I had spent the entire summer arguing with myself. When Sirius told me he might be gay, I had absolutely no problem with that. I didn't think there was anything wrong with gay people- they were just like everyone else. But I wasn't prepared for what he was going to say next.

"I've just, really wondered what it would be like to… to… kiss you." His words were so faint I wasn't even sure I had heard him correctly. I hadn't expected that. I didn't even know hot to react to that.

Those words just repeated in my mind over and over the entire summer. I wasn't gay. There was no way! But how am I supposed to let my friend down easy?

Unless… I did feel that way?

No. Of course not. I was straight. The only reason I was only questioning was because he was my best friend. I had feelings for him, but not feelings like that.

I wasn't really sure how to act around him anymore. I didn't know what he thought of me anymore. It just… made me a bit uncomfortable? I don't know.

"We're almost at Hogwarts." Remus announced as he came back to the compartment after finding the snack trolley and buying himself a couple of chocolate frogs. "We should change into our robes." Remus dug into his trunk and pulled out his robes. He pulled off his clothes without even thinking twice, changing right in front of Sirius and me like every other year since we were eleven. It was no big deal. Not to him.

I hesitantly pulled my robes out of my trunk. "I uh… I have to use the bathroom. I'll be right back." I took my robes with me as I went to find the bathroom. I don't know why I had to make it so awkward. I just didn't like the idea that he was… looking at me. I didn't want to know what he was thinking about me. I didn't want to know he was watching me change. I didn't want to know he was thinking about me in that way. I don't know why he had to change everything. Everything was fine before.

I changed quickly and then headed back to the compartment.

"What was that all about?" Remus raised his eyebrow, glancing from me, then to Sirius, and back again.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"We've changed in front of each other since we were first years and yet this year you awkwardly take your robes into the bathroom and Sirius attempts to put on his robes and then take off his clothes. What is going on you guys?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sirius said too quickly, shoving his clothes into his trunk and sitting back down. "You're losing it Remi, maybe it is all that cold cabbage soup." We all laughed and all was forgotten.

When we got to Hogwarts, we all filed into the Great Hall for the sorting ceremony and feast. Sirius sat down, and Remus next to him. I quickly took the seat next to Remus, needing to put a little bit of space between me and Sirius. It's not like I though the would try something, I mean we were in public. I just felt so awkward trying to make conversation with him right now. I was very thankful for our Remus-buffer.

I didn't pay much attention to the sorting, but the feast was good. As always. It wasn't long before we were all heading up to bed.

Sirius tried to act normal, I could tell, but he looked so miserable. Was this my fault? I mean I didn't really think it was my fault for not being attracted to him the way he is to me, but was there some way I could have let him down a little less harshly? Yeah. Of course there was. I could have not tried to put it off so long and actually sent him a letter or something over the summer. Man I was an awful person.

Exhausted, I crashed down onto my bed in the boy's dormitory.

"Night James." Remus said through a yawn. "Night Siri."

"Night Remi." Sirius laughed.

"Night." I said to no one in particular.

"Night, James." Sirius whispered. I wasn't sure if he whispered it in a loving way, or just an awkward way. I decided to just not respond. That was easier.

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