Alec sat on the edge of Magnus's bed, his head in his hands, his sheet bunched around his waist. He was appalled by what he had done. This was why he had avoided Magnus all these years, why he only agreed to go to New York if he knew that Magnus wouldn't be there. He knew his self-control would falter if he ever saw Magnus again. He knew he would want Magnus, he would always want Magnus. Their relationship had been the most passionate thing he had ever experienced. How could he not crave that?

After his breakup with Magnus, he had slept with another Shadowhunter in Alicante. It had taken him nearly two years to be intimate with someone else. He likely wouldn't have done it then if he hadn't been preparing to leave for Louisville a few weeks later and knew the relationship would not continue. He had been nowhere near over Magnus, hell he still wasn't, but he had wanted to test the waters to see if he could do it. The sex was good, but didn't hold a candle to Magnus.

Once he arrived in Kentucky, he was lonelier than he'd ever been. His family was in New York, and he knew no one in the city where he lived. There were only a handful of werewolves, a few vampires and one warlock in Louisville. Even the Shadowhunter population was non-existent yet. On a whim he had gone to a bar and met a guy. He was gorgeous, brown hair, blue eyes, five o'clock shadow, tight-fitting blue jeans and cowboy boots. He had gone home with the guy and they had fucked each other every which way imaginable. It had been hot and sweaty and sexy…but still not Magnus.

And then there was Ethan. Ethan was a patient, gentle lover. He didn't really have any issues with their sex life, but he did not have the passion for Ethan that he had for Magnus. Magnus did it for him, and he feared no one would ever match that.

Ethan was so different from Magnus in other ways, too. He was calm, easygoing, and stable, where Magnus was vibrant and moody and passionate. He loved them both, in completely different ways.

And now he had done the unthinkable. He had cheated on his boyfriend, the man who wanted to marry him. How would he ever look Ethan in the face again? How could he even begin to explain? There was no way. Someone was going to get hurt here, and it would all be his fault. He wished he could be the only one to pay the price for his transgressions, but that wasn't possible. He knew by the way Magnus had held him and made love to him that he still cared about Alec. He had walked away from Magnus before. Would he have the strength to do it again? Did he want to walk away again?

He heard Magnus stir behind him, then felt the soft touch of Magnus's hand on his bare back.

"Come back to bed, Alec," Magnus said, his voice heavy with sleep. Alec shook his head, still buried in his hands. He couldn't face Magnus.

"What's wrong?"

Alec laughed harshly. "What's wrong? Everything's wrong, Magnus. I just cheated on my boyfriend. I'm a horrible person." His voice was so full of anguish, even to his own ears.

He felt the bed shake, then the lightness as Magnus rose to his feet. He saw Magnus's feet standing before him, and eventually raised his head to look at him. His eyes trailed up Magnus beautiful, naked body, and he felt a squirm in his groin. What was wrong with him? He felt awful about sleeping with Magnus, yet he was getting aroused just by looking at him.

"What are you going to do?" Magnus asked with barely concealed worry.

Alec shook his head again. "I have no idea."

Magnus made an impatient noise. "Look, Alec, I let you go once. I didn't want to, but I respected your wishes. And now it's ten years later, and I'm still hopelessly in love with you. I'm not letting you go without a fight this time."

Alec stared at him in disbelief. Magnus was still in love with him? What kind of man could hold on that long after such a short relationship? He certainly hadn't thought Magnus would. Had he made a mistake all those years ago?

He couldn't deal with this right now. He shouldn't be here. None of this should have ever happened. Without a word, he pushed himself off the bed and strode toward the door. He needed clothes. Baring his naked body in front of Magnus was too much right now. He needed to get away. He needed to think. He heard Magnus call to him as he exited the bedroom in search of this clothes.

"What are you running from, Alec?"

He didn't answer. He found his clothes where he had left them hours ago, casually strewn about the living room in his mad haste to take something that wasn't his to take. How could Ethan ever forgive him for what he had done? he thought as he tugged on his underwear. How could he ever forgive himself?

He slipped into his jeans, quickly fastening the fly as he turned around and saw Magnus, now wearing a robe, thank the Angel, standing near the window. A fire crackled merrily in the fireplace, where a moment ago there had been darkness. The curtain was partially drawn, leaving a wide sliver of light to illuminate Magnus's honey-colored skin. He wore a dark expression, tense, firm, resolute, as he gazed out the window. Alec was struck, not for the first time, at how beautiful the warlock was. He was…perfect. Perfect skin, perfect amount of haughty demeanor, perfectly unique green-gold eyes with their wonderfully weird slit pupils. He felt the stirring in his groin again, which released him from his appraisal of Magnus's body, and he turned to hunt for his shirt.

"Where are you going, Alec?" Magnus said casually from the corner.

Alec turned back around. "I have to go. I need to get back to the Institute, to my boyfriend."

Magnus remained stoic, showing no emotion on his remarkable face. "I think you need to see this," he said, turning away from the window to catch Alec's eye.

"Magnus-"

"Just come here. Please." His voice held a command that gave Alec a sense of foreboding. Magnus had never really commanded him to do anything. They had been partners, they had made their own decisions.

He strode across the room, hesitantly, and stood next to Magnus. Magnus was a few inches taller than him, and he cast his gaze down to capture Alec's brilliant blue eyes. "I don't think you are going anywhere," he stated matter-of-factly.

Alec turned his gaze out the window, and immediately knew what Magnus meant. Snow had fallen in the hours that he had been in Magnus's apartment, and the city was blanketed in white. The rooftops and windows visible from their vantage point were covered in fluffy white powder, unbroken as far as the eye could see. That wasn't good. Unbroken snow usually indicated deep snow.

Alec turned to Magnus in alarm. "I have to get home," he said with urgency.

Magnus shook his head. "I'm afraid you aren't going anywhere. You will never get a cab in this weather. Walking home in this kind of weather could be hazardous, even deadly, even for a Shadowhunter."

"What am I going to do?" Alec's voice was little more than a murmur. He had been so stupid in coming here. And now he was trapped. What would Ethan say?

Magnus cleared his throat. "I suppose I could make a Portal," he offered quietly, with great reluctance.

But Alec shook his head. "No. How could I possibly explain arriving at the Institute via Portal without involving you? I can't. There's no way."

"Then I guess you will have to stay," Magnus reasoned.

"Stay?" Alec blurted. "I can't stay here!"

Magnus placed his hands on Alec's shoulders and Alec felt a jolt of energy that had nothing to do with Magnus's magic. "There is more than six inches of snow out there, Alec. Likely closer to a foot. There is no way I'm letting you leave here in these conditions."

Alec took a step back. He didn't particularly care for Magnus saying he wouldn't let him do something. He was a Shadowhunter after all. Reading his thoughts in his expression, Magnus sighed and said, "I'm a four-hundred-year-old warlock and you are very lightly armed. I can keep you here by force if necessary, but I hope it won't come to that."

Alec's eyes narrowed angrily, but he quickly relented. He knew Magnus was right. He had no other choice but to stay here tonight and hope that he could get a cab home in the morning once the roads were plowed. He sighed and from the corner of his eye saw Magnus's posture sag with relief. He didn't want to admit how Magnus worrying about him made him feel.

He dug his phone out of his pocket and turned on the screen.

Get somewhere private and call me, he typed and hit send.

A few long moments later, his phone rang. He answered it on the first ring.

"Where the hell are you?" Jace's voice said through the phone.

"I'm okay," he replied. "I'm…I'm with Magnus."

Jace swore. "Alec-"

"Don't say it, Jace. I already know."

He heard Jace sigh. "What are you going to do?"

"I honestly don't know. Have you looked outside?"

"No. Why?"

Alec ran his hand through his hair. "There's nearly a foot of snow on the ground. I can't get a cab, and I'm pretty sure Magnus isn't going to let me walk home." He glanced up at Magnus and saw the curt nod he gave at that statement.

"What about having Magnus make a Portal?"

"Do you have a good explanation as to why I would suddenly appear by Portal that wouldn't piss off my boyfriend?" He heard Magnus shift in the corner.

"No."

"Me either. I'm trapped here." Why he looked at Magnus when he said that was beyond him. Magnus didn't make a sound, but his mouth transformed into a straight line and he looked like he was concentrating all his efforts into keeping his thoughts to himself.

"Seriously, Alec, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to stay here," he said, avoiding Jace's real question.

Jace made an impatient noise. "I mean about Ethan. Are you going to tell him you slept with Magnus?"

Alec nearly dropped the phone. Was he really that transparent? He turned away from Magnus's prying eyes. "How did you know that?" he hissed into the phone.

Jace snorted. "Oh, please. You've been gone for hours, then you call and say you're with Magnus. It doesn't exactly take your best friend to put two and two together…"

"Is Ethan mad?" His heart gave a little patter of trepidation as he asked the question.

"Has Ethan ever been mad at you? I don't think the guy knows how to get mad."

Alec couldn't disagree with that. Ethan was the most gentle person he'd ever known. He often wondered how he made it as a Shadowhunter. Ethan was sweet and funny and smart…and he really didn't deserve what Alec had done to him. With a significant degree of self-loathing, he broke from his thoughts and returned his concentration to Jace.

"No, of course Ethan isn't mad. He's a great guy. I don't deserve him."

"Well, deserve him or not, you're going to have some explaining to do when you get home. So you better start thinking of what you want to say to him."

Alec's heart sank. "I know. Damn it, I never wanted to hurt him."

"I know you didn't. But this was bound to happen eventually."

"Why do you say that?"

Jace laughed. "I was there, Alec. I helped you try to pick up the pieces when Magnus broke up with you. I was with you in Edom. I know how hard you fought to keep it together when you didn't know if Magnus was alive or dead. I saw how it tore you apart when you almost lost him to his father. And then, you just gave up. You fought so hard to get him back, then you just walked away. You haven't been the same since. When you met Ethan we all thought 'Great, now maybe he will finally move on,' but it's so painfully obvious you're still hung up on Magnus."

Alec was stunned. He thought he had hidden his feelings pretty well. He knew Jace suspected how he really felt, but he didn't think the others knew. How could they know? He never, ever spoke about Magnus. Sure he would run off for a bit when he came to New York, but then he always came back feeling better. He had no idea he wasn't fooling anyone.

"I don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything. Just take the opportunity you've been given."

"What do you mean?"

"Alec, don't you think it's strange that the first time you see Magnus in ten years there is a blizzard and you get snowed in at his apartment? Maybe it's divine intervention giving you a second chance with the love of your life."

"Jace…when did you get so…philosophical?"

Jace snorted. "I've always been philosophical. I just don't usually use my powers on you."

Alec laughed. "Look, Jace, just do me a favor. Tell Ethan I got caught in the storm and am spending the night at a hotel."

"You don't think he will want to talk to you?" Alec could hear the incredulity in Jace's voice.

"Tell him I'm really tired and am going to sleep. I'll talk to him tomorrow, or better yet, hopefully I'll see him tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay, if you promise to talk to Magnus," Jace said stubbornly.

"What the hell else am I going to do. I'm snowed in at his apartment. I'm not going to ignore him," Alec bit out.

Jace laughed. "I can think of a few other things you can do…"

Alec groaned. "Bye, Jace." He paused for a second and then added, "And thanks."

"That's what friends are for," Jace said, and the line went dead.

Alec pocketed his phone and turned back to Magnus. He hadn't moved, other than folding his arms across his chest. He continued to stare out the window, as if ignoring Alec. But Alec knew better. He would bet anything that Magnus had heard every word of his conversation with Jace, and likely most of Jace's part as well.

He walked over to where Magnus stood and placed his hand on Magnus's crossed arms. He didn't know what compelled him to do that, but the need to touch Magnus was strong. Magnus slowly, almost lazily, turned his gaze to Alec. He watched as Magnus's eyes traveled from his face, down is bare chest, raking over the black lines of his permanent runes and the faint white scars of his temporary ones, then finally resting on his hand where it contacted his own skin. His eyes then flashed up to Alec's, reading him.

"Do you love him?"

"Who? Jace?" Alec said, and then he caught the dark look on Magnus's face and blushed.

"No, Ethan," Magnus said steadily. "Do you love him?"

Alec nodded. "I do."

"But you love me, too." It wasn't a question. He already knew the answer.

"Yes," Alec said softly.

Magnus's arms untwined and his expression softened. He hooked his fingers in Alec's belt loops and pulled him close before wrapping him in his arms. He held him close for several drawn-out moments, planting soft kisses against his temple and his hair.

"What am I going to do, Magnus?"

He felt Magnus's chest shake with his chuckle. "I don't think I'm the one to ask for advice. I think you know where I stand on this subject."

Alec broke away and paced a line in front of the couch. "I don't know what to do. I have to make an impossible choice, and whatever I choose, someone I love gets hurt. How am I supposed to choose when my heart is torn in two?"

Magnus finally left the sanctuary of his corner. He caught Alec's hands and dragged him onto the couch beside him. With a look that said he really didn't want to say what he was about to say, he said, "Tell me about Ethan."

Alec gaped at him. Was he serious? He wanted to talk about Alec's boyfriend? Alec heaved a sigh, knowing that, as awkward as this was sure to be, he needed to think and talk about it, and right now, Magnus was his only option for a sounding board.

"Ethan is great. He is sweet and he makes me laugh. He would do anything for me. He's gentle and he's stable, nothing every gets him worked up. Loving him is easy. We never fight. And he's a Shadowhunter. With him, I have everything I had hoped to have one day. I run an Institute, I have a steady partner, and we are accepted by the Clave and by my family." He paused and looked into Magnus's eyes, knowing his next words were going to hurt him. "He's everything that you are not."

Pain flashed through Magnus's eyes, but he kept his expression neutral. Alec reached out and took his hand. "He is a great guy, and I love him. My life is as predictable as I thought it would be that night in Alicante when I walked away from you. I thought taking the easy road would give me what I wanted. I thought that I wanted a nice, quiet, predictable life, well, as much as a Shadowhunter's life can be those things."

Magnus was having trouble containing his emotions. There was a stormy look in his eyes now as Alec pressed on. "What I didn't realize was that sometimes predictable means boring, and stable means without passion. I feel like I'm going through the motions of life sometimes. When I was with you, everything was unpredictable. Oh, not just because of you or us; there was a lot going on at that time. But I never knew when you would push me against the wall and kiss me breathless. And what happened a few hours ago? That would never happen with Ethan. I've never ripped his clothes off his body. I've never made love like that with anyone but you. He represents everything that is normal and stable in my life. You represent everything that is fun and wild, everything that makes life worth living. He's everything that you are not, but he's nothing that you are."

Magnus's mouth was gaping open. He closed it, drew a deep, steadying breath, and let it out slowly. "If that is true, why are you struggling to make this decision?"

Alec chewed his lip. "Well, for starters, you are not exactly an easy man to love. I was hopelessly lost when I was with you. I had no idea what I was doing, no idea how to handle your mood swings or how to know if I was making you happy. I was so confused." He shrugged. "I know more about relationships now. I'm more comfortable with reading people, or simply asking for what I want, and talking instead of just assuming I know what the other person is thinking. I've grown up, I guess."

"Okay. What else? You said 'for starters.'"

Alec sighed. "If I'm with you, I…I have to give up everything."

Magnus sucked in his breath. His eyes searched Alec's face, and Alec did his best to maintain the open honesty he was trying to portray. He could see the hurt in Magnus's eyes, the range of emotions that played across his face as Alec spoke.

"I don't mean to hurt you. It's just…I really love running the Institute. There is no way the Clave is going to let a warlock live at the Institute, even if he is dating the Shadowhunter in charge."

Magnus averted his eyes. "You don't know that," he said softly, his voice sounding defeated. "They let Tessa live with Will in London."

Alec smiled sadly. "Tessa was an exception because she was part Shadowhunter. You are not. If I chose you and ever want a chance at a life with you, at living with you, I have to give up the Institute."

"You don't know that," Magnus said again, more forcefully. "Maybe they will make an exception…"

Alec snorted. "Clearly you have different memories of the Clave than I have."

But Magnus wasn't going to give up so easily. "Let me get this straight, you would spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't even make you feel alive, just to run an Institute, instead of being with the man who can make your toes curl and your skin crawl with delight?"

Alec's eyes fluttered closed at those words and he was already semi-hard. By the Angel, did Magnus have an effect on him like no one else. He opened his eyes and looked back at Magnus. "There's more to life than just sex."

"And what we had was more than just sex. I love you, Alec. I've always loved you. That's not going to change any time soon."

"Why did you come back?" Alec said, suddenly needing to understand why all this was happening. "Why are you here tonight? You weren't supposed to be here?"

A mischievous glint reflected in Magnus's eyes. "How do you know where I was supposed to be?"

Alec swallowed hard. "I…I always make sure you're not in the city before I come home," he confessed.

"Why?"

"Because I knew if I saw you I wouldn't be able to control myself. I miss you, and I love you. I didn't want my emotions to control me, because I knew they would choose you."

"Alec…"

Alec didn't want to talk anymore. It wasn't helping. He knew where his heart lay, no matter how much he loved Ethan. His heart, and his body, would always want Magnus. He pulled Magnus to him, unable to control his urge any longer. "Don't talk," he said urgently. "Just kiss me."

Magnus didn't need to be told twice. He kissed him, oh Angel, did he kiss him. Alec was not surprised to find that their uncontrolled passion had not diminished in the hours that they had been together. It had been suppressed for so long, he wasn't sure if they would ever get enough of each other. Alec didn't even bother pretending that they weren't going to make love. He knew they would. It was what he wanted. He had already proven what a bastard he was. Why stop now?

Alec rose off the couch and hastily stripped his pants back off his body. Magnus slowly untied the knot of his robe and peeled the edges back with painful precision. Alec had no patience for that. He tugged the robe away from Magnus's beautiful, golden skin, revealing the lean muscles and smooth skin and an erection that was hard as stone. He licked his lips with anticipation.

He climbed onto Magnus's lap, straddling him, and their arousals brushed. He rocked his hips against Magnus, creating more friction and more need than he had ever felt in his life. His hands skimmed over Magnus's bare chest and shoulders, then around to lock behind his neck. He kissed him fiercely, a frenzy of lips and teeth and tongues. He let his desire for Magnus consume him, and he was unapologetic about it.

Alec rose up to his knees, brushing himself against Magnus's chest. "I need you inside me. Now," Alec said, his voice breaking and his hands shaking against Magnus's shoulders. Magnus guided himself to fulfill Alec's request, and sucked hard on Alec's neck and chest as Alec eased himself down onto Magnus's straining erection. He knew there would be marks on his body in the morning, marks that there was only one way to explain, but he was powerless to care about that right now. The feel of Magnus's mouth on him was too much to pass up. He relished it, savored it, wanted more.

Magnus seemed to understand that. Alec felt Magnus's wet tongue lick across his collarbone, followed with the sting of sharp bites, then lavished with soft, soothing kisses. It was almost too much for him. He nearly came apart at the seams, and he hadn't even started moving yet.

Magnus was buried deep inside him, his hands digging into Alec's hips deliciously. Alec crushed his lips to Magnus's again as Magnus slowly started moving. Oh Angel, it was amazing, better than anything he'd ever done with anyone else. Magnus made him feel like no one else ever had, or ever could. He felt special and loved and oh-so-good. He knew that nothing would ever compare to this, because he would never love anyone else the way he loved Magnus. Magnus was his first love, and he never got over him. He would love him forever.

Alec arched his back against Magnus, as a fine sheen of sweat broke out on his body. Magnus's tongued licked out, tasting the saltiness as it appeared on his chest. His tongue ran over the black runes marking his chest, tangled the hairs that accumulated between the swells of his pectoral muscles, and eventually found its way back to Alec's neck, where he sucked in the sensitive skin and left another mark.

Alec was beyond any form of self-control at this point. He threw his head back, moaning and panting, as he used his hands on Magnus's shoulders for leverage. Magnus took him places he hadn't been for such a long time, higher than any drug could ever get him. He was so close to the edge of the precipice, he knew it was only a matter of time before he fell.

"Alec," Magnus croaked, "please look at me. I need to see your beautiful blue eyes."

Alec lowered his head and looked Magnus directly in the eyes. Magnus's gorgeous cat-eyes were dilated so that only a rim of his irises was visible. As they locked gazed, Alec saw something in Magnus's eyes shift, and felt the hot, pulsing jet within him. A moment later, he released into the insignificant space between his and Magnus's bodies, and then collapsed, utterly spent, against Magnus.

He sat there, resting his head against Magnus's collarbone, heaving for air, as Magnus's hands slowly crept up and down his body. Oh Angel, it felt good to have his hands on him, his fingers outlining the shape of the runes he had never forgotten, and sending jolts of electricity throughout his body. Nothing would ever compare to this. And, try as he may, he couldn't bring himself to feel as guilty as he should this time.

He raised his head slightly, just enough to kiss Magnus's neck and collarbone and shoulder. He looked down and saw the mess he had made of them, and grinned triumphantly. Magnus may have marked his neck, but he had marked Magnus as well. Magnus was his.

Alec sighed. No, Magnus wasn't his. Ethan was his. And he had disrespected him again. He knew Magnus could be his, if he wanted him to be, but right now he was not, and what he had done, again, was wrong. He wrapped his arms around Magnus's slender body and held him close, still kissing his shoulder and neck and the hollow beneath his ear.

Magnus hummed his appreciation of Alec's efforts. Magnus was obviously satisfied, could be satisfied. After all, it wasn't Magnus who was cheating on his boyfriend. Although, to be fair, Alec had felt like he had been cheating on Magnus for years. Every time he slept with Ethan, he had a twinge of guilt for Magnus. It was silly, stupid even. He had walked away from Magnus, and committed to being with Ethan, but no matter how he tried, he couldn't convince his heart. His heart was still Magnus's, he had only borrowed a small piece for Ethan.

Yes, Lightwood. Try to justify what you have done. You have to be the biggest asshole that ever lived.

If he were honest with himself, he didn't deserve either one of the men who loved him. He had done terrible things to Magnus, and Magnus had wanted him back. And he had broken his heart all over again.

And Ethan, Jesus he didn't deserve Ethan's love. He had been in love with Magnus their entire relationship. He had used Ethan to try to get over Magnus, but it hadn't worked. He had so wanted it to work, but it hadn't, not even a little bit. True, he had put his best effort into his relationship with Ethan, had avoided Magnus at all costs, had even managed to go for somewhat respectable periods of time without thinking about Magnus. But it always came back to him. Every time he had to come to New York, he thought of Magnus. Every time there was a Council meeting, he wondered if this time Magnus would be there. He never was, of course, because he had been avoiding Alec, too.

He slid off Magnus's lap and watched as Magnus magicked their mess away. But he had made a royal mess of a different kind out of everything. He still wasn't sure what he was going to do to resolve it either. One thing was for sure, he wouldn't figure it out with Magnus in such close proximity. Every time he looked at Magnus, every time he smelled the scent of sandalwood and burnt-sugar that always accompanied him, it was all he could do not to jump on him again. He was hopeless, and slightly embarrassed that Magnus could have such a profound effect on him, especially after all these years.

Magnus snapped his fingers and a couple of take-out Chinese containers magically appeared. Alec smiled at him gratefully. He was starving after such a workout. He watched Magnus in silence as they ate their food, wondering what it would be like to be with him again, in more ways than just sexually. He had no doubt that he loved Magnus. He also had no doubt that he loved Ethan, he just loved Magnus more. Was that the answer? Go with the one you love the most? Or should he decide based on what was best for him? Was Magnus right for him? Good for him in any way other than sexually? Could he live his dream with Magnus? He didn't think that was possible.

Still, could he actually walk away from Magnus again? And would he even have a boyfriend to return to? He had no idea how to answer any of these questions. Truth be told, if he could take all the things he loved about Magnus, and make him a mortal Shadowhunter so he could still have the life he wanted, he would do it without thinking twice. Ethan's patience and calm demeanor were probably better for him, but he couldn't help wanting Magnus's eccentricities, his brilliance, his magic, his larger-than-life personality. Magnus was a special person, he had always known that.

"What are you thinking about?" Magnus said, shoving his food container away and leaning back on his couch, folding his arms behind his head. He looked so unbelievably gorgeous, reclining there completely naked, eyes studying Alec. Alec already felt a twinge in his groin.

"I'm thinking it's going to be a long night," he replied, as he discarded his empty container on the coffee table and walked back to the couch, sinking onto it and running his hand along Magnus's thigh. He leaned in and captured his lips again.

It would be a long night indeed.

A/N: For whoever asked, I don't know where the name Ethan came from, but it seemed to fit. I've never seen the show (?) you asked about.