In Malignant
PART II: broken wings

(Elle, I realise that you never got me a birthday present. Was it because you knew what would happen all along? Even if you can't predict the future.

You can't compare getting hit in the head by a humongous piece of steel to anything else. Not even dozens of Curaga stop the delirious nightmares. But as a SeeD, I'm accustomed to head wounds.

…did that sound bad, or was it just me?)

The first thing that entered my mind when I opened my eyes was holy Ifrit that sun is bright.

The second thing I noticed and kind of ruminated over was the fact that the doors of the Infirmary were slightly askew, bulging in on their hinges, while the beds around me were all occupied by similarly suffering SeeDs.

Zell was snoozing in a chair by my bed, gelled up hair sticking to the fabric. How does it even do that? Okay, I maintain that I use hair product, too, but still.

"Zelly?" I reached out an arm to poke him, and it felt like my bone marrow had transformed into lead overnight.

He started as soon as he heard me, though, and groggily wiped away sleep from his eyes, before staring at me like I'd sprouted an extra head. Which maybe I had, cuz I sure felt like I could've.

(I wonder if this was all a nightmare, or maybe I'm crazy, maybe it wasn't real––I can still hope that one day I'll just wake up, right?)

"Selph!" he almost crushed my entire vertebral column, and I realised then that no one called me Sefie anymore. "Are you okay? You were bleeding pretty bad, and Squall found you soon after, but––"

It was like a jigsaw that had been all scrambled suddenly had its puzzle pieces slot into place. I remembered everything that happened. From Xu's untimely disappearance to the bombs themselves to Rinoa to those voices and to the shrapnel that had come spinning out of the air.

I reached up a hand to touch where it had struck (roughly my right temple) and found it heavily bandaged and congealed in blood. Icky. It'd happened in Trabia once before; we came across a herd of those creepy horses with the scythes smack bang on their foreheads (Mesmer-something?) and I remembered one of them going zing! and that I blacked out and when I woke up I'd apparently been in a coma for just under a month.

Strange how things happen to you with so little impact on your own memory.

"What happened to Garden?" I asked quickly, otherwise Zelly would probably describe in gruesomely gory detail about my injury and I don't think I'd be able to stomach it, despite the fact that I only had salad and cake in my system.

He scrunched up his nose in the cute 'naw, I did nofink wrong' way that he did in the Orphanage––usually it was just after he stole the last cookie. "Squall and Quistis haven't finished figuring out the full cost, but the Quad was pretty much destroyed, and so was a large part of the hallway between the Quad, Cafeteria and the Infirmary."

I blinked at this. If we were in the air, which we had to have been to escape the missiles, then how in the world could anyone get through to the western sector of Garden if a big chunk of the corridor was missing? I asked Zell this, because if the Infirmary was about to fall away from the rest of Garden, I'd really like to know, yes sir.

"We're not in the air," Doctor Kadowaki told me as she entered my little bed-curtain-section with a needle full of something I was pretty sure was Kool-Aid. It was all fluorescent and distinctly radioactive-looking.

"Doctor K," I struggled to sit up and gave the syringe an extremely wary glance. "I'm feeling so much better now, so I'd better go and ask Squally how much it'll take to repair the Quad, y'know, and if the repairs will be done by the Garden Festival. No time for lethal injections!"

Needless to say, I didn't take in what she'd said until she laughed and told me the needle was for a patient in the other room and left.

(I hadn't been worried about the destruction of the Quad, Elle. Why? I dunno. I think it's because Irvy cheered me up the last time this happened, and I still remember what he said, and I also had the premonition that it was the least of my worries.

I was right.)

"Soo," I began. "Um, did they just fire pretty missiles at us and leave so they could laugh at our poor corridor? And why aren't we in the air? I mean, I thought you were a good mechanic, Zell. You seemed to be when we went to get to Bahamut."

He shifted uncomfortably. I was suspicious.

"Zelly D, what aren't you telling me?" I demanded sweetly.

(Even if the words "demand" and "sweet" together in a sentence make an oxymoron.)

"I, uhh, well, Squall was gonna come'n––"

"––tell you what happened while you were unconscious," finished said Commander as he came into the room. Whoo, I felt so loved.

(On the inside? Like I'd just projectile vomited a thousand times over.)

"Squally?" I braved the godforsaken sunlight to try and make out his features.

What I saw brought a thousand worlds of grossness to me. He looked like he'd aged about thirty years in a night, vampire-pale with bluish rings circling his eyes. Also, his hair defied conservatism as per usual, but looked way more haggard; old man haggard. I felt sick.

I felt really sick.

He looked so depressed––in a way that only Squall Leonhart can bring new levels of meaning to the word.

"A group of people broke into Garden after getting past our defences in the Quad," he continued brusquely. His voice deadpanned; something I hadn't heard in a long while. "The SeeDs clustered there were groggy, and many were injured from grenades the group had on their person."

Um.

(Elle, have you ever felt like the world is ending? And no, I don't mean physically. I mean, yeah, Ultimecia was a big worry cuz she terrorised the universe––and all the timelines of the universe out there––but have you ever honest-to-Shiva felt like if an apocalypse came and raged its fiery might it'd probably be a good thing? These were my feelings exactly.)

"Casualties?" I squeaked.

"Two SeeDs and five cadets," Squall replied in a voice which suggested he would definitely kill the poop-heads that had done it but he was in no way concerned about upcoming memorials.

This lead me to suspect that what had happened related directly to him, and to his own personal life––and then it hit me like a gazillion tonne truck.

"Oh my gosh! Rinoa!" I screamed. "I was there, and then there were people there, and the shrapnel hit me, and did something happen to Rinoa? I'm so sorry, I didn't––"

"It's not your fault," he interrupted. Then sighed. "Rinoa was taken by the group."

"Taken?"

He blinked. Then shook his head. "I mean kidnapped," he added as an afterthought.

"Oh," I was relieved, but only a little. Rinny is in a sorta political situation right now, being the daughter of General Caraway and dating the son of the President of Esthar. But somehow I don't think that her kidnap had to do with politics. It wasn't well-known that she was the Sorceress, but if the information somehow leaked––

"So why'd they attack us, then? Why even bother?"

(I got the seriousness of the situation, Elle. Really. Just that … well, I did think this "group" was a bit idiotic, even if they did somehow manage to best SeeD.)

"Garden's motor functions have been destroyed," Squall deadpanned. And believe me, when Squall deadpans, it is not fun. "So we couldn't follow them or track their position. They got away."

Oh.

I lapsed back into unconsciousness, I'm pretty sure. Although I blamed the medication, Zell maintained that I'd looked more horrified than he'd ever seen anyone ever.

…personally, I find this hard to believe.

(Not really.)

(I dreamt again.

Irvy was there again. I remembered one of those talks we had on the sun panels of FH, before the world moved on and we went to fight things.

"So, Sefie," he glanced over at me. "What do you reckon? Think we'll win?"

"I don't know" I replied. "Do you?"

"'Course. Why shouldn't we? We're the good guys."

"And the good guys always win, right?"

"Damn straight."

I thought on it. "…so what if we're not the good guys?"

"Hm?"

"What if, like, we kill a Galbadian soldier who's engaged to the love of his life and has a bright and happy future ahead of him, but got stuck in the war cuz of conscription? What if we do bad things like that? When you think about it…"

He rolled over to face me. "Don't think about it."

"But––"

"Don't think about it. If you do, you forget what you're fighting. The good guys aren't the good guys because they spare all the innocents. The good guys are the ones who actually give a damn about other people, and don't try to win the war just to screw up everything. That's us, Sefie."

"Really?"

"Sure! Trust me. And plus, a beautiful girl like yourself couldn't possibly be evil––"

"Oh, shut it!" I smiled and grabbed his cowboy hat, which I did whenever he teased (flirted).

Those days in the sun … those were the days.

Everything goes black and pointless and I'm falling all over again.)

A week. A week!

Does anyone else agree that a whole week to recover is … err, preposterous? (A Squall-proof word.)

Doctor K told me that I'd gotten a serious head wound (well, no duh) and that I was under observation in case of head trauma that wasn't prevalent before––her words, not mine––and until I was in a properly healthy condition.

But I felt emotionally terrible. Doesn't that count for something? I mean, I feel guilty enough as it is, having failed to stop Rinoa from being kidnapped, and now I'm prevented from doing anything to help because of … because of doctor's orders!

Plus, Squall was being mean and wouldn't grant me leave.

"You are wounded and you must recover," says he. How pretentious. Which is a word Quisty taught me.

So I was basically fuming and stewing in the guilt for a week and not really concentrating on the head wound––which I'm sure must have accredited to some of the mood swings, because even I'm not that bi-polar.

(I'm twenty, Elle. I should be able to handle responsibility for myself, right? Obviously, according to Doctor K, not.)

I thought Elle and Sir Laguna had gone home, but on the last day of my "recovery period" Elle came to visit.

"Selph," she smiled. "How are you?"

"Annoyed," I replied whole-heartedly. "Can you use some voodoo to get Doctor K to let me leave already? Please? I'll buy you lunch?"

She laughed and it sounded brittle, brittle, brittle.

"I don't think it's really my decision, but," she gestured expansively at the doctor's desk, where Kadowaki was furiously scribbling out illegible stuff. "I'll have a word to her if you're good."

"Thankyou, thankyou!"

(This is why it was my last day in there, Elle. Thanks for that.)

I trudged on, noting Elle all desolate and tired-looking. "…so, I thought you and Si––err, Laguna and you had gone back to Esthar?"

She looked grim. "Laguna's worried about Squall, because he's barricaded himself in his office. He wants to find out where the people who kidnapped Rinoa are. He hasn't found any leads yet, but he's got basically every SeeD either researching or out on recon…"

Wow. Squall hasn't conducted a search this large … ever. Although everyone remembers how psycho he went when Rinoa was comatose, so I suppose a large-scale operation like this isn't surprising. Carrying a girl on his back for a gazillion (no, really) kilometres and hiking it to Esthar from FH is pretty crazy. This is just crazy of the organised kind.

"So Squall won't talk to anyone?"

"Not exactly…"

(Elle, I knew you didn't like the sound of saying that out loud.)

"But," she continued levelly. "He has a good reason for not talking to anyone, at least. He's reserved because he's worried. Before Rinoa, it was because he didn't care. This is an improvement, right?"

"Oh, sure," I told her, in a voice full of false cheer. "When Rinny's around to jab him in the elbow whenever he's rude, he's the epitome of I-hate-socialising-but-I'll-try-for-my-girlfriend's-sake."

She laughed again, but it sounded more depressed than I'm-really-trying. "That's true."

And … silence. Bah.

"So, why'd you come visit?" I asked innocently enough, breaking silence because I abhor (thank Quisty for the vocabulary) silence and everything to do with it. Not because it's an absence of noise, but because no one's making any. And that is just unnatural.

(I thought you'd say something like 'I was worried' or 'I wanted to see how terrible you looked' or even 'Quisty made me', Elle. I never expected a serious answer.)

"I wanted to … to try something," she admitted. "Squall's worrying me, too, and I––I tried to use my powers to go into Rinoa's past on him, but something stopped it. I think it's his Knight bond to Rinoa, intercepting it and changing it. So I decided that I would try it on you, because you were there with her when she was kidnapped. Only if you want to, of course," Elle added hastily.

Huh.

"You even have to ask?" I feigned hurt. "I love Rinoa, as in, a best friend and I'm fond of Squally too, as in, I feel mild empathy towards his pain. So yes. Muchly."

"Thankyou, Selphie," and I knew Elle meant it.

(I knew you meant it. All those times you told me Irvy was coming back, I knew you were lying. But now I knew you meant it.)

"Don't thank me. I've been lying in bed for the past week doing nothing, going nowhere, and basically hoping these kidnappers'll come back to blow up Garden some more so I'll have an excuse to move and hop-skip over to kick some butt."

Elle's magic is peculiar. And I mean that in a definitive way.

It's kind of like anaesthetic, and I remember the anaesthetic from Trabia when I had to have my appendix out. Because they have a no-GF-rule, Para-magic is a bit wonky, so they don't use it for operations. I remember feeling like my brain had floated away from my body, and that I was suddenly picnicking in a very nice place.

This is what Ellone does. It's nice, at least until you reach the actual connection part. Then you just feel everything that the person in question is going through.

(That part isn't fun.)

Suddenly, I open my eyes and see myself lying on the ground nearby, bleeding quite badly from the head. Um.

"Selphie!" says Rinoa/me.

-This is really freaky, Elle. I'm seeing myself.

-I know. Sorry.

The ringleader of the group that I'd seen before my unconsciousness stepped out from shadows and had a smile that I could only call psychotic.

"Sorceress," he addresses and I wish Rinny could teleport or something. "If you do not resist, then we will have no reason to harm you."

"Who are you?" snaps Rinoa/me.

-Go the sorceress! Whoo!

-Selphie.

-Sorry, Elle.

"Forgive me," says the man curtly, and bows. "But I am the one who will contain the Sorceress."

The way he says it, all it-would-be-capitalised-if-written-down, is very malevolent.

"What are you talking about?" Rinny (slash me) seems to debate on this for a moment, and then deems this man insane. "You're crazy!"

See?

The man does a hand gesture that I briefly recognise from some of Quisty's lectures as a kill the bitch sort of signal (his gesticulation, not mine).

Two men step out with guns. Which are too small to be proper pistols, so I'm guessing tranquiliser? I wonder if they know that sorceresses are generally immune to things like that. They must do. Someone can't be that dim-witted, especially if they'd managed to get past SeeDs and a murderous Squall Leonhart.

I feel myself (Rinoa) stiffen.

"You hate sorceresses?"

"I don't hate them. That's petty. I just want the world rid of them."

And then something hit me/Rinoa, and it all went black, and I had the strangest feeling of déjà vu.

-Well, that was brief. He didn't exactly waste any time? What happened to the witty repartee section?

-Ssh. The important part is coming.

The scene morphed, and I saw Rinoa huddled on the ground, looking horrible. There wasn't a word to describe it. I could use 'she is suffering from hyper-malnutrition' but I felt sick. And it wasn't just me who felt sick, it was whoever's point of view I was viewing from.

-I thought it had to be people you knew, Elle…?

-Ssh.

"Sorceress?" the voice was haggard, strangely familiar, but rather guttural.

"Go away," says Rinoa, in the smallest voice I think I've ever heard her use.

(Gods. Let me go to her, let me bring Squall to her, seriously!)

"I've … brought your food," the voice hesitantly confirms. Definitely male.

"Why bother?" she replies, not looking up. "They're just going to … to do something to me later, so why bother with the niceties? Just go. If I die, at least I can pass on my powers to someone out of your reach. Then I'll feel greater satisfaction."

Whoa.

-Go Rinny…

"Boss says I have to force you to eat it," the voice tries again, and I get the hints of an old Galbadian accent coming through.

Rinoa looks up, acid in her eyes. Then stops. And looks as surprised as I feel.

"You––!"

It cuts off abruptly.

-Sorry, Selph, I'm having trouble keeping this up … I'll give it one more go…

-Thanks, Elle.

The scene changes again. I'm in the passenger seat of an old pick-up trick, and it's zooming along a highway. I can see Galbadia Garden in the distance.

"So," says a female voice to my right. "What's up with that sorceress chick?"

"She's a hellion, to be sure," I/the voice reply. "But are you sure she's dangerous? Because…"

"C'mon, the boss hears you talk like that, you're dead meat. Even if he is mildly fond of ya and all."

"Haha," the voice sounds like something just knifed it. "Funny."

Sarcasm, sarcasm.

"Yeah, well, we'd better get back to base. It's not far, right? I swear, the underground sucks."

"Mainly because you'd swear the entrance moves whenever you try to find it."

And I was jolted awake very suddenly.

Elle's magic is definitely peculiar. And inopportune.

So, Elle says, we know that: a) the entrance is near to Galbadia Garden b) freaky Galbadian people kidnapped Rinny c) we have to get her back ASAP and, finally, d) if Martine has absolutely anything to do with this, I will kill him single-handedly and find it a pleasant experience the whole time.

(I said the last one, not Elle.)

And then she says: we have to tell Squall.

I concur.

(Elle, you never told me how you could've viewed the scene through the eyes of someone you supposedly didn't know. You never explained.

Did you know all along what would happen?

I mean, you just let me think the things I thought even though they were wrong.

That's not very fair of you.

I can hear you right now: "But, Selph, life isn't fair."

…I should've paid attention in class.)

Chapter two finished! Sorry for the wait. I didn't think it would take this long. And yes, I do not like this chapter that much. I still think my first chapter was better. But still. Feedback is still nice and loveable, and pressing the button which-I-cannot-figure-out-the-proper-colour-of would make me happy.

Thankyou all for reading this far if you have!