Rebecca Ronan never went to sleep that night. It was eight o'clock in the evening when she decided to retreat to bed, but not once did she find her slumber. It was definitely not the first time, and it certainly wouldn't be the last time. She never learned, either. Every night, she would tell herself that maybe, just maybe, get some sleep for once. But oh, no. Becca ended up lying in bed for hours with her eyes fixed blankly on the ceiling fan as she let her inner demons run wild. She felt completely alone in that cold, empty bed. Actually, she really did live alone, but the emptiness went far deeper. Something should be there in that bed, something that was missing… something that, unfortunately, she'd never find again. At least, not in the same way. But despite the constant eating away at her own mind, Becca did nothing about it, because in reality, there was nothing she could do to fix it. So, she just lied there, frozen in place, not really thinking, but at the same time, her thoughts ran absolutely wild with no order or control. She let the demons run crazy in her head until dawn began to lighten the room. That was when she finally got back up again, pulling herself out of bed and heading into the kitchen.

She went right for the coffee maker. Coffee had been the only thing keeping her going. Not once did she go for the pantry, not once did she head to the fridge. All she did was sit and drink her coffee, not paying attention to anything else except the world going by outside her kitchen window.

Becca had been in this apartment for almost a year, now. It had been the toughest year she had to face. A lot of the time, she wasn't even there. She had other things to worry about. Sometimes, she wondered how she'd made it that far all by herself. Whatever the case, she had made it, but she wasn't really doing much. She was just… there, trying to find her footing again and move forward. The first thing that came to mind when dealing with finding a way to move forward was the idea of finding a job. See, Becca was a doctor, specifically an OBGYN, but the thought of getting a job in the medical field made her skin crawl, considering recent events in her life. But what else could she do? She had no idea.

In the meantime, Becca sipped away at her coffee mindlessly, hoping to get something from the caffeine sooner rather than later. Her mind wandered, though it didn't really go anywhere. Her expression became blank, and the only thing on her mind had been the coffee, just like it had been every morning. Or, at least that's what she tried to focus on most of the time. It was the only thing she ever drank. That and water.

In the past year, she'd grown incredibly thin. Being a doctor, she naturally used to have the occasional dark circles under her eyes. But now, there were circles that had formed below her eyes and never went away. Her blue eyes, once known to her friends to be lively and bright, were now more dull, and forever pained. Her skin looked dull, colorless, and as if it were sucked to her bones just enough to be noticed. She was naturally fair skinned, with no ability to tan, but she had a healthy rosy undertone to her skin. Now, it just looked like there was no life in her at all. And to her, she honestly didn't think there was, either.

The phone rang. The noise was sudden and it pulled the woman from her thoughts immediately. Though, she didn't move. She just let it ring until it went to voicemail. The apartment she lived in still had a landline, and it was one of those phones that has the voicemail on a speaker so she could hear it. She didn't have to look at the caller ID to know who was calling.

"Becca?" a woman's voice rang out. "Becca, honey, it's me. I'm just calling to check on you. Your father and I are worried about you. Just… please call us soon, okay?" Then, the voicemail ended.

Becca sighed as her mother, Colleen, finished the call and had hung up. She called all the time. Becca hardly ever answered.

Colleen had been visiting six months ago, and it was during that time that her worries for her daughter skyrocketed. The fact that she hardly ever answered or returned the calls terrified her now. Her daughter's health was a constantly growing concern. However, Colleen and her husband, Kevin, lived in North Carolina, on the opposite coast from Becca in San Fran. Visiting was very rare, so it was yet another reason for the Ronan's to be concerned.

But this time, the phone rang again. It was Colleen again. Becca just knew it. Becca was one of the most stubborn people ever, and she got that from her mother without a doubt. Knowing this made her realize that Colleen would not stop calling until she got an answer. Letting out a sigh, Becca rose from her chair and sauntered over to the phone and picked it up, answering for the first time in months.

"Hello?" she spoke, and the sound of her hoarse voice surprised her. Did she really sound that bad? Gross.

"Oh, Becca, thank god," Colleen let out a sigh of relief. "I was starting to get worried."

"I just woke up, Mom," she lied. "Sorry."

There was a little pause on the other end. Becca knew it was because her mother was shaking her head. "Bex, you and I both know you don't sleep until the morning like this."

Dammit. Her mother knew her almost too well. "I'm fine, Mom. Is everything okay with you?"

"Well, this morning I had a weird feeling that you weren't okay," she stated. Gotta love mother's intuition. "Did you sleep at all?"

"No." It took Becca a while to answer that question. "But I'm used to it."

"Don't you think you should go see Dr. Oliver again?"

Dr. Loraine Oliver was Becca's therapist, had been for the last year. Becca had been doing everything in her power to avoid that woman. "No, Mom, I don't. It's fine. I'm fine."

"Well, Becca, the last time you told us that, you really weren't…"

The thirty-two-year-old tensed up at those words. Her mother was absolutely right. The memory flooded back to her in an instant. Her mother had been visiting that fateful day, six months ago now. Her mother was the one that found her. She was silent for a moment as she remembered, but then she shook it off. "I mean it this time," Becca said, clearing her throat. "I'm getting back on my feet. I'm in the middle of looking for a job." As she was speaking, she made her way over to find the newspaper she'd brought in the previous day, and she opened to the job listings to see if there was anything available. She also did it so her mother could hear the paper turning so that she knew that Becca wasn't lying.

"Any luck?" Colleen asked.

"So far, no," Becca replied with a sigh. "I'm avoiding medical care. One, because I'm still not ready, and two, because I'm still not allowed to go back to medical care yet. Dr. Oliver has to clear me."

"Well, you have experience in other fields. What is available?"

Becca's blue eyes scanned the newsprint. So far, she found nothing. Nothing until some bold lettering caught her attention. Employees Needed For Pym Tech. She'd heard of what had happened involving the company, knowing that it completely disappeared during some massive incident, and that they were rebuilding. "Well, there are some positions open for the new Pym Tech."

"Is that the place that disappeared a few weeks back?"

"Yep, that would be the place. I mean, I'm no scientist, but I can see if they need receptionists or something. But I don't know…"
"Well, Becca, why not? It wouldn't be permanent. It's just something to help you get back on your feet. Honey, you need this. It'll keep you out of the empty house and it'll keep your brain occupied. I worry when you spend so much time alone… especially after what happened…"

Becca felt heat forming behind her eyes as the words "what happened" reached her and caused her to recall what had happened. Everything was still so clear to her. The sounds, the smells, the pain… remembering all of this made the tears begin to prick within her blue orbs. Her fists clenched, turning her knuckles white, and her breathing quickened with her pulse.

Colleen knew something was wrong, because Becca had begun to hyperventilate. She knew what this was turning into. "Becca, honey, listen to me," she tried to get the woman in Cali to focus. "Come on, honey focus on my voice, okay?"

Becca tried to ignore everything in her mind, and her mother's voice went unheard. She was fighting with nearly everything she had. But Colleen remained calm and continued to tell her daughter to keep her attention on the phone call. Out of frustration, Becca let out a huff, giving up the fight and hanging her head. Her mother heard the whimpering that had begun. That was when the tears began to fall, landing on the wooden surface of the table. Becca cried softly for several minutes, while Colleen listened sadly. She wished there was something that could be done, that she could be there all the time for her during this sad time in her life. But Becca was on the west coast, and her mother was on the east, so traveling was hard. As she continued to sob, a few words managed to slip past Becca's lips quietly. However, as quiet as they were, they were loud enough for Colleen to hear.

"I miss him, Mom," her shaky voice weakly spoke.

It didn't take a genius to know whom Becca was talking about. Colleen sighed deeply. In fact, she knew all too well whom Becca was talking about. "I know," she whispered as memories flowed back to her. "I know you miss him." There was no doubt that Becca was still wearing the beautiful ring that was a reminder of what once was. Colleen saw it all the time whenever she was with her daughter. Her intuition was correct, because at that very moment, Becca's gaze had dropped to her hand, where even in the dim light of the kitchen, the diamond sparkled at any angle. That ring was beautiful, and Becca didn't have the heart to take it off, ever.

After a few minutes, Becca had calmed down, wiping the remaining tears from her face, even though no one was there to see them. "I'm sorry," she breathed into the phone.

"Don't be," Colleen murmured back. "You know I'm here for you, even though I'm on the other side of the country."

"Thanks," Becca managed to smile through the evident sadness in her pale face. Again, no one else could see that it was there.

"I know you're trying to overcome. What matters is that you're still here, and you're still fighting."

"Yeah…" the other woman's voice trailed off.

A silence came between them before Colleen spoke again. "You should get some rest, honey," she advised.

"You and I both know I can't sleep in this house," Becca sighed.

"Well, then get out of the house. Take a walk. Get some fresh air. It'll do you a whole lot of good."

For the first time in a while, Becca actually contemplated doing that. It had been a while since she'd been out and about in San Fran. In fact, since she moved back from New York, she hadn't done that at all. "I'll try," she told Colleen.

The woman on the other end was happy to hear this. "Good," she sounded relieved. "I'm glad to hear it. Now, I gotta go back out to the barn. Don't be a stranger, okay?"

"Okay, Mom," Becca responded. "I love you."

"Love you, too, honey," the smile could be heard in Colleen's voice, just before the call ended.

When she had hung up, Becca sighed and stood to put the phone back on the hook before she went to put her mug in the sink. She took a moment to think to herself while standing there before she turned for the bedroom and disappeared. She went right into her bathroom and turned on the hot water. While waiting for it to get hot, she rid herself of her baggy t-shirt and flannel shorts, exposing her bare body, which she thought looked vandalized. She was covered in scars, old and new. Some were from childhood, some from her teen years… and then there were others that were much more recent. Some of the recent ones were more linear, and they were all over her shoulder and back. There were three other recent ones on her front, which were smaller and rounder. Two were off to the side of her stomach, and a third was situated by her collarbone. The longer she gazed at these, the more pain they brought. But there was one that agonized her most, and that was the horizontal scar on her lower stomach, running all the way across. The horizontal scar had a friend that was another reminder of previous pains. That was the tattoo on her left hip. It was a small one, composed of two sets of pretty initials, AC and RC, with a heart between them and little wings in the background. This tattoo was recent, within the last few months or so, but it was a memory that she'd keep forever. As painful as the memory was, she wished to keep it.

She noticed that the mirror was starting to get foggy, and she turned away from her reflection to step into the shower and let the hot water warm her body. Hot showers or baths were one of the only things that made her feel relaxed these days. After washing her body and hair and standing still in the shower for a while, she stepped out and put on a towel and robe. She then walked to the vanity in her bathroom to put on makeup for the first time in months. Today, Becca was getting out of the house.

Becca found herself sitting in a quaint café, at one of the outdoor tables so she could take in the warm California summer air. It was nice, being outside for once. Becca really didn't go outside much, and it was for more reasons than one. First off, she was very fair. Thanks to the Irish heritage in her family, she inherited the pale skin and freckles, and she had no ability to tan whatsoever. Too long in the sun and she'd be the color of a lobster. So, being in the sun wasn't exactly something she liked to do very often. Not to mention the fact that she hadn't had the strength to get out often either. But being outside, out of that too-empty house, at that café with a cool breeze gently pulling its fingers through her hair was refreshing.

She'd cleaned herself up before she got to the café, too. She was wearing one of her nicer sweaters with a pair of skinny jeans, her hair kept down in their natural state of bronze waves. She scanned the menu she had in her hands, not exactly sure what to get, considering the fact that all her diet had been over the past few weeks or months had been coffee. In fact, she ended up ordering just a cup of coffee. As she sipped slowly, her fingers mindlessly twisted the ring around her finger, a habit she'd acquired not too long ago. She glanced at it a few times, sighing deeply as she thought about it and how she got it. She sat there for a while, staring at it, and not paying attention to her surroundings. Her mind began to wander to a time when things were once different for her...

"Excuse me, ma'am, but I don't believe we've met."

Becca was sipping from a half-empty glass of red wine when the new voice came to her ears. Curiously, she glanced up, and standing there before her was a young man. She'd only glanced at the man earlier from across the bar, but never once had she spoken to him. Now that he was up close, she immediately realized that he was pretty attractive. He was tall, roughly six feet and two inches, maybe even more, and he was decently built. Becca could see how muscular his arms were, and by the looks of his broad shoulders and thin, yet stocky appearance, she knew he was very fit. His hazel eyes were fixed on her, and he held a friendly smile on his face. Becca was so taken aback that she had no idea what to say for a while. Luckily, she was known to be smooth with her words, and she managed to speak before it got too awkward.

"I believe you would be correct," she smirked.

The man's smile widened as he outstretched his hand toward her. "In that case, allow me to make your acquaintance. The name's Josh. Josh Collins."

Becca was amused and moved by his politeness. She couldn't tell if he was joking or not. "Well, I'm pleased to meet you, Josh," she shook his hand firmly. Josh kept his grin. It was really hard to tell whether or not he was being serious. Becca was suspicious that someone sent him to prank her. But his face showed no signs of betrayal. Either he was being sincere, or he, like Becca, was really skilled in the art of deception.

"What's your name?" Josh asked.

"Becca," the woman grinned. "Becca Ronan."

"Becca," Josh tested the name on his tongue. "Very pretty. I like it. It suits you."

Becca found herself blushing in response, which was a first for her. Even if he really was acting all of this out, it was flattering to hear a compliment like that. But deep down, something didn't feel right. She made a promise to herself a long time ago that she would harden her heart to love. She's so far kept that promise, and she planned to keep it that way for a long time. Sure, she was flattered by the kind words, but she knew flirting when she saw it. He wouldn't get to her that easy, that's for sure…

Rebecca let out a long sigh as she thought of the past. She knew she shouldn't, but it was hard to put it behind her, especially since it was gripping her with talons and never seeming to let go. And with that ring on as a constant reminder, it made it worse. Part of her was aware that taking it off would be best, but she didn't have it in her heart to do so. She couldn't remove that last memory of someone that had owned her heart. She wasn't ready to move on just yet.