Sorry for the wait but between losing my memory stick, writers block, and my continuous tweaking at trying to get the grieving men in my fic right this chapter has taken rather longer than it should have.

Thanks to my reviewers your comments are much appreciated so please don't stop, next chapter should be up in the next 7 days. x

Guy lay on his bed in the castle and knew he would not sleep. It was already past midnight and he had lain there, rigid, for over two hours. His face was not wet with tears but blank and staring. His grief came in waves of overwhelming numbness followed by the gut-wrenching agony of loss and regret. At the moment he was numb, but he could feel a turn coming and his thoughts travelled back to where they always went. The Holy land. Marian. If only he hadn't acted so quickly. If only he had thought. But her words had hurt him, maddened him, possessed him, and turned him into one of Hell's own demons. Now those same words haunted him. The words of an angel.

"I love Robin Hood." He had known that already if he were honest, but he had hoped and prayed it wasn't true.

"I love Robin Hood." It was the way she had said it that had driven him to madness; without care for his feelings, laughing at his love for her.

"I love Robin Hood." He saw now she had been protecting her King, that's why she'd said it. That was why.

"I love Robin Hood." Hood didn't deserve her. He'd run off for war. He was a show-off, weak with no substance. He would have taken her to the woods and made her renounce her refinements and birthrights.

"I love Robin Hood." He knew he wasn't good enough either, he had given into the Sheriff, but it was for her advantage as well as his. So when he had her he would also have status, power. He would have endeavored to deserve her, to earn her love. He would have protected her, stopped her playing her naïve Nightwatchman games with the Sheriff.

"I love Robin Hood." He could have shown her what Hood really was, destroyed her love for him. Showed her she belonged with him, to him. She had an iron will but he could have bent it with the hot passion he had for her. Her and Hood were an overgrown childhood romance. He could have shown her what adult love was, forced her to see, and once she understood she would have wanted it as well.

"I love Robin Hood." But he hadn't. He had let anger and pain surge through his body, taking over, and his searing rage had torn a hole in Marian. Made her blood spill onto the dry desert floor... Now he hid from Hood in the castle, knowing he would soon return to avenge her. The woman he loved.

oooOooo

Four figures stood on the Portsmouth shore. Their ship had barely made it through the storms that had ravaged the ocean. Three were quietly thanking God for delivering them from the towering waves but the fourth was indifferent to their survival, maybe even a little disappointed. But he was alive and he had work to do, the work his wife had made him promise to continue and he would do anything for his love.

Much noticed the stony determination on their leaders face as he stared inland, already looking for a way back to Sherwood. Robin had barely spoken on the journey across the sea, spending most of his time on the top deck gazing into the grey-blue waters. His men had kept their distance, giving him time to grieve, but soon they would need him, Nottingham to. It seemed Robin was starting to awaken to the world around him, to be conscious to other things apart from Marian and his pain, but Much thought he might never be the leader he once was.

"Shall we see if we can get some horses from somewhere?" he asked hesitantly. Robin nodded slowly in agreement.

"Yeah we wanna get back pretty sharpish" Allan added. "I imagine the Sheriff ain't too happy 'bout the King still being alive, who knows what he and Gisborne are doing to raise their spirits." Robin's jaw clenched at the mention of Gisborne's name.

"I doubt either them still have a spirit, a soul, or if they ever did. They're barely human." He let out a small humorless laugh. "Sometimes I wonder if killing them would still count as murder."

The other three men all looked very uneasy. This was the most Robin had spoken since the Holy land and what he said disturbed them. An uncomfortable silence fell in which only the crashing of waves and rumble of distant voices could be heard.

"Robin surly you're not planning to…" Much tentatively broke the silence. "I mean its not that they don't deserve it, they do. But the repercussions! We must think of the villagers and Prince John's reaction." "Not to mention your soul." He thought silently, having seen the effect of killing in cold blood too many times to doubt its affect on even the best of men. Robin knew this to and could read Much's thoughts like an open book, smiling bitterly at them.

"Don't worry my friends I haven't forgotten who I am." He answered grimly. "I am Robin Hood. I must provide for the poor. I must help the sick. I must hide the vulnerable. I must live in the shadows of Sherwood. I must forsake my own life and love so others may have theirs. And above all I. Must. Not. Kill." His voice had been steadily rising through his speech, his jaw clenching and his breathing becoming deeper. He paused for a second, collecting himself before continuing in a calmer manner. "No. I just need to have a little chat with Gisborne before I can get on with being 'Robin Hood'. Now lets see about those horses hmm." With that he strode off into the center of the town leaving Allan, Much and John looking shocked and far from reassured.

"We watch him. Closely!" stated John. They all nodded solemnly before following after their leader.

Will be back in the Holy land with Marian, Will and Djaq next chapter. Please R&R