Chapter 2

An internal look

A couple of weeks had gone by since Marietta joined the institution, and despite her initial doubt in staying around, she was grateful that Dr. Grant had urged her to. She most surprisingly enjoyed being able to discuss her problems with Dr. Emily Bridge, the residing therapist. The sessions proved to be very interesting, and Marietta was very relieved that she was not being urged to remove her scarf. In fact, with great tact, Emily had waddled into deep waters by focussing more on her than addressing the primary concern of the elephant in the room. She sensed that Marietta was mustering up the best defensive spells to not talk about that. With another plan in motion, she decided that she had to first earn her client's trust.

Marietta, despite being in denial about the issues with her mother, found that they surfaced several times. As the session went on however, she became increasingly comfortable with Emily, who found great intrigue in even the smallest of issues. She divulged more into the difficult relationship with her mother, but then surprisingly to her client, topics relating to her father cropped up. Marietta was the centre of his universe. Until he disappeared from my life somewhere before my tenth birthday! He never left a note or sent her anything. She had no idea where he was, what he was doing with his life and if he was happy. During her third year at Hogwarts she had earned so much popularity and friends that she had pushed thoughts of him away. She was the centre of her own universe and did not need him. Or so she thought, as she habitually found herself venturing to his picture in tears, when she had to endure the constant badgering from her mother, due to her failure to meet what was deemed as appropriate standards. While her father was always happy with whatever she did, she felt as though she was never good enough for her mother.

"You are a disgrace!" her mother would shout when Marietta scored an A and not an A plus. "A younger wizard is excelling better than you!" her mother exclaimed when news of a year one Gryffindor student was achieving grades on par with Ravenclaw students. Marietta never understood what was expected of her against Hermione Granger.

"Doctor Bridge, she wasn't even in my year!" Marietta raged. It was something she could never understand. She was happy that someone was setting records that future Ravenclaw students had to rise against, but Marietta thought that she excelled just as well in school. It wasn't even as if she was in direct competition with Hermione. Though now, she felt as though the opportunity to face off against her did come and she had lost. Hermione had bested her and here she lay battered and mutilated, to such an extent that even the world renowned Healers couldn't help her. That stuck up bitch!

"Those girls are bad news!" Mrs. Edgecombe would claim as she expressed distaste at Marietta's choice of friends. She accused them for encouraging her in dating and further engraved that thought in her when Dolores Umbridge caught Marietta making out with Edward Pattinson and cast an incantation that separated them. Dr. Bridge noticed right away the cautionary steps Marietta was taking, so she did not probe deeper into the story of Dolores Umbridge, nor could she have as an emotional breakdown followed right there. Marietta was overwhelmed as she reflected on all of her insecurities and disappointments. Emily knew, as advanced in the field as she was, better than to advise a client against crying. She simply comforted her, and suggested that in spite of being unable to meet those requirements that others had set for her, that Marietta needed to realise that the views of other people should not tamper with the tableau she had of herself.

When she was not having her sessions with Dr. Bridge, Marietta spent her time engaging in the activities with the other members. The classes were going well. Marietta hated them at first, except the morning yoga sessions. She really enjoyed those because it was quite small. Tom also joined in on occasion, and she relished seeing his pretty face before her day began. She found a lot of comfort in those classes as much of the focus was on meditation rather than trying to solve the mystery of the girl in the silk scarf, a bit of paranoia she had blossomed. She also developed quite a bond with Katherine, though she remained annoyed of the quick paced conversations and often felt as if she had run thousands of miles when they were done. Questions about her scarf often came up, but quickly subdued with Katherine's hysteria. Marietta eventually realised that Katherine had little concern with huge details, and began risking showing her face when in their room. She did it of course having pasted her face with a large bulk of make-up, enough to strangle her pores. She kept the scarf at the ready though, hung over her neck.

In addition to yoga, she enjoyed arts and crafts. She was horrendous at drawing and painting, though her first drawing that she completed that week found its place in the hall of fame, as the patients called it. Marietta wondered if it was actually the hall of shame when she saw the type of drawings that were up there. Tom had congratulated her on the success, though she could tell he was teasing her. At times like those she was grateful for her scarf, because she wondered just how wide she was smiling. Katherine kept nudging her about her crush for Tom though Marietta kept denying it. She knew it was just that, because Tom was older than her and he was a second year Healing student and was way too cute to be interested in someone with a scarf wrapped around their hideous dimpled face. Katherine also teased her about Mesut.

Mesut was a boy Marietta first noticed in Coping Skills class. He was very mysterious. He always wore variations of sweaters with very long sleeves concealing even his hands. At first glance she figured that it was just too difficult for him to get clothes for his height, but once his frame was digested she realised that was not the case. His clothes seemed suited to someone like Tom who was well over six feet, but Mesut didn't full the outfit. His sweaters seemed to weight him down, and his pants were much looser than track pants. He was a lot leaner than the bulk of clothes gave him credit for, and he was just below six feet, equalling Marietta's height at five feet and eight inches. In addition to the over abundance of clothes, he had a surplus of unkempt hair. He had thick, big, black hair and was far from clean shaven. His facial hair however was very thin, giving away its unfledged nature.

They were yet to meet officially. They discovered each other when going around in circles about how other patients coped with their issues. Mesut refused to speak about his in front of everyone to which the teacher respected. Marietta borrowed a page from his book as well because she definitely did not want to talk about hers as most of her new friends had no idea what her problem was. That had drawn an inquisitive eye from Mesut, but when she returned one he looked away hurriedly and kept his head bent for the rest of the class. That became a bit of a trend over the next two weeks between them. During their Ways to Manage Anxiety classes, she had found herself studying his mystique. She had not planned on attending, but Katherine urged her to join her and Dr. Bridge had also suggested that the class would help with any insecurity she may have as a result of her condition. Mesut had caught her eye again, and looked very angrily at her before turning away. Marietta averted her attention hastily and refused to look in his direction. She also saw him laughing too at her hall of fame picture, but when she turned to him with a smile he tensed and turned away burying himself in conversation with another ward member, who she could tell he did not know as the person looked at him rather awkwardly. She wondered if she had an aggressive look, because she knew he could not tell that she was smiling through her veil.

Perhaps the strangest thing that Marietta thought was that Katherine was a regular at the Depression classes. Katherine was very friendly, in fact everyone she introduced Marietta too as her best friend. She was very popular around the halls, even with the patients that kept only to themselves. She had introduced Marietta to a number of people who were quite nice. Marietta found that a lot of the younger people around her age had a love for the plump, balding Andy. Andy was one of those members that seemed the most normal. He always had a story to tell, and he was always with his three other friends, Doug, Phil and Stu. He had warned Marietta to never question Doug because he always winded up taking offence. Phil, he warned was easily attracted to women. He flirted with most of the girls on the ward, including the doctors and even slicked his hair back before kissing Marietta's hand when they met. Stu however constantly asked them all to be silent because he had work to finish, though Marietta could see he did nothing except think. In addition to that, Andy seemed very close to Mesut of all the others. It often reminded her of Harry Potter and Hagrid as she had seen in her second year. Andy would always be taking part in some activity, such as table tennis, basketball and swimming, however as she learnt from Tom, they had to keep it quiet because not all of the other patients were medically cleared to do some of those things.

Marietta realised that depression was a key issue with her, as Dr. Bridge had pointed out in their second session. Obviously to her, her mother was at fault, but she soon uncovered that her father was equally as responsible. He was always the cool parent. Marietta learnt that she had not fully gotten over her oedipal complex when her father left her, which explained why she never looked for a serious relationship at Hogwarts despite the many boys she had dated. It also explained why she coped so well with Edward Pattinson ending things with her so suddenly because she had subconsciously assumed all relationships would end with her pain. It explained why she spent all her time with Cho as well. Even though she was the "red hair friend of Cho" the main attention was never on her as much, just the way she liked it.

Her father always excused her in comparison to her mother's strict parenting. He allowed her to go to bed later, gave her junk food late into the night and taught her some spells that she could cast without a wand. One of the happiest memories that Marietta had when she learned how to conjure a Patronus was the memory depicted by the picture she kept in her room. The one she often found herself crying in front of. She was just about eight years old, dressed up in a red flowered blouse with red shoes. Her mother ensured her clothes matched always. Her father had helped her get dressed and had put on a pair of white socks. Her mother had fumed when they reached for the portrait shot and realised Marietta was wearing as she put it, "boy's sneaker socks". She also remembered her father telling her they would get ice cream after if she stopped pouting and smiled. She refused, but then her father fed her the line of her face staying that way forever, and she would resemble her mom if she continued doing it. She smiled, and her father pressed his cheeks against hers for the picture. Her mother was definitely not satisfied with their choice of pose and scowled for the picture. A successful Patronus thus resulted much to her delight.

She found it strange that she held onto that memory even though her father had abandoned her. Dr. Bridge however shared the insight that he represented her team in the war against her mother, and victory at that as she probably was jealous of their relationship given that she was probably still facing her oedipal complex at that young of an age. His support made her victorious against her mother. He loved her more and hated the evil witch of her fairy tale.

Her picture that hung on the wall of fame also supported the theory that Dr. Grant had put forth. She had drawn a house with windows, doors, a driveway, lawn and even a mail box that said M.E. The door and the windows represented that Marietta preferred isolation and only greeted the world on her own time. Marietta thought that to be a bit weird because she enjoyed what her popularity had gotten her at school, until Emily suggested it was that way now subconsciously because of her scarf. She chose to isolate herself by not being seen. Emily even questioned Marietta about her life at school. It had changed a lot now. She had gone from being one of the most beautiful and popular girls in school to hideous and hated. She discovered that she did segregate herself from everyone when she did come out of the hospital wing with SNEAK etched across her face. She had taken a hiatus from classes and stayed locked in her dormitory for the remaining few months of school. On her own terms, it meant coming out when everyone else was off at Hogsmeade and spending her day on the bank of the Great Lake, because the younger years remained behind on the castle grounds.

The driveway represented a route of escape for her in addition to being route of people getting to her. Anybody coming into her life had to do so according to her rules. It was applied to a boy she met at Hogwarts in her first year and had classes with. She found him attractive and everyone said he liked her, but Marietta in her fame had grown used to the stereotype of boys asking her out and as a result remained just a classmate to him. The lawn was not part of the drawing as Dr. Bridge pointed out, but it was what Marietta thought was needed in a house. It showed either her attention to detail or her desire to achieve more than what she had set. Such a case was instilled in her from her mother: always aiming to achieve more than your goals. Finally the mailbox marked M.E. meant Marietta Edgecombe and not Mrs. Edgecombe or Miss Edgecombe as Dr Bridge analysed. When asked about it, Marietta exclaimed that she hated people calling her Miss Edgecombe as well because it always made her think about her mother. As the box read Marietta Edgecombe instead of Edgecombe meant also that Marietta had indeed chosen to isolate herself than share her house with someone, which again related to her way of dealing with the loss of someone she loved, her father.

Uncovering such information certainly proved to distract Marietta from her concerns about her looks, at least in the sessions. She still took a few moments to examine her reflection from a glittering picture that hung in Emily's office, and she duly checked that her scarf was wrapped properly before setting out. Emily didn't expect a miracle over four sessions, but her plan had already gone into motion. She now understood her client a lot more from an internal perspective, and now she thought she was better equipped to address her primary concern, the haunting factor of her story.