Wow. I can't than you guys enough for the outpouring of love, support, understanding, and honesty I got from all of you guys. The reviews and messages (and the email from that one person who confessed to hacking into my account to get my email address) were just incredible. Ranging from comfort that was extremely touching to gratitude that the situation didn't evolve to suicide to survivors' understanding that kinda made me cry a lot, every single one of you guys showed exceptional courage and sincerity that will never be forgotten.

Disclaimer: I don't own the song "Hold On" by Good Charlotte or the music video, in which the survivors share incredibly heartbreaking stories. I just highly recommend both of them and support the message so much, you have no idea.

Hold On

It was a very somber but surprised William Schuester who stood in front of Glee Club that day.

"Santana has something to say, everyone," he said quietly, knowing everyone knew what she was going to talk about. None of them knew anything at all.

This world, this world is cold.

Santana stepped gracefully in front of Glee Club, all her defenses down. For a few minutes, everyone but Brittany was unable to recognize the fragile girl in front of them. If one of them looked at her the wrong way today, she wouldn't cut them down with a word and a gaze, she would wither away and die, if for no reason than because she would finally understand how Dave felt.

"I'm organizing a memorial for Dave Karofsky," she said.

"Why?" Finn asked. "He was awful to all of us."

But you don't, you don't have to go.

"He was more awful to himself," Kurt said. When the entire club looked at him, he swallowed. "When I looked at him before, I could only see a bully. But now all I see is his pain," he admitted quietly. "You guys are my family, and you guys are an amazing one because you gave me a space to fit when I never had one before. And Karofsky, Dave, he never had that. When he admitted that he was gay, he didn't have a place."

You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely.

"Whoa, Karofsky was gay?" Puck was surprised. "But he was so mean to you," he frowned. "Did he have some kind of sick crush on you or something?"

Kurt laughed humorlessly. Puck was closer than he could imagine. "Sort of," he admitted.

Artie shook his head. "Man, that is messed up. I can't believe he did that to you."

Kurt shrugged. I can't believe he did that to himself, he thought.

Mike suddenly took center stage. "Wait, is that why he killed himself?" he asked.

And no one seems to care.

Kurt bit his lip. Why, why, why? That was the question everyone would ask, and they would ask him. Dave killed himself because the rejection of the person he trusted most with the information he had been terrified to divulge meant that no one else could possibly understand. His logic had been faulty, Azimio's reaction had been the wrong one. Dave didn't realize he was holding a live bomb, and Az-James didn't realize he was holding a lit match.

"It could be," Kurt said finally. Everyone wanted an answer, even if he didn't have one. "I don't know." I don't know.

Your mother's gone and your father hits you.

Will cleared his throat. "Guys, I think this is a good idea," he said, knowing that he was going to be the bad cop again. "I heard James outside and he said that he wants to show his support for his friend in death that he didn't get the chance to show in life."

"He shouldn't," Mercedes was upset. "If Azimio showed his support, he shouldn't wait until it'd be socially frowned-upon not to."

"Maybe he just didn't get the chance to," Santana snapped.

This pain you cannot bear.

"Because you know so much about both of them?" Rachel was angry that her friend, an extention of herself, was being rebuffed. "You dated Karofsky! If anyone should have known he was gay first and offered support, it should have been you!"

"I did know!" Santana snapped back. "That's why I dated him!"

But we all bleed the same way as you do.

Brittany walked down and hugged Santana and everyone seemed to understand a little more.

For Lima and the Lopez family, there would be no repeat of Dave tonight.

And we all have the same things to go through.

Kurt Hummel didn't know what he was doing in front of the crowd at the candlelight memorial. The Glee Club not fighting over solos was a first. Perhaps the world had ended. Kurt felt like his had, somehow. He had always believed that Dave, as the closeted jock and former bully, was proof that this world, so homophobic and intolerant, could change. But Dave refused, and when he finally did, he was rejected and killed himself. What did that mean for the world? What did that mean for every gay person who's ever wanted to be seen for something other than the gender of the person he or she loved?

What did that mean for Kurt and his dreams? Amazing grace had eluded him, and it eluded Dave. He looked around at the faces of everyone else at the memorial. Would anyone here find the amazing grace they wanted?

No, and so he couldn't sing that song. Of course he couldn't. So he didn't.

Hold on, if you feel like letting go.
Hold on, it gets better than you know.

From inside the crowd, another voice joined in, a feminine one. Santana's raspy voice was surprisingly soothing.

The days, you say they're way too long,
And your nights, you can't sleep at all.
Hold on.

Santana was the catalyst; the New Directions stood up.

And you're not sure what you're waiting for,
But you don't want to know more.
And you're not sure what you're looking for,
But you don't want to know more.

At this point, even Blaine's mother was singing.

But we all bleed the same way as you do.
And we all have the same things to go through.

Santana would deny she ever cried, but Kurt knew she knew he saw the tear that slipped down her cheeks when she spied Azimio standing up to sing with the Glee Club.

Hold on if you feel like letting go.
Hold on, it gets better than you know.
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer.
Don't stop searching, it's not over. Hold on.

Maybe it was because she had heard Dave sing before. Even if you're only the pretend girlfriend, you're privy to a lot of secrets. And Dave had a good singing voice. If only Puck would stop playing the guitar long enough for her to remember what it sounded like.

What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead, what are you waiting for?

He could have won awards for that voice. The thought of what might have been with Dave's voice didn't fill Santana with sadness, surprisingly. He would never have done anything with his singing voice anyway.

Hold on if you feel like letting go.
Hold on, it gets better than you know.
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer.
Don't stop searching, it's not over.
Hold on if you feel like letting go.
Hold on, it gets better than you know. Hold on.

Later, Azimio wouldn't be given any flak for having sung with the Gloser Club. Everyone saw him stand in front of Dave's grave, store-bought flowers. He looked at it, wondering if Dave would like them. He didn't know if Dave even liked his flowers blue, or purple, or yellow. Did Dave even like flowers?

He never asked. He didn't know. Now he'll never know. That felt like a tragedy to him, because it was such a simple question and a simple gesture that would cover up a gaping hole in his knowledge that would always be there, like the loss of Dave would always be there, and that was how he first realized that Dave was really, truly gone.

In the end, he opted for pulling some random flowers from the football field. Those flowers didn't get a chance to grow when vicious careless athletes trampled on them during the season. Maybe now they could bloom into something beautiful now that season was over, now that the ruthless jocks were gone. Dave would like that, he hoped, and Dave would like the effort. He liked football.

Santana and Kurt helped him. They didn't make up; it was too late for that. But they all lost something near and dear to themselves, even if it never really existed in the first place.

I may or may not have watched Chris Colfer's "It Gets Better" video a gazillion times before I wrote this. Listen to what he says, please, because it really does get better. If you can't talk to someone you know for fear of judgment and you think it might be easier to talk to someone you don't think you'll ever see in person to be judged by, my email actually is pearlazalea (gmail), and I check it almost every day.

Also, for the hacker, please don't do that again. It was seriously creepy.

I'm going to my friend's funeral downstate, so I won't be uploading anything this weekend.