Robot Hedgehog: Chapter 2

In an international business, the boss watched the view from his balcony as he smoked a cigar. Suddenly an employee ran in. "Boss! We have an emergency! We've filled out 12 minutes of episode 42 but we have nothing of interest left for the episode!"

"Add some filler." He replied.

"But Boss-"

The boss slapped him. "I said add some filler, it brings in the money."

"Right." The employee quickly left.

---

Within the vast open rivers, across the seven seas, were two pirate boats engaged in a battle to the death as they fired cannons, threw swords, and mooned each other for no unexplained reason other than to bring in the money. Blaze stood on one ship wearing standard pirate gear and raised her sword in the direction of the other ship as she cried, "Arr!"

Rouge stood on the second ship and did the same as the battle continued until Sonic eventually ran out from the bottom of Rouge's ship and stood at the edge of it before turning back and saluting them. "Blaze, you'll always remember this as the day you almost caught, Captain Sonic the Hedg-" He was suddenly hit by an extending boxing glove and knocked unconsicious.

"We caught him!" One crew member exclaimed. The others rejoiced.

---

In the core of an Eggman factory, there were dozens of chao working on machinery in the midst of the hot rooms. A chaos chao entered the first room where there were several spiked platforms moving around and a chao polishing a wall. The chaos chao rolled underneath the spiked platforms which raised up and down, then leapt over a rotating gear and stood by the chao.

"Hello." The chaos chao greeted him as he waved.

"Hi." The chao replied, turning to him.

"Sup?"

"Not much."

"Follow me."

"Sure, why not."

The two left the room and entered another where they found themselves at the top of two other paths. The chaos chao turned to the other and said, "Wait here."

"'Kay."

The chaos chao climbed down and pulled a switch which raised a platform to fill the gap in the middle of the screen, and then he guided the pervious chao to the platform and lowered it to the bottom path before climbing down and activating a portal to his left using the dot on his head. As the chao flew through it, the chaos chao carried on to the next room.

The chaos chao approached two gaps with bombs planted within them, and he hopped across to the next room where a dark chao guarded the area with a laser gun where two chao were cleaning the floor. The chaos chao climbed to a path higher up as the dark chao ran over, and then yelled, "Wait!"

Another dark chao entered the screen and said, "Hey, Eggman wants to see you."

"What." He replied, swinging his arms back.

"He wants to see you."

"What what." He replied once again.

"Oh, screw you man." The second dark chao left.

Moments later, the chaos chao took control of the dark chao's body and shot himself in the head before transferring back. The chaos chao climbed down and waved at the two chao. "Hey."

"Yo." One replied.

"Hi." The second responded.

"How's your wife, Jim?"

"She's alright, can't complain." The first said.

"Cool, now follow me."

"Sure thing."

"I ain't got much else to do." The second said.

In the next room, they took a lift down and the chaos chao opened up a portal and then said, "So will I see you for dinner next Tuesday, Jim?"

"Sure thing, I'll bring my wife."

"Great."

The two chao then jumped through the portal and the chaos chao proceeded ahead through a door to the right.

---

In the middle of a park on a bright summer's day, a slight breeze filled the air and the grass and trees were a heavenly green as two chao wearing shades sat on a large block with a star symbol on it. Another chao came rushing towards them and ran past as he shouted, "Look out, the pink menace is coming!"

As the two chao looked back, over the horizon came a bigger pink chao with red shoes which sucked and devoured any food in its path. The two chao wearing shades frantically got up and ran as fast as they could after spotting the chao. One was immediately sucked into the pink chao's mouth while the other ran round in circles, turning to avoid the pink chao to no avail.

"He's gaining on you!" a third chao yelled from behind a box further ahead.

As the second chao looked back, he was then sucked into the pink chao's mouth, who then swallowed. The pink chao charged towards the last one moments later. "GET IN MAH BELLY!"

"I wonder if you'll spit or swallow." The last chao took out a bomb and threw it as he said, "Suck on this!"

The pink chao ate the bomb and digested it as he continued running, causing the last chao to turn round and flee as he exclaimed, "Holy crap, he sucked on it!"

A red power chao was watching this as he sat in an arm chair. He then picked up and phone, dialled a number and spoke into it. "I need a monstah to clobbah dat dere Kribo!"

---

In a random city, SA2 was driving a formula one car when he was suddenly pulled over by a police officer. The officer got off his bike and approached SA2 with a notebook in his hand. "I heard a report about you fly kicking a flaming midget, that's not cool, man."

"But the guy stole my wallet!"

"Either way, attacking flaming midgets is uncool. You'll be fined 30 bucks."

"Oh, fine then…"

---

In the heat of battle in the middle of some unimportant forest, Sonic and Shadow were engaged in extreme combat using ninja-like antics and reflexes. Sonic kicked Shadow in the face as he yelled, "Believe it!" before Shadow countered with a punch to the stomach as he yelled, "Stop saying that!"

Sonic quickly ran and hid in some bushes right after throwing down a smoke bomb.

"Come out, come out, Sonic!" Shadow shouted. "I know you're there! I can see you." Sonic chose to ignore Shadow seconds before he yelled again. "Come on already! I can clearly see you over there in those bushes." Sonic's face suddenly displayed a combination of shock and confusion before Shadow said, "For crying out loud, you're wearing a bright orange jumpsuit! Not much of a camouflage, you moron!"

"Aw crap…" Sonic said before getting a kunai to the forehead.

---

(Major spoilers here if you haven't played, watched, or even read about the basis of the plot in Portal, which you really should have by now. So if you haven't and don't wanna be spoiled, just stop reading here)

In an unknown highly technology research facility, an egg fighter robot awoke in a glass cell and picked up a status chart to the side moments before a voice spoke which sounded like a feminine Omochao. "Hi there, I am TOCaMP (Totally Original Character and Monitoring Program), and welcome to the uberpwnage science kickass centre. I would go over other things, but I've gotten bored of that by this point, so we'll begin the test in 10 seconds. Good luck."

As the door opened, the egg fighter ran out of the cell, round a right corner and into a large room with a grey box five feet away from a switch. TOCaMP then said, "Press the B button to pick up the box and place it on the switch." The egg fighter did so, making TOCaMP respond with, "Totally radical, please proceed into the chamberlock after completing each test."

A long while later, as the egg fighter entered one of the test cambers, TOCaMP then said, "Just thought I'd let you know that after the test, we'll have a pie prepared for you. An apple pie in fact, because everyone likes pie. Yes, they do. Thanks for your help by helping us to help you by helping us…if that makes sense."

The egg fighter soon entered a secret boiler room where on the wall was written the words, "The pie is a lie, its pineapple favoured, seriously, what kind of pie is pineapple flavoured?" The robot moved on moments later and avoided any turret fire along the way.

As the egg fighter finished the current test, TOCaMP spoke again. "Great job, just so you know, robot hell exists as you can see, and traitors come here, because they'll get no sympathy from me!"

As he entered the next test area, TOCaMP then said, "So here's this cube with a heart on it which you'll need for the test." Moments before deploying the cube. "It'll be your BBF forever, now get going." After finishing the current test, TOCaMP then said, "Well, that hearted cube certainly helped, but you'll have to chuck it in that incinerator to the right because it's of no more use." After throwing it in the incinerator, TOCaMP then said, "You got rid of that cube faster than the other contestants. Awesome."

As the egg fighter entered the next test, TOCaMP spoke again. "Just thought I'd say you're near the end and will something something something pie."

After finishing the final test, the egg fighter jumped onto a moving platform which travelled along a straight path, while going left and right occasionally. At the end of the path was a picture of a pie, before it turned left, slowly travelling towards a fire as TOCaMP said, "Well your pie is just ahead, in that fire over there. Enjoy." Egg fighter managed to escape before being engulfed by the flames below, causing TOCaMP to respond with, "What are you doing? Don't you want your pie? The fire thing was a joke, now just stay there and wait for your pie to arrive. Whatever you do, don't take that path to your right."

Shortly after egg fighter escaped to a right path higher above, TOCaMP spoke again. "Hey, where are you now? I'll find you, you know." A minute later, TOCaMP's voice came on again. "You can't run, man, your ass is mine! You're doing it wrong, man, you're doing it wrong!" After a while, she then said, "Umm, someone took a slice of your pie, you'll still get some if you come back."

After a long while, TOCaMP then said, "Remember the fun times? Like when the platform was supposedly approaching your pie and I said, 'Enjoy.' And you were like, 'I don't wanna.' And then I was all, 'Oh fine then.' Good times…" Soon afterwards, TOCaMP spoke again, saying, "I'm staaaaalking yoooooou! This would be quite creepy if I was trying to kill you, huh?"

A few minutes later, TOCaMP sighed before speaking again. "I'm going to kill you and all the pie is gone…you didn't even care about the pie, did you? You sick twisted monster."

Soon afterwards, the egg fighter arrived in a large room to see a large TOCaMP head hanging upside down. "Well, you found me, good job. Well I have a special surprise for you since you came all this way to see me. Deploying surprise in five. Four." The yellow ball dropped from its forehead. "Hold on, that was an accident. What is that thing anyway? There's no point touching it." As TOCaMP went on, the egg fighter took out a high-tech rocket launcher and blasted TOCaMP to bits.

It then cut to a scene of SA2 smoking a pipe with a book in his hand as he sat in a chair, by a fireplace which lit up the room. SA2 closed the book and removed the pipe from his mouth. "And so, the robot destroyed TOCaMP and found no way out, so he died a slow and battery run death."

He cleared his throat before yelling, "EEENNNDDD!" he suddenly took out a stereo and placed it on a table. "Here's a song for the road." He then got up and left.

"This was a failure. Thought you should know, you suck, you blow. I didn't think you'd really stoop, that low. Uber kickass science…we try to help you, and your little dog too. For the thrill, the lake and the cake, though we still make mistakes. So come in, sit down, look out for the lie. It'll hit you in the face like a big pizza pie. Though I haven't a clue, don't know what I should do, I just know that I will survive…

I kinda wanna be happy. I'd rather not have a cow. Even though you blasted me to pieces. Ripped in half for the lulz. Then run over for kicks. Even though it was a little harsh, it was probably awesome for you. Now the watering of plants seems to make them grow, it's simply a case of 'The More You Know'. Can you rhyme too? Man, it sucks to be you. Though I know that I will survive…

You came to see me. Though the pie was a lie. Maybe not exactly a lie, sort of…it was pineapple flavoured. But who eats pineapple? Not me, that's sure. Anyway, this pie is good, and the apple was great. When I'm finally done they'll be like 'Egg fighter who?' I'll stalk you around like Amy or glue. I've got crazy schemes to run, man; I do this crap for fun, because I will always survive…because I will totally always survive…if there's a sequel then I will survive…and you'll know that I will survive…and I'll be killing you because I will survive…and I'll have killed you because I will survive…I'll survive…I'll survive…"