Part II – Letting go of the past, moving on to the future
It was Logan that woke first when he heard the door open. He saw the nurse and went to move and she shook her head. "No need, you stay put. Looks like you were all she needed. I just came in to get some readings. The doctor should be in shortly to talk with the both of you".
Rory's eyes blinked and she slowly woke up and focused on her surroundings. Suddenly everything came back to her. She saw the nurse who just smiled at her and she pulled the log from the pre-natal monitor before walking out the door, then she turned, almost frightened to think it had all been a dream and when she turned a smile took over her face…
"You're here" she said almost surprised.
"Of course I am, where else would I be. Did you sleep well?"
She nodded and tried to sit up.
"Wait let me help you. Do you need anything? Do you want some water, do you need the nurse to come back?" Logan said concerned.
"No, I…I thought I was dreaming. I dreamed that you came to me and told me you loved me and I was so scared that it was all…."
"It wasn't a dream. I love you Rory Gilmore, I loved you then, I love you now and I will love you forever…you and our little peanut, or we can call it our coffee bean, whichever option you like works for me. Oh my god, coffee, have you been drinking coffee? I know that when Honor was pregnant the doctor said she needed to cut down on her caffeine habit and she said giving up coffee was the hardest part of being pregnant and I know how much you love your coffee….." he told her as she looked up at him and started laughing.
"I guess after all these years I really did grow on you. Now you are rambling as much as I do".
"Seriously Ace, you are ok with this? The baby?" he asked her as he placed his hand on her flat abdomen.
She looked up at him and the most amazing smile appeared on her face. "Yes, I mean it was quite a shock. I have been feeling tired and just off but, well I kind of chalked it up to saying goodbye to you. God Logan it was the hardest thing, I thought I was doing the right thing for you, for us but after you guys left I stood there in the lobby of the inn and the pain, I felt like my heart just broke in two. The past eight weeks have been hell, I wanted to call you, to tell you not to marry her, to tell you that I loved you and that I know I didn't deserve another chance after what I did to you at my graduation but I was so scared. So scared that you would not want to take that chance after what I had done to you".
"Oh baby, I am so sorry. I should have never left. I should have just taken the chance and told you that I did not want to leave you. That was my intention you know" he said softly.
"Your intention? Wait I don't understand?"
"After you called that night in London, I looked at Odette. She was sleeping and I knew I could not marry her. I mean she is a nice person, but she wasn't who I wanted. The purpose of my coming to you in Stars Hallow was to tell you that I loved you and that I wasn't going to let you go again".
Rory's eyes were wide in shock….this was the last thing she had expected to hear. "But I don't understand?"
Logan shrugged…."I got scared. You were talking about the book, and finally being able to stand on your own and suddenly I thought that if I asked you to be with me you would get scared and run and I did not want to lose you, even though we were saying goodbye. So I just stayed in the moment with you, that night, it was perfect and then when you asked me if I was going to marry Odette, I was praying you would say don't marry her, I was waiting for a sign that you were ready, that I was your choice…."
Rory looked at him, realizing how much she had hurt him because of her fears, never telling him what she felt. Her fear of being rejected kept from telling him how much she loved him and she hurt him over and over…a cycle that she hoped was now broken forever.
"I wanted too. It was on the tip of my tongue…and then I remembered your face when I said no the first time. How was I supposed to be selfish and ask you to stay with me when you had a future planned out. I thought that the only way I could prove my love to you was to let you go".
Logan shook his head…."We were idiots. So many missed moments. That night in Hamburg, my heart felt whole for the first time in seven years and the next morning I work up and was ready to tell you that I never stopped loving you, that I wasn't going to let you go again…."
"And then I proposed Vegas. We really were idiots. I was so scared that you would walk out the door that morning that I figured if Vegas was all I could have with you then it would be enough".
"You know Ace, we are going to be parents now. So we really have to give up on our idiotic tendencies and communicate from now on. This way by the time our little one is here we will be pros".
"Logan….I need to tell you something".
"Ok" Logan said with a smile even though his stomach was doing flip flops with nerves.
"Last week I booked a flight to London. I was coming to London to tell you that I loved you. That I knew that you were getting married and I understood about your commitment to your family and your job, but that I needed you to know that the past three years wasn't just me passing time. I wanted you to know the time we spent together….it meant everything to me. It was the first time I felt happy, truly happy since the day you left me at graduation. I knew it was probably a selfish thing to do, I mean we said goodbye, you were getting married and here I was bringing up things that should stay in the past but I knew I would never be able to truly move forward unless I let go of the past and to do that I needed you to know".
"So the trip, it was planned. I mean you coming to London yesterday it wasn't a last minute trip?"
"Well actually my flight was for today. My mom was supposed to get married two nights ago. I figured it would give me a day to see my mom off on her honeymoon".
"Wait, two nights ago…..but you flew here two days ago?"
"Yes. That morning I had an appointment at the doctor, I figured I was dealing with a mild flu or something and that maybe he could give me something. That's when I found out I was pregnant. Before the wedding I was sitting at the gazebo, trying to figure out what I was going to say to you when I saw you. It was one thing for me to come and disrupt your life to tell you I loved you but this was a whole different story. I suddenly felt so unsure, if it was fair to you but I could not have not told you. I wanted you to know, I wanted you to have a chance to know our baby, even if you had to keep it a secret from Odette. Then mom came over and I just blurted it out. Suddenly I felt that I had been blind for the past 32 years of my life. It was like seeing my mother for the first time and I realized how much she influenced me to be exactly what she wanted me to be and how much my love for her clouded my own choices and judgements….and the one thing that kept going through my mind was that I never wanted to do that to our child. I want to be there to help lead them through life but I want them to learn from my mistakes, I want them to be a better version of me but most of all I want to them to become their own special person and I will be so proud of that person. Even if they make bad choices, even if I do not agree with everything they want to do….but as long as they stay true to themselves, that is what is important. I wish I had stayed true to myself Logan. So bad I wish I had stayed true to myself".
Logan wrapped his arms around her…."Our baby will know that we love them unconditionally, even when they fall. I never want my child to feel that I am disappointed in them. I want them to know that as long as they carry strong morals and values that however they chose to express them in this world, I will be proud of them. I will never allow myself to be my father Rory. I think we both had our share of mommy / daddy issues, we will learn from them and we will be true to ourselves in how we raise this baby….and any others you might want to give me" Logan added, hoping that his last few words would break the seriousness of the conversation. Not that he did not feel that they needed to continue it so that they could put the past to rest once and for all, but more so because he was concerned about Rory. Just yesterday she was rushed to a hospital because of stress and her blood pressure.
"Wow, haven't even popped this one out and you are already putting orders in for another?" Rory said smiling even though she could guess what Logan was doing. He was not the only one worried that she was lying in a hospital bed. Rory just wanted to make sure that their baby was ok and healthy.
"I want as many as you will give me Rory. I want a family with you. If this is our only addition I am fine with that, if you want more…well I would be happy with our own baseball team" he said with a wink.
"Yeah Logan, you might want to give up on the baseball team but I am fairly certain this one won't be an only child. I always loved the relationship you had with Honor. I would at least want another one so our baby always had someone on their side".
"I think that is perfect" he said as he leaned down to kiss her just as the door opened.
"Well, looks like someone is feeling better. I'm Dr. Burrows, I was the attending doctor when you were brought in. So any issues, dizziness, any headache?"
"No, still a little tired but no headache or dizziness. I'm pretty hungry too" Rory added with a shy smile.
"Well no headache is great and the fact that you are hungry is a good sign. Your test results from this morning are great. Pressure is right where it should be, your blood work up was fine. I don't see any reason to keep you but I would like to do a sonogram before you leave. Would you like to see your baby?" he asked with a kind smile.
"We can see the baby? My doctor at home, I just found out I was pregnant a few days ago and he said it was a bit early for a sonogram, but I would love if we could" Rory said.
"Well it is early, usually about 8 weeks, which you should be based on the information you provided yesterday to the nurse. So let's give it a try" he said with a gentle smile as a nurse rolled in a sonogram machine.
"Now since this is pretty early, I am going to do an internal. Just in case there are any issues this will give us a sense of what is going on, even though I am sure everything is fine. Mr.….."
"Huntzberger, Logan Huntzberger"
"Mr. Huntzberger, why don't you stand by Rory's head so we can just get everything set up. Now Ms. Gilmore, this will not be the most comfortable feeling but if you just relax" the doctor said.
Logan, getting the picture of what was going on and not sure if he liked the idea of the doctor going where he was planning to go just leaned down and softly talked to Rory, kissing the hand that he held within his.
Suddenly the black screen lit up and Logan and Rory just stared at it, not really understanding what they were seeing but the doctor nodded at the nurse who hit a button.
A fast beating noise filled the room….."We normally cannot hear the heartbeat with a fetal doppler until 10 to 12 weeks but with the sonogram we can get an early reading. So you see this wave, this is your baby's heartbeat and it sounds perfect, just where we want it to be and this is your baby" he said pointing to a black dot on the screen….
Rory and Logan were transfixed hearing the sound of their baby's heartbeat. He squeezed her hand and leaned down and kissed her forehead, trying to hold back the tears that had filled his eyes and were threatening to fall.
"Wait…nurse can you turn the volume up slightly" the doctor said as Rory winced a bit when she felt the doctor moving the wand within her.
The heartbeat suddenly changed slightly, Rory and Logan did not hear a difference but a smile appeared on the doctors face when he heard the slight echo beat after each heartbeat.
"And this dot here…this is your baby's twin" he said looking up at the expectant parents who suddenly both looked at him in shock.
"Twin…like two babies?" Logan squeaked out.
"Yes, two babies. I did not the second one at first but I heard a slight echo to the heartbeat so I figured I would check to see if one was hiding. You see here, the two babies in the same gray area? They are going to be identical twins as they are sharing the same sac. Congratulations. Both heartbeats are strong and from the looks here everything is right in terms of size and location. You have two very healthy babies here" Dr. Burrows said asking the nurse to print out a few copies of the pictures as he concluded the examination.
"Now I know you have a lot of questions and I can recommend a good obstetrician here unless you have one that you plan to use?"
"Well I am actually from the states, and well Logan has been here for work so I came for a visit but I am not sure if I am planning to stay in London for that long, or if I will be returning to the states" Rory said looking up at Logan.
"I will be finishing up work here but we will both be returning to the states, but it would be great if you could refer us to a doctor for while we are here and then we can have her records transferred when we return home. Is she ok to fly? Would it be best if she returned home now?"
"Oh no, she is fine for a while here. Usually with a healthy pregnancy most doctors say it is safe to fly well into the third trimester. Usually by 8 months we restrict it, with twins, that restriction might come a few weeks earlier but she will be find traveling well into her second trimester as long as everything stays as good as it is doing now. However, I am going to point out stress is not good for mommy or the babies, so whatever happened last night cannot happen again. High blood pressure is definitely something we watch in pregnancies, even someone without a history can start to have issues even in the most normal pregnancies, with twins the risk is even higher so I just recommend keeping the mommy here stress free and I don't see any issues happening. Now I am going to get your release papers together and get some pamphlets for you but you can start getting dressed now. I should not be too long. I know you mentioned being hungry, I will have the nurse bring you a little something now to snack on ok?"
"Yes thank you so much Dr. Burrows" Rory said as Logan stood up to shake the doctors hand. Once the doctor and nurse cleared out of the room Logan walked towards the bed, took Rory's face in his hands and kissed her. A real kiss, one that conveyed all of his feelings without him having to say a word.
"Thank you" he said softly when he pulled away for air.
"For what?" Rory asked somewhat in a daze from that kiss, god had she missed him.
"For you coming to me, for you giving me a family, for you loving me. I promise you Ace I will love you forever, you and our two coffee beans. I can't believe we are having twins, I am so happy I don't even think I can be nervous, even though I am sure that will kick in later" he told her bringing his lips to hers again.
When he pulled back again he just wrapped his arms around her…"So Ace, you never got to finish telling me what you felt when you first found out, and now we find out we are having twins. Are you ok?"
Rory nodded. "It was a shock at first when he told me. Then I told you I was scared about how to tell you and worried I was going to ruin your life. Then my mom….but when I got on the plane, it was the first time since the doctor told me that I had a moment to just absorb that I was becoming a mom. I knew that there was a chance that you might not be able to be in the baby's life, and that scared me but as I sat there on the plane the one thing I realized was that you had given me the greatest gift, even if you could not be with me, I would always have a piece of you and me, a reminder of the love we had for each other even if we were too dumb to admit it. So yeah I was scared and nervous but excited and happy and well the idea of two babies at once is pretty intimating, knowing that you will be with me through this, that you will be a part of our children's lives…I just…I feel whole. Happy and whole and in love".
They left the hospital and after stopping so that Logan could pick up a few things for Rory to eat they headed back to his apartment.
"Ms. Gilmore, I am so glad to see you are ok" George said as he came around the desk and gave her a hug.
Rory hugged him back, she had always liked the man and he was always so sweet to her, stopping to talk to her whenever he saw her.
"Thank you George, I am feeling much better. I heard I owe you a big thank you for getting me to the hospital".
"I just felt bad that I did not see you when you arrived, then I could have stopped you before you went upstairs".
"I am fine George. Just need to get some rest" she answered to him as she leaned in to Logan, the events of the past few days really hitting her.
"Thank you George, for everything. I am just going to get her upstairs. You haven't seen my dad have you?"
"All quiet, I just got here about 30 minutes ago but there have been no sign ins on the list before I got here" he told him.
"Great, I will stop down later to check in. As of now, I don't want any visitors, I will call you if anything changes" Logan told him as he helped Rory to the elevator.
"You ok Ace?" he said with concern.
"I'm fine, my body is just tired. I think once I eat and maybe take a little nap I will feel much better" she told him leaning up for a kiss.
"We that is what we are going to do. You are going to take a nice hot shower, I am going to cook you some lunch and then we are both going to take a much needed nap".
The elevator doors opened and they walked down the hall. Taking out his keys he unlocked the door and ushered Rory inside and then looked up at a person who definitely did not belong in his apartment.
"What are you doing here Odette?" Logan asked as his arms tightened around Rory who he could feel beginning to shake.
"Well your father called and told me that you realized your mistake and that I should come home" she told him just staring at him and the woman in his arms with malice.
"When he gave you bad information Odette" he looked over at Rory. "Go inside and lay down, please Ace, you need to keep your stress level down ok?" he whispered to her.
"Come on" he said ignoring Odette and walking Rory into his bedroom.
"I can go into a guest room, I don't want to lay in her bed it just…."
"Ace, the only person who ever shared this room with me is you. When Odette was here I used one of the guest rooms as a master bedroom. Go take a shower and then rest, I am going to deal with my father's scheming tactic and then I am going to cook. I love you" he said as she watched her walk into the room and then he shut the door.
"What she is woman enough to sleep with an engaged man but not woman enough to his fiancé?"
"Odette, you are not my fiancé, I think we came to that conclusion the other day, when I told you I was not marrying you. Secondly, she has nothing to do with this conversation, that is between you and me. What I find surprising is you are standing here in my home. Yes Odette, my home. You are acting like some scorned woman but you were sleeping with your French lover for the past three years since our parents decided we were getting married. You knew I was with someone, the same way I knew you were. We were a business arrangement Odette, not soulmates. You did not want this marriage any more than I did".
"But when I moved in here, into your bedroom I expected you to be faithful. How do you think it looks that my fiancé was parading around with his American whore. Is that why you would not have sex, was it because of her? All those excuses that we should wait till the wedding. Here I was thinking that you felt that our union would be a chance for us to grow together as a couple. I actually thought it was endearing but it wasn't for my benefit was it?"
"Odette, do not tell me that you did not meet with Jean since you moved in. I know he was here staying at a hotel. And Odette just to let you know you never moved into my bedroom, you moved into the guest room. Do you want the truth, yes I never wanted to sleep with you, it wasn't right, I would be betraying her and no matter how much my father wanted this union I could not do it. Not for him, not for your ego because that is the only reason you are upset. I love her Odette, it has always been her".
"And when you were not with her, please I hope she is not delusional to think that there has been no one else. I heard the gossip, you have been with other woman since our parents came up with this merger".
"I have been with another woman since our parents came up with this merger. She is right now in the other room. Odette, the one thing that came out from all this is that I thought we at least respected each other as people. So I am going to be honest with you. The only other woman in my life since our parents devised this dynastic plan, since I came back from Hamburg was her. Only her. I tried Odette, I really did but this was not fair to me, it was definitely not fair to you. When we talked the other day, when I told you I could not go through with this you agreed, you said you were happy to be free. I know you were not happy about the press that would surround our breakup, but you were happy. Don't let me father manipulate you to be this person. Trust me he has been manipulating me all my life don't let him do this to you. You deserve to be loved Odette. You are a smart, beautiful woman, don't let my father or your father manipulate you to give up your right to have a life according to you".
"Your father said you asked her to marry you and she rejected you? How is that fair to you?"
"It's fair to me because I was an ass. I was young and stupid. I learned from my mistakes Odette. As much as my father might think that my life should be dictated by our family, by business I deserve more. I deserve this second chance and I am going to fight for it. I won't give it up again. I am sorry that I let this get as far as it did though. It was wrong and not fair to you".
"Aren't you scared Logan about what going against your father will mean? You could lose it all?" Odette asked him.
"I am scared about losing what is in that room, the rest I would give up in a minute as long as I know she will be standing by me when I walk away".
Odette took a deep breath. "I'm sorry Logan, for coming here. For listening to your father. Between him and my mother they just got me so worked up and I am not as brave as you. I am scared to be out there alone".
"Odette, you don't have to be alone. Let yourself find that person that completes you. I am not sure if it is Jean, or if there is someone else out there but that person is out there. You just need to go find them".
Odette nodded…."Please apologize to her for me. I did not mean to say what I said. I am going to go. I would tell you to be happy but you already are, aren't you?"
"I am. I hope you find that happiness Odette. I truly do".
"I hope so. Goodbye Logan" she said softly as she walked towards the door and left.
Logan took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair. His damn father. He knew he was not going to make this easy but sending Odette here. This was only the start knowing his father. He needed to do damage control now before this got out of hand.
Walking towards the bedroom he opened the door and found Rory sitting on the bed with tears running down her face. She had heard it all. It was a reminder of what she had done to him. Granted his communication was not any better but all of this could have been over with years ago if she had just told him the truth. But she had to stop dwelling on the past. If they did not leave the baggage of the past where it belonged, it would only hamper their pathway to the future and she would not allow anything to stop it now.
"Ace what's the matter? Did you hear…."
"I love you Logan" she whispered as she pulled his lips towards hers.
They sank into the kiss, slowly he lowered her to the bed. Just as he started to get his hands into play her heard her stomach growl and they both pulled away from the kiss and laughed.
"I think that was my coffee beans way of saying stop kissing mommy and feed us" he said pushing himself up and helping Rory up so that they could head into the kitchen. "Once the little ones are happily fed they should be ready for a long nap, and so will you" he said kissing her softly on the lips as he pulled out the chair by the island for her.
"So what would you like to eat, or do I even have to ask?" he said with a smirk.
"Babies want pancakes, and maybe a half an omelet and bacon. Babies really want bacon" she said with a laugh.
"Breakfast for lunch coming up" he said feeling more relaxing in this moment than he had felt in ages and he could not wait for a lifetime of these moments as he looked up into the smiling face of his Ace.
New York
"Lorelai, what are you doing here? Is everything ok with Luke?" Jess asked concerned when he saw Lorelai standing outside his apartment door.
"Luke is fine Jess but we need to talk about Rory".
"Is she ok? I know you said that she got called away for this job opportunity, even though I found that weird as I know Rory would never miss your wedding. Is there something you are not telling me?"
"I know you talked to her about writing her book and that you are friends. I need to know do your feelings for her surpass friendship?"
"My feelings? Wait what? Did she say something. Did I make her uncomfortable is that why she missed the wedding? Because of what happened when we spoke?"
"I don't know Jess, what did happen when you spoke?"
"I….I told her I still felt things for her and I know that I had hurt her but that I wasn't that scared, rebellious boy that left her over and over but that I grew up and that maybe it was our time now. Kind of like you and Luke you know".
"And what happened, what did she say?"
"She said she would always love me as a friend. That my friendship meant everything to her but that…well she said there was someone else. I know she has been seeing that Pete guy…"
"Paul, his name was Paul" Lorelai said correcting him, even though it was shocking that she even remembered his name. It wasn't like she had not called him Pete in the past.
"Well I thought they had broken up, Paul or Pete or whatever his name was but I asked her and she said that she rather not talk about it and I just left it as it was. I figured when I came for the wedding I would talk to her again, I was going to ask her to maybe move here with me, it would be a quiet place for her to write and wait a minute…Rory said you did not want her to write the book?"
"I don't or well at least not the parts about me, I mean it is my past not hers".
"Lorelai, you and her have always had this amazing relationship. I don't think she wanted to write about you past as much as she wanted to write about the bond you shared. She loves you".
"Look Jess, Rory is confused. So confused and well….she is pregnant and alone and I think her feelings are all mixed up and that is making her make some stupid decisions and…."
"Pregnant? What do you mean she is pregnant?"
"I guess she has been seeing Logan here and there over the past few years, forgetting the fact that he was engaged and now married. You know that he will not want this baby to mess up his new marriage and I think that Rory is just scared and I don't want her to make a bad decision I mean she has us, we can help her raise the baby and well I think she just sees herself as alone, unemployed and a single mother but you, maybe she would listen to you. Let her know you will be there for her…."
"Where is she Lorelai?"
"I don't know Jess. That is why she wasn't at the wedding. We had a fight, I guess it was hard to realize what her stupid choices had gotten her. Logan and his new wife will be having and heir soon and Rory, well she is the mother of a bastard. She knows she cannot let him know because well who knows what the Huntzbergers would do, probably pay her off. I am sure that Logan will sign away his rights of course. I just don't want her doing something crazy because she is so embarrassed by her choices. You need to help me Jess. I know deep down she loves you, she always has….."
Stars Hallow
Lorelai walked back into the house satisfied with her afternoon outing. She looked up to see Luke sitting on the stairs.
"You're home?" Lorelai asked him.
"Well technically I was supposed to be on my honeymoon which for some reason you asked for us to delay until you heard from Rory, who for some strange reason did not come to our wedding. Then you tell me you will be home all day and surprise, surprise, I come home to find you and the car gone. So wife, would you like to tell me what is really going on?