Chapter One:

Remembrance

There are a few things that I'm sure you're aware of by now. Number one: I'm a Conduit. A fire Conduit, to be exact. Number two: Cole happens to be my dad through a strange series of coincidences and choices. Number three: I'm unconscious.

With everything that's happened to me ever since I escaped Kessler and became a fire Conduit, sometimes I wish I could just stay unconscious and never wake up, just so I don't have to deal with the shit that comes at me. Sometimes I wanna find a corner and curl up in it, watching the world go by and whatever.

Well, I was kinda doin' that. You see, since I'm unconscious, I'm dreaming. It usually happens with me. But it wasn't so much as dreams as they were memories. Everything from when I was born (seriously, not pretty) to when I'd 'escaped' Kessler, to when I'd blacked out, staring into the pure onyx eyes of myself. Hell, I didn't really understand what was going on then, only that I was me and she was me. And I thought I'd been having an identity crisis when I'd woke up in that hospital bed…

But I could see everything. I was remembering everything, that much I knew. I remembered that hate I had for Kessler, the relief when Dana had been put in the cage next to mine. She had been someone I could finally talk to. I remember Kessler peering at me through the bars that were my prison, and saying, "My favourite Vessel." When he'd first said that, I didn't understand.

Now I did, which meant it was time to wake up.

When I finally managed to peel open my eyes, I was staring at the night sky. There wasn't a cloud up there, and the stars seemed a little more prominent than I'd ever seen 'em.

"My friggin' head…" I muttered, sitting up and holding it in my hands. "Dammit. I thought…" I remembered the cathedral, and Bertrand. "Where the hell…?"

Lucy came up to the roof, landing on it gracefully. "Joan! Oh, thank God you're awake! Cole and I were worried sick!"

I nodded. "I can tell. You look like you haven't slept a wink." I tentatively got up, rubbing where I'd remembered Bertrand sticking his arm into me. "Damn… What the hell happened? I was confronting Bertrand, and then he grabbed some sort of… thing, and his arm was inside of me…" I shuddered. "And then I saw… me." I laughed half-heartedly. "I must be goin' totally bonkers."

The look on Lucy's face conformed otherwise.

"Woah, wait a sec!" I said, standing up quickly. "So, I really saw…?"

She nodded. "Joan, she said her name was Kayce."

I stared dumbly at her. "But… I'm…!" And then I understood. Thank-you, weird and convenient memories! "Call Cole. I need to talk to you both. Get Zeke too, if you can."

Lucy nodded and grabbed her cell. "They'll most likely be here in two minutes."

I nodded and went inside. Now that I remembered everything—and I mean everything, I'd have to tell them what I knew. About Kessler, and how he used to call me a "Vessel". I understood, which meant that we'd still be in the fight.

Cole and Zeke were at the hideout in no time at all. Both guys hugged me until I couldn't breathe, and then they, along with Lucy, sat at the table. I decided not to, since I'd already been unconscious and I liked to stand to get my strength back.

"So, Cole, Lucy tells me that you guys fought some sort of demented version of me calling herself, 'Kayce'." I said.

He nodded. "Yeah, but her colour scheme was totally different than yours. Makes it kinda convenient to tell who you are."

I rubbed my head. "When I woke up, I remembered."

"Remembered what?" Zeke asked.

"Everything," I answered simply. "I remember what Kessler did to me, and what happened the day of the Blast." I sat down, taking a deep breath. "And I know why Kessler called me a 'Vessel'."

Cole leaned forward. "A few Dead Drops that I found of Wolfe's said that Kessler had come to New Marias a few times. Mostly to meet with the original Bertrand."

"Well, he got to Bert Jr. too," I told him. "Before I confronted Bertrand, he said that the 'Angel Kessler' gave him some sort of 'divine mission' to carry out. So I came out of my hiding spot and I was gonna burn his face off, when he grabbed this device thing or whatever, and stuck it inside of me, as well as his arm. I felt him grab hold of something, and when he pulled it out of me, I saw me." I sighed. "Or, at least, that demented and much bitchier version of me."

"Woah…" Zeke mouthed. "So, she's like Nega-Joan or somethin'?"

"She's me." I rubbed my head. "I don't know most of the details, but somehow, my hate for Kessler somehow created her, and my hate for him was her love for him. Therefore, most of my relationships with her should be pretty twisted. Kessler called me a 'Vessel' because I was harbouring Kayce inside of me." I sighed. "Somehow, I feel like Kayce was the one who Kessler intended me to be. Maybe Joan—the person I am now—wasn't supposed to exist at all."

Cole squeezed my shoulder. "Asshole and manipulative bastard as he was, Kessler's intentions were good. Mostly." Cole ruffled my hair. "We need to find out what Kessler was planning before we jump to conclusions."

I put on my best "brave" face. "I guess you're right. Now, we just gotta find this bitch. Any luck?"

"No," Cole answered, shaking his head. "She disappears too quickly for me to follow, and when she wants to hide, she can sure as hell hide."

"And with mess that she leaves behind, that's sayin' somethin'," Zeke added. "I thought teens these days didn't exercise…?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "No, that's just what we want people to think." I got up and stretched. "There's one more thing I remembered."

"What is it?" Lucy asked.

I smiled. "I remembered where my mom lives. And I know she's alive. She has some info on me from when the First Sons'd been doing their tests on me."

"So… she might have a way to get rid of Kayce?" Lucy asked excitedly.

I nodded. "It's possible. I'm gonna go lookin' for her to make sure. Anybody wanna come?"

Cole stood up. "I'll go."

"You can't, Cole!" Lucy exclaimed. "What if she thinks you're Kessler? Not to mention that the Rebels need your help here, and the people will find much more reassurance with you being here and fighting against Kayce, Bertrand and the Militia, instead of going off for God knows how long!"

Cole frowned. "Fine. I'll stay. But no one else can leave here, since you, Lucy, are also a big part of the Rebels, and Zeke's still doing undercover work for the Militia."

"I'm calling Lance," Lucy declared, getting her cell phone out.

I froze. "Woah! Stop right there! I don't think we wanna bring Lance into this!"

"We need someone to go with you, and we trust him," Cole explained. "Besides, you saw what Lance did to the armour of a Devourer with just one punch. That kid's stronger than he looks, and I'm sure, if you're ambushed, that he'll be able to protect himself."

Zeke left the table quickly and came back with two handguns. "And just in case, give 'im these."

I frowned and took the guns. "You guys sure have a lot of confidence in him."

"Don't you?" Zeke asked.

I shrugged. "I'd rather not have him getting hurt…"

Lucy shut her phone. "He's agreed to meet us here in ten minutes. Joan, get some things together and get ready."

One of Cole's eyebrows rose. "Where exactly does your mom live?"

"Canada."

Cole sighed. "You're gonna be gone for a while. You'd better pack. And put some of my shirts in a suitcase for Lance; he'll need 'em."

I nodded. "I'll be back before you guys know it!"