It's time to draw the lucky boy tribute. I hardly have time to think about it before she withdraws the first slip she touches and calls out the name.
'Peeta Mellark!'
That's my name. Me. She's called my name.
I just stare at her for a moment as she scans the crowd looking for the new tribute, looking for me. Me. Peeta Mellark. They're waiting for me to walk up. My limbs feel heavy and I can't seem to move. I feel hands gripping my shoulders and arms and turn to see my friends with equally stricken looks on their faces. I glimpse Linden looking frantically at me and I shake my head at him. I don't want him to volunteer for me, and I'm not sure he would anyway. Easier for me to say no before saying anything. Somehow I find the will to move my heavy legs and the crowd parts before me. I try to hide my emotions but I don't know how well I'm doing. I keep my eyes on Katniss and the stage as I make my way through the crowd and I am grateful that my legs are steady as I climb onto the stage and take my place.
Effie calls for volunteers. I see some people glance and stare at Linden but thankfully he remains quiet. This is normal for District 12. Katniss is a rarity.
The mayor starts reading out the long, dull Treaty of Treason like he does every year. But every other year I am watching from the crowd. Now I am standing near him on the stage and I take in even less of it than usual. My heart is beating too fast.
I know that I am going to die. I could never kill Katniss. She has no idea how I feel about her. I don't think she even knows who I am. If I want to put a positive spin on this horrible situation, at least she knows my name now, and I will finally speak to her. But it's hard to be positive when you are staring forced death in the face. Execution almost, for a crime that I didn't commit. That none of us committed. And now we will be forced to fight to the death and only one of us can survive. I decide there on the stage as the mayor drones on and on that I will do all in my power to make sure Katniss is the victor. I want Katniss to come home.
I am slightly surprised at my resolve, that I would choose death over the life of a girl that I have never spoken to. I sometimes wonder what I would do in extreme situations. Would I have volunteered to save Linden if he had been reaped? I honestly don't know, and now I never will. Yet I don't hesitate in my vow to save Katniss. Why does she mean so much to me?
I don't have an honest answer for that.
Before I know it the mayor has finished his speech and is motioning for Katniss and I to shake hands. I look directly into her eyes for the first time. She doesn't look afraid, but I give her hand what is meant to be a reassuring squeeze. I'm not quite sure who I am trying to reassure though. Her eyes give nothing away.
The anthem of Panem starts to play and we turn back to face the crowd. The moment it ends the Peacekeepers come and escort us into the Justice Building. We are directed into different rooms to wait for our friends and family. We are allowed one hour, one measly hour to say goodbye to our old life.
I have never been in the Justice Building before. I am momentarily shocked by the lavish furniture and carpets and can't help running my fingers over the chairs. I don't know what the material is, but it feels so strange and nice to touch and it distracts me for a moment.
My family come in first. My father crosses the room quickly and folds me into his arms. I don't resist. After a long moment where I draw comfort and strength from my fathers strong embrace, I let go and look around. My brothers both look stricken. Kersen has his arms tightly around Mellie who is quietly sobbing into Daisy's hair. My mother is just staring at me, and as usual I can't read her expression. We all sink down into the comfortable chairs and couches, and I reach for Daisy. I hold her tightly on my lap. I don't know what to say, and it seems like no one else does either. Mellie is still sobbing and my father looks like he is choking on something.
'Peeta,' Linden starts. 'I'm sorry, I should have volunteered. I'm sorry I couldn't do it, I'm -'
I cut him off. 'Don't Linden. I didn't want you to.'
My mother can't seem to stay still. She stands up from her seat beside me and goes over to the window, looking down on the street.
'Well, maybe District 12 will finally have a victor.' I look up at her, we all do, but she's not looking at any of us. My heart swells with a happiness I can't describe that she thinks I could make it, I could win. Then she shatters it. 'She's a surviver, that one.' She doesn't mean me. She means Katniss. Not even my own mother thinks I can win.
'Greta,' my father frowns at her but she just shrugs as if she's already given up on me. I bitterly wonder why she even came to say goodbye.
Mellie grabs my hand and squeezes it. 'Please come home Peeta, please come home.'
Kersen puts his large hand over Mellie's and mine and looks into my eyes. 'You can do it little brother. Be smart. I know you have a few brain cells up there somewhere. Learn what you can in training and come home!'
Daisy starts to cry. I'm holding her to tightly. I stare at my father, my gentle wonderful father. Long past is the time when I thought my father could fix anything, although I wish he could fix this.
'Peeta… I wish you didn't have to do this. I wish I could do something. I…' A tear rolls down his cheek and suddenly I am crying the tears that I have been trying to hold in since my name was read out. He leans over to hug me again, and then everyone is holding me apart from our mother. She just stares out the window.
My father starts talking. 'Don't let them change you. Don't become someone you're not. You are a good person Peeta. Don't let them take that away from you.'
Too soon a Peacekeeper is there telling us the time is up. I can't seem to stop crying. My brothers, my sister-in-law, my niece, my mother, my father - I will never see them again. I can't promise them that I will come home because I know I won't. They all give me last hugs, last bits of tearful advice and sometimes I'm not sure who is comforting who more. Regretfully I hand Daisy back to Mellie. It suddenly strikes me that I won't be able to watch her grow up and what I'm loosing hits me hard again.
My father is the last to leave the room and he asks me to promise to try and win.
'I can't Dad, I… Katniss… I…' He smiles grimly and holds his hand up.
'I understand. But please promise me that if something happens to her, then you will not give up, you will come home.' I nod. 'I love you, Peeta.' He gives me one last big hug and then he is gone.
'I love you too, Dad.'
I never said that enough.
I sit down again and try to get my crying under control.
A few moments later some of my friends come in. Joss, Harken, Cory and Moris all come in, as well as Delly and Mira. The girls both hug me, crying. They don't think I'll come home. No one does. I don't blame them. I know that I'm not.
No one says this of course. We talk aimlessly about anything but the Hunger Games, but it hovers over us like a big black cloud.
Again, too soon, they are being led out by the Peacekeepers.
I sit alone for awhile. No one else comes.
All too soon, the Peacekeepers are back and ushering Katniss and I into a car for the short ride to the train station. I keep glancing at Katniss, but she stares resolutely out the window, ignoring me. It's understandable. She doesn't know me, I bet she didn't even know my name until an hour ago. She will assume that I am her enemy. She'll assume that I want to survive, and for me to survive would mean her death. She doesn't know how wrong she is.
We pull up in front of the station and I wonder how red my eyes must be. They will know that I have been crying. I don't care. Maybe they'll think twice about how barbaric they are. Probably not.
They make us stand for a few minutes in the train doorway, letting the cameras, and through them, all of Panem, soak up the 74th tributes from District 12. I glimpse Joss and Harken at the back of the crowd. Too soon, my last sight of home is over as we're ushered inside and the doors close behind us.
Goodbye District 12.