I always thought it would be cool if this got its own page on TV Tropes. Hmm, I'll have to look into that, but first I'll need to catalogue to various tropes. Let me know if you spot any, k?
~Arthur Drakoni
"Are we there yet?" asked Kurumu for the umpteenth time.
"We get there when we get there!" snarled Izumi.
The Silver Bullets were on a mission to investigate a planet that was only few light-years away from Earth, and L had insisted on Izumi accompanying them. L had tried to frame this as having to do with the piloting of the Silver Star-Streakier, the ship the Silver Bullets used for interplanetary missions, but everyone knew it was really so she could chaperone them.
"Hang in there, you should have the planet coming into view about now," said L via the communicator link.
A quick look out the windows confirmed that the Silver Star-Streakier was indeed entering the orbit of the planet; it was almost completely covered in desert, with hardly any bodies of water to speak of.
"So, what's it called?" asked Percy.
"Abydos, I mentioned that in the pre-mission briefing before you guys launched."
"Anti-matter engines powering down now," said Mako, who was serving as copilot.
However, the ship was not slowing down; in fact, it seemed to be speeding up as Abydos grew ever closer. Izumi and Mako frantically checked all of the major systems to see what could be causing the problem, but according to the panels everything was fine.
"We're gonna hit the atmosphere too fast!" exclaimed Al.
"We can't die; we haven't had a chance to have space ice cream yet!" shouted Bolin.
"Everyone listen to me, now! You're going to have to manually activate the ship's parachute mechanisms, located at both ends of the ship. However…"
Before L had even finished before Mako, Percy, Ed, and Kurumu were racing to the back of the ship. Everyone agreed, via their communicators, to activate the parachutes on the count of three. As soon as the buttons were mashed an alarm started blaring, and two metal bulkheads severed the Silver Star-Streakier in half. The violent spinning of the two halves of the once glorious spacecraft spun violently as they plummeted to the surface of Abydos, and before long everybody blacked-out.
Transition!
When Kurumu regained consciousness she found herself sprawled on top of Ed with her breasts smothering his face (nothing new there); however, she could also feel a hand on her butt, and it was Mako's hand!
"You pervert!" shouted Kurumu as she kicked Mako in the face.
"Huh? Where am I?" groaned Mako as he regained consciousness.
"Air! Sweet, sweet air!" gasped Ed.
"Guys, you should probably take a look at this!" said Percy as he poked his head through the exit hatch.
When everyone climbed out of the hatch they saw what Percy meant; it was the afternoon, turning to evening, and they were surrounded by desert on all sides. In the distances there appeared to be a city of some sort, but then there was the matter of getting to it.
"Well, at least the atmosphere's breathable," remarked Ed.
"But if we don't find water we'll only last a day at most, and that's being optimistic," said Mako. "Besides, we don't know what's out there."
Kurumu jumped back into the half-ship and searched through as many containers and compartments as she could find until she got what looking for; L always made a point of including as many emergency situation guides in as possible just in case.
"Looks like we're good as far as water and food go, for a few days anyway, and this halve of the ship will make good shelter when night comes."
"It say anything useful about Abydos?" asked Ed.
"Mostly desert, very few bodies of water, a day is 36 hours long, gravity slightly lower than on earth, breathable atmosphere; mostly basic stuff like that," said Kurumu.
"So the natives could be, like, green, and have four arms and tusks?" asked Percy as he tossed a model glider.
The glider traveled smoothly along the air currents, and it seemed like it would have kept on going at a consistent rate if Percy hadn't rushed over to catch it. The glider was a model of the Saqqara Bird, which Percy had built when the Silver Bullets had studied ancient Egypt in their tutoring sessions. Kurumu was watching fixatedly as Percy twirl the replica glider in his fingers.
"What?"
"I was thinking; the winds are strong enough to support a gliding craft, so why not make a hot air balloon? We could use material from the parachute, which Ed could transmute together, Mako can provide the flame, and I can fly so that's one less person."
"That could actually work! I say we go for it!" said Ed.
"But we don't know what might be out there, or it they're friendly!" Mako objected.
"Yeah, but that's why we're here in the first place, isn't it?" asked Percy.
Somewhat reluctantly, Mako consented to the plan, reasoning that it would be a good way to find the rest of the Silver Bullets. In no time at the makeshift hot air balloon had been constructed, and was ready for flight. Everyone waited for a gust of wind to catch the balloon's canopy, and with a fire blast from Mako, they were airborne; Kurumu changed into her succubus form and joined the boys as they flew over the golden desert landscape.
"It's so beautiful! Almost makes the whole thing worth it!" laughed Mako over the rush of the wind.
"Oh I'm sorry, what was that?" Kurumu teased playfully.
The city in the distance was growing ever closer, but suddenly something ripped into the canopy of the balloon. Kurumu tried to lift Ed towards the rips in the fabric, while Mako desperately tried to keep the balloon aloft, but whatever was being fired at them kept coming. Soon it was too much and the balloon crashed into a sand dune; before they had time to react the four Bullets were struck on the back of their heads, and everything faded to black.
Transition!
Al, Izumi, Bolin, and Mizore had just regained consciousness and were doing their best to get back to their feet and assess their current situation.
"L tried to warn them, to get them to look before they leapt, but did they listen? No!" muttered Izumi.
"Hey! You guys will never believe what I'm looking at! We're in ancient Egypt!" called Bolin from outside the half-ship.
Everyone climbed out the hatch, and sure enough, they were in the middle of, what by all accounts, looked to be an ancient Egyptian temple, minus the ancient. The crash-landing of the half-ship had topped a row of columns, knocked over some statues, and ruined a topiary garden, but the over-all temple complex was relatively intact.
"That art looks like Amarna style, from the reign of Pharaoh Akhenaten," said Mizore.
"So, we're back in time?" asked Bolin.
"Earth's only had one moon in all of its history," said Izumi, motioning to the sky, where three moons were coming into view.
"Then if this really is Abydos, all of this …that would be too much of a cultural similarity to be just coincidence!" exclaimed Al.
"Maybe you should ask those guys," said Mizore.
Sure enough, a group of, what appeared to be, ancient Egyptian high priests and Medjai warriors entered the inner temple courtyard. First the Abydonians stared at the ruined courtyard, then at the Silver Bullets, and then at the ruined courtyard once again; they weren't amused in the slightest.
"Blasphemers! Defilers of the sacred temple of Aten!" shouted the head priest.
"Fear not! We bring you tidings of good will and peace on…Abydos," said Al hastily.
The setting sun, or whatever the star Abydos orbited was called, was at just the right angle that when it reflected off of Al's armor he looked like a god wreathed in golden light. This effect was not lost on the priests and warriors, and the way Al was raising his hands only further cemented his image in their minds; soon after words, the Abydonians dropped to the ground in supplication.
"Forgive us, oh Lord Aten! Had we know we'd be basking in your glory we would have had offerings at the ready, oh light of the golden dawn who walks among men!"
"But I'm…"
"Lord Aten, being most merciful, will overlook your shortcomings, this time! However, in the future you simply must be better prepared!" said Bolin.
Izumi and Mizore shot him a confused look, but Bolin mouthed for them to play along with it. The Abydonians were staring wide-eyed at Bolin, whispering in awe amongst themselves.
"Are…are you a prophet of Aten?"
"Buddy, I'm the prophet of Aten! Call me, Bolaten! Epic be my name!"
"Truly there is no god but Aten, and Bolaten is his prophet, most epic is his name!" shouted the priests and warriors in devotion.
"Most epic of prophets…"
"Most awesome and epic!"
"Forgive me, most awesome and epic of prophets, but who are these women? Are they you concubines?" asked one of the priests.
"What?! No, no, they're…"
"We're prophetesses. I am Mizortiti, and this is Nefizumi," said Mizore.
"What do you call yourselves?" demanded Izumi.
"I am Ai," said the lead priest.
"And what is your name?"
"I am Ai."
"I understand, and what is your name?"
"I am Ai!"
"Do not jest with me any longer! What is your name, damn it!" roared Izumi.
"Teac-er, I mean, Prophetess Nefizumi, I believe his name like that of Tutankhamen's high priest," said Al.
"This is so, but I thought my Lord Aten did not wish the name of Tutankhamen spoken in his presence?"
"Aten wishes to inform you lowly priest-types that he has changed his mind!" said Bolin in a matter-of-fact tone.
"But I would like a tour of this settlement, and you can continue to introduce yourselves as we go along," said Al.
"By all means my Lord Aten! The villagers will rejoice at your return!" said Ai.
Transition!
Mako, Percy, Ed, and Kurumu woke up to find themselves in a cage along with several vaguely Middle Eastern looking people; the cage was part of a caravan that was heading towards a walled city, and the carts were being pulled by strange shaggy haired…lizards? They were all chained to one-another by the wrists, and Ed had a few extra problems to deal with.
"Ah! I can't believe it, my automail arm is completely gone!" exclaimed Ed.
"We're gonna be sold as slaves, and you're concerned about your arm?" asked Mako.
"My arm! Missing! Hurts like a bitch to reinstall! Not good!"
"Shut up your face tiny half-man!" said one of the caravan drivers as he pocked Ed with a stick through the gaps in the cage bars.
It wasn't long before the caravan made its way through the limestone walls of the city, which was named Nagada, and the auction block grew every closer. Mako considered using his firebending to heat-up his shackles, and then trick the guards into touching them and escape, but he couldn't just leave his friends; Ed was considering the same thing with his alchemy, but he'd never been very good at going one-handed, especially not while in shackles. The cage doors swung open and Percy and Kurumu were yanked out and ushered towards a small platform, around witch stood several of the Nagadans stood.
"And for the first auction we've got a pair of exotic beauties! Quite the brains on these two, building a flying machine, but not enough to avoid capture! Look at this boy's muscles, they are those of a strong worker; and this girl possess the breasts of one who will bear many children and keep you supplied for many years to come! As always we can sell them as a pair or break them up as you wish; let the bidding begin!" called the auctioneer.
"Three bushels of wheat and a mastadge for the pair!" shouted one of the bidders.
"Five bushels and a mastadge!" shouted another.
Percy and Kurumu reasoned that mastadges were the hairy lizard things that served as the beast of burden on Abydos, that the lead auctioneer was named Omar, and that they were about to be sold. The two of them instantly revised their reasoning as soon as a crowd of people, who were carrying Al on a golden throne, made their way over to the auction block.
"Folks, we're gonna pause the auctioning, because our Lord Aten has returned to grace us with his presence!" said Omar as everyone bowed in reverence.
"Uh…hello there," said Al as he slide off the throne and walked over to the auction block. "Are you selling these people?"
"Indeed we are, but my Lord Aten may take whomever he pleases as an offering to his golden glory!"
"I'll take everyone you've got, and I set them free!"
"Forgive me, oh Lord Aten, but did you say to free all of the slaves?" asked Omar.
"It's not right to profit off the suffering of others, and as your lord and deity, I say there shall be no more slavery anywhere on Abydos!" declared Al.
There were shocked whispers amongst the crowd, but Omar and the slave drivers agreed to comply with Al's commands, and the Silver Bullets were reunited. Bolin pulled everyone to the side to explain the plan, and Ed was (rather painfully) reunited with his missing arm. After things had calmed down the Silver Bullets were taken to a temple located next to a large pyramid for dinner and a performance.
"The green lizard-thing tastes kind of like artic hen, so if you're into Water Tribe food, it's a good starting place," whispered Bolin, who was starting to develop a bit of a snobbish accent.
"Good to know…what's artic hen?" asked Percy.
According to the play "Aten" descended to Egypt from the heavens during the reign of Pharaoh Akhenaten, and that this lead to a golden era of peace and prosperity. However, following the death of Akhenaten there was a revolt against Aten, who took his more faithful followers to the world of Abydos by means of a device known as a Stargate. Aten occasionally dropped by to collect tribute in the form of a mineral minded on Abydos, but nobody ever knew when he'd return, only that he usually used the Stargate.
"You can see how we were confused by his lordship using a chariot to visit us," explained Skaa, the high priestess of the pyramid temple.
"Aten wishes to inform his loyal followers that he shall be taken to inspect the Stargate…right after he consults with his homies!" said Bolin, as he pulled the Silver Bullets to the side.
"Well, that explains the cultural similarities," remarked Mizore. "The real Aten's an alien who brought Amarna era Egyptians to Abydos."
"I helped L a few years ago with a case involving an alien posing as the Egyptian god Ra," said Izumi. "It's possible Aten could be the same alien, or at least, of the same species."
"But, I've meet the Egyptian gods, and they're definitely not aliens," said Percy.
"Teacher's not saying they are, just that these aliens might have fooled a handful of Egyptians into thinking they were the gods," said Al.
"Yeah, like that time those two jokers posed as me and Al; didn't make us less real, but the people they fooled didn't know the difference," said Ed.
Skaa and Ai lead the Silver Bullets into the pyramid, and then down through an elaborate system of false chambers, rather like the tombs system in Egypt's Valley of the Kings. Eventually, the group made their way into a true chamber; the massive room was lit by what seemed to be electric lights, the walls were covered in golden hieroglyphic inscriptions, and perched on a pedestal was a circular device with strange inscriptions around its rim.
"Aten trusts that this is, in fact, the Stargate," said Bolin.
"Assuredly so, oh awesome and epic of prophets," said Skaa.
Izumi narrowed her eyes at the image of a hawk wearing a solar disk and pharaoh's crown, which was located at the end of the chamber. "That's the symbol of Ra."
"Surely, the prophetess is aware that Ra is merely how the ancestors of Abydos viewed Aten before he fully revealed himself?" asked Ai, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.
"Guys, if that things still works, then what to stop the real Aten from dropping in right now?" whispered Al.
As if on cue, the Stargate began to activate; the ring of symbols spun until seven were selected, then a water-like energy formed in the center of the Stargate. The energy bulged twice through both sides of the Stargate before stabilizing, and not long after that a man dressed like a pharaoh, with a glowing orb hovering behind his head, walked through the portal. The man was accompanied by guards wearing hawk-head and jackal-head helmets, and they were all carrying staffs with tips shaped like winged solar disks.
The leader glanced disapprovingly at the Silver Bullets. "Okay, I'll bite. Who are you?"
"Uh…you first?" asked Al nervously.
"I am Aten, the Lord of Abydos, the Rising Star, he who shall be obeyed; in ancient days I was known as Ra, and you will now tell me who you are!"
This was the moment the Silver Bullets had been dreading since they first started the posing as prophets of Aten. As everyone shuffled their feet and murmured amongst themselves, one of the jackal-helmeted guards eyed the pendants Bolin had received as gifts from the priests.
"My Lord, does that not look like your official crest?"
"Indeed it does, Anpu. Why, I'd say someone's been posing as me and my messengers in my absence and…Izumi!"
"Hello, Ra, or is it Aten now?" said Izumi, with a defiant smile.
"Yes, afraid our last encounter left my old body in repose; fortunately, my loyal followers were more than willing to provide me a new one, and so I became Aten."
Izumi used her alchemy to make the segment of floor Aten was standing on rise up and hit him in the crotch. Winching with pain, Aten mustered just enough strength to send a bolt of energy from his staff, but Izumi quickly jumped out of the way. Before long a full-out battle broke out; Anpu hit Al with a direct blast, but it bounced off of Al's armor and hit Anpu instead. Mako and Bolin worked as a team to take down hawk guards like their days in the pro-bending arena; Ed used his automail arm to reflect the blasts like Al had, but it was getting considerably strained; fortunately, however, Mizore was more than willing to pick up the slack by sending a volley of ice shards at the hawk guards.
"Give it up Aten, your Heru Guards have fallen even quicker than your interplanetary empire!" declared Izumi as the Silver Bullets closed in around Aten.
Aten smiled wickedly as he pulled out a device that looked like an Eye of Ra amulet. "My drone fleet in currently in orbit, and with a press of this button I'll have them open fire on Nagada!"
"Everybody back down, he's serious!" ordered Izumi.
"Good, that's very good! Now then, you still have told me the secret of this…alchemy, do you call it? You're clearly holding something back, but I can see everyone in this group has amazing talents! Talents…that I wish to make my own!"
"You'll never get any answers out of us, Aten!" Ed snapped.
"Oh, I wouldn't expect you to, Mr. Elric! Nor would I expect that of Mr. Jackson or Ms. Kurono, which is why I'm banishing you three from Abydos!" Aten laughed maniacally
"Say what?!" exclaimed Percy and Kurumu.
"Guards! Fire up the chevrons, and set destination to random!"
As soon as the Stargate had stabilized the Heru Guards grabbed Percy, Ed and Kurumu, and threw them through the portal; the trio of heroes soon found themselves rushing through a tunnel of blue energy in space.
Transition!
Percy, Ed and Kurumu hadn't been flying through the tunnel of blue energy for long before they reached their destination; the receiving Stargate was located in a grassy field, with a small village, the kind that looked like it belonged on a greeting card, just a short walk away.
"Huh, kind of looks like England," remarked Ed.
"Take a look at this, it's some kind of control panel," said Kurumu.
"These symbols, they kind of look like constellations, but…well, if this thing can take stellar drift into account, it could use constellations as a reference for locating planets with Stargates!"
"I've still got that interplanetary guide book L sent with us; maybe it'll have something we could use."
"You think those guys would know anything?" asked Percy, gesturing to a medieval-looking group of peasants that were approaching the Stargate.
The villagers stared wide-eyed at the Silver Bullets, and looked like they were afraid to get any closer, but then the village priest stepped forward. "Witches! They are witches!"
"Excuse me!" scoffed Kurumu, more than a little offended.
"Uh, hi. We're from Earth, but we just got here from Abydos. Do you know how to get to either of them, or maybe know someone who can give us a ride?" asked Percy.
"Actually, I'm from a parallel version of Earth where alchemy is wide-spread, but I guess its Earth in the end," said Ed.
"Burn the witches! Burn the witches! Burn the witches!" chanted the crowd.
Ed and Kurumu frantically searched the guide book for clues, while Percy did his best to calm the villagers down. Before long they found the section that mentioned not only Stargates, but also the dial codes for different planets.
"How about this one?" suggested Ed.
"Argos: Mediterranean climate, breathable atmosphere, population humanoid and with cultural similarities suggesting decent from the Minoan civilization," Kurumu read.
"Sounds great! So, uh, yeah! We'll just be going then, and there's nooooo reason, at all, to resort to violence!" said Percy, as the villagers grew more on edge.
Ed and Kurumu selected the corresponding symbols and fired-up the chevrons; the Stargate bulged with energy before stabilizing, and with that, the trio of science-hero rushed into the portal. When the group emerged from the Stargate they found themselves in a building resembling an ancient Greek temple, but with more vibrant colors and artwork, more like that style of the Minoans. A group of warriors, dressed in colorful robes beneath their bronze armor, approached the Silver Bullets.
"Percy Jackson? Kurumu Kurono? Edward Elric?" asked the lead warrior.
"Who wants to know?" asked Ed, striking a defensive pose.
"We were instructed by the one called L that we were to find you here, in the temple of the Stargate, and that we are to take you to him."
"L is here?! But how?" asked Kurumu.
"This will be answered in the Grand Palace. Please, follow us."
The trio of Bullets soon found themselves standing before a full-scale replica of the Palace of Knossos, and the climate made it feel like they were actually on the island of Crete in ancient times. Walking into the central courtyard of the palace, they soon found L, as well as a group of women with cat ears and tails, sitting next to a fountain that was shaped like a horse.
"Greetings, Silver Bullets. I trust you remember our associates from Catia?"
"Sup, cat-ladies!" said Percy with a wink and a snap of his fingers. This lead to the collective eye rolling of every Catian, save Eris.
"Oh, I've missed you all sooooo much! Especially you, Edward!" squealed Eris as she hugged Ed, and inadvertently smothered him with her (rather large) breasts.
"I can't breathe! I can't breathe!" said Ed, to little avail.
"Just like us in the old days, right L?" Captain Kuune chuckled.
"Don't give them ideas, or they will find things," whispered L. "Right, so I had suspected that Ra, or whatever he's calling himself now, was behind this for a while; I also knew I'd be able to track the Stargate energy to locate you Silver Bullets."
"So, like, our communicators were worthless off-earth?" asked Percy.
"Oh, no. In fact, I was just about to get onto you all for not using them, or checking for links with reconnaissance satellites!"
"Yeah, I might have been asleep at that briefing, but why did you need to track Stargate energy if you could just use the communicators to locate us?"
"One can never be too cautious when locating missing personnel," said Melwin as she typed commands into her tablet-device.
"Thank you, Melwin! To be fair, though, I suppose you all did the best with what you had to deal with," said L as he nibbled his thumb in thought.
Melwin placed her table on the table, and it projected a holographic image of Abydos and the drones in orbit around it. The trio of Bullets filled L and the Catians in all of the information they might have missed.
"Oh dear, we've got till sunrise, at most!" said Captain Kuune.
"What do you mean?" asked Kurumu.
"You know that game kids play where they set ants on fire with a magnifying glass? Well, imagine that, only the other Silver Bullets are the ants!" said Chaika.
"The drones are easy enough to eliminate, but we need to destroy the Abydonians' faith in Aten, if we're going to liberate them," said L.
"That's sounds illegal," remarked Percy.
"On the contrary, while it is against galactic law to imitate a local deity, it is perfectly legal to destroy native religious beliefs!" said Eris, with all her usual enthusiasm.
"But is belief really so bad? I mean, does it truly hurt to pick a few oracle leave of Adonis and…"
"I'm gonna stop you right there, and point out how Aten's body has an organ that converts psychic energy from his follower's prayers and belief into energy," said Melwin. "He then uses this energy to enslave and oppress more people, see how that's bad?"
Transition!
It was nearly sunrise on Abydos, and the captured Silver Bullets were chained to a rock outcrop. Aten had a solar-focusing device in the upper atmosphere that was poised to fry them as soon as Abydos' terminator line hit them, and everything seemed hopeless.
"Guys, I'm sorry I got us mixed up in all of this," Bolin sighed.
"It's okay, you were only trying to help," said Al.
"No, it's not okay! I got carried away, and if I'd only put a little more thought…"
"I was the responsible adult! If anyone's taking the blame, it's me!" interjected Izumi.
"Either I'm really dehydrated, or that's a Catian spaceship landing over there," said Mizore. "And either that's a mirage, or L, Percy, Kurumu, Ed, and the Catians are coming to free us."
"Don't worry, Mizore! We're 100% really, really, real! Now hold still so we can dissolve your chains!" said Eris.
Before long the tapped Bullets were freed and brought up to speed on the plans for toppling Aten's iron-grip over Abydos. Everyone loaded into the Catians' ship and made a direct course for Nagada, where Aten's followers were holding a ceremony to honor him.
"Citizens of Abydos, we've come to liberate you!" shouted L, as he and the Silver Bullets descended on hover-platforms.
"Who was in charge the execution? Tell me now!" roared Aten.
"You were, sir," said Ai.
"Well…don't just stand there, attack the heretics and blasphemers!"
"Whoa! Hear us out for a minute, dudes!" said Percy.
"Aten's not a god at all! He's just been lying and tricking you into believing he is!" shouted Mako.
"Aten make us happy and feel good!" yelled Skaa.
"So do drugs and hookers!" said Al; everyone took a moment to stare in complete and utter shock.
"Well…I cure diseases, and I do so out of love!" said Aten.
"But if you love your subjects so much, why do you let them get sick in the first place?!" said Chaika.
"And what about amputees? How come you never cure us!" demanded a man from the crowd.
Aten was starting to get nervous as a small, but growing, section of the crowd started to question his authority over them; Aten sent a blast of power from his staff into the air, but silently cursed the prayer energy it wasted.
"Behold, my glory unleashed!"
When Aten turned his attention back to the crowd, he saw that they had all gathered at his main temple; when Aten and his guards got to the temple they found…Percy walking on the water of the reflecting pool!
"Yes, I do this all the time! I can also do this!" said Percy as he made the water of the pool split in half.
"Ye of little faith! Aten can do that! Can't you, Lord?" said Skaa, a bit nervously.
"Well, I'd be more concerned about the Death Gliders if I were…"
"Already took care of them, and we've got anti-matter charges at the ready in case you're thinking of attacking with ground weapons," said Captain Kuune.
Aten threw his hands into the air in exasperation. "Fine! Everything I did was a shame, a scheme, a power grab! But do you honestly think that's going to shake the faith of these idiotic sheep?!"
Aten was struck by several rocks, and he turned to see almost everyone in the crowd holding a rock in their hands; Aten and his guards rushed towards the chamber of the Stargate, with the Silver Bullets and the Catians hot on their tail.
"We're coming to arrest you for impersonating a deity and enslaving the people of Abydos! Please try not to resist us, Mr. Aten!" shouted Eris.
"Hey, Aten! How about a parting gift on behalf of me and the entire population of Abydos!" said Bolin as he sent a chunk from the wall towards Aten.
There was a sickening cracking sound as the wall collided with Aten, but the Heru Guards managed to carry him to the Stargate; before long Anpu was ordering them to fire up the chevrons.
"What destination did you have in mind, Lord Anpu?" asked one of the Heru Guards.
"Anywhere, as long as it isn't here!" said Anpu.
"Chevrons locked, preparing unstable portal!"
As soon as the portal stabilized Aten and his retainers rushed through the Stargate, but L and Captain Kuune made no effort to follow them.
"Not to worry, we took the liberty of remotely setting the Stargate's destination," said Captain Kuune.
"Where'd you set it to?" asked Kurumu.
"Oh, you're familiar with it!" said L, with a known smile.
Indeed, at that very moment Aten and company were emerging from the other end of the portal; the world they found themselves on seemed to be covered in grassy hills, had a foggy/overcast sky, and primitive village wasn't too far from the Stargate.
"Well, won't be too hard to get the locals on our side!" laughed Aten as a group of peasants approached them.
"More witches! More witches have entered from the demon portal!" shouted one of the peasants.
"Anpu, if you would."
"I can't my Lord, the Stargate has been temporarily locked!" said Anpu somberly as the peasants grew closer.
Transition!
Back on Abydos the Silver Bullets and the Catians were helping the natives get a grip on things now that Aten had been overthrown. As it happened, the Argosians had been victims of similar trickery by an alien named Pelops, and as such, they agreed to help the Abydonians with their rebuilding efforts.
"So, this Pelops...was he also Aten?" asked Skaa.
"Well, we can't say for sure, but it's possible," admitted Captain Kuune.
"Still though, it's equally probable that these crimes are being committed by a team; perhaps shapeshifters, or body-jumpers of some sort," said L.
"But what will we do now? Aten was the only thing that gave our lives meaning, and we may never be able to trust in any gods ever again," said Ai.
"You've got two perfectly functioning feet, keep moving forwards!" said Ed, all business.
"What my brother means is, you're free to find your own meaning in the world now, and that you should live your lives to the fullest and make the most of the time you have," said Al.
"And don't worry about gods. Trust me, they're not too concerned about whether people worship them or not," said Percy.
"Are…you a priest to these gods?" asked Skaa, as a crowd began to form.
"Actually, I'm the son of the god Poseidon. Wait, why are you guys bowing?"
"Don't look now, but I think you just started a cargo cult!" whispered Chaika.
Transition!
The Silver Bullets were getting a ride back to Earth in the Catians spaceship, and they were all trying to find a way to milk-out a PSA, or some other way to end this issue.
"Isn't there a really obvious PSA we could make from all of this?" asked Mizore.
"Not unless you want a flood of hate mail!" said L.
"Ooh! I know! We can open some fan letters!" said Al.
"This one says: Dear Silver Bullets, I think you're the greatest science-heroes! I'd love to join the Junior Bullets fan club, and I'd like to know how. Signed Johnny Johnson, from Ottawa, Canada," read Mako.
"Well, Johnny, for only $1.25 you too can join our ever growing legion of hot-blooded young Junior Bullets," said L. "Send all requests to your pals The Silver Bullets, P.O. box 602214, Bullet HQ, New Avalon City, New Avalon.
"This one's from Janet Jones from Coast City, California; it says: Dear Silver Bullets, I wanted to send a present to Kurumu, because she's my favorite Bullet, and I know she likes yaoi, but I'm not sure what that is. Can you tell me?" read Mizore.
Everyone just stared in awkward silence, not quite sure how best to answer the question, or entirely sure that they weren't being trolled.
"Oh, wow! They sure grow up fast!" said Bolin.
"Ooh! I know what that is! When a hot boy and another hot boy love each other very much, they decide to…"
"Eris!" shouted everybody except Kurumu.
"But, none of you have any taboos against that sort of thing."
"That's true, and while hate mail's not too bad, the FCC certainly is," said Izumi. "All it takes is one group of enraged "moral guardians" and pretty soon we've got a court case on our hands."
"FCC?" asked Chaika.
"They're the people who tell you that you can't say BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, ass-BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP-shit, or even BLEEP in quasi-educational works involving teenage science-heroes," said Ed.
"And they don't sell tasty chicken like the other FCC!" added Percy.
"That's KFC!" said Melwin.
"So I think we've got time for one more letter, and this one is from Woody…okay, seriously, who writes this stuff?!" exclaimed Mako.
"How were they supposed to know they're letters would get lumped together with letters from other suggestively-named kids!" countered Kurumu.
"It says: How come the Silver Star-Streakier malfunctioned? You know, that is a good question," said Captain Kuune.
"Well…it appears that the central gyro-stabilizer was missing," said L. "It's that thing that kind of looks like…"
"Like that spinney-top thing you left at our meeting last Tuesday?" asked Chaika as she held up the missing gyro-stabilizer.
"You bastard! You lecture us about the importance of checking and double checking, but you can't even remember the central stabilizer of your own spaceship!" shouted Izumi as she repeated punched L.
"I had important matters to attend to with Captain Kuune!"
"Oh, is that what you were really up too?!"
"Er-that's all the time we have for now. Join us next time for more fun and adventures!" said Captain Kuune hastily.
"See you soon!" said Eris.