Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.

Note: This story should be considered an AU.

Song that inspired this chapter and, especially, this story: Un Hombre Secreto, by Miriam Hernández.

Warning: Later on on this chapter there will be something mentioned that could not be suitable for younger audiences - though I wonder where this youth must've come from if they hadn't heard worse than that through their friends... Anyway, I feel I should warn you, in case you feel uncomfortable. But rest assure that the moment lasts only a wink away, so if you sneeze, you should be free to go.

Seeking Endymion

Chapter One

Entre el amor y el desamor, se me ocurrió que entre los dos

Faltaba vida, tal vez color,

Faltabas tú; faltaba yo...

Y me inventé un ideal

Alguién en quien poder soñar

y desde entonces, te he sido infiel

sólo en mi mente, no en mi piel

- Un Hombre Secreto sung by Miriam Hernández

Nobody would've known, or even imagined, just how bad things were between Usagi and Mamoru. And the reason why it was so difficult to phantom was a very simple one: it was just impossible. Especially since everybody knew just how much they loved each other, when they have proved, repeatedly, just how powerful their love was.

Their love was legendary… timeless. A real fairytale.

In the beginning, they did all they could to disguise their problems; they didn't want to worry their friends, because - in the beginning - they thought it wasn't such a big deal.

Pin it to immaturity. They were just too young. Even though they have shared a lifetime of challenges together, being married was so different from being lovers...

But their problems really started soon after Chibi Usa was born… and, still, they thought it was not such a big deal. When Mamoru told her one day, he wanted to move to another room, she pinned it to his consideration towards her. She knew about the great amount of work he had to do. She could understand that he didn't want to disturb her late at night, when he would come back from one of his many meetings with the counselors; or - gods forbid - wake her up so early in the morning, when he would go out to supervise one of the many projects around Crystal Tokyo. When he told her, with a soft smile and mellow eyes that 'he just wanted to make sure that everything went well in their kingdom andthat he would make sure to give her some respite', she was touched, and accepted his caring words, even though she was not completely happy with his decision.

Things seemed to be moving excessively fast for them, and it was getting more difficult to keep track of themselves. Still, they thought it was something natural and they came to call it their 'adaptation phase', because they were adapting to too many things at once. To being married, rulers of a new kingdom and all the responsibilities that came with it, and - on top of all of it - being parents, the list seemed to stretch long into the horizon. They were overwhelmed. But they didn't want to loose their head thinking things were not all right. Not only were they the rulers of Crystal Tokyo, but they were its center and balance. Therefore, they thought, if they gave it just a little bit of time, soon all this weirdness and tiredness will go away.

However, time did not ease their problems; quite on the contrary, it made them grew. And they just thought that, if they let things go their natural track, everything would get better. Why would they want to worry one another with silly doubts?

What they didn't know was that, by keeping all to themselves, they denied each other the knowledge of their own dissatisfaction and their loneliness, and - at the same time - a chance to bridge these differences and find a solution.

They were tired, although they didn't want to show it. They were so determined to make things work for Crystal Tokyo, that they ignored the warning signs.

Mamoru started to fly more and more on business trips. He attended many galas held in his honor; rulers around the world asked to give speeches regarding Crystal Tokyo and the treaties they were doing with the kings and major rulers of the world, and his schedule was full of scientists who were obsessed with the possibility of populating other planets and were asking for private meetings. He would hardly spend any time around the castle. Sometimes, he wouldn't even call Usagi at night to tell her he loved her and wish her sweet dreams - as he used to do at the beginning.

Usagi could understand what he was going through, although she couldn't get used to miss him, his voice and his touch. She could understand the responsibility he had; she had a lot of that herself. She may not be obliged to give speeches or to precede meetings with brilliant people, but she was in charge of making the wives of these people and their families entertained. She could spend her days in a blur of activities to make Crystal Tokyo an attractive place.

All in all, they lived busy lives, and they did all they could to stay together. From little breakfasts held at Usagi's balcony to after-dinner cordials in the music hall, they did it all. Soon, all of their efforts seemed to be in vain. Excuses and more excuses left Usagi all alone in her balcony. The music hall was witness ofthe bitterest sobs ever heard. Until, one day, Usagi had enough…

What is ironic is that, when she finally decided to accept there was something wrong going on, he wasn't even cheating on her…

One day, after hearing and taking to heart one of Mina's - the daughter of Venus - advices, Usagi arranged a last minute flight to Europe, exactly Paris, where Mamoru was going to give a speech. Usagi was more than excited, thinking that this could be like a second honeymoon for them. And in Paris, the most romantic city of the whole world, nonetheless!

She stopped at a small bakery and bought some of Mamoru's favorite sweets. Near the hotel where he was staying, she saw a woman selling flowers and she bought a dozen of red roses. She was beaming, eager and happy. Chibi Usa was safe back home. Makoto and Mina were taking care of the activities around the castle. Everything was covered so she could spend the next week coop up with Mamoru.

But, once she got to the hotel and reached his room, she heard noises… someone crying. Mamoru?

'I don't know what to do, Aki (that was Mamoru's personal assistant)? This is killing me and I think I won't be able to go on like this…"

'There. There. Let it all out, Mr. Chiba. You need to take this off your chest. Maybe, if you talk about it, you may find a solution to it…'

'I don't want to hurt Usagi, Aki. She has suffered so much… it wouldn't be fair…'

Usagi stood shock still, frozen to the core. And jealous.

Aki was not a threat to their marriage. Usagi knew the slightly older woman, who was quite attractive and happily married with a husband that adored her. She always treated the two of them as if they were her children, and Usagi has spent so much time around the woman herself that she was completely comfortable with the idea of having Aki go along with Mamoru to his many engagements.

No, what really made Usagi jealous was the fact that he was opening up to Aki, instead of her. That he was voicing her deepest fear and bringing it to the front, making it impossible for her to deny it any longer. And that he was doing it with a complete stranger!

But what was worse was that things were not so good in their paradisiacal and utopian love story. Reality has settled in.

Later on, Usagi couldn't understand why she acted so childish after that incident.

She didn't make a scene right then. She just made her presence known. And when Mamoru saw her, pale and wide eyed, he stood, paralyzed and unable to say a word - not even when he saw her leave in tears and heartbroken.

When he came back to Crystal Tokyo, Usagi was not there. Everybody thought she was with him in Paris. In reality, she was back home, in Tokyo; disguised, walking the streets that witnessed the birth of their romance, visiting the places were they shared their innocent kisses and promises.

In her sadness, she wished so hard to have a person who would love her with that same kind of devotion and sweetness, as they did back then, that maybe - just maybe - because of that desire, was that she first saw 'him'…

In her long and lonely nights, Usagi fell prey of her own fantasies. And she used to picture Mamoru like the knight in shinning armor, the valiant prince of her fairytales he used to be. A dark, mysterious hero, who would choose only her as the one worthy of his attention and who, after getting to know her, would fall completely and madly in love with her. That image became a recurring companion of her late nights. The mystery of his being becoming so powerful and encouraging every evening that his hands, disguised as her own, started to become more solid, his lips more real and his eyes a deeper blue. One night, on the throes of her own passion, her eyes saw him, a shadow darker than the rest of the shadows around her room. A figure that stood at the foot of her bed, as if waiting for her to wake up…

'I am your Heero… the one that you are looking for…'

At the beginning, she thought it was just a dream, a figment of her imagination. But when it happened a second time, she freaked and stopped imagining him for a few weeks. But, just like any drug, she started to miss it. It was the only thing that could make her feel alive, since her husband didn't give her the time of day.

For a month or two, Usagi - who was not talking to Mamoru - kept imagining her secret lover, her 'shadow man'. Until, one night, when she was deep in sleep, she saw… a valley… big armors, like robots… and they seemed to be fighting. In the midst of all that chaos, her heart pulled her to a figure… a young man, who defiantly looked at a big machine. His eyes were devoid of feeling… empty globes of Prussian marble. And her heart stopped when she recognized the kind of threat he was making…

'No!' she cried, feeling as if her life was draining out of her.

And then, it happened… he pushed the detonator and his body flew, limply in the air, like a rag doll. She didn't stop to think of her actions, she just flew towards him at light speed. Her mind repeating like a mantra that she needed to protect him. And when she got close enough to him, she got a glimpse of his near unconscious gaze… and the resignation that bordered in happiness, disgruntled her. No one should find comfort on loosing ones life… What kind of life he must have led in order to feel relief instead of grief at a moment like this?

So, she protected him as best as she could. Stopped what looked to be inevitable. And bridged a bond between them that even she couldn't understand…

She became his angel, even when he thought of her as only a hallucination.

The whole experience shook Usagi to the core… what was going on? Why was she able to see this young man in her fantasies? A man she thought was just an illusion. And why did she come to him in this particular moment?

She learned that his name - or the one he took as his own - was Heero Yuy and that he was a soldier in the midst of a terrible was. That he was just fifteen years old and that he was considered a "perfect soldier".

She looked over him while he regained his strength and heard the distant echoes of his memories whenever he slept. She learned that he was a good young man who, sadly, was forced to live his live like a heartless dummy. That he had dreams deep inside the recesses of his mind, and that he wished for a world of peace.

He was safe where she left him, she could sense that. And she knew that she needed to go and leave him, that this was not her place or her time. But she couldn't stop worrying. His dreams didn't stop mingling with hers and his visits every night, never stopped. Even when The Fates found out.

They demanded an answer. How she could do something like that? Messing with the fine balance of destiny! With the delicate pattern of the universe and existence!

What she did, even if she didn't know it at the moment, was atrocious. Not only did she change the destiny of one man and his universe, but also the lives of those near him. That's why the soldier without a name nearly died - that wasn't supposed to happen.

And when Usagi found out, she was horrified. She knew that, even if she was not aware of it, she really messed things up.

However, that was not the worse of her problems…

Mamoru found out.

That morning, while she ate her breakfast in the garden keeping an eye on Chibi Usa, who was chasing butterflies, Mamoru surprised her sitting in front of her. He didn't say a word; he just looked at her. And she knew he knew without a doubt. It was in the way his mouth had this down turned curve, the way his eyes bore to her soul. For a moment there, she couldn't even look at him; she was so ashamed. Her hand tightened her grip around her cup of tea, trying to control her shaking. And he sighed… as if tired.

'If you could've just talk to me…' he whispered.

She looked at him, feeling as if boiling water was running trough her veins instead of blood. But when her eyes met his… there was emptiness in them… she couldn't see herself in those eyes anymore. She was shocked… the air turned to ice in her throat and her eyes burned.

It started drizzling and Chibi Usa came into the balcony, giggling happily, and when she saw her parents together, she was overjoyed. It has become quite a feast to see them together in the same room. Her papa was always out on business trips, while her mother stayed home, planning many activities. Neither of them has had enough time to spend with her. So she decided she was going to make the best out of this opportunity.

The three of them walked the gardens under a placid drizzle. Chibi Usa in front, while Usagi and Mamoru stayed at the back. The little girl never noticed how tense her parents were. How rigid their bodies were and how they didn't hold hands or embraced, and that would've being the norm for the two of them when they were young. If one of the scouts had been there, they would've noticed it right away.

But Chibi Usa was just too happy knowing that her parents were together. She didn't know a thing. She was too young to know a thing...

Later on, that same day, Chibi Usa went to see if her mommy was in her room. And when she got near the white doors that preceded her chambers, she heard noises…

'But why him, Usa! Why? Why couldn't you just talk to me?'

'Yeah, right. Just like you talked to me… or should I say: you talked to Aki, instead of me!'

'Usako, I'm so sorry. I was so confused…'

'She's not your wife. I am your wife and you couldn't even talk to me…' right then, her voice broke, 'you couldn't even tell me that…that you don't love me anymore…'

'No, Usagi! Don't say that! That's not true! I love you! I love you with all my heart!'

'Then, why, Mamoru? Why!'

Silence was the only answer Chibi Usa heard.

Her little mind started to worry. What was going on? What would happen?

'Usagi…' and here, Mamoru exhaled, as if he was deflating, 'I've been thinking… Maybe… maybe we should separate…'

'What!'

'Just for a while, Usa! Just while I think things through…'

'You want to get a divorce?' Usagi's voice was so small; Chibi Usa had a lot of difficulty understanding.

But the word 'divorce' stayed with her. It sounded like something terrible… especially since her mother sounded as if someone was stabbing at her heart when she uttered it.

Chibi Usa ran all the way to the big library inside the castle. She got there huffing and puffing, and Ami reprimanded her.

'That's not the way a lady should move around her castle! You should be more like your mother, Small Lady.' By now, she was more than used to hear people saying things like that to her, but for some reason, this time, those words only made her uncomfortable…

'…you don't love me anymore…'

Chibi Usa shook her head, trying to clear it and do what she needed to do. She apologized urgently while she moved around the library, looking for a dictionary. Ami tried to stop her, to ask her to be careful, but in the end, she just told her that if she needed any help, she could just ask her. But Chibi Usa was on a mission, and she didn't need any help.

While she was in the library, Usagi cried bitterly, sprawled on the floor of her chambers in a heap of tears and old photos of herself and Mamoru. Her head was lying heavily on Rei's lap while Makoto and Mina were trying to find out what was going on. Rei had a feeling it had something to do with Mamoru, but she kept quiet, while she ran her fingers through Usagi's long tresses.

'He's leaving me… He's leaving…'

Ami jumped in her seat, when she heard something heavy collide with the floor, then the shrieking sound of a vase being crushed. She nearly ran to where she thought she heard the sounds coming from, and found Chibi Usa, wide eyed and pale. One vase, a very valuable one, the one that Usagi received as a present from the Queen of England, laid in pieces in the floor, and not so far away, a book lay open, with a page torn and water seeping trough the remaining pages.

'What have we been telling you, Usagi?' Ami said in a stern voice, 'You can't go running around the castle! You are the Princess! You should act more like your mother! She's a real lady!'

Chibi Usa didn't say a word. She just looked at Ami as if she was seeing her for the first time, with her eyes wide, brimming with tears and a scared expression on her face. When Ami noticed this, she felt bad for acting so sternly, but she was appalled. Not only did Chibi Usa break a very valuable vase, but also she damaged a book in the process. And if there is something she's very protective of is her books and computers, everything that had anything to do with knowledge. To see someone treating those things without respect always annoys her.

Ami kneeled in front of Chibi Usa, trying to say she was sorry, but the little girl just sobbed and left the library, running and crying.

What happened next was just destiny putting the pieces together and setting in motion what was to happen no matter what. It became so mechanical, that neither noticed the woman in shinning garments who left coins on her path, nor did they saw the moment the roulette started turning and the memories were frozen in their minds… Lady Luck paid them a visit and nobody knew… and nobody would've believed it.

Usagi was not in her right mind when the Black Moon attacked the castle. Later on, the rest of the scouts found out she didn't care for herself… she went and face the enemy with the sole purpose of losing her own life. They found the note near her weakening body, which lasted long enough for them to take inside the main hallway. It seemed she was already giving the matter some thought and luck just presented her with the best excuse. She didn't fight to keep the dark magic cursing her veins at bay. She just let herself be consumed by it.

And right when the scoutswere trying to figure out what to do, three figures interrupted…

Klotho… Lakhesis… Atropos… The Fates… and they demanded an answer…

'She has been interfering with the natural flow of destiny…' Klotho, the eldest of the three, told them.

'And now that she has succumbed to her own fortune, the life in the other world she has been visiting is in danger' Lakhesis said.

'We demand that you right this wrong immediately!' Atropos roared.

'But, what happened…?' Makoto asked, 'And how are we supposed to help?'

The three magnificent spinners of myth looked directly at Makoto, and the young woman felt her knees shaking. Somehow, the intense eyes of these women didn't bore well with her…

That's it for this chapter! I am very sorry that I didn't update earlier, but a few things happened... one of them being Hana Yori Dango live action : blushes : I should've seen that one coming!

I hope I didn't make Usagi and Mamoru too occ. I respect their characters and relationship a lot, and I know it would take a little bit more than that to pull them apart. I also hope that I manage to give you a convincing portrayal of their marital problems. If you need help with the words excerpt of the song, just let me know. Expect the next chapter soon!