The Fall Chapter 2: The Final Cut, a rent fanfic

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of original fan fiction based on characters and situations created by Jonathan Larson. The intent of this work is for the entertainment of the fans of the musical theatre work "Rent" and its 2005 movie adaptation, and is not intended to garner payment in any form.

I only rent. I don't own.

RATED: T, for language and post-suicide of a character.

The FALL

Through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes
I can barely define the shape of this moment in time
And far from flying high in clear blue skies
I'm spiraling down to the hole in the ground where I hide.

And if I show you my dark side
Will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?

-- Pink Floyd (1983)

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Chapter 2: The Final Cut

"FUCK!!"

Oh, no, no, no. This isn't real. This isn't real! Oh, please, no! This isn't HAPPENING!

Please … no … Can't breathe, can't … Can't fucking BREATHE!!!

CALM!! Take slow … slow …slowGODDAMNED … BREATHS!!

Oh, god …I don't feel well. My stomach hurts. I'm going to be sick! Oh, god. I'm going to be sick!

The lid. She demanded that I put the toilet lid down, and ranted when I forgot. I guess it doesn't matter, now.

How can one person have this much blood? Sticky, shiny red against white porcelain … White. Porcelain. Skin. Oh, god. Her dead, porcelain skin. She doesn't look real.

SOMEONE! PLEASE! HELP ME!

I can't look at her face, again … her open eyes. God her eyes! There was no light in them. When you look into a person's eyes, you can see an incredible depth, and can fall into them.

If I fell into her eyes, now, I could never climb out.

I think I'm going to be sick, again. Dry heaves, of course. There's nothing left.

We spend what little I earn, from when I can even get a gig, on whoever had the means to let me break out of the prison of my own making.

Beyond life's substance that constricts and contracts -- contracts disease.

Death. AIDS.

• Acquired means you can get infected with it.
• Immune Deficiency means a weakness in the body's system that fights diseases.
• Syndrome means a group of health problems that make up a disease.

WE'RE TOO YOUNG!! I haven't done anything, yet! It's only been about me; what I like; what pleases me right now. All that philanthropic stuff is supposed to come to me when I know who the fuck I am.

And, when would that be? Shit, I don't know. I can't think.

What about 'that' for all of the tomorrows that won't ever come? Everything just stopped. We both have stopped time. It will only ever be this day.

It's so cold.
It's empty.
Oh, April.

Move, Roger. You have to get help. Just concentrate on repeating music scales, and nothing else. Start with the harmonic minors, hexatonic. That's it. Move, now, into a descending melodic major.

Stand up. Why won't my legs work?

Don't look at her.
Don't look at her.
Don't look at her!

I can't do this. "SPEAK!" I moved out last Fall; so, why hasn't he changed that stupid answering machine message?

I can't believe it's already been a year since I heard the daily noise from his camera. I can't even remember what I did in that time, let alone measure it for anything, other than waste.

"Mark," from the abyss, she has her hooks in me. Pulling. Pulling. "Please, help me!"

I don't think I cut the connection. Disconnected, I just lie there, curled up into a ball on the floor – as lifeless as my love.

Only, now.

Only … only, this.

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Chapter 2 of 4