Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing but the plotL

A/N: So second chapter. Enjoy and please let me know what you think.

Okay, so I have to admit that the next couple of weeks weren't easy for me. I kept on pretending that I didn't know anything about Draco and, the now named girl, Astoria. I followed Draco more than ever now, and I tried really hard to be more interested in the things Draco liked to do, like play Quidditch. Personally I never liked the game, for me it's boring really, but it meant a lot to Draco, so in that way it had to mean a lot to me. Normally I only watch him play when there was a match between Slytherin and one of the other houses, but now I joined him every time he got near the quidditch field. First, because then it would seem like I cared about the stupid game, and second, then I could keep an eye on him and make sure he didn't visit "Blondie". I think at some point it really bugged Draco, but like I care, it wasn't me who was doing anything wrong. I was just paying attention to my boyfriend, right? And even though Draco was getting more and more mad at me, I still refused to leave him alone. He never told me how angry and irritated he was, but I could easily sense it. He looked for any excuses to meet up with Astoria, but still he didn't let me go. Come to think of it, I actually have no idea why he didn't just dump me, so he could be with her, I'm sure he must had some kind of feelings for me very deep down.

I remember one particular night. I was lying awake, in my bed. It was about two AM. The light from the full moon, were shining through the thin emerald green curtains in the girls dormitory room. Suddenly I heard voices from downstairs. I immediately recognized the one of them as Draco's. I listened tensely. Then I heard another voice, a girl's voice. I felt the nausea overcome me. It always does when I get really nervous. I literally threw my self out of the bed and stormed to the door. I tell you it was a miracle that I didn't wake any of the other girls. I sneaked down the stairs. Draco and Astoria hadn't heard me either. I saw her sitting on his lap staring deeply into his wonderful grey eyes. It made me sick. I stood there for a moment considering my next move and trying to get control over my heavy breathing. I took one last breath and then slowly walked forward in the light from the fireplace.

As soon as I did so, Astoria flew off his lab like a frightened kitten. "Draco what are you doing?" I said trying not to sound suspicious and hurt that another girl was using my boyfriend as a chair. I could see her blush even though she tried to hide her face in the shadows. Even Draco seemed to have lost his way of speaking for a short moment. After quickly, and not very discreetly, exchanging looks with her, he replied.

"We were just talking Pansy". He tried to sound convincing. He was completely unaware that I knew everything about those two, and now he was trying to make me fell guilty about it. I could see the blame in his look. Just like I had accused him for doing something he wasn't supposed to without any reason.

I rolled my eyes before replying "okay" my bare feet were beginning to get cold on the icy stone floor. "I'm sorry if I interrupted you, I'll just go back to bed," I mumbled with sadness in my voice. I turned on my heel and started to walk up the stairs to the dormitory room. I felt how the sorrow slowly started to rip my heart apart once again. As I laid my hand on the doorknob I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around in surprise. My eyes were filled with tears, but I held them back. Draco looked down at me from his full height. "What is it Draco?" I sniffled.

He looked deeply into my eyes. "Sorry Pan, but this is really not what it looks like. Astoria was just sad that's all. I comforted her. There's nothing between us," he assured me. Then he kissed my forehead and before I could respond his words he turned his back to me and walked downstairs once again.

That almost hurted more than the truth could ever do. He stood there lying straight to my face, looking me in my eyes. How could he do this to me? Why would he tread me so bad? What had I ever done to him to deserve this? I felt dizzy, sad and tired. I stumbled back into the room and placed my self on the bed. One of the other girls was snoring lightly from her bed. But I didn't really hear it, my mind was booked up with thoughts. If didn't know any better I don't doubt one single moment that I would have fell for his stupid lie. It really freaked me out. If he could lie to me just like that, what else had he lied to me about all these years I've known him?

I placed myself in my bed and wrapped the soft comforter around my slender cold body. It felt really like it comforted me somehow, like it was holding me close, protecting me from any harm. Far out I know, but I've always felt if I'm under my comforter in my bed, nothing can touch me. I feel almost immortal. But still the thoughts would not leave me alone. I thought about going down stairs once more, but what if I actually took them in action. How on earth would I be able to respond to that? Then it would most likely end with a huge fight, a fight I would never win. I was always weak around Draco and he knew it. He took good use at that all the time. No matter how often I told my self that today I'm going to say no to him, or today I'm going to get him back for all the pain he cost me, I knew deep inside that I would never be strong enough to really do something about it. In some way Draco wasn't the only one to blame here. I could at any time leave him behind and get on with my life if I just wanted to. But you see here's the problem. I didn't want to leave him, I didn't want to tell him that I couldn't deal with his lies anymore, I just wanted to be with him no matter what. That's all I ever wanted, how was I ever going to live without him? No I could never let go of him ever, I had to fight for it, and it was killing me that I knew he was down stairs alone with her now. And even worse was to think of what they might be doing. I tried really hard not to think of it and after some time I finally felt into a deep and troubled sleep.

The next morning I woke up it all stood clear to me. I had a great idea as to what I was going to do. This was probably going to be the hardest thing I had ever done, but it had to be done. I needed to let Draco meet up with her, and then spy on them, just to find out what Draco loved so much about her. I figured that maybe I could learn something from her, a part of me really didn't hope so but anyway. In that way I could change myself into what Draco wanted me to be. It all made sense now. I won't lie to you and say that I felt great or even good, but I felt better than I had for a very long time.

I rushed out of the bed and hurried out to the bathroom. It was a shiny Saturday morning. The birds were singing and the temperature was already high. I took a quickly shower, put on a pink dress and a bit of mascara. Looking in the mirror, I decided that I was done. I exited the bathroom and left the Slytherin common room. It was almost 7 in the morning, and I was starting to get a bit hungry. Weird, I haven't felt hungry since I found out "the big secret". I sat down at the Slytherin table and started to figure out what I would like to be on my slice of toast. The tables were already starting to fill up with students.

Suddenly Blaise Zabini sat down on the empty spot beside me. "Morning" he said smiling a little.

I sent him a cold smile back.

"So haven't seen much to you lately. What have you been up to?" He put a newly buttered piece of toast into his mouth.

I hesitated before replying. "Not much, hanging out with Draco"

He sent me a worried and sad look. "Yeah about that Pan, I really need to speak to you." But then he bit his tongue because in came Mr. Perfect. He sat down on the other side of Blaise without a word.

"Good morning Draco," I said trying to sound like nothing was wrong after the uncomfortable night.

He looked at me like he'd first noticed me now. "Good morning", he replied taking a bite of an egg he'd placed in front of him.

He looked tired and I guessed he hadn't slept much last night. After all he couldn't go to bed before he finished "comforting" Astoria. I hated to think of that. It made me sick. I pushed the last bites of the toast away from me and tried to keep my cool as I said: "It got pretty late last night huh?"

Draco looked at me first confused, like I was asking him if he wanted to walk on the moon or something like that, "Yes, she was heartbroken" he replied, suddenly looking very guilty. I noticed Blaise were sending him a death glare.

"I see," I mumbled fighting against the need to jump right at Draco and strike him hard in the face. Like I don't know you idiot a small voice in the back of my head was screaming, but I ignored it. "What happened to her, since she was so miserable? It must have been bad, were her boyfriend cheating on her or something?" The last words just flew out before I was able to stop them. I mentally slapped myself for not holding back.

Draco suddenly got very pale, yes more than usually, and shifted uncomfortable in his seat. Blaise looked worried from me to Draco a few times. "No, she doesn't have a boyfriend" the blond boy replied, and nervously looked around as if he was looking for an excuse to run off.

"But what was it then?" I kept pushing.

"Look Pansy, it's very personal for her. I'm sorry but it's none of your business" He quickly got up and left the table before I could ask him any more questions.

I sent an evil look in Astoria's direction. She was sitting with a small group of Slytherin girls looking far from sad. "Funny" I mumbled mostly to myself "she doesn't look unhappy to me, Draco must be a really good listener."

"Pansy, we need to talk," Blaise repeated now that Draco was out of hearing.

I nodded "Okay, talk to me". I looked awaiting at Blaise, who looked far from comfortable.

"Not here," he said "can you meet me in the owlery say tonight at eight?"

I looked at my watch. It was half past seven now. "Sure," I replied. Blaise nodded and got up. Before he left, I got a grab in his arm. "Can you tell me what this is all about?" I asked curiously.

He shakes his head a little, "I'm sorry Pansy, but not here"

"Okay," I replied a little disappointed, but the true was that I was almost sure what it was about. I've seen the looks Blaise had sent Draco under the entire meal, not to mention, the weird look on his face as I mention the word "cheating". He was going to tell me about Draco's affair. He wasn't aware that I already knew. Anyway that didn't matter now. I had to find Draco, and figure out my next move.

I got up and left the Great Hall. I rushed back to the common room, but Draco wasn't there. Annoyed that I missed him, I decided to go back to the Great Hall to follow Astoria instead. I ran back from where I just came, as fast as I could. I turned a corner and ran directly into the blond girl. I almost lost my balance, but unbelievably I didn't fell. Couldn't say Astoria was that lucky. She tilted backwards and landed on her back. The group of Slytherin girls following her anywhere unless she was together with Draco, gasped and almost fought to help their blond leader up.

My mind was spinning three times faster than usual. I didn't really plan for a directly meeting with her. I had no idea of what to say. A part of me wanted to apologize so I wouldn't get any trouble. But another, (and much stronger) part of me, wanted to do the opposite. I mean I do have my bad reputation to live up to. After all I am a Slytherin.

In the meantime, Astoria had got back on to her feet. She looked at me, like she was thinking the exact same thing as I was. At least I had a reason for hating her so much. She didn't have a reason for hating me. Not really anyway. I mean if anyone owned anyone an apology here it would definitely be her.

"Watch where you're going Parkinson!" She snapped and sent me a death glare.

Now this tricked me completely off, how dared she. "No, you watch it Blondie." I bit back. Passing students had stopped up to watch where this was going.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Bumping into me without even apologize to me!" She took one step closer to me, but I refused to flinch.

"Now why would I?" I replied coldly as I also took a step closer now wanting anyone to think I was the weak one.

"Why don't you just get lost, you fat cow" She spat angry.

"Well I tried to, but it's not my fault that it would be faster for me to jump over you than it would be to walk around you." I gave back through clinked teeth.

Astoria looked like she could jump right at me and kill me on the spot so I got ready to fight, but just then professor McGonagal walked in between. "What seems to be the problem here ladies?" She looked at us with her extremely angry look. I haven't even noticed her in the crowd.

I really didn't want to give my self a detention so I mumbled "nothing," as I mentally killed Astoria in every hurtful way I could possibly think of.

Astoria eyes pierced me down but I didn't care.

"No, that was what I was thinking" McGonagal turned to the crowed and sent them a hard look. "Nothing more to see here, move along." She pushed the first liners away and strolled up the big marble stairs.

I rolled my eyes and backed away before Astoria could say any more.

After turning a corner I stopped. I let out a loud sigh. I placed my back against the cold stonewall. I could hear Astoria now was complaining about how her clothes were getting dirty. It almost made me laugh.

"I can't believe that I'll have to put up with this, what does he see in her anyway? It's not like she's pretty or anything."

"Don't worry about it Asto' we all know who he's going to choose in the end," one of the other girls backed up.

"Yes, and I can't wait to see the look on Parkinsons face when he chooses me over her. It's going to be a blast."

Some of her friends chuckled.

I on the other hand, had heard more than enough. I knew I couldn't go a whole day listing to this. Not even if I wanted to. I sighed deeply and was about to walk down an empty corridor when I saw Draco. He was in a deep conversation with Blaise.

None of them had seen me, so I sneaked closer. Yes I know, I should be a spy or something like that. I don't know why, but people didn't really seem to notice me. Of course, that was only if I didn't want them to notice me. Anyway. As I got closer I was able to listen to their conversation. I took cover behind an open door that lead into an empty classroom. Through the chink I could see the two boys.

"Draco you know I always got your back, but this is far out man! You can't keep on pretending nothings wrong"

"Don't you think I know that Blaise?" Draco sighed. He let a hand glide through his silvery hair in frustration. "I know I have to choose, it's just so hard"

"Come on, you'll have to do better than that. It's not fair to any of them, and honestly I think you'd already made your choice. You just won't admit it." Blaise crossed his arms.

I had this weird feeling inside me. I think some of you can relate to that. I wanted to know who Draco had chosen, but deep inside I already knew that my self. So one part of me wanted to know, and yet the other part didn't want to know what I already knew. I didn't want to hear him say that he would choose Astoria. I couldn't bear to hear him say it.

"It's just.. Pansy is kind of my safety net, you know? I know what I got."

"But Draco, you can't keep her just because she makes you feel safe,"

"For the last time, I know that Blaise, and would you please get off my back now?" Draco snapped. He had the same expression on his face, like the one he sometimes had when I crossed the line.

Blaise noticed to, he just didn't care. "You don't have to sent me that look Draco. You know I'm right." Blaise eyes pierced Draco down. "Pansy is my friend too, and I see her getting more and more depressed each day."

"Why would Pansy be depressed?" Draco blinked a couple of times.

I felt like someone just gave me a belly flop. He didn't even know I was depressed. How could he not have noticed?

"Hmm I don't know Draco, why would she?" Blaise said sarcastic, "perhaps because you tread her like dirt?" He made a gesture with his hand as he sent Draco a hard look. "Don't you think she deserves better? Are you really that selfish?" His voice was low and exasperated.

Draco raised an eyebrow at his friend. "If I didn't know better I would say that you're falling for her?"

"Don't change the subject!" Blaise got really irritated now.

I couldn't believe that Blaise really would stick up for me like this. It was really weird. I'd never seen Blaise as anything but Draco's friend. And yet here he was, defending me, like a real friend should do. I didn't even know I had a friend like that.

"Well are you?" Draco pressed.

"No I'm not, but as I said, she's my friend too, and I don't like seeing people use other people just because they can."

"It's not like that Blaise, trust me, I really don't want to hurt her." Draco said now in a low voice. He looked at the floor, like he didn't dare to look Blaise in the eyes.

"Well, it's a bit too late for that my friend" Blaise informed. "Just do what you gotta do, but don't wait too long. I mean. I'm really concerned about her. She seems so lost all the time."

"She does?" He looked wondering up at Blaise, like it had been a huge secret, which Blaise just shared with him now.

I could swear that I saw a bit of hurt in those grey eyes of his. But it didn't change the fact that he hasn't even noticed anything about my behaviour. I mean Blaise had, and I didn't even know that he cared. On the other hand, he said he didn't wanted to hurt me, witch made my heart jump a bit faster. Maybe I haven't lost the game quite yet.

Blaise once more rolled his eyes. "Never mind, just think about what I said man."

Draco again looked at his own feet. "Do you think she knows?"

Blaise took in a deep sigh. "No, I don't think so. Not yet anyway. But she will find out someday, and you better tell her, before she hears it from someone else."

Draco nodded. "We better get back to class."

The two boys left the corridor. I waited a little before following them to our next class.

For the rest of the afternoon I decided to keep low profile. I didn't want Draco to be upset with me again, so I kept to myself until it was time to meet up with Blaise.

As I was about to leave the castle, I saw Draco coming in my direction. I turned my back to him and started to walk, pretending that I didn't see him. I had to get to the owlery fast; I was already a little late. That's just typical me.

Unfortunately Draco ran the last steps to my side. "Hi" he mumbled.

I turned and looked at him, I smiled in faked surprise, "Draco, I didn't even see you there."

Draco looked around not wanting to look at me.

"What's the matter?" I said feeling the same old feeling like someone was squeezing my stomach tightly.

Draco finally got the courage to look me in the eye. "Are you okay?"

The question completely puzzled me. "What do you mean? Shouldn't I be?" I asked.

"Yes I hope so." He looked around like he didn't want anyone to see us.

"Okay" I said. "Well I got to go." I once more turned my back to him. I had given up kissing him long time ago. I could feel he didn't want to. Every time I tried or begged for a kiss, it was only a short one either on my forehead or my cheek, and once in a while on my lips.

"Where're you going," he questioned as he placed himself in front of me.

I knew it would be a bad idea to tell him the truth. Especially after the conversation I overheard earlier. "Just out" I mumbled.

"Can I come?" He asked at started to walk towards the door, not waiting for my answer.

My heart sank. I had no idea how to react to this. He'd never wanted to follow me anywhere, so why did he have to do this now? I sighed deeply. "Sure."

He opened the door and held it for me. I knew Blaise were waiting for me, but I had no idea how to get rid of Draco. Funny, and all this time I tried to do the complete contrary.

We left the castle in silence. As we walked towards the forbidden forest, I could feel Draco's eyes on me. I looked up and I felt how my heart was trembling as we made eye contact. I put up a fake smile. "Why are you staring at me?" I said, as I turned my look towards the forest in the distance.

"Well, can I not stare at my girlfriend?" He wondered putting up a sly smile, as we passed an old tree.

I felt like someone just hit me hard in my stomach. Why did he have to do this all the time? Every time I was down, he would pull me a bit up, just to let me fall even deeper. "I guess so," I mumbled as I shook my shoulders.

Suddenly a felt his strong hands grip me and before I knew he had pressed me up against the tree. I looked at him with confusion in my eyes. Seriously I'd never seen that one coming. "Draco what are you doing?" I whispered, as we made eye contact.

"Just teasing you a bit." He said with a grin. He pressed his body against my own.

"Hilarious." I mumbled sarcastic and rolled my eyes at him.

"Seriously Pansy, what's wrong with you?" He said now getting angry again.

I pushed him away from me and put my hands on my hips. "Oh, so all at sudden something's wrong with me? Why is that exactly?"

"How the hell should I know? You just seem different." He hissed.

"Well maybe I would like to see a little more interest in me from my boyfriend, than just when he has sudden needs to be taking care of!" I said out loud and eyed him upside down.

"Fine! Then excuse me for showing you that I need you then!" He shouted before turning his back to me and leaving.

"But that the whole problem Draco" I spoke softly, as tears came to my eyes. "You'd never needed me."

He was far too long away to hear me. Maybe that was for the best anyway. I sniffled as I hurried back towards the owlery. I just hoped Blaise were still there.

Before entering the owlery, I dried my eyes and took in a deep breath. I walked in and to my relief I saw Blaise sit in the window with his one leg daggling down on the inside. His was leaning his back against the cold stonewall behind him as he stared out the window with a distant look in his eyes.

As he heard me come in he dragged himself out of his thoughts and turned the sad look against me. I heard him sigh in relief as a small smile reached his lips. "I was beginning to think that you'd turn me down."

I tried to return the smile, but instead it became a strange grimace, I looked the other way as new tears started to fill my eyes.

Blaise jumped down from where he was sitting and walked over to me, placing a hand on each shoulder. I tried so hard not to look him in the eyes, not to break down, but I knew that I'd already lost that fight. As soon as our eyes meet I couldn't hold back any longer. The tears streamed down my face, like they would never stop. Without a word Blaise pulled me closer. He wrapped his arms around me as he softly whispered into my ears that it was going to be alright, as a cried into his chest, making his shirt all wet.

After I finished releasing Niagara Falls, I looked up at him with red eyes.

"Let's sit down," Blaise suggested as he made a gesture with his hand.

I nodded and sat down on the floor, leaning my back against the wall. Blaise dropped down beside me.

"So?" He looked at me.

"So what?" I nervously replied.

"So what's the matter?"

I sighed. "I think you already know that now don't you?"

Blaise looked at me a bit confused. "I'm not quite sure that I know what you're talking about Pansy."

"Yes you do. I know what you're going to tell me. But I can make it easy for you, I already know." I stared dreamily out into the room.

I heard Blaise sink before asking: "How much do you know?"

I turned to look at him. "I know everything." I sniffled. "I know about Draco being with Astoria behind my back."

"You do?" Now Blaise really seemed surprised.

I nodded.

"But if you know, why don't you leave him then?" He wondered out loud.

I took in a deep breath, knowing that I couldn't give him a reasonable answer. After all I'd been asking myself the same question for the past few months now.

"I don't know," I replied after a short hesitation. "I mean… It's not like I don't want to… It's just... I feel like I can't. I can't live without him."

Blaise raised an eyebrow at me.

I sighed as I stared out the window on the opposite wall. "The truth is… My whole life I'd tried to make Draco happy. No matter what, I would do anything, anything, just to make him smile." I sniffled. "But if I'm not the person who's going to make Draco happy… Then who am I?"

I could sense Blaise looking at me. "Pansy, you're worth so much more. Haven't you ever thought that maybe you deserved someone who could make you happy? Someone, who would give you just as much as you give him, someone who actually loves you back."

I felt my shoulders tremble. "But what if I never find someone like that Blaise? I mean, nobody knows me better than Draco, and no one probably ever will."

"That's not true Pansy! You will find someone, and when you do he will be thrilled with all that you would sacrifice for him, and he will do the same for you."

"I just can't leave Draco," I started to cry again. "He's my one and only, I built my whole life around him, how will I ever get over that?"

"You will in time, I promise you that." Blaise placed a comforting arm around my shoulder. "You just have to believe it yourself."

I shake my head a bit. "But I don't Blaise. All I want is to be with him. That's all I ever wanted."

"But Pansy, you're hurting. No matter what you will ever do, it will never be enough"

I suddenly felt the need to defend Draco; I sent Blaise a hard look. "He's your best friend! How can you even say things like that about him?"

Blaise blinked a couple of times. "Don't get me wrong Pansy, he is my best friend and I will support him in every possible way I can think of, but in this case he just gone too far." Blaise sighed and looked at me.

"Well it's not your problem!" I hissed. I don't know why I suddenly felt all this hatred towards Blaise. Maybe it was because I knew he was right, but I didn't want to hear it.

I could sense how Blaise got a bit irritated. "Well I'm so sorry Pansy, I just want to help you" He sighed and looked at his feet. "Please, don't get mad."

I bit my lower lip when I felt a stroke of bad cosines hit me like a dagger in my heart. "Sorry Blaise, I'm not angry at you." I turned my glare toward the window once more. "I'm just mad a t this whole crappy situation."

Blaise nodded in understanding. "Pansy I will do anything to help you, but I can't as long as you won't take my help." I small smile came across his lips. "But until then, I'm willing to just listen."

I returned the smile. "Thanks Blaise, that really means a lot."

Once more he placed his arm around me and gave me a small squeeze. Then he clapped himself on his legs and got up. "We better get back,"

I nodded and got up as well.

"Just one last thing" Blaise looked at me with his dark eyes. "How and when did you find out."

I sank, not wanting to go through the sad memory once more. "I saw him in action some month ago" I admitted.

Blaise sighed deeply. "Okay."

We left the owlery without any other words.