You would rather spend an eternity alone than go through the pain of losing a mortal love once again. There is something so fragile about human life, in the blink of an eye it is ended. Over the years you've watched countless lives pass, it disturbs you sometimes. At other times it saddens you greatly, they surpass the one barrier you can never go beyond. You must watch as one after the other humans fall to either illness or decrepitude or injury, you must watch as they slip past you, their souls going up to regions that you cannot fathom.
You feel so incredibly tired as you watch most of the time. You have an endless watch at your post, you are tasked with only one job, the protection of mankind. That is your sole purpose, your only reason for living, you were chosen. Oh so long ago you swore a vow, a vow to watch over humanity and protect it from what ever dangers may threaten its' existence. At first you had found it surprising exactly how much of that threat had come from within, nothing much surprises you now.
After such an endless watch you have seen humanity at its best and worse. There were days not so many decades ago when countless souls would pass you on their way to the regions above. From the stories you have heard you know that it is some sort of plain, the souls thrum around thousands of miles above everything else that exists, their constant milling around releases so much energy, it is the life blood of the universe.
For the years after Costia passed you would gaze to the skies above longingly, hoping and praying (which was foolish seen as you were the deity worshipped by the world) that one day you would recognise her soul as it zipped past you as it was called to earth to take its place amongst the living once again. Not once did you see it, no matter how wistfully you gazed at the skies. Several times you found yourself willing for her soul to be called down before its time, every time this happened you would berate yourself because, no matter how powerful you were, you held no jurisdiction over life and death. That power was beyond even deities, which was the way it should be. You didn't deserve the sacred right to rule over the dead, no one did.
Now it seemed that Costia's soul had slipped by unnoticed when you were otherwise occupied. You had thought that as she had passed you, you would have felt something. Not even for a second did you feel less lonely or warmer as she passed you, maybe that was how it was supposed to be. It wasn't that you couldn't recognise a familiar soul, several times as one had flitted past you there was something in the way it glimmered that reminded you of a certain person you had seen in your rendezvous on earth.
You supposed that after looking for so long you had finally given up hope. So she had passed you by without you so much as noticing. Although you suspect, knowing Costia now Clarke, you suppose, that she made sure not to draw attention to herself. She probably had this sparkling notion that if you met one day by surprise it would be far more romantic than you discovering her whispering your name like a prayer as she slept. You wonder if she knows that is one of your fondest and most vivid memories to date.
Your thoughts turn to Clarke Griffin, the street painter in Paris, once again. You want to know everything about her, but you stop yourself from finding out the easy way. In a strange way, although you know that you shouldn't be tempted, that you shouldn't stray too close to the girl, all you want is to get to know her from her. The way you did with Costia. You hope you have longer than a mere blink of the eye this time. You want to get to know her immediately, but after all this time you no longer feel ready. All of the years of steeling yourself, of the mental preparation melted away in the second after you recognised her.
You have to prepare yourself all over again, in hopes that this time you will be ready. Although you have only seen the girl once, Clarke Griffin already intrigues you greatly. She is a mortal girl but she knew who you were the second she saw you, she recognised you instantly, long before you ever saw her. What is even stranger still, is that she seems to remember who she was before. Normally, a soul in a new body and life retains a glimmer of who they were before. There is usually a glint in their eyes, an echo in the way they sound when they laugh or maybe identical handwriting. Clarke seems to be an exception to this rule, she knows who she was before, you're certain of it, there had been a look in her eyes that just made you know.
It makes sense, you suppose. Costia was too stubborn for it to happen any other way, she would of wanted to be remembered, you should of known that she wouldn't let go and relinquish her hold on her old self. You suppose that you're glad it has happened this way, the old Costia will still be in there. You know she will love you, if she doesn't already, it was quite literally written in the stars as every love ever has been.
It is late in the autumn when you finally decide that you are able and ready to go and meet your soulmate in her second life. The thing that finally prompted you to go t her was quite simply that Costia's soul could be on its last life cycle. Souls are not indefinite after a certain amounts of lives souls move on, you're not sue to where. That is an answer not even the gods have been able to find no matter how much seeking they do.
You know that you will find her in Venice this time. It is a city you enjoy, it reminds you of how the world was a much more simple place. You can remember how the people began to build the magnificent city across that Islands of marshland. It is a fitting setting for your first actual meeting, it is after all one if the most romantic cities in the world, even if you have seen it in its more unpleasant moments. You suspect you were right about Clarke trying to make your second time over more romantic. It's strange but you would of pegged Clarke as the more spontaneous type, she didn't seem to be the type to meticulously plan such a thing.
How she know you would be coming here, at this specific time, you have no idea. It is a rare thing to behold, Lexa The Great Heda of Earth confused, anyone who looked on such a sight could truly claim to be the only person to ever see it. Yet her actions have you baffled, how could she of possibly known?
You find her deep within the winding canals of the city. She is perched on the edge of a very old bridge, swinging her legs out over the side as though she hasn't a care in the world. As you come closer you can hear her humming a tune, it's very familiar, though you're not sure from where at this precise moment in time. It's twilight and there's a slight chill in the air, to humans of course. Clarke sits perfectly still with her arms bare as though it were the middle of summer.
It's twilight and you can hear the city starting to settle for the night, even as you get closer she doesn't look around though you're sure she knows there is someone there. Only a few metres are left between you when it hits you how beautiful she really is. There is something about her that makes her seem to glow in the evening light and you find yourself starting to fall for this girl who holds Costia's soul and she hasn't even said a word to you yet. She looks so young, so, so young.
Finally, after watching her for a very long moment, which is more than enough time for you to absorb every little detail of her and yet you still can not seem to stop yourself from staring at her, you compose yourself enough to speak the first words you have spoken in more than three centuries.
"Hello, Clarke. It's nice to finally meet you."
She doesn't reply, she just turns her head to acknowledge your presence. Her eyes linger on your face for longer than they should before she pats the spot on the wall of the bridge next to her. You sit there in silence for a little more than an hour, staring into the barely rippling water, occasionally looking at each other when you think the other isn't looking. That is, until you notice that goose pimples are starting to form on her arms and she shivers slightly more and more as the sun begins to set to the east of where you are sat.
You look around to make sure nobody is looking before you create a leather jacket for her to wear. You place it around her shoulders and when you hear her sigh in relief your heart may or may not have skipped a beat. You don't remove your hand from her shoulder and to your relief she sinks into you, leaning on you slightly. Every now and then, you hear voices pass by on either side of the canal. In the far distance you can hear voices raised slightly as teenagers pass through Saint Marks square.
You feel far more comfortable with Clarke than you perhaps should, after all she is a complete stranger to you, more or less. You promised yourself you would make the most of your time with her though and so you do. Although you would like nothing more than to find out every little thing about her you give it time. You revel in what you are feeling in this moment with the almost not quite stranger girl cuddled into your side on a very old bridge in the middle of Venice.
You revel in it because it feels normal and almost as though it were meant to be which is strange because you, as a god and an important one at that, are in charge of your own fate. Nothing to feel as though it were meant to be, and yet this thing you're doing with Clarke manages to. In this moment you feel foolish for ever trying to avoid this moment because now that you are here it seems more inevitable than should be possible.
Eventually, as all good things must the night ends. Clarke falls asleep with her head on your shoulder and you decide it is time for your night to end, you can not slip away form your duties for much longer anyway. You take Clarke back to her hotel room, being careful not to wake her, and the you re materialise at your post.
You take up your watch over humanity again with a smile gracing your lips for the first time in quite a while. You reflect upon the evening, and you try to put your finger on what it was that made the night so simple, so easy, so normal. You finally manage to put your finger on it and when you do the smile drops from your lips. It can not be, it is not supposed to be, but it is you realise with a sense of dread and foreboding.
The reason the night was so wonderful is because you felt human. You felt like a human, and that's something you can't allow yourself to do. You have to protect them. Cursing yourself, you retake up your watch and promise yourself you will stay away from Clarke Griffin, she made you feel like the one thing you can never become or allow yourself to feel like, human.