Deadpool slowly opened his eyes disoriented at first, but then found himself in a compromising position. He was hunt upside down with chains wrapped aroud his whole body. His mask was taken off revealing his hideously scarred face. He was still in pain in his chest with the sword stabbed right through it. He could feel the dying sensation as the black markings from his wound kept trying to surround him, but just as quickly disappeared. Deadpool turned his head seeing every assassin he met the other night alon with one more face: a woman with gray hair, an eyepatch, and a mechanical arm. She was sitting in a chair near the center of a wall.
"Whoa!" Deadpool shouted. "Coathanger! Coathanger!"
"What?" the pink-haired girl asked. "What are you talking about, ugly?"
"It's my safeword." Deadpool said. "What, you guys don't have those here? I'd imagine the Blonde Panther over there doesn't, but…"
"How?" Akame asked.
"Huh?" Deadpool returned.
"How are you surviving my sword?" Akame asked. "It's an Imperial Arms. There's no way you can survive it."
"Don't know what that means," Deadpool said, "But you might want to get this thing out of me before I start to really scream. And believe me, you don't want to hear me scream."
"Akame," the robot-arm woman said, "Take your sword out."
"Okay, boss." Akame said. She gripped the handle of her sword and violently pulled it out.
"SWEET PURPLE ON A THANOS, THAT STUNG!" Deadpool shouted.
"Perhaps we need to reestablish ourselves." The woman in the chair said. "Deadpool, was it? My name is Najenda. I am the leader of Night Raid. The girl who tried to kill you is Akame and the 'Blonde Panther', as you called her is Leone. The big guy is Bulat, the creep with the jacket is Lubbock, the one with the glasses is Sheele, and the girl with the pink hair is Mine."
"And her name is…" Deadpool said.
"What?" Najenda asked.
"You said the girl with the pink hair is yours. But what's her name?"
"Hey, you bozo!" the pink-haired girl said. "She's saying my name. It's Mine!"
"I know your name is yours. But what is it?"
"Mine!"
"I KNOW IT'S YOURS!"
"Do you really not understand her name?" Leone asked.
"No, I just wanted to see how long she can keep it up." Deadpool said. Mine growled and pulled out a big sniper gun. She fired a shot that went straight through Deadpool's chest, but the Merc With the Mouth didn't even flinch. "No BB guns, kid. You'll shoot your eye out. Oh, sorry, One-Eyed Willie. Was that offensive?"
"You know what, could someone get him down?" Najenda asked. "I can't take him seriously if he's dangling upside down."
"Are you sure, ma'am?" the Lubbock asked. "He seems a little unstable."
"Okay, I'll just do it myself." Deadpool said as his chains fell to pieces and he fell to the ground. When he got up, he was free as a bird.
"What the…" Najenda asked. "How did you…"
"Ancient Chinese secret." Deadpool said. "So, what do you want to know?"
"You said something about… death the other night?" Bulat asked. "Mind explaining?"
"No problem." Deadpool said. "Mistress Death, the ruler of all things dead, the living embodiment of all things beyond the grave… is this super-hot skeleton babe with a sweet emo robe. And get this, she digs me."
"What?" Sheele asked.
"I'll start at the beginning. I used to be an ordinary merc. I was hired to do some bad things for a bit of cash. However, when I was diagnosed with a lot of cancer, I thought my killing days were done. But then, I was brought to this military place called Weapon X. They gave me mutant powers to help me survive my cancer, but it kinda left me with some insane scarring. Since then, I've been doing some more extreme contracts. Follow me so far?"
"Sorry," Lubbock said, "But you kinda lost me at… the skeleton babe part."
"I'll pound you for that later." Leone said.
"None of this explains how you were able to survive Akame's sword." Najenda said. "Even though your powers got rid of your sickness, you shouldn't have survived that."
"My powers didn't get rid of the cancer, sweetie." Deadpool said. "My powers help me tolerate it. You see, my powers come with a super-advanced healing factor that makes Wolverine go 'I wish I had Deadpool's healing factor, bub'. You can stab me, cut off my head, or even melt me, but I still get back up. So even a poisoned sword won't kill me. That's what made me scare the pants off of Li'l Miss Slice-'N-Dice."
"You did not." Akame argued.
"Did too and you know it." Deadpool returned with a childish tone. "The experiments may have also driven me a bit nuts."
"So back to your story." Najenda said. "What's this about Death?"
"Well, like I said, we have a special relationship, but because of my advanced healing, I can't die, so I can't be with her. We do chat every once in a while when I'm reeeeeaaaaally close to dying, but that's it. On my last near-death experience, we had a particularly interesting conversation. She wanted me to come here to this world."
"This world?" Najenda asked. "Go on."
"Well, as the living embodiment of death, my girl keeps track of all things that die in all the worlds. She has this little balance thing, and this world has a great imbalance of life and death. More people are dying at once than she's confortable with. It's been inconvienencing Death, so she wants me to take care of it by getting it by its source."
"The capital." Najenda said. "I see. So Death sent you here to put and end to the empire's tyranny."
"Actually, she didn't send me here." Deadpool said. "She can't do that. I found a different way. You see, in my world, we have a few little trinkets called the Infinity Stones, six gems of unimaginable power. I've hunted them down in a sequence that could be a great montage. I used them to open a portal and—bibbitti-bobbitti-boo—I am here."
"And these Infinity Stones?" Najenda asked.
"Oh, I left those behind." Deadpool said. "Thought they'd start more problems than they'd solve if I brought them with me. But before I did, I used them to make a slight change on me. I turned myself from an adult to a teenager."
"Why?" Bulat asked.
"Plot convenience. Honestly, I think Epiclot214's apparently too lazy to come up with a good excuse." Hey!
"Well, this has certainly been… informative." Najenda said. "So, you're here to help the resistance?"
"Resistance?" Deadpool asked. "I thought you were just an assassin's guild after those uppercrust toolbags."
"Night Raid is a front for the resistance force against the Prime Minister's tyrannical rule. He's corrupted the young prince's mind to do whatever he wants. And so, those who want it to end have formed a small band of rebels that grew into a resistance army all over the empire. Night Raid handles assassinations and gathering information. And with someone as hard to kill as you, you'd be a great asset."
Deadpool chuckled. "You said 'great'."
"So, Wade Wilson," Najenda continued offering her metal hand out, "Will you fight for Night Raid?"
"Just so you know," Lubbock said, "This won't have consequences."
"Each of us is expecting death for what we do." Bulat added.
"More than likely, most of us are gonna die before the empire falls." Sheele said.
"Hey, if you put me at the front lines, that'll better your chances." Deadpool said before turning back to the metal-armed boss. "Okay, Skywalker, you've got a deal."
"Excellent." Najenda said shaking his hand. "Welcome to Night Raid. Akame, you're in charge of showing him the ropes. And please stop trying to kill him."
"…Okay."
"Wow, you must have gotten to her." Leone said. "Never seen her hesitate from an order."
"Girls always hesitate, but they always end up impaling me, if you know what I mean." Deadpool said. He grabbed his red-and-black mask and put it back on. "Okay, where do I start making the chimi-flippin'-changas?"
In the middle of the capital, the Emperor's palace stood proud and tall. And at the center, the throne room glistened like a beacon in the night. However, it was not a happy time for a wrongly-convicted citizen was on his knees begging for mercy from the young ruler and his prime minister.
"Please!" the citizen shouted in tears. "I'm innocent! It's the Prime Minister! He set me up!"
"Now, young emperor." Honest said. "Obviously, he's lying to cover his tracks. Don't you trust me?"
"Of course, Prime Minister," the emperor said. He turned back to the wrongly-accused. "You are hereby ordered to be executed!"
"NO!" the man cried out. "I HAVE A WIFE! PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS!"
"Oh, don't worry." Honest said as he approached him. He knelt down to the man's ear with a menacing grin. "Your wife won't go without pleasure. I'll take reeeeeaaaaaaal good care of her."
The man quivered in fear until he was forced to move. "NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOO!" The guards pulled him out of the room while another knight came in.
"Ah, captain." The emperor said. "I assume you have news."
"It's… something, your highness." The knight said. "One of our camps witnessed something fall from the sky the other night."
"And you're just telling us now?" the prime minister asked.
"Well… we had a hard time moving it." The knight said.
"So it's something big?" the emperor asked.
"No." the knight said. "Maybe it's best if you see for yourselves." He gestured to the guards outside who carried a metal box in one of their hands. "You see, they tried to pick it up, but when they did, it… blew up."
"Blew up?" the prime minister asked.
One of the knights opened up the box letting the emperor and the prime minister gaze at the object inside of it. The blood-red gemstone they stared at emitted a bright light of red. Just by looking at it, they knew it was filled with awesome power. Make no mistake; it was an Infinity Stone.
Author's Note: And that's why Deadpool is in Akame Ga Kill. Any and all comments are welcome.