Touch Communication

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

If you can force your nerve, heart and sinew

Shinichi knew that Kaito was trying to cover it up. Trying to hide his guilt and sadness and his hurt and loss and despair behind a silly mask. He didn't want Kaito to do that. The severity of these injuries would change their whole lives irrevocably. Growing a mask over the gaping wounds that would only crack one day to reveal the rotting, festering flesh beneath just didn't make any sense to Shinichi.

He sighed and turned on his side to regard the black box Professor Agasa had given him. The Professor had given it some touch ups, and explained the new features to him. He sighed. Why would I need so many methods of inputting characters? This method of communication is so clumsy and slow. Shinichi frowned, then picked up the thin book lying next to it. This will help you talk to people using sign language, his mother had told him with tears brimming in her eyes. He huffed soundlessly and put it down. He knew this already; it came in the 'knows a lot of useless information' category that people often put him in. All in all, Shinichi thought he was coping rather well with his mutism; it was the other people in his life that weren't doing so good. Like Kaito.

He also knew that Kaito thought he was to blame for how they were captured when in a delicate situation by the Black Organisation, but Shinichi didn't think so. It was simple misfortune that made their spy's cover become risky, and when Kaito and Shinichi had decided to make a move to save the situation, a misstep made the whole mess get blown to hell. But the takedown was successful, and that was all anyone could ask for, really. Shinichi was just grateful that both he and Kaito were alive.

Being mute wasn't as terrible and life-ruining as Kaito seemed to think. There were many methods of electronic communication that could suffice to convey his meaning accurately. Agasa was even talking about creating a device that could read out what Shinichi wrote in Shinichi's voice, using existing records and clips. He also asked if Kaito would provide voice-overs for this project, but Shinichi wasn't sure. Judging by Kaito's state of mind, Kaito might just become more traumatized by the reminder that Shinichi lost his voice and fall deeper into his self-created abyss of despair. Shinichi clicked his tongue in annoyance.

Besides, he wasn't sure whether he'd even want to use that device. Since it was just a theory, it was fine and all to consider, but by now, he thought he'd know himself well enough that using it in practice might prove a different, emotional reaction. He wasn't sure if he'd be upset with the thought of using a replica, sounding so close to what he had, but ultimately different, as it couldn't project the tones and nuances that a human being could. Shinichi mentally visualized it, then shivered, hugging his elbows. No, he couldn't.

There was a knock on the door and Shinichi looked up, opening his mouth to answer- but realized he couldn't. The nurse popped in the doorway, and smiled at Shinichi. Shinichi mouthed a greeting at her anyway. "Good morning to you too, Shinichi! You have a guest, Mouri Ran, who wants to see you today, are you feeling up for visitors?" The nurse, Akita, if he remembered correctly, said cheerily. A specialized nurse, trained to handle disabled patients, and is proficient with Japanese sign language and lip reading. He knew his father had specially asked for this nurse in his ward.

Shinichi nodded. It would be good to see Ran again. She was one of the few people who could look at him without getting weepy or treating him as an invalid. So irritating. Shinichi ignored the niggling thought that he was being uncharitable to people. He was the one with the injury to the brain lobe, he could be irritable.

Ran entered the room with a standard bouquet of brightly-coloured flowers. Shinichi snorted. With the number of flowers he was receiving, he was glad neither him nor Kaito was allergic to pollen. "Shinichi! How are you? You look well." She leant down and hugged Shinichi, before settling her bags on the table. "Where's Kaito?" She queried, looking at the opposite end of the room. "Oh!" She snapped her fingers, reached into her bag and pulled out a familiar thin book, "Your mother gave me this- Ah, you have it too," Ran stared at the matching books on Japanese sign language. "Well, that's alright, that means that you know it too, right? I've been practicing! Could you try with me?" Ran looked so hopeful that Shinichi put aside the black box with a shrug and nodded.

Kaito's with the eye surgeon. They're talking about the possibility of a prosthetic eye. Though I don't think Kaito's very keen on it. He says it looks disturbing. Shinichi looked wryly amused. Personally, I think him facing you with his empty eyelids is a lot more creepy than prosthetic eyes, but it's all up to him, I guess.

"Ah, you do it so fast!" Ran stared at Shinichi's hands, wide-eyed and intent. "Could you do it again? I lost you after the fake eye."

Shinichi huffed, but patiently signed again.

"Ahh.. I see. Wow, this is much harder than I thought." Ran poked Shinichi and gave him a winning smile. "Sorry, but could you go a bit slower? Just a bit?"

Shinichi quirked a smile and nodded agreeably.

They cheerfully conversed for a little while, before Ran suddenly realized that she should put the flowers in a vase before they started to droop. "Ah, I guess I should find a vase," Ran said aloud, "Shinichi, do you know where the vases are?" She turned around, looking for a storage cabinet.

Shinichi started to sign, Behind you, in the lowest shelf, then scowled. Ran wasn't looking at him!

"Shinichi, tell me already!" Ran shouted, as she searched around the room. "Seriously, this is your room, don't tell me-" A heavy thump sounded. She turned around. Shinichi had dropped the bags by his bed side in a haphazard mess. She wilted at the narrow-eyed glare Shinichi sliced her with and the brusque signs Shinichi made jerkily with his hands. "Shinichi, I forgot, I'm…" Ran said hesitantly, but Shinichi bent over the edge of the bed, and started to rearrange the bags, refusing to look at her. "I'm sorry," she whispered, a watery edge in her voice, and turned to fill the vase with water using the little sink in the room. An awkward silence fell between them.

Shinichi suddenly felt a crushing weight within him. He knew it wasn't Ran's fault, and a part of him felt guilty, but it was tiny compared to the larger part of him that just wanted Ran to quickly leave so he could be alone to brood again. He saw Ran's upset expression out of the corner of his eye, but the greater part of him simply couldn't drudge up the energy to care. He closed his eyes and leant back, ignoring Ran's calls. Eventually, she left, glancing at him miserably multiple times. He was sorry, and promised himself to apologise to her when she came back again the next day.

He shouldn't have been so mad at her, he knew. But when she turned her back on him- he finally realized why people despaired of mutism. Just a simple drift in attention, or anything else can so easily rob the tenuous link of communication he had, and in a chaotic situation, he might never be able to get it back, or draw attention back to himself at all. In every sense of the word, he would be helpless. He shut his eyes, letting the chilling realization sink roots into him, like ivy weakening a wall.

Perhaps he wasn't as resigned to the situation as he thought he was.

{2}

Shinichi raced down to the crowd of people milling in the lounge. He winced as he squeezed through the jostling crowd, missing the ability to alert people to clear a path with his voice. Just one more thing I have to get used to, he thought.

The police was at the scene already, thankfully. (There had been a moment that he had been frightened, wondering how he would call out instructions for civilians to step away from the body and such.) Inspector Megure and the other police were checking around the scene of the crime, flashes of the forensic photographer's camera lighting the body periodically. He approached Inspector Megure.

"Ah, Kudou!" Megure looked surprised, then confused. "I thought you were still unwell. Are you out of the hospital already?"

He shrugged, and nodded. It had been weeks after all, and the doctors had already been sure that the damage was irreparable a while ago. Only a miracle would cure his brain trauma, a private doctor his father had brought in to examine him said. His father and mother had refused to give up hope, and were looking for other physicians with better qualifications out of the country. Shinichi sighed and wished they would leave him alone already. He didn't want to have different doctors tramping in and out of his house, knowing that that they had rejected treating him. How depressing. Shinichi just wanted to concentrate on living with what he had now, and not changing what he couldn't.

"Well…" The Inspector's usually genial face was edgy. "Don't worry about this, just do your best and get well soon!" He turned away to bark sharply at one of the officers who approached, holding up an evidence bag with a piece of bloodstained paper.

Shinichi felt a stab of surprising hurt, then schooled his face impassively. Megure probably didn't know too much of the details and he probably meant the best but… Get well soon? He chuckled bitterly. Too bad that's impossible. He looked around the crime scene with a practiced eye, studiously avoiding the body, or at best, sweeping over it with a cursory glance. No- Don't look at it too much- Don't trigger any flashbacks-

He stood up again, looking for the officer with the evidence bag. He seized the bag, and read the note. The officer who was in custody of the bag protested, "Hey you! Don't interfere with-" before he was hastily interrupted by his partner and a whispered conversation was conducted. Immediately, he went silent, and a pitying look surfaced on his face. Shinichi felt something inside him surge with defensive anger, and tried to ignore it. A dying message. That means…

He looked around, the officers with the note hurrying away, then cringed. Officer Satou and Officer Takagi were holding the evidence bag for the murder weapon. He exhaled heavily, steeled himself and headed straight for them.

"Kudou," Satou looked up and blinked at him in surprise. "I saw you just now, but I didn't get to say hello, and I thought you left. Shouldn't you be getting some rest? Are you feeling better?"

So many questions. He leveled Satou an unimpressed stare, shook his head and shrugged. He tapped his throat and let out a rasp.

"Ah… I see." Satou's expression was starting to descend into something he did not like at all. "Well… feel free to hang around here and look around. If you need anything, I'll be questioning the civilians in the lounge." She strode off, her legs eating up the distance quickly with her fast pace, leaving Takagi looking uneasy and awkward, like an abandoned baby giraffe.

Shinichi gritted his teeth and snatched the evidence bag away from Takagi more forcefully than he had intended, refusing to look at Officer Takagi. He examined the murder weapon and a clean, triumphant joy (like the sound of trumpets and orchestra, and other lively things like that) filled him as the pieces fell into place and more possibilities closed up, leading him closer to the final truth. Now, I just need… He handed the bag back to Takagi and walked away, looking around for Satou. She would probably know who the suspects are.

"Wait! Kudou!" Takagi called out.

Shinichi turned around, eyebrows raised. What now? Takagi stared at him, then thrust a piece of paper and a pen, as well as what looked like the case files at him. What-

"So what do you think of the case?" Takagi asked. He sounded like he was trying to be casual, but with his twitching, nervous expression, he couldn't quite pull it off. His eyebrows were drawn downwards, perfectly serious. "I- I've been learning how to lip read," he blurted out. "You can try that."

Shinichi stared at him, and felt gratefulness well up inside him like a burgeoning spring. He read through the victim profiles and analysis of the bodies quickly.

The first mysterious point in this case is the eyes. The victims were not in possession of their eyes anymore when we found the bodies, and it is likely that the eyes have been removed prior to their death as there is not enough blood-

"Wait- wait!" Takagi's eyes were frantically darting from Shinichi's mouth to his eyes. "You're speaking too quickly- I'm not so good yet. I'm sorry-" Takagi looked so embarrassed and sheepish that Shinichi felt sorry for him. He awkwardly patted Takagi on the shoulder. "Maybe-"

Shinichi pushed the pen and paper back at Takagi, fumbled in his pocket for the black box, then brought it out. He tapped the menu function on the screen, then picked through a screen of themed word lists, selecting Body Parts. He remembered Haibara coming to his room and sitting with him as she programmed the list, scanning through dictionaries to pick out key words that he wanted. Her face had been dispassionate throughout, but he had wondered if she was feeling guilty that she had been sequestered securely in one of their safe houses while Kaito, Shinichi, their parents and the FBI had went to take out the Black Organisation. He felt a spike of irritation. Why does everyone want to claim the blame? It's not important anymore. He focused on the list of words, and tapped Eye.

Takagi's impressed look at his cool gadget faded into a frown. "The victims' eyes were removed, yes," His eyes lit up, "Was he doing it on purpose? If he wanted the eye, it would have to be an eye surgeon or the like then."

Shinichi spun the list to Phrases. No, followed by Don't be ridiculous.

Takagi blinked. "Oh, so it doesn't matter if the eye is preserved? If the eye was just gouged out, it could have been anyone then." He paused. "Wait, why do you have that in your phrase words?"

Shinichi smirked at Takagi wickedly and swiped at his screen. Fun and Murder Motive.

Takagi looked vaguely uneasy. Oh, Officer Takagi, you're too serious.

As he and Officer Takagi later headed off to see the suspects the police had narrowed down, Shinichi was glad that Takagi had shown him the descriptions of the victims. He closed his eyes. He couldn't-couldn't bear to go near the bodies, with the ripped out eyeballs, torn eyelids and- he remembered how they had held down Kaito and strapped him down and laughed as he screamed- He realized he had stopped walking and couldn't stop shaking alarmingly. Takagi was talking to him concernedly.

He shook off the concern (don't be bogged down by the past), tried his best to rearrange his striken expression into his usual aloof one, and walked ahead quickly, hoping that Takagi would follow. After a hesitation, Takagi caught up, but his worried face didn't go away.