Forgetful Valley is a dark place. The trees and overgrowth are packed so tightly together that sunshine cannot penetrate the leafy canopy. The only way to tell whether it's night or day is by listening for the animals that only come out near midnight, howling and screeching and bellowing at the earth, at the sky, at each other. When they recede, they leave long, dragging claw marks on the trees and boulders, driving home one message: 'Be Afraid'.
The only safe places to sleep are in the treetops, or on the shelves of rock that jut out of the cliffs, too high up for the night animals to reach. But even then, it's cold. It's scary. Living in Forgetful Valley is just that – full of forgetting. You forget the sound of your loved ones' voices. You forget the feel of sunlight. You forget everything that means anything, till the only thing left in your head is the fear, the insecurity that makes you wonder if you should even be trying this hard to survive.
She's been here for so long, it's easy for her to tell when the night animals are getting ready to wake up. There is a distinct tension that gathers in the air; almost as though the plants and rocks themselves are bracing themselves for what's to come.
She braces herself, too, and climbs up onto a shelf of rock, shaded by the towering cliff it's attached to. It leads into a small cave that is cold, but clean and dry.
She lies down, curls up into a ball, and waits for it to begin.
"My daughter –"
The voice comes out of nowhere, and she starts violently. She opens her eyes a crack and sees the face of her mother, beautiful and tear-streaked.
"Go back – find your own destiny –"
"Leave me alone!" she hisses, clamping her hands over her ears and curling up more tightly. "Why do you have to do this every single night? Can't you leave me alone for once?"
Her mother opens her mouth to respond, but then she is shoved out of the way by a man with long, gleaming black hair and a pointed beard.
"Azula!" he thunders, his voice threatening. "How DARE you conspire with your mother against your Fire Lord! I sent you on this search to exploit your filthy brother's weaknesses, and what do you do?" His fingers twitch, as though they long to shoot the sparks they've been robbed of years ago. "You fall prey to your OWN whims! You, the one person I thought I could trust! You, girl, are nothing but a blight on this family!"
"I am NOT a blight on this family!" Azula cries back at him, glaring at him from beneath her arms. "I am the only descendant of Sozin who is worthy of the throne! Admit it, Father! You envy me as much as Mother feared me!"
"You… will... learn… RESPECT!" Ozai roars, and suddenly the flames are bursting from his palms, engulfing both rocklike fists. Very, very faintly, she can see the image of the Agni Kai Stage forming behind him, translucent against the trees of Forgetful Valley. "And suffering will be your teacher!"
His fist zooms towards her left eye, but just before it makes contact, a bloodcurdling howl shatters the silence of the night. Ozai vanishes, taking his flames with him, and Azula clutches her head, her breathing shallow.
The hallucinations are gone.
Now time to deal with something just as frightening.
0o0
Try as she might, Azula can't fall asleep – not because the rock is hard; she's gotten used to it ages ago. No, it's because she can hear the night animals loping through the valley below her, some thudding on four legs and others slithering through the underbrush.
She's learned to distinguish the sounds they make.
Their howls of authority.
Their hunting calls.
Their growls out of fear of something more terrifying than they.
Azula picks at a bit of moss growing in a corner of the cave, listening to both the animal sounds and the clamor of human voices in her head, and realizes she isn't shivering because of the night wind.
0o0
Eight and a half months.
That's how long she's been in this eternal night.
In that time, her tunic has become ragged and threadbare; her hair has grown long, falling almost down to her waist. Her nails are all broken from climbing trees and rocks to find shelter. And the shadows beneath her eyes have become so dark, so pronounced against her sheet-pale skin, that she could pass for a living corpse rather than a human being.
She's no Fire Nation Princess.
She's a hermit with no family, no belongings, and no sense of being anymore.
Suddenly, anger flares up inside her, and she blasts a ball of blue fire into the cave's wall. Why HER? Why did SHE, of all people, have to plummet so far, hit rock bottom so hard?
And she –
BLAST!
Doesn't –
KRACK!
Have – the slightest – idea –
FWOOM! SHINK! CRACKLE!
What to do with herself now.
Kshhhhh…
Abruptly, the flames sizzle out, and Azula scrubs angrily at her eyes, which are stinging from the smoke. Tired, defeated. That's all she is right now.
She raises her hands again and flicks a finger. A spark leaps forward and begins to burn in the center of the cave, quickly becoming a large, bluebell-colored bonfire.
Azula huddles close to it, pulls her knees up, and wraps her arms around them, her fingers digging so tightly into her calves that she feels bruises forming. She's shaking as the hallucinations dance through her cave, moving their mouths soundlessly – Azulon and Sozin, waving their crowns at each other and glaring; Avatar Roku watching them both, as though prepared to intervene if need be.
"Get out of here," Azula hisses, and allows a whiplike lash of fire to stream out of her mouth. The flames explode against the cave's wall, and when the embers die away, the faces of the past are gone.
She makes a noise of frustration and hugs herself tighter. She hates these hallucinations…
Why won't they just go away…
She HATES this…
She hates everyone…!
Why her? Why her?
And why won't her own head let her FORGET?
Why won't it destroy that tiny voice inside her…
The one that's been speaking since… since…
"ARGH!"
Azula clutches her head and falls over, fire billowing out of her mouth in clouds, scorching the walls, tearing out into the night –
And then suddenly her flames are cut off; she chokes, struggling to regain her breath –
And freezes.
Because standing before her is a girl with white hair and blue eyes, who glows with the silver-white light of the moon itself, who is most certainly not a hallucination.
And she is smiling, the first smile Azula has seen in a long, long, long time.
The fire princess's mouth is hanging open. She feels her mind moving in slow motion. Should she strike, or –?
The glowing girl stretches out a hand and gently closes Azula's mouth.
"Sorry," she says. Her voice is quiet, like a night breeze. "Wouldn't want any bugs to fly into your mouth."
Azula finds her voice again. "Who are you?" she spits. "Stay back – I'm warning you!"
The girl raises her hands, not seeming the least bit afraid… and that makes Azula shrink back, just a little bit. "I don't mean to frighten you, Princess Azula. I only wondered why a fighter like you would resign herself to living this way. Forgetful Valley is a dangerous place…"
"How do you know my name? Where did you come from? Why are you glowing like that?" Azula demands. "Who are you?"
"My name is Yue," the girl says, and when Azula looks down, she realizes that the girl is floating a good three inches off the ground. "And I make my home in the moon." Yue tilts her head, gazing at Azula's dumbstruck face. Her expression is tender. Azula's is anything but.
"Go back to the moon, then," Azula snaps, turning away, shaking. "I don't need your sappy sympathy."
Yue looks at her, and for some reason, sadness fills her eyes. "I didn't come here of my own accord," she says. "You were the one that called me here."
"Did I?" Azula growls, staring fixedly at the wall. This is a terrible dream. She can't tell if she's awake or asleep, because everything is shifting in and out of focus. "Well, now I'm sending you back. Why can't you stupid dream-people leave me alone?"
"Is this a dream?" Yue says. She looks amused, and Azula doesn't like it.
"No. I'm fairly sure it's a nightmare."
Yue laughs, and her glow becomes brighter. Azula glares at her.
"I'm sorry," the glowing girl says, her smile melting away. "I didn't mean…" She trails off, looks into Azula's eyes searchingly. "Princess," she murmurs, almost to herself.
"About time you showed some respect."
"I've learned much about you."
"Oh?" Azula snickers, but her laugh is humorless. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but you're just a hallucination – one of many. You don't know anything about me."
"I know you're a princess of the Fire Nation, who, merely a year ago, was poised to be the ruler of her people," Yue says quietly.
"Who doesn't know that?" Azula snarls, feeling that sharp pang between her ribs.
"And I know that you are bright and you're talented. Your fire burns brighter than anyone else's, and your skill as a warrior is unmatched. But…"
"But what?" she demands.
Yue hesitates. "But since you were young, you've been lonely and isolated, even when you're in a group of friends. You're a gem in the eyes of your father, even though he's never shown you any affection other than an occasional pat on the head. You're used to being revered; you just want to be accepted. You claim to hate your family, yet deep down, you've awakened the spark of lo –"
"STOP!"
Azula is on her feet in a flash.
"I don't LOVE anyone!" she hurls at Yue. "I am a master of fire and flame, deserving of praise and adoration! I don't need love! Now GET LOST!"
But Yue doesn't move, and after a moment, Azula collapses to the floor in a heap, trembling harder than ever before.
"Go away," she whispers plaintively. "Just… go away."
She feels a slim finger under her chin, and then Yue tilts Azula's face upward.
"I remember what it's like," the girl from the moon whispers, "to be young, and to be afraid."
Azula can't move.
"I can help you," Yue says softly.
Azula spasms, and a memory flashes through her mind –
"Come back!
I can help you!
I WANT to help you!"
"You want to help me?" Azula hisses, her voice breaking. "Do me a favor, then. Get these voices out of my head. And then – get rid of the people who made me this way."
Faces flash through her mind.
You don't want this, a lone voice in her head protests.
Shut up! Azula commands it.
Yue shakes her head. "I might be a healer, but I sense that what's in here…" She taps a finger on Azula's forehead. "It's not just a medical disorder. Your soul itself is restless."
"Perfect," Azula snips, but the insult is feeble. Her eyes are watering, and she roughly swipes at them. "Just prescribe me a few cups of soul-healing tea, then, and I'll be back to normal."
Yue sighs. "It is not so simple…"
Azula closes her eyes, and hears her father's voice roaring at her.
"Azula – control yourself!"
"Why not?" she whispers, her voice trembling. "I hate this. I want..." She pauses, fixes the break in her voice. "I want to be normal again."
"I know."
Mixed emotions rise in Azula – anger and fear and hurt and something oddly painful, something she shoves back down again –
And an idea forms within her.
If her mind becomes again full and unbroken…
If she is longer tormented by the ghosts of her past…
If she can regain her dignity, her honor…
She might be able to reclaim the throne.
HER throne.
Her rightful place in the world.
The one HE took from her.
That's what she really wants.
Isn't it?
"There must be some way," she bites out, not telling the moon-girl what's on her mind. "There must be some way for you to fix me…"
"There is," Yue says.
Azula's heart leaps. "Tell me!"
Yue straightens, and the cave's temperature, despite the blue flames, becomes considerably colder. "Princess, is it truly your deepest wish to be cured of this disease? Do you wish to regain your true identity? And do you wish to free yourself from the chains placed on the core of you being?"
Azula looks into Yue's eyes and feels, for the first time in eight months, something like excitement rising within her.
This is it.
This is her chance –
Azula, my daughter, Ursa pleads in her head. Stop this madness. The throne is not your destiny, it's Zu –
DON'T EVER SAY THAT NAME AGAIN! Azula screams inwardly at her mother.
He is your brother!
HE – WANTS – ME – DEAD!
Ursa's sigh is almost too quiet to be heard.
I wish, she whispers as she melts away, you wouldn't tell yourself such tales. You only hurt yourself in the end.
"Well?" Yue says. Her expression is curious. Almost as though she knows what exactly is going on within the Fire Princess's head.
Azula takes a deep breath. She hears that tiny voice – the only voice that's not a hallucination – speak up again, protesting. But she ignores it and turns to the white-haired girl before her.
"Yes," she whispers. "It is."
Yue bends toward her, suddenly glowing as brightly as the full moon itself. "Then hold still."
The moon-girl reaches out and presses, with surprising strength, one finger on Azula's forehead and the other on the space just below Azula's collarbone. For a moment, nothing happens.
And then the light bursts forth.
It's blinding, silver, and pure; it radiates from Azula's forehead and torso, streaming up Yue's fingers and cloaking her mystical figure in a veil of brightness. The light is hot. Very hot. And yet, there is no pain; just an uncomfortable feeling in Azula's lungs, as though the air within them has suddenly contracted.
Then Yue speaks in a voice that is nothing like her previous, musical lilt. This voice is deeper, reverberating and rolling. Powerful.
"Princess Azula of the Fire Nation," Yue rumbles. "Your mind is broken, but your heart is even more so. Thus I, with my restricted capabilities, have chosen to help you. I, with my limited ability to administer remedies, can only heal half of what you desire – I will heal your mind of the faces that trouble you, but the voices will remain. These voices, too, will eventually vanish once you set foot on the path of your true destiny. But if you choose to stray away from your path, your problem will but worsen. I can show you the direction that will help you find your destiny, but it is upon you to see it through to the end. I can only light your torch; it is up to you to carry it."
Yue withdraws her hands, and Azula collapses back against the rock wall, her head spinning. The moon-girl raises the princess back to her feet and turns Azula's head forward, so that she's staring out of the mouth of the cave.
Stretching through Forgetful Valley is a path, one that had most certainly not been there a moment ago. It glows silver like Yue's light, winding like a great snake through the trees, as far as Azula can see.
"Follow this path," Yue tells her. "Follow it as far as it stretches, and by the time you reach the end, you will be healed. If you don't… then there is nothing more I can do to help you."
"Ngh…" Azula blinks several times. Her eyelids suddenly feel heavy, and Yue's face blurs out of focus. "My throne… how will… I…"
Yue gently reaches out and brushes a lock of hair out of Azula's face – just like Ursa used to do. "When morning comes, begin walking," she says. "You'll know exactly where to go. Best of luck, Princess Azula."
0o0
Azula awoke with a start.
Her head throbbed nastily, and when she sat up slowly and looked around, she saw that there were no traces of any fire anywhere – not even the blue bonfire she'd lit the night before.
She rubbed her eyes, feeling immensely disappointed.
"Stupid dream," she muttered, pulling herself slowly upright.
The forest beyond the cave was only slightly less dark than had been when she fell asleep. It was daytime at last. She climbed down from the rock shelf and dropped to the ground. Not too unexpectedly, there was no silver path – just trees, trees, and more trees, spreading in every direction.
Azula rubbed her temples with both hands. But that dream… it had felt so real…
Well, Azula scoffed at herself, everyone knows you can't trust things that aren't real. Like hallucinations, for one. I bet that was what it was. Just a stupid –
She stopped.
Without realizing it, she had begun walking… weaving her way through the trees…
When morning comes, begin walking. You'll know exactly where to go.
Azula froze, her thoughts flashing back to the previous night's dream.
Perhaps this was another trick of her mind…
But then again…
…What did she have to lose?
Maybe, if she really did keep walking aimlessly, she would finally get out of this forsaken place.
And perhaps she really could find her destiny.
"Alright, Yue," Azula muttered at the dream-image, still firmly engraved in her head. Her thoughts flashed back to her thrown, her crown, both in the grasp of the wrong person. "You win. I'll start walking… we'll see if your promise holds true."
Not that she believed it would.
It had only been a dream, after all.
I will heal your mind of the faces that trouble you, but the voices will remain…
These voices, too, will eventually vanish once you set foot on the path of your true destiny…
But if you choose to stray away from your path, your problem will but worsen…
I can show you the direction that will help you find your destiny, but it is upon you to see it through to the end.
I can only light your torch; it is up to you to carry it.
...Because everyone loves Azula-centric angst! :)
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Silverbells