream son." I looked up to see the face of Bella's father.

"Charlie," I said, blinking, and then remembered why he was here "Charlie... I'm so sorry."

He shook his head, understanding my apology but not accepting it.

"Edward it wasn't your fault. All you did was love Bella, as much as she loved you."

"Charlie you don't understand; it was my fault. If I hadn't tried to rush her into marriage, if I hadn't proposed, if I had just waited until she was ready….then she might still be alive. Bella might still be alive."

"Edward, my girl loved you and eventually she would have married you. Once she got past all of her insecurities, then she would have said yes. I know she would."

"Have you seen her?" I asked him, Charlie must have known what I meant because he answered right away.

"No. They say her body is burned beyond belief - unrecognizable," he said, wincing at the words.. "I told them to cremate her. I didn't want her to be buried. I hope that's okay with you. We can still have a small memorial for her next week, if you'd like."

"Whatever you want Charlie. I just want to sleep."

I felt bad for dismissing him so harshly, but I just couldn't bear the thought of Bella's body. I didn't want to think of Bella's memorial. I just felt so dead without her. It should have been me.

A/N: There will be a time jump to Bella's funeral, and also the first letter. Next post tomorrow, well later today actually. Please review. Thanks for reading.

UPDATE: THANKS TO THE TINY DANCER FOR BEING A SERIOUSLY AWESOME BETA 3/24/12