Not far from Donatello, the night carried on quietly in his home, known as the lair. Its brown walls did not speak with their usual shakes, rattles and drips from topside.
Leonardo was in the dojo meditating, with his muscular legs crossed and his breathing steady. The young warrior's protective gear rubbed against his plastron, causing the leather straps to twist as his chest rose up and down.
The moment was still and silent. Yet, Leo felt a pinch in his stomach that was starting to nag. Something felt wrong, something seemed wrong, but he could not put his finger on it. He began to focus more to determine where this faint nag was coming from, but his concentration soon broke. The welcoming voices of his two younger brothers, Raphael and Michelangelo, made their boisterous appearance.
The older sibling inhaled a breath and gradually stood up, careful not to rush. He stretched and headed towards the kitchen to greet them.
"So, How'd it go?" Leo said as his senses took in the aroma of parmesan cheese and roasted tomatoes.
"Al-ight, I guess," Raph replied. "Got some fresh supplies and the pizza, but it took forever no thanks to numbnuts over here." There were two gracious bags full of toiletries, packs of medicine and electronic gear, "There should be enough here to last us a few months!"
"Wow, you're right about that, April and Casey really out did it this time," Leo said as he examined the bags of possessions, unsure how to unload everything properly, "But, what took you guys so long?"
"Well, as I said, we would have been back sooner if shell for brains didn't get side tracked!", Raph argued as he pointed his thumb over to his younger brother, ""Mikey over there, decided that buying a comic book from a punk on the street was a good idear!"
"It was a good idea Raphie! In fact, I even got a deal by exchanging a slice of pizza for the comic, but he wouldn't take it since it had anchovies on it! So it was a win-WIN for me!" Michelangelo squealed with joy as he held the comic book to his brother's face and smiled.
"Mikey….get that …piece of", Raph stammered as the youngest turtle stretched and bounced out of his trench coat. His energy illuminated through the room as he sprang in the air, tossed the clothing over his shoulder, and landed on their suede couch, "Trench coat wearing turtle saves the…day…AGAIN!"
The moment turned sour when Mike's laughter was drowned out by Raphael's temper. Once the jacket was airborne it fell on top of Raph. The arm was still covering his eyes when he waved his fist in the air, "Why you knucklehead! I'll show you a trench coat wearing turtle! Come ere'!"
"Ow!" Mike leaned forward, pouting, as he rubbed the sore spot on the back of his head. Raphael managed to let out a sinister laugh that echoed throughout the lair. Despite the scene before him, Leo felt a few chuckles escape, but his smile quickly disappeared. An image of Donatello flickered in his mind and that nagging feeling grew more.
"Guys, have you heard from Donnie lately?" The question caused an immediate spark from the two younger turtles, but Leo couldn't justify if it was the same concerned spark he carried.
"No bro, I tried calling him once to ask about pizza. But he never picked up. Ya know D-man, he goes to the dump and he becomes the next Indiana Jones. Just trash style…Indiana Jones", Mike said pulling on Raphael's mask as he twisted the loose red strings around his pudgy fingers.
"Yeah, well, after the way he's been acting lately he should just stay away from us a little whiles", Raph grunted while fixing his bandana and then folding his arms, adding, "Might as well do us all a favor."
"Maybe he's not feeling well. Why worry bro?" Mikey said, but didn't sound too sure of himself.
Leo looked away; his eyes were focused on a memory. He hummed for a moment until, "I don't know. Donnie seems distracted. Distant," he continued, "We all know Donatello is often drowning out the world while he thinks of new theories and gadgets, but something is different. He seems upset, unhappy even."
Crossing his arms, Raphael frowned at him, "So Leo, you're going to go all Dr. Phil on us now?! He's just in one of his pissy moods because thangs ain't goin' his way. You worrin' for nothin'!"
"Raph! Just because he's been acting like you lately doesn't mean we shouldn't worry about him."
"Yeah, okay there Splinter junior, wasn't it you who got after him for staying up late, missing half of morning practice, not being more observant, drinking too much coffee, or zoning out while Master Splinter spoke to him at breakfas," the second eldest stood face to face with his blue banded brother.
"Alright Raph! I get it! But don't just blame me. The other night you went off on him for not fixing the shell cycle and you beat the shell out of him in practice. Sometimes I think you take your pent-up frustrations out on Don", the two turtles stood, eyes locked on to one another. Their breathing was heavy and a thick tension invaded their space.
"Ugh, you guys are sucking all the pizza smell out of the room, said the comic-loving turtle, his feet rested on the coffee table. His older brothers turned facing the back of him. They could see a dark green head, with an orange mask attached, bobble up and down, "Ya know…my fine feathered turtle bros, Donnie has been acting strange lately. He seems like he has something else on his mind. Man, even Master Splinter noticed that, especially after their talk."
The older turtles both turned to each other, eyes wide.
"Mikey, what do you mean? What talk with Master Splinter?" Leo paraded with surprise at the profound sentiment.
"Well, he just never wants to play video games anymore." Mikey said, with an, "Ow! Hey!"
Raphael had shoved the younger turtle, causing his feet to fall, "And there it is – because of video games! That's your grand answer!"
"Mikey, what conversation?" Leo said ignoring the events that had just taken place.
"What conversation?! Bam in yo face Turtle Titan wanna be! Man, this comic is the best…"
"Mikey", Leonardo cut him off. "What conversation with Master Splinter are you talking about?", he sighed tiredly and rubbed his temples.
"Well, um, if I tell you this, you have to promise not to get mad."
Each brother caught a glimpse of one another before looking at the youngest, "What is it?" Raph snapped.
"It's not that bad!" Mikey said while putting his hands up in defense. "I just kinda.. maybe..heard some things I wasn't suppose to hear, I think."
"You think or you know you weren't meant to hear them?!" Raph replied with a snort.
Leo walked in front of the couch and sat on the coffee table. His body was now facing the youngest, watching his baby blues tap with apprehension, "Alright, just spill it."
"Okay, so the other day I was playing Grand Theft Auto, the new one with the cool Russian dude. Oh man, I got to one part where he had to rob some guy that had this heavy New York accent. Come to think of it - he kinda sounded like Raph and Casey all at the same time! And man, that would be one ugly guy if he was a mixture of Casey and-"
"Mikey!" Raph barked.
"Michelangelo, focus….please?" Leo felt his patience being tested.
"Oh, yeah," he squeaked as his index finger scratched his forehead, "Um, yeah, so I heard some commotion and it sounded like it was coming from Master Splinter's room. So I got up and ran to his door. I opened it, and well…I came face to face with Donnie and I think he was…well…it looked like he was crying."
"C'mon." Raph was unconvinced.
"No I'm serious guys!
"Okay Mikey, what makes you think he was crying?" Leo said, his voice laced with concern.
"Well, his eyes were just really wet and red. He looked at me for a second and then turned away. Donnie just walked by me and didn't say word…didn't even look back at Master Splinter." Michelangelo noticed one of the comic book pages slide in between his fingers, he looked up at Leo, "Master Splinter didn't even look at me, he just gazed where I guess Donnie had been sitting…he even seemed sad."
"Hmmm….", Leo looked in the direction of Master Splinter's room.
"Eh, wait a minute! Mike you said you heard something you thought you shouldn't have…ANNNNDDD…you promised us not to get mad at you. Something ain't adding up." Raph sat next to Mikey and looked to Leo.
"Leo, I remember Donnie going into Master Splinter's room, but they were in there for awhile. I…ALSO…remember a certain knucklehead of a turtle walking slowly up and down the hall, around Splinter's door….. around the same time."
"Hey, I thought you were in the garage trying to work on your bike," Mikey whined.
Leo snapped back into the conversation once he realized Mikey had been eavesdropping, "Mikey, why would you do that?"
The orange masked teenager looked down with a small pout curling his lips, "I don't know. After Master Splinter yelled at Donnie this morning….I guess….I was worried, maybe, even-"
"Mikey", Leo's voice was much softer now, he looked to his younger siblings, "Master Splinter didn't yell at Donatello. It was just a misunderstanding between both of them. Father was just upset that Don wasn't paying attention and he has been worried about him."
"I know Leo and I guess I shouldn't have been snooping around."
"Well, okay Mikey, just tell us what you know?" Leo and Raph both waited for their brother's words.
He took in a deep breath, "I saw Donnie walk in-"
"I did too." Raph chimed in while looking at Leo.
Leo glanced at both brothers before putting his full attention on Mikey, "Continue."
"Okay….well…."
A soft knock came to the sliding door; dividers made of blonde bamboo held it together as the ivory paper rattled to his touch.
Donatello stood at the entrance, a slight nervous energy took hold of him. His hands scrunched into fists in effort to release nervous energy as he heard his Master say, "Enter my son."
The gentle creature took a step into the room and shut the door behind him. He remained silent.
The elder rat sat before him, his fur legs kneeled and his paws were clasped. The father held a warm expression and smiled, "Come and sit."
Donatello walked with a timid step, the room was somewhat dark. He squinted and noticed a pink pillow sat across from his father.
The feeling in the room was unusual, awkward at best. But the teenager soon knelt down, rested his knees on the cushion, and laid a palm on each thigh. Along for the family meeting sat four candles in between the turtle and his Master. Donatello raised his head and saw his father's eyes, they flickered like fireflies from a waking sun.
Each flame swayed side to side, while orange and blue flares breathed warmth into the room. The teenager sat, waiting in silence to be addressed. There were smells of rose and jasmine that held his attention as he waited for some kind of recognition.
Master Splinter slowly raised his chin and looked directly at his son, "Donatello, I believe you know why I called you here."
"Yes, Master Splinter because of this morning. When I daydreamed at breakfast and you were speaking to me." Donatello let out a sigh while ignoring his father's gaze.
"No Donatello." His Sensei said with a stern voice, "I am pleased that you have come to me, but my worry for you goes beyond this morning's conversation."
The father inhaled a deep breath, "Donatello, notice these four candles….see how each flame is lit and waving its heat in the air? And with each flame there is more warmth. Would you agree?"
"Yes, Sensei." Donatello's voice was soft, just above a whisper. His palms continued to rest upon his knees and he squinted at the sight before him.
"With each flame there is more heat…with more flame there is a bundle of fire….a team of flames create something stronger." His master paused and looked to see if his son understood.
With a nod as the terrapin's response, Splinter continued, "Each candle is one entity. Each wax stick is a home for a lonesome flame," the rat lowered his lips and blew out the candle second to the right, "You see my son, the amount of warmth comes from the strength in each flame. If one flame has fallen, the other flames may not succeed. They need each other in order to achieve their goal."
Donatello grimaced at the expression.
"Do you think I've fallen? Have I let you down?" The thought of disappointing his Sensei caused a sliver of cold to run down his chest and into his stomach.
"My Donatello," Splinter said gently, "You have not fallen, but you have grown distant…. and you could never disappoint. Stress has cast dark shadows under your eyes and no appetite has punished your thin frame. I am just a father who is worried about his son."
"Father." Donatello felt knots in his stomach and a lump in his throat, "I-I'm sorry…"
"Do not shy away, there is nothing for you to fear." His father continued to look at him.
The young terrapin shut his eyes hard not wanting salty drops to fall. He shook his head back and forth as if he wasn't going to share his troubles.
"Alright Donatello, if you wish to share nothing, you may go."
A few minutes left, the turtle sat and the old rat watched his student trembled with anxiety.
Donatello wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, and forced himself to look up. Chocolate orbs met grayish ones, "Father, I have kept many secrets from you, and my brothers, for a very long time. Most of the time I can handle the emotions or images that come attached, but something has happened and," Don began choking on his words, "I just- I can't seem to let it go."
Master Splinter nodded. "Continue."
And so Donnie began his story, "It was two years ago today that the Ultimate Drako sent us to other dimensions."
"Why yes, I remember that, I was not aware it had been two years. But what does that have to do with now?" His Master was curious.
"Father. Father, I-I never told you what happened to me. I was sent to…a horrible future. The Shredder had complete control over a dark and miserable world." His lips were quivering and tears had slowly escaped their captivity, "I saw each brother, much older, bruised and beaten to the core. I watched them die right in front of me."
Splinter remained still, "You saw your brother's fall to their death by whom? Where was I in this dark future?"
Slowly, Don lowered and shook his head, not wanting to say it, "You were DEAD! I saw them all DEAD…killed by the Shredder because of…ME! Because of my idea to beat him, I thought they were going to make it, I thought WE were going to make it together." He held his head as images haunted his mind. Salt water continued to fall and stain his cheeks, his lips, his hands, and anything that lay beside him.
"My brothers fell to their death because of me….because of my doing. I feel as though I'm so weak and if I could get them killed then – who is to say that it wouldn't happen now!" The words fled from their prison walls made of teeth – there was no holding back, not now.
He spoke of his time when the Triceratons invaded, and how their prime leader had him wear a helmet that extracted information in a painful way. He apologized for calling Master Splinter for help, but admitted his agony and fear for what could have happened.
"I could feel the electric shock coursing through my veins. It felt like thousands of needles were piercing my insides," acid slowly crawled up his throat as he remembered the torture.
"There is so much more, but I don't even know where to begin or end. I've suppressed it for so long – I'm almost confused on the details. I feel so ashamed by these events and especially from Bishops mutation." Donatello slowed his breathing and just held his head in shame.
"Donatello." His father spoke with his most sincere voice, "You are my most brilliant son and so strong. My heart aches as I hear your suffering."
"I've made so many stupid mistakes, so many things-"
"My son, you must stop thinking that way. Listen very carefully." As he spoke, all the love he held for Donatello was saturated in his words.
The young terrapin focused on his father with a tear stained face.
"In life we are all given an idea, a destiny to strive towards. These events make us stumble, fall, and can even discourage, but in the end they shape us who we are. Unlike your brothers, you've seen things that have caused torture to your heart and you've held on to that pain for far too long." Master Splinter remained still and kept his focus on Donatello.
"But you are not just anyone. There are reasons for the events that have taken place, reasons I cannot explain in detail. But one day the knowledge gained from these moments will appear to you in a way you might never imagine. And one day you will have to make a choice, if to use this information in good character or bad, but whatever decision you make – it will change things."
They both were quiet as Master Splinter rose from his place on the floor, walked and kneeled next to his son, he placed a paw on his shoulder, "You have suffered long enough, please release your pain."
"NO! No,no…..NO!" Don was furious at the statement. If it was that simple he would have let the emotions go long before all this misery.
Splinter furrowed his brow.
"You don't understand! This future it could happen-"
"My son."
"And if it did then look around…all of this gone…just…gone", anger rose in the turtle's voice as he stood.
"Donatello." Splinter stepped back and kneeled in his original spot.
"Why must good things come to an end? Why must these flames turn into dust? Why do we have to die father, why?" He yelled the last question and his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
"You are afraid of death, my son?"
"I'm not ready to for my family to be gone, I'm not ready to be alone. But I feel so weak, that maybe its best if I'm gone. I think my curiosity has caused us so much damage." Tears formed once again as he walked towards the door, he hiccupped to Master Splinters voice.
"My son, do not blame yourself for the events that have fallen on your shoulders."
Donatello stood still before whispering, "To late."
As the moment came to an end, both parties heard a knock and then noticed the door open. Mikey stood at the entrance with a worried face.
Donatello ignored his sibling and walked by him with no hesitation.
"Donnie…wait!" Michelangelo yelled across the room in hopes his brother would turn around.
"Master Splinter, what happened?"
"Michelangelo, I wish to be alone. Close the door my son." Splinter's expression was sad, his eyes focused now on the candle that flickered ever so weakly.
"Leo, come in Leonardo!" Raph snapped.
The older turtle was thinking of his little brother and his conversation with Master Splinter.
His younger siblings glanced at one another and then back at him, "You 'ight Leo?"
The blue banded turtle frowned, "Are you sure that's all you heard Mike?"
With a nod from his younger brother, Leo continued, "This isn't good. Why would Donnie hold all that in?"
"You know bro, out of all of us, Donnie's the only one who doesn't open up, doesn't vent." Raph's voice was low with a slight pinch of anger, he was upset with the grief his brother had endured.
"Something just doesn't feel right; he needs to know that we need him. Ya know?" Leo's voice spoke with leadership.
"We need each other." Raph added.
"Don has been gone for like four or six hours. I'm going to get a hold of him and tell him to come home. We need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him." The concerned turtle carefully stood and pulled on his leather belt. His fingers wiggled the shell cell out of a loop and he began dialing Donatello's number.
In the distance, a beeping sound consistently rang on each television screen. It was a special weather alert explaining a thunderstorm warning had been issued for the night.
"Looks like storms are head'd this way. Tell Brainiac to hurry it up!" Patches of concern were starting to unravel over Raph's tough exterior.
A few rings passed until Leo heard a small voice answer with, "Hello….Leo."