Seems like I'm on a small roll, normally I don't produce chapters this quickly. Hopefully I can keep it up until the end. Thanks to everyone for taking time to read this little story. I'm trying to keep femShep as ambiguous as possible so you can imagine her as you see fit.
Garrus couldn't focus. The whole walk back to the Normandy had just been silence. Shepard only spoke when they re-boarded, asking EDI for a status update on their upgrades. She wasn't happy to hear they'd have to gather more resources for the armor upgrade. Irritably, she plotted a course around some unexplored planets they could send probes to. Garrus tried to speak up, wanted to tell her they needed to talk, but she disappeared into the elevator before he could even open his mouth. He had retreated back to the main battery instead. He needed to think about how to talk to her. Ha had hoped doing more calibrations would clear his mind, but he kept making mistakes. Pushing away from the console, frustrated, he began to pace the small room. His commander's odd behavior consumed his mind. She had been a friend to him when he was consumed by the foulest moods. He wasn't very good at cheering other people up, but he had to try.
The sound of the door opening stopped him mid-pace. A smile touched his lips but fell back when he saw it wasn't who he expected. "Oh... Tali. I thought you were... Nevermind..." he sighed, shaking his head. "...What's wrong?" he asked, noticing the quarian was wringing her hands nervously. Tali sighed and began to pace feverishly, still wringing her hands. "I went up to see Shepard, to tell her about the shield generator but when I got there..." Tali began. She stopped and turned to Garrus. Even through the haze of her mask he could see the worry on her face. "When I got there, the door was locked," she continued, resuming her pacing. "I called to her but EDI said the commander instructed that no one was to disturb her." Tali stopped, her back to Garrus. "I think... I think I heard her crying..." she whispered.
Garrus felt his insides sinking. The thought of her alone up there was unacceptable. "Don't worry Tali," he replied as calmly as possible, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'll go check on the commander. Just go back downstairs and try to stay focused." Tali nodded, turning to face him once again. "Come on, I'll ride the elevator with you," he continued, trying to manage a smile. The two walked in silence to the lift. Passing through the empty floor was truly eerie. Without the usual hum of chatter, the smell of food, the smiles that greeted them, it seemed like a completely different ship. They both remained silent as the elevator went down. Tali had begun wringing her hands again. As the door opened, she hesitated as she stepped out. "Garrus... Good luck up there." Before he could even respond, the doors closed and the elevator began to rise. He grew more and more nervous the higher up it went. What was he going to say to her? She'd surely just try to make him leave... But he wouldn't give up on her. The doors opened once again and he swallowed. Stepping out, he saw it was just as Tali said. The door's red light glowed at him, taunting him.
He took a deep breath. "EDI, unlock the door. I need to speak to the commander," he stated, trying not to sound anxious.
"I'm sorry, but Commander Shepard requested that-"
"EDI, please, just open it," he sighed. "This is important."
A moment passed, then the light changed from red to green, the door hissing as it slid open. Garrus stepped through quietly, scanning the room. It was dark, save for the light that glowed from the fish tanks on the wall. He could see her form curled on the bed, illuminated by the faint blue glow. She was so still and silent, as if she were sleeping. Garrus wondered if maybe Tali had been mistaken. That thought quickly left as he stepped further into the room and his eyes adjusted to the dim light. Her body was far too tense to be asleep.
"EDI, I thought I said not to let anyone in," she said, still not moving from her position. He could see the glow from EDI as she appeared on the console behind him. "Apologies, Commander, but Agent Vakarian insisted it was urgent," she replied. Shepard seemed to curl up a little more at her words. "...What do you want Garrus," she asked flatly. Though she was doing a good job of hiding it, he could still hear the quiver in her voice.
"Shepard, we need to talk," he started, still advancing slowly. He narrowly dodged the pillow that came sailing at his head. "I don't want to. Go away," was all she said before curling back on the bed. Undeterred, Garrus continued to the side of the bed. "Shepard..." he spoke softly. She had her back to him as he stood over her. An overwhelming urge to hold her in his arms rose up in him. Before he even realized what he was doing, he was reaching for her. "Garrus... Please... Just go away." Her words froze him. Lowering his arm, he swallowed hard and sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry Commander. I can't do that. You're my friend, and something's clearly causing you pain," he explained quietly. "Besides, you're always the one pushing me to talk when I'm a mess," he teased lightly, hoping to make her smile. Still she was silent and unmoving. "Come on Shepard, you know I'll always have your back. You can trust me."
A short, bitter laugh escaped her lips. "You know, Kaiden said the same thing to me once."
His heart dropped into his stomach. Anger started to bubble inside him. He had almost forgotten about that little 'reunion'. They had been something before she died, and her disappearance tore Kaiden apart. They had embraced on Horizon, but it soon became clear things had changed. He had spoken harshly to her, accusing her of joining the enemy. She tried to explain but he just wouldn't listen. Garrus had tried to defend her, but it was pointless. In the end they parted ways, broken. Shepard just continued on with their mission against the Collectors seemingly unfazed, but now he could see it had shattered something inside her. The raid on their ship probably didn't help her to forget either. With renewed purpose, he gently laid a hand on her shoulder.
"Yeah, well... I'm still here, aren't I?" he soothed. Finally, he felt her body relax a little. Slowly, she turned her head and looked him in the eyes. Even in the dim light he could see the shine of tears, the faint streaks down her cheeks. Instinctively he brushed his hand against her face, trying to erase the trail. "Talk to me, Shepard."
Finally her eyes left his, her head lowering back onto the remaining pillow. She took a deep breath and sighed. "It's just... Everything's really gone to hell, hasn't it? I can't help thinking that maybe..." She hesitated. Garrus rested his hand on her arm again, silently urging her to continue. Another deep breath, then, "Maybe if we'd stayed on the ship just a little longer, or got back just a little faster... Hell, even if I hadn't taken all of you guys with me on that last mission... Maybe we could've prevented this. We could've stopped the Collectors from taking them all..." she bit out, fist clenching in the sheets. He could feel her body begin to shake, trying to hold herself together.
"Shepard, you can't blame yourself for something like that. You couldn't have known. You did the best that you could," he replied. He gave her arm a reassuring squeeze, but was brushed off as the commander finally sat upright. He could see the frustration burning in her eyes. "No, I didn't Garrus! I failed all of them when they needed me most!" she nearly shouted. Fresh tears raced down her face and she rubbed her eyes furiously, trying to stem the flow. Despite her sorrow, Garrus couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his face.
"You know Commander, I'm getting a sense of... Oh what do you humans call it? Déjà vu?" He took her by the wrists, pulling her hands away from her face. Catching her gaze once again, he continued, hands still wrapped gently on hers. "I seem to recall a certain turian who got called away from his squad only for them to be ambushed in his abscence," he spoke gently. "And in the haze of guilt and pain he had been ready to join them, and bring every dirty son-of-a-bitch responsible down with him." There was something like a mix of surprise and realization in her eyes. "Then, just when I thought my time was coming to an end, you showed up," he mused, smile broadening. "When I first glimpsed you through the scope, I thought I was just seeing things. I thought that maybe-" He cut himself off, suddenly embarrassed. "Er... nevermind..." he mumbled, averting his gaze.
Shepard quirked a brow at his suddenly shy demeanor. "You thought maybe what?" she pressed. He swallowed nervously. She was curious by nature and he knew she would just keep asking until she had an answer. The room was suddenly beginning to feel just a little too warm.
"I thought... I thought maybe you were there to escort me to the afterlife. That's what humans believe right?" He realized his hands were still on hers and quickly pulled them away. He began to fidget as he felt her gaze still fixed on him. "When you and your team started shooting up the place I realized that I was being silly. And watching you in action again... It was like you'd never been gone," he said, finally finding the courage to look at her again. Her tears had ceased to fall and she had that ever-curious look in her eyes again. He cleared his throat and rubbed at his neck. It sure was hot in here.
"Um... Anyways... I'm straying... What I'm trying to say Shepard is you showed me that what happened wasn't my fault. So if I'm not to blame for their deaths, you're not to blame for the crew's abduction," he finished. For the first time that day, Shepard smiled. It was faint, but a smile nonetheless. Finally seeing some brightness in her face brought a sense of relief throughout Garrus. Donning a smile of his own, he punched her arm playfully. "I have to admit I'm a little jealous of you. You get to have yourself some full-fledged revenge," he teased. Sniffling, Shepard wiped the last of the tears from her eyes as her smile broadened.
"Only because they're a threat to the galaxy Garrus," she replied, giving him a shove in return. "Even so, if it turns out the Collectors are just being controlled somehow..." A smooth laugh cut her off.
"That's what I like about you Shepard. Forever merciful, if a bit naive," Garrus chuckled.
"Hey! You make it sound like I'm some bumbling child," she scolded lightly. Running a hand through her hair, she made to leave the bed. "I should shower. All those drinks are finally catching up to me I think," she said, standing slowly.
"And I should get back to work on those calibrations," Garrus replied. He stood and made his way to the door. "By the way, Tali wanted to speak with you. Something about the shield generator."
"Thanks, I'll go down to see her as soon as I'm done," Shepard said as the bathroom door slid open. He gave her a final nod before stepping through the exit. "Garrus," she called after him, stepping out where he could see her. "Thanks for cheering me up."
"Anytime Commander," he smiled, and with that, the doors slid shut once again.
Phew, another chapter out. I'm having a hard time not repeating a lot of words and phrases. If things do seem a little repetitive I apologize. Hope you guys enjoyed, and stay tuned for chapter 3