Thank you guys for all the amazing reviews! they mean a lot and I'm sorry for the long wait.
I apologize for grammar mistakes I'm trying the best I can to write it properly sinds my First language isn't English.
Also I'm having some trouble finding out how everything works on here so please give me some time to fix everything :)
So here enjoy Chapter 2 :)
TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF-HARM AND SELF-IMAGE !
The cold of the pillow on my skin felt relieving, it felt like it took my headache away just for 2 seconds. The best 2 seconds of the day I thought and laughed, how sad. I didn't even care to take of my shoes , I turned around to face the wall and pulled my knees up. Silent tears slowly rolled down my cheeks and softly hit my pillow. It's funny how I call things mine, my feelings, my headache, my pillow, my shoes.
I didn't even ask to have feelin-
'Callie' asked the familiar voice that belonged to stef. I let out a deep sigh before I answered. 'eeuh,yeah' I said trying to keep my voice normal. 'Why are you at home ?' If there was one thing I didn't want to do right now was answering questions. 'I was feeling sick, so I was allowed to go home' I sighed again and made myself more comfortable under my blanket. It felt like my blanket could hide my lies and kept me safe from all the people that were trying to find out my secrets. 'You mind if I come in' Stef asked already walking into my room. I shrugged my shoulders, it's not that saying no is going to stop her. 'Are you okay' She asked sitting next to me on my bed. 'yeah, I'm fine' I lied again, still facing her with my back. It's hard to find the energy to turn around and face her. let alone to find the energy to lie straight to her face. 'Listen, I know you're not fine.I know what fine means. So I won't force you to tell me what's wrong, but mind joining me for some tea ?' Stef asked sweetly rubbing my back. I shrugged my shoulders again, all I just wanted to do was sleep. 'Take a nap first and then come to me and we'll drink some tea, yes ?' She tried again, this time she didn't give me a choice, she just gave me the chance to confirm it. 'yes' I replied and closed my eyes. 'okay love' Stef said and stood up, leaving a kiss on my cheek before she went downstairs.
What did I do to end up in a loving and caring home like The Fosters ? Will they still be as loving and caring when they know about my secrets ? I felt that the aspirin finally did his work, so I closed my eyes and let my mind slip into the dark.
there she was, a copy of my younger self sitting on the floor in the bathroom ripping open her skin. Feeling the pain take over the demons inside of her mind and washing away all the worries for a couples of seconds. She never felt a relief as good as this one. It doesn't matter that it hurts, the pain overruled everything else that was hurting her. The younger copy of myself watches obsessed at the blood that slowly dripped down on the floor. It wasn't blood, it was the guilt that slowly tried to drip out of her body. As she stands up, she sees the reflection of herself in the mirror. Her face is full of disgust and hatred, she is shocked of how lifeless and empty her eyes look. They don't shine anymore, she doesn't has that little light dancing around in her eyes like other kids her age. Her fingers try to zip open the dress she was wearing but she was still shaking of what happened just 30 minutes. Her hands started to pull at the zipper, she didn't know how fast she could get in the shower. Every time she thought about previous events, the younger version of me started to feel more disgusted with her body.
She shivered when her cold feet touched the shower floor that was already heated by the hot water that poured out of the shower head. It felt like the water was burning her skin, burning away the filth, burning away the guilt. She scrubbed her skin until it was red, she even made sure that she scrubbed every inch of her body. Her head snapped when there was someone banging on the bathroom door "Callie, it's time to get out. No need to hide any longer"
"Callie, sweetie ? wake up" I heard her whisper. "Callie?" She whispered and again and carefully tapped my shoulder."hmm" I groaned before I turned around and opened my eyes. "What's going on love?" Stef sweetly asked and places the lose strain behind my ear. "hmm?" she said in an asking tone. "I don't know, why ?" I asked. "Well because I heard you talk when I walked by on my way to the bathroom". "oh" was all I let out. "Why is it so dark?" I tried changing the subject. "Lena and I tried to wake you up, but you just slept through it. So we decided to just let you sleep. To answer your question, it's dark because it's around 3 AM" She tried saying without waking up Mariana. "Come on, I'll warm some milk and fix a night snack for you" Stef said taking my hand, practically dragging me out of bed. You see I could refuse and stay under my safe and warm blanket, but I am way too tired for that. Stefs hand leads my down the stairs into the kitchen, and never letting go of my hand. "Here sit" She says and guides me to the seating area. "I'll be right back" She says walking into the kitchen to make something to eat. The only light that is shining is the one from the open fridge door, I don't mind I like it dark. "Here ya go, a midnight snack and warm milk" She says placing the plate on my lap before handing me the milk. "Thank you" I say just loud enough to understand.
"So how are you feeling" stef asked sitting down next to me. I shrugged my shoulders " I don't know" I said truthfully. "You don't know how you're feeling ?" She asked with a caring tone. "I don't know" I answered again. " Do you know what you're feeling?" She tried asking it again. I shrugged my shoulder and took a bite out of the sandwich she made for me. "Come here love" Stef said reaching our her hand to pull me closer, but I just looked at it and stayed where I was. All I wanted to do was getting closer, but I can't my body didn't move. I looked at her to see if she was mad, but she wasn't but instead her face was filled with worry and love. Why couldn't I be normal, and just accept her hand and be closer to her. I mentally slapped myself across the face. Great you've done it again, I thought when Stef got up and walked away. Why do I always push people away, I don't want to push any more people away. Before I knew it Stef came back with a blanket, and sat down closer to me before wrapping both of us in it. Her hand sneaked around my waist, and I slowly laid my head down on her shoulder.
"It's okay Callie" She whispered. "It's okay to be totally lost, not knowing how to feel or where to go. It's okay to not know who you are. I know how it feels to not know what you feel, it's an annoying and frustrated feeling but at the same time it's a comfortable feeling. And I just want you to know that Lena and I are here for you, you can talk to us anywhere or anytime you want. I promise you nor Lena or I won't judge you, we just want you to open up and feel safe because we love you and we care about you" She whispers, saying the last part out loud. I nod my head "thank you" I whisper and close my eyes.