Solicitude
Chapter Two
Searching for Hope
"We're lost."
"Oh but...I thought for sure this was the right way!"
Panic wide within the bright brown eyes of the girl clutching a worn map, Tohru looked about frantically at the little lines and dots littering the paper. Not one of them looked anything close to their current position. How is this possible!? Her thoughts were a spiraling frenzy. She had been following the map as carefully as she currently could, but some how it had all gone horribly wrong.
"Let me see that map." The crinkled paper disappeared from her hands and into the stronger grasp of her blonde haired companion. Tohru let out a vexed sigh.
Hana was right. They were lost. Normally this kind of event was not cause for celebration, but Tohru felt that today it was much worse. They had only finished getting un-lost the first time about a half an hour ago.
Nnn, My sense of direction can't be that bad, can it?
This couldn't possibly be how Hatsuharu felt.
Lost in her thoughts, Tohru had ceased to pay attention to her surroundings. It was the same as the first time they had gotten lost. Now it seemed to be the case again. I need to stop doing this. It wasn't unusual for the brunette to get absorbed in her daydreams. Kyou had warned her about zoning out several times within the past. She had worked to get better at it. Today it seemed she was doing a miserable job though. She was spacing out more than normal.
Flustered, Tohru looked anxiously at her two best friends, apology written across her face. "I'm so sorry!" Falling into a repentant bow, she bent forward several times. "I don't know where my head is! One minute everything matched up, and the next...ohhhh I don't even know what I was thinking!" Looking at the cement of the ground, she felt sincerely contrite.
"Hey...it's no big deal!" An arm wrapping around her shoulders, Tohru felt herself dragged back into an upright position. Uo had her arms around her in a supportive lock. A carefree smile lit the former Yankee's face. "Every road leads to somewhere, right? It's easy enough to find our way back again, and what's a trip without a little bit of adventure? Besides, I think we passed a bunch of neat places along the way." Though Tohru knew Arisa meant it, she couldn't help but still look down.
"Yes...the food at the restaurant Yorokonde looked quite good. Perhaps we should take a break to eat and rest for a bit." The lighter touch of Saki enveloped her, and Tohru knew that there was no use feeling sorry for her self. Her friends would only be upset if she did. A loud rumble sounded deep inside of her, and she felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment as she blushed.
Besides, she was feeling hungry...
"Hai..."
Both of her friends laughed.
Retracing their lost steps back far enough to find the restaurant Saki had mentioned, was not hard. Bristling with activity, the little pub was busy, but no more than it probably was on a regular Saturday. The smiling face of an older boy greeted them at the door. "Irasshaimasen! Welcome to Yorokonde!" Shown to their seats, they ordered their drinks and received a menu to look over while they waited for their server.
"Not bad for a little Japanese pub," Uo commented while she glanced over her menu. Tohru looked over hers as well. It did have a large selection. She wasn't sure what she wanted to eat. Although she was hungry, she didn't know what she was in the mood for. "Man I'm starved, good timing Hanajima! I hadn't realized I was getting this hungry until you mentioned it."
"I was in the mood for Ochazuki." The dempa responded. Tohru couldn't help but smile slightly. Hana was easy to please when it came to food. She seemed to like anything and everything. Sometimes her tastes could surprise her though. Scanning the menu herself, Tohru still wasn't exactly sure what she wanted by the time their server arrived.
"Good afternoon! My name's Yumi, I'll be your waitress today!" Clothed in a yellow uniform, similar to the one the boy who had seated them was wearing, was a pretty girl about her own age. Hair chopped short, she wore it back in two barrettes. A ready smile lit her face. "Are you ready to order, or would you like some more time?"
They started with Tohru first, and ended with Hana. After a small dispute over the check, Uo won the debate and it wound up that she would pay for their lunch today. Yumi flashed them an amused grin when they finally settled the bill. "I'll take care of it then! It'll be my pleasure!"
"Thanks!" The smile Uo gave the waitress was triumphant.
"Lighten up Tohru; we wanted to do something nice for you. It wouldn't be a treat, if we let you pay for everything. If you really want, next time you can take care of the tab." The blonde leaned back casually in her seat. With a yawn she stretched. "I'm just glad to get away from it all for a weekend. Man, I'm tired of all those tests! Don't the teachers care about their student's sanity? Any more and I think I'll die of boredom."
Unlike the students who were continuing on to university, those who planned to work right after school took tests that were career orientated, and participated in several activities. Although it was much less strenuous than what the college bound students took, it was monotonous and time consuming. In Tohru's case, vexing, because she still had no clue what to do.
"Anyway, this way it's just the three of us girls before we graduate. As much as school could suck sometimes, I'm going to miss it too." Glancing back up at her friend, Tohru watched as a wistful expression crossed Uo's face. "I've had a lot of fun together."
The soft sincerity in Arisa's voice was enough to draw Tohru's complete attention. The gentle smile her friend emitted made Tohru feel immensely guilty for her unenthusiastic behavior so far.
U-Uo-chan...
"Myself as well," interrupted Hana's soft voice. There had always been something calming within the dempa's smooth tones. Tohru could feel it now as she turned to regard her darkly beautiful, raven-haired friend at her other side. "I, too, will miss our days at school." A hand rested lightly upon her heart. "Even those hot days beneath the sun during gym class, when we had the mile run." Uo snorted in what Tohru thought sounded like skepticism.
"You actually ran?" The former Yankee asked in disbelieving tones. One eyebrow raised in doubt, her flat expression was enough for the other two, to guess the thoughts of their friend. Hana remained outwardly unfazed.
"Gym class was always hard, but I performed to the best of my abilities."
"Yeah...why don't you just come out and say that you bailed somewhere around the first couple steps..."
Watching the two of her friends bicker back and forth in a friendly manner, somehow the heartfelt atmosphere touched her. Up and down, her emotions seemed to fluctuate and change with even just a single word. Tohru was happy to have the chance to spend time with her friends. They had always been so supportive of her, and Tohru knew that those times they spent together in school she would sincerely miss. They meant a great deal to her.
"Me too." Though not as bright as her usual smile, Tohru gave her friends a soft grin of agreement. It wasn't that she wanted to be so down and out on their trip. So many factors prevented her from having peace of mind. There was no way she could describe things to them, but she didn't want them to ever doubt that she loved spending time together and being with them. They meant the world to her. "I'm really going to miss all those times too."
Two pairs of eyes turned to regard her a moment. The pause made Tohru suddenly wonder if she had said something strange, but before she had time to worry, an arm enveloped her from either side. Uo practically strangled her in an embrace, squeezing her tightly. Her emotional words were loud at the table.
"Dammit! I wish I knew what to do!" Confused by the words, Tohru felt herself squeezed tighter if possible. The arms of her larger friend were incredibly strong, and Tohru didn't really understand. What to do...? She thought perplexed.
"A-ano..." She started, trying to return the hug to her friend, while trying to breathe simultaneously. It was only then that the embrace started to loosen, and Tohru inhaled deeply for air. Arisa shot her a look of seriousness that suggested there was no argument in what she had to say here.
"No matter what we're always here, ya know? I mean...we're your friends."
Hesitant, the change in the behavior of her friend left Tohru bewildered by the adamant words. Uo often jumped from one emotion to the next. When passionate or even just bored, Arisa's mood could switch with mind-boggling speed. Sometimes Tohru had trouble keeping up. She wondered if this was one of those times. Chancing a confused glance toward Hana, Tohru met her unblinking eyes.
I-Is something wrong? She fretted silently. Perhaps she had missed something earlier, or said something inappropriate. Clouds of confusion rolled behind her eyes as Tohru uneasily searched for an explanation. It wasn't the typical behavior of her friends. Beside her ridiculous mishaps with the map earlier, she could not think of what else could be bothering them.
Stirring uncomfortably in her chair, Tohru twisted her fingers in her lap restlessly. Uncertain as to what to say, she fumbled with her words.
"E-Err...or...that is, um, tha— "
Arisa sighed loudly, and Tohru's eyes widened in anxiousness. "Ah! That— " she began, taking her friend's exhalation for annoyance. A hand landed atop her head to ruffle her hair. It cut of her panicked response before it could start.
"Don't worry about it."
"Don't...huh?" She asked. Obviously vexed, Tohru looked confused as she tried to piece together the thoughts of her friends. Each attempt fell short. She didn't understand what they were thinking, their attention so focused on her. Uneasy, she chewed the lower part of her lip, mind dizzy with confusion. She was diffident as she moved uncertainly to speak. "I...I'm sorry if I..."
"It's not anything like that." The interruption was quick, but soft. Though tired, the voice had been firm. Uo's hand fell from its perch on Tohru's head, to the surface of the table. Leaning on her elbow, she rested a cheek in her palm as she gazed ahead of them. This time she sounded half amused, with a touch of exasperation. "I should have known you would have reacted like that. I didn't mean to upset you or anything. You're so predictable."
Pre-predictable?
It seemed she heard that a lot from people. Kyou often said it to her too. Maybe it really was true... I don't know if that is a good thing or bad. It was something to ponder about for later.
"Anyway." Arisa's face softened as she turned her head back to Tohru with a probing stare. Each word was spoken with honest determination. "I just mean that if something is ever wrong, you know where to go, right? If you need help or are really bothered with something, we're here, okay? Both of us."
A light touch over her hand drew Tohru's gaze to her lap, where Hana's fingers wrapped gently around her own. Looking back up at her friend, she received an earnest smile.
"Yes...we both just want you to be happy, Tohru-kun. You deserve to smile."
Unsure what to say, Tohru blinked under the amount of attention she was receiving. The words had caught her off guard. They're...worried about me? She thought in astonishment. Surprise fluttered across her face. Of all the people to worry over, Tohru needed it least of all.
The persistent words of her friends made sense now, except that she didn't know why they were acting so concerned over her. She couldn't understand the foundation for their worries. I don't...deserve that kind of attention. Had her fear for the well-being of her closest friend, mistakenly caused them to become troubled over her? The thought was upsetting. She didn't want to be the reason others fretted or worried.
Right now, the one who is really...in a difficult situation, that person... isn't me.
Tohru could not explain the situation to her friends. They were both always so full of good advice; she sometimes wished that she could confide in them. There were some secrets though, that even Tohru herself was not supposed to know. As much as she wanted to tell them everything, free the insecurities and pain she kept sealed shut, and cry to her hearts content, she couldn't. The risk was just too great. She wouldn't gamble anything when it came to Kyou. How could she possibly hope to help him if her memories were erased?
Uo-chan...Hana-chan, she silently requested. Please don't worry over me.
Warmth sprinkled across her cheeks, and Tohru smiled appreciatively, hoping to dispel any unnecessary concerns her friends might have. They were in Tokyo. The last thing they needed to be doing was worrying over her. Uo, had said it herself, right? It was supposed to be a nice break from school, a time to relax. She wouldn't allow them to waste it.
"Thank you." She truly meant it. Though it was not her self who needed those heartfelt words, it meant a lot to Tohru to know that her friends cared so much. Looking back and forth between the two girls, she knew that she had the two best friends in the world. "I really appreciate that you both take such good care of me. You two always go so far out of your way ... That's why...thank you so much!"
Squeezing Hana's hand in return gesture, Tohru flashed them both the brightest smile she could muster. I really love you both so much. Even with a depressed heart, the gratitude and love she felt for her friends never dimmed. She hoped they knew that she returned their sentiments. She would always be there for the two of them as well.
"Tohru..." The chocolate colored gaze of Arisa caught Tohru's eyes again, but before she could continue, Yumi arrived in the midst of their conversation.
"I hope the wait wasn't too long!" The waitress's brightly cheerful voice gently cut in. Each of their plates sat balanced on a wide tray. Without faltering, Yumi carefully began to set their plates before each of them. Tohru noticed that there were a couple extra plates placed before Hana. "Here we go...I think that should be it! Can I get you anything else?" Her eyes fluttered across their glasses. None of them had been touched.
"Um...I'm fine, thank you." Tohru assured her gratefully, while making it clear that she was not speaking for the others. Both of her friends quickly mirrored similar responses, and Yumi smiled cheerfully.
"Well then, I'll check up on you again soon! If you need anything, I'll be nearby! After all, it's my pleasure!" With a parting bow, the friendly waitress made her leave, and left the three of them to their food.
"That was pretty quick!" Tohru said, surprised that their time chattering together at the table had seemed to rush by without her notice. She hoped that with the interruption of their food, her friends might now be sidetracked from any concern or worry over her. More than willing to take advantage of the opportunity, she closed her eyes as she inhaled the scent of the takoyaki she had ordered. "It smells delicious. You were right Hana-chan, this seems like a great place to eat!" Clapping her hands together in appreciation, Tohru lowered her head in thanks.
"Itadakimasu!"
The blessing was quickly followed up by her friends and Tohru grabbed the chopsticks next to her for the meal. It wasn't that she hadn't been eating lately, rather, she had been without very much appetite. Now though her stomach was protesting her last week of skimpy meals. Maybe it was because they were out and about, but her body was demanding that she make up for a little bit of it now. Picking up the first piece, she relished the taste of the food in her mouth.
"Wow, Tohru, were you starved or what?" Eyes popping open, Tohru blushed at the comment. Maybe in her overzealous attempt to prove to her friends she was fine, she'd lost some of her manners. She really was hungry. Once the plate had been placed before her, it was as though her stomach had awakened completely. Trying to swallow the large bite she had taken gracefully, her free hand reached for the cup of water next to her.
"Perhaps she has not been eating enough at home..." Hana said in a soft voice that somehow always sounded concerned when in reference to Tohru. Wondering if the dempa really could read minds sometimes, the onigiri shook her head. Though maybe it's a little bit true...
"What? They're not keeping food from you, are they?" Shocked, the sudden question set Tohru sputtering. The food catching in the back of her throat, she choked on the bite she had attempted to swallow. Lightly pounding her chest, Tohru covered her mouth as she coughed in attempt to clear her air passage, only vaguely aware of the hands that had fallen atop of shoulders. Once she'd managed to achieve a breath of air, she shook her head frantically in denial to the accusation.
"Where did you come up with...? Th-that definitely isn't the case!" Inhaling deeply for air, she caught her breath, chest rising up and down quickly now that she was able to breathe again. Upset she passionately defended her friends. "Shigure-san, and the others, they'd never..! To think that-!" Ever since she had come to live with them, they had only ever shown her kindness. There was no way that they would ever do something like that! They were wonderful. She didn't want others to think something so horrible about them. "You have to believe me!"
"Whoa, Tohru, calm down. We're joking. Geez. Don't choke yourself," the blonde said, before giving into a laugh. "You always have such a strong reaction to everything."
Joking? Tohru thought tiredly, sinking back finally into her seat. It relieved her that her friends didn't think badly about the Sohmas. This happened a lot. Come to think about it, this wasn't the first time Uo had made a comment about getting reactions out of her. Glancing out the corner of her eye at Hana, she wondered if the dempa had been joking as well. For some reason, she seemed more serious now, than the former yankee.
"Anyway," Uo said, leaning back into her seat comfortably after taking a large bite of her own food. Now the group was finally beginning to dig into their meal. "How's orange top and the prince? They weren't jealous that they didn't get to go, were they?" An amused smirk on her friend's face, Arisa held her chopsticks conversationally off to the side as she spoke.
Neither of the boys had been invited to their current excursion. On their last trip, when their class had decided to visit Kyoto, Arisa had decided that the girls needed to go back, just the three of them together. When they had discovered that Tohru had never been to Tokyo however, their plans had quickly changed, which is why they were at their current location now.
"They didn't even look as though they wanted to come along." The blonde said with evident disappointment in her voice. She frowned in displeasure, unhappy apparently by the lack of protest the Sohma boys had given. Instead, the girls had been wished good luck, and told to enjoy their trip. It hadn't come as much of a surprise to Tohru, but Uo on the other hand…
"It was a real bummer."
An uncertain smile crossed Tohru's face. For some reason, her friends liked to make fun of the boys, especially Kyou. It almost felt like they treated it as a hobby. She was glad that both Yuki and Kyou were such good sports, though sometimes Kyou got a little angry…
Nervously scratching the side of her cheek with a finger, Tohru smiled uncertainly.
"Yes...well, Yuki-kun has been very busy with all the college prep tests. He's looked really tired of late. On top of all the studies he's had to keep up with, he still has student council work too." In between all of that, he some how still managed to find enough time to help Tohru through her own studies. It made her feel guilty to monopolize even a small amount of his time. She had taken to trying to do most the work on her own, without asking for his help, but he'd begun asking her personally himself after she stopped going to him. He had made sure to tell her that it wasn't a problem to help tutor her, and had ended her attempts at evasion. "I don't think he could find the time for a vacation right now, even if he wanted one."
"Then what about carrot top? He's in the same classes as us so he can't have any more work than the rest of us." A melancholic expression crossed her face. "I was looking forward to giving him a hard time."
"It would seem that Sohma Kyou has been rather preoccupied with his own thoughts of late." Looking at the food on her plate, Tohru fell silent, her chopsticks lowering. It wasn't just her, who had noticed their friend's decrease in resistance the past couple of weeks. Both Hana and Uo had too.
"Yeah, he hasn't been reacting to my usual prodding like normal. I wiped the floor with his ass last week in cards, and while I was celebrating my victory, he barely reacted." Confusion crossed her face. "It's almost like he hasn't even been trying of late. I don't know. It's just weird. It all just feels off."
The sudden appetite Tohru had gained was rapidly fading as the conversation veered into Kyou's recent atypical behavior. Unsure what to say, Tohru didn't voice her opinion right away, opting to remain quiet on the topic, until she could come up with an appropriate response and tame the rising emotions within her heart. It was because of the reasons listed by her friends, that Tohru's mind had been preoccupied all day. A ball of unease settled uncomfortably within her stomach.
"Kyou-kun...even though he might not always look like it, I...I'm sure that Kyou-kun has a lot of things on his mind right now too." So much so, that if it was Tohru, she'd already be sick with dread and fear. The very thought caused nausea to rock her. Bile rose within the back of her throat. She could not imagine the feelings Kyou had to be experiencing at this point in time, the panic and terror she would feel, because it was not a future she had ever needed to contemplate for herself.
If I was Kyou-kun, right now my mind would be in chaos… Somehow he acted so calm though, and didn't show any fear. Her hand clenched in her lap. It was the most frustrating thing of all. Why don't you want to fight? Why aren't you trying to do something? He'd always fought everything before now, hadn't he? Now, when it was most important to stand up and do something, it was as though he was simply going to give in and surrender, without even a trace of resistance. Kyou-kun…you idiot.
"Anyway, 1103 yen says he's been slacking off, and now that it's nearly graduation he's freaking out, because he hasn't figured out what to do with his life. That moron." Between the three girls, with the exception of Arisa however, Tohru knew that both Hana along with herself didn't have any definite decisions either. Uo was the most prepared out of their small group. She was fairly good at planning and keeping on top of things within school, as long as it didn't involve physical exercise. Living with her father had made her fairly independent from a young age.
"But," the former yankee continued in a tone of admission, taking another bite of her food, before speaking again. "Though he doesn't look like the type, he normally puts some form of effort into his work. He's always had some kind of strange values he's upheld, even despite that bad attitude of his."
"Yes...despite his natural unpleasant disposition, he is fairly industrious within school. It could be that he's been unusually focused. But lately it has been rather odd..." Tohru felt the dempa's gaze turn in her direction.
"Uh...has it?" Eyes dancing away, Tohru looked anywhere but into the probing gaze of Hana, her fingers itching to find something to do. It felt too much as though her friend was trying to read her mind, a feat Tohru knew to be impossible, but couldn't help but grow nervous over. Saki couldn't read thoughts, her abilities didn't work like that, but often enough she seemed able to guess close enough to what was bothering her. It could be a little nerve-wracking in a situation like this. Scooping up her glass, Tohru took a long drink of water. Don't…don't think about things too deeply. She tried to tell herself, glad for the minute distraction the cup offered. She couldn't look into the eyes of her friend.
"It's not just between our group that he's been acting strange either," Uo said, picking up where she last left off as though she'd never stopped to begin with. "I overheard some of the other boys in class. They said he doesn't even get riled up anymore, or if he does, he just mumbles something like 'forget it' and moves on."
"Most unusual..."
"D-do you think so?" Tohru kept her head buried in the glass, hiding behind the liquid in her hands. The back of her throat hurt, it was tight as she swallowed painfully.
"Not even the prince seems to faze him much any more. It makes you kind of wonder ifsomethingis up. "
"It is a little bit suspicious."
"Uhh..." Things were quickly spiraling out of Tohru's comfort levels. Sinking into her chair, she wished she could fade into the seat, or somehow shrink, struggling to clear the knot she felt she was choking on. She concentrated hard on the water level in her cup, trying to draw all her attention on it. A change of topic, they needed a change of topic, anything. She couldn't respond to these comments. If it kept up...
"Has anything happened at home at all, to make him act so weird?"
"Y-you think something is-" She began, barely finding her voice to try and manage the attempt at a light-hearted pitch.
"I am also curious," Hana interrupted in a smooth, even tone. "His wave patterns have felt strangely different of late. Not just the regular peculiar feeling I get from each of the Sohma in general. It is odd; I wonder...what could be causing him to feel so abnormal...?"
If it kept up, she was going to break.
With both pairs of eyes on her, Tohru was acutely aware as the warmth within her eyes began to trickle down her cheeks in an obvious act of betrayal. It felt as though there was an invisible spot-light, and it was shining directly onto her, the center of attention. Even the cup wasn't enough to hide behind now. Heart racing, she tried to breathe. S-say, something to- Her mind was failing her as her body acted on its own. Why was the room growing blurrier? Stop…stop flowing. Why weren't they listening? The tears…
"I, um…" Her voice cracked, her mind working rapidly. Were her friends always so observant? What was happening? They were just asking questions, no big deal. It was nothing Tohru didn't already know. Just that Kyou had already given up…he didn't care. She couldn't tell them that though. She couldn't tell them anything, and in less than a month he was going to be taken away. In less than a month Tohru would never see Kyou again. He'd be gone. It would be like he'd never existed. It felt as though the world was falling out from under her.
Stop…you…you can't do this here. She tried desperately to remind herself. Nothing was working. The warmth within her eyes wouldn't stop pooling. Floundering without a lifeline or anything to cling to, she did the only thing she could do under the pressure. "I…I need to use the restroom!"
She retreated.
"Oh wow!" Tohru said loudly, an automatic grin flashing across her face in all her exuberance. "This water's so good, I didn't even realize. We've been in here for a while now, huh? Ahaha." Pushing up quickly from her seat, Tohru grabbed her purse, setting her cup down as she swiftly rose to her feet. Before either girl next to her could react, she waved her free hand airily, signaling for her two friends to remain seated, while pushing in the chair she'd just rose from with her leg. Unlike the usual light tone within Tohru's voice, it was abnormally high and squeaky as she rushed to speak, not giving anyone a chance for interruption.
"I'll be right back, so you don't have to come with me or anything, just enjoy your food. Mine was really good; I can't believe I'm already full! Just goes to show how good food always seems to quickly fill you up! But anyway, don't worry about me, just stay here. I'll be really quick, so please excuse me!"
Escape in mind, Tohru hardly noticed the two astonished faces of her friends as she spun around and made her hasty retreat, making a beeline for the restroom as quickly as was possible. It wasn't until she got to the door, and had it halfway open, and a gentleman stepped out, that she even realized she had headed into the completely wrong direction. Horror spread through her face. Cheeks bright red, Tohru apologized several times, bowing her self backwards, before spinning back around on her toes.
"Ahahaha! Of course!" She squeaked, flustered as she walked past both Hana and Uo for a second time, her back straight as she pointed ahead of her embarrassedly, indicating the correct direction. "It's this way. Oops!" Too anxious to get out of there quickly, she nearly tripped on her feet the second time around, just barely catching her balance. Heading straight, she didn't look back, internally begging for safe cover. Once safe and sound inside the girl's restroom, she fell back against the door, with a mixture of exhaustion and relief.
What…what am I doing? Hands rising to her face, she felt the hot tears that sting her eyes, touching them in shock and upset to realize they'd just sprung to life on their own. Through the fuzziness within her head she heard a person uncomfortably clear their throat, and she looked up through her blurry vision to see a woman across the room, frozen in front of one of the three sinks before the mirror.
Of course she hadn't been alone.
"I…I have something in my eye." Tohru said miserably, before pulling herself up off the floor. Dragging herself into one of the stalls, she shut the flimsy door and locked it, before tearing off a large chunk of toilet paper. Blowing her nose, she tried to control her emotions, but the tears refused to stop their flow.
Kyou-kun, you idiot. Wiping at her tear-stained face with a new round of paper, she tried to focus on breathing, hoping that if she could master one body function, the rest would return to her. The center of her chest hurt, as though she'd overworked herself, and her body ached all over. It was a terrible day.
"H-How am I s-s-supposed to…to f…face Hana-chan and U…Uo-chan now?" With her body's betrayal, she had effectively ruined their trip, while undoubtedly turning things awkward between the three of them. She was just glad that they had allowed her this moment alone, and hadn't followed her inside. She was horrified and upset beyond belief, and unable to even explain the final trigger to her emotional explosion.
Unable to see through the tears blocking her vision, Tohru sniffled as she wiped her eyes, body shaking as she tried to control the sobs. The conversation had gotten to be too much for her. She knew more than anyone that Kyou was acting strangely, and the reason behind it. She couldn't remain calm, when she knew very well that Kyou had already given up.
Fight! You have to! What was he waiting for? She didn't understand. No person could ever be satisfied with a fate as horrible as that. She couldn't do it alone. No matter how hard she tried, nothing was changing because of her efforts. He was just going to disappear. How could he just do that? Her teeth clenched.
Don't...don't you want to be able to stay together? Hadn't Kyou once told that to her too? What was wrong with him? She was failing. Right now she was failing, and she couldn't see a path of direction. She'd been wandering around lost without a map the entire time. I don't know what to do!
Tears streaming down her face, Tohru tried to focus on the things she knew she needed to do in this moment. She used all her will power to fight off the temptation to simply give into her tears, and cry the rest of the day within the girl's restroom. Sooner or later, Hana and Uo would come looking for her if she stayed in there too long. When she faced them again, she needed it to be when she was at least coherent. They would both want to know what was wrong, but she couldn't tell them the truth, so she needed to try and come up with something that would satisfy them enough to leave the subject alone. Closing her eyes, Tohru took several calming breaths.
I have a headache.
Taking one last breath, Tohru rested her hand on the lock to the stall, using her opposite hand to try and clear the liquid from beneath her eyes. It was hard to think when her body was pounding because of the outburst of emotion she had accidentally let escape. The restroom was incredibly stuffy. If I step outside a moment for a bit of fresh air, I should still have a little bit of time. Both Hana and Uo would give her a couple more minutes to compose herself, before they went in search for her. I'll be able to think better out there.
Cautiously leaving the inside of the girl's restroom, Tohru peeked around the hall corner in both Hana and Uo's direction, not wanting her friends to see her exit the building. It was lucky for her that the wash room was so close to the exit. She would only be a minute. Safely free from the building, she leaned against the outside of the wall.
I'm pretty much a wreck. Staring up at the darkening clouds within the sky, she wondered how she was going to manage to hold herself together long enough to succeed in her mission, if she couldn't compose herself over mere discussion. The weather seemed to want to mirror her mood. It was just like hers, bleak and grim at the moment. At least the breeze felt good.
I don't suppose Hana-chan or Uo-chan would believe I had gotten something in my eye. Her sudden reaction was going to require a bit of explaining. She wasn't sure how though. It was too bad for the poor woman who had been in the restroom before Tohru. It must have been an uncomfortable position, and she hoped she had startled the girl too much.
Why is it I can't be as strong as you?
Without giving it any thought, Tohru unbuttoned a latch on her purse, her hand moving inside of it to retrieve her wallet. Opening it up, she stared at the picture that shone at her in greeting.
You would have known what to do, Mom.
Melancholic, Tohru wished there was someone she could ask for advice. It was hard, when she felt so alone. There was no one there to help her accomplish the goal she had set out to do. I'm trying. I'm not going to give up. She hoped that if her mother was watching over her, that she was helping cheer her on. With another calming breath, she looked back down at the picture, and frowned at what she noticed.
Ah...I didn't realize I had accidentally creased this before. Within the upper right corner of the picture, she noticed the side folded in, as though it had bent incorrectly when she had first put it within the wallet. It made her sad. She was always careful with all of the cherished pictures of her mother. They were all she had left.
Gently reaching inside, Tohru pulled out the old photo, delicately smoothing out the bent corner inside. She wished that she had noticed it earlier; maybe she could have caught it before it would have left a permanent crease. I'm sorry mom. Today wasn't turning out to be her day.
All right, there's no more avoiding it. She couldn't stay outside forever. Though I still don't know what to say… Right about now her friends were probably wondering if she was ever going to come out of the restroom. With her sense of direction today, it wouldn't be far-fetched for them to think she had become lost in the small space. Both were undoubtedly worried. "I'm such an idiot…" This time, she needed to keep unnecessary things, like tears, to herself. Just stay calm.
Taking a deep breath, she thought she was as prepared as she could get. Let's go, Mom. Lightly handling the picture, to prevent any new creases from appearing, Tohru was taken by surprise as a fresh gust of wind blew past her. The current was stronger than she expected, the worsening weather picking up. The suddenness of the powerful draft tugged the small picture within her hand, and it caught the paper at just the right angle. Slipping out of her grasp, Tohru let out a horrified gasp of shock as the treasured memory lifted up out of her hand, and into the gusty air. Automatically reacting, she made a mad jump for it, but it was wasted effort. The picture was already outside of her reach.
Panic setting in, Tohru was speechless a moment, as the realization of what had just happened sunk in. N-no! How could it be? Eyes wide, she could hardly believe the miserable luck she had. "M-mom!" Taking immediate pursuit, she ran after the photo, her gaze locked on it as she watched it drift up higher and higher on the breeze. There was no way she could allow herself to lose her mother's picture like that! "No wait! Come back-!"
Kaze-san…! Kaze-san! Please stop, you have to give mom back! Nearly bumping into someone, Tohru shouted a harried apology as she maneuvered the Tokyo crowds. There wasn't any time to stop and give a formal apology, as much as she regretted it. If she waited even a second, she could lose sight of the picture. As it was, the photo was already getting farther and farther away. It seemed to twist and bend with the streets. "Kaze-san!" she shouted breathlessly. Was it natural for the wind to keep on this long? It felt as though fate was mocking her, on a day that she already felt down and out. At this rate, I'm going to—
Grinding to a halt, Tohru stopped just in time before the first of many cars rolled passed the spot that she had been about to step. Heart pounding, she swallowed the alarm that suddenly choked her. A half a step forward and she would have…
She couldn't even finish the thought.
Adrenaline pounding through her, Tohru felt tears of frustration well up within her eyes. But mom… Her hands clenched into fists at her sides. Everything…no matter what she did, it felt like it always ended up like this. Failure. Discouraged she felt hallow and sick. Something so small…and I couldn't even do it. All the things most important to her in her life, was she just meant to lose them? She trembled under the weight of holding in her sobs, not even aware of the people stopping to stare at her.
"I…I just want to protect him!"
A single tear rolled down her cheek, falling to the ground below. Tohru opened her blurry eyes to stare down at it vacantly, when a tingling sensation crawled over her skin. Confused by the strange feeling, she looked up and immediately caught movement out of the corner of her eye. The color red rose above her, in the delicate fluttering of two beautiful long wings.
A butterfly? It was too early in the year, for something as fragile as a butterfly to come out, when they still experienced several chilly days. It had to be the very first one of the spring. It fluttered about her a moment, before lifting up further into the air, catching the breeze and rising over the streets in a lackadaisical pattern. Her gaze followed its path, when her eyes caught sight of something else in the sky.
It…it couldn't be-!
Floating in the air, not far beyond the road, the picture of her mother still glided on the wind. It should have been long gone by now! The wind had been so strong… Traffic had stopped, which meant that she could cross the road too. It was the pedestrians turn to go. I can still catch it! She thought amazed.She could barely believe it was still there. The wind could act so strange sometimes. Racing across the street, Tohru took pursuit for the second time.
It wasn't so easily caught however.
T-this is…ti-tiring, Tohru thought in exhaustion, after following the picture for several more blocks. Feet beginning to drag her lungs struggled for air after the fast pace she had been running. It felt like she was about to fall over any second, and she was dizzy. K-Kaze-san!" she thought unsteadily. She'd never been very good at running to begin with. This was the hardest she had tried to run in a really long time. I…I wont…give up…
Off of the main road, about three buildings down, Tohru watched as the picture finally came to a stop, falling onto the less busy road. There was no traffic, only a couple of people scattered the street. Throwing the last of her energy into one last sprint, Tohru collapsed over the photo when her hand finally grasped it once again.
BREATHE. Bent over on the ground, Tohru gasped for air, her chest rising and falling roughly after the mad dash for the photo. Her heart was pounding so hard that she could physically feel it. Each breath stung as she gulped the cool air down into her lungs. H-How do Kyo-Kyou-kun and Yuki-kun…how…are they able to…run even more than this? Tohru's race against the wind hadn't even been half the speed that the boys were capable of and they were able to carry on much longer. She thought it was incredible. Any further, and Tohru thought that she would have surely collapsed from straining herself too far. She practically already was.
After numerous lectures from Kyou following the mile run within school, Tohru knew that it was smartest to get up, and slowly walk around. It was unsafe to immediately stop running, after setting such a hard pace. She was overly prone to becoming dizzy too. Holding one of her arms out to balance herself, she slowly moved to stand up—and felt surprise when her hand made contact with something solid.
Huh?
Looking to her side, Tohru stared at the spot her hand had landed, and blinked several times. Confusion was riddled across her face into a look of perplexity. Her mind spun. Was…was this here a minute ago? Head tilting back, she gazed up at the tall wooden fence that she was now using as a support. Just a moment before, she would have sworn that there had been nothing next to her. There had been a large space, between two tall buildings. How could I have not realized…? She had to be tired. She wasn't always the most focused individual, but it wasn't as though the fence had just suddenly appeared.
She sighed. "This is what happens from lack of sleep." She'd berated herself all the night longwhen she had been unable to turn off her mind before her trip today. Sometimes, she just couldn't stop her thoughts.
Pulling back from the dark fence, Tohru took a step away to see what lie beyond it. She saw the peek of an oddly shaped roof, but couldn't see anymore, due to her small height. Glancing behind her, she noticed the opening and back tracked a couple of steps. Her head slanted to the side as she noticed the two tall side posts. Both were tipped with crescent moons. It's strange that I vaguely remember passing these, but that's all… Maybe because they were so unique in shape, they had stood out to her more. Turning her gaze to the building however, Tohru didn't know how she could ever miss such a place.
Unlike any sort of house she had seen before, Tohru was amazed by its striking design, and wondered what kind of a place it could be. It's so small compared to the buildings around it. A beautiful cobble stoned walkway led to a pair of interestingly carved doors. She lightly touched one of the posts to peek around at the pretty sakura trees that were already within bloom in the yard.
It was then, that it happened.
"What…?" Taking a step forward, Tohru looked down at her legs in shock. Without even telling them to, they had just – "W-wait a minute!" What was happening? She could feel her legs automatically pulling her forward compulsively, her body refusing to obey her commands. She struggled to turn backwards, but it was like a puppet on a string, she could only move in the direction she was being told to. Alarmed, she began to panic as she fought against her feet.
"Wait…please stop! What are you doing? You can't just go walking onto people's property, it's not right!! Iiiiiiiii! Don't-! I-I Can't go in there! Stop!" What in the world was going on? Somehow her body had taken on a mind of its own, and she couldn't control it! This wasn't because she had overworked herself running after the picture, was it? This wasn't normal!
"I-I wont ever run that fast again!" Tohru pleaded, trying to bargain with her legs, as they took her up the stone path and toward the strange doors. This was impossible, except that it was actually happening. Oh my gosh, I'm having a s-scissor, or a seizure! A normal person wasn't perfectly conscious during one of those though, were they? "I'll go on regular walks, o-or anything! I said wait! Please! Stop!" She shouted flustered. But none of her protests worked, no matter how much Tohru fought, and with her hand landing forcefully upon the door, she entered into the mystifying house.
OOoOoOoOo
Author's Note
Oh my goodness, it's be a LONG time since my last update. I told you I was bad at those. One of my many talents is procrastination, much to my own dismay. I'm slow when it comes to fan fiction. I start so many different stories, and then decide to work on a different story halfway through it. I wonder if this could be the so called Gemini nature.
Just to make sure everyone is clear on some of the terms used in this particular chapter, I'll list a couple of the Japanese words I used, that readers might not be sure on. I can't help it. My major's Japanese, and I think the particular words I use fit Tohru perfectly. They are Japanese after all.
Ano Um...
Hai Yes; okay
Irasshaimasen Welcome! So in this instance, "Welcome to our restaurant"
Itadakimasu Thank you for this meal; let's dig in (said before eating)
Kaze-san Kaze actually means 'wind', so what Tohru is actually yelling is "Mr. Wind! Mr. Wind!" Or "Wind-san".
Oh, and did anyone catch the little Clamp extras I threw in there?
That's all from me for now. I'll see you next time!
Chapter three will be from a different character's point of view!
Disclaimer
I do not own Fruits Basket, xxxHolic or any of the characters affiliated within the anime or manga. The geniuses to those rights are Natsuki Takaya and Clamp, both wonderful and amazing storytellers. May they keep writing for many years to come.
Kittendreamz