The Beginning

The stupidity begins.

"Are we there yet?" asked Ron for the umpteenth time.

"N-" began Hermione automatically.

"Yes we are!" cried Harry. "There's that village- what did Dumbledore say it was called? Sporks?"

"Spoon, I think," said Ron.

"No, it was Forks. F-O-R-K-S," said Hermione, exasperated.

"Right, that's what I said- Sporks," said Harry.

Hermione buried her face in her hands.

A few minutes later, the trio landed their brooms in a forest close to the city.

***

Danny finally made it to the entrance of the town. He laughed as he thought of what a

sight he must be, clothing reduced to charred tatters and blood all over his face- but then he thought of the others, sprawled helplessly on the ground, and sobered up.

"Help!" he cried. "Somebody, help!"

---

Tintin heard someone crying for help nearby. He got out of his comfortable chair, put Milou's leash on, and dashed out the front door. "What is it?" he called out. Milou muttered to himself about the indignity of being put on a leash.

Danny came to a stop, the words falling out of his mouth in a jumble.

"Busexplodeddowntheroadpeopledeadhelpmeplease"

He gestured feebly, then collapsed, unconscious.

***

Muttering to himself, Garfield walked down the empty street. He didn't have a clue where he was. He was furious at Jon. He was furious at everyone. He hadn't eaten in two hours, he missed Pooky, and he wanted his warm bed. At that moment, the pouring rain started. Great. Garfield ducked into a narrow alley for a bit of shelter. The sound of growling made him turn around. Several dogs were glaring at him, bloodlust in their eyes. Garfield began backing away, arching his back and hissing. There was a sudden cracking noise.

"Why, there you are, Professor McGonagall!" A man in a long dark robe was n front of him. The man picked a very confused Garfield up, spun around in a tight circle, and disappeared with another sharp crack. Darn Mondays.

***

The taxi dropped Mia off in front of a small, clean house. As she got out, she noticed a man with a lick of bright red hair- she assumed this was "Tintin-" standing over an unconscious boy. A small part of her told her the boy wasn't bad-looking, but she decided she didn't want to get involved with someone who got concussions on a regular basis.

She walked towards her new home and introduced herself, trying to keep an open mind.

"Hi- Tintin, right? I'm Mia. Who's this?"

"I'm not completely sure," Tintin replied, staring at the strange boy. "His bus exploded or something...." he trailed off. Who was this girl again? He recognized the name. "Hey- are you the girl that was going to stay at my place? I'm sorry- I completely forgot. Everything turned English, and I was distracted." He turned back to the boy. Picking him up, he flung him over his shoulder and began the walk to the hospital. Milou trailed behind him.

"Wait! Everything was always English!" cried Mia, her voice causing little purple sparks to float in front of her eyes. Tintin ignored her. Sighing, she began to jog after her new guardian.

***

Jacob closed his eyes for a brief moment, savouring the cold breeze as it passed over his shaggy fur. He wasn't exactly sure where he was going, just far enough away so that he could be alone, out of reach from civilization. Jacob was extremely grateful that everyone else was in their human form, leaving him to his own thoughts. It was quite tiring listening to everyone else's. Jacob studied the plant life, careful not to assume any sudden movement were harmless. He had to be cautious, especially in unknown territories. Not that he expected any surprises this deep in the forest...

Or did he?

There was a soft rustle in the bushes, and Jacob's eyes widened as he heard a laugh. A girl's laugh.

In an instant Jacob was frantically pulling his jeans on, having transformed back into a human.

***

Harry glared at Hermione, who was laughing at him.

"Hey, I crashed into a tree, it isn't THAT funny," he protested.

Hermione's laugh faded, and she sighed. "Okay, whatever. Let's split up. You can use the old D.A. coins to say if you find anyone using magic, okay?"

Without waiting for an answer, she threw the coins at the two boys and strode away into the trees.

***

Firestar tensed. He could hear voices nearby. Were two-legs invading the forest? They would need to find a way to fight back. Thunderclan would not be wiped out like Skyclan had been. Firestar made his way back to his clan to tell them to prepare for battle.

---

Tharaman-Thar opened his eyes and looked around. Where was he? It seemed to be a forest. He got up slowly and prowled through the trees.

---

Muttering darkly to himself, Ron picked his way through the forest. How on earth were they supposed to find their way in this? Suddenly, he saw movement, and froze. Out of the trees stepped a massive white leopard. "Aiiiiiiiiie!" screamed Ron. He turned and sprinted away as fast as his long legs could carry him.

Tharaman-Thar followed. "Wait!" he cried. "I need directions! How do I get to Icemark?"

***

Jacob looked around. He had heard someone, very close. A girly giggle. He took a step though the bushes, deciding to investigate. What he saw took him completely by surprise.

A girl. She was so beautiful, so magical. Her long medium brown hair seemed to shimmer, her eyes seemed to sparkle. Jacob took another step towards her, his mouth hanging open. He was floating, not free, but floating- held down by this beautiful stranger.

Hermione didn't even look up at the sound of someone coming into the clearing.

"I suppose you must be the guide Lupin mentioned. Hi."

Then she glanced up. It was a guy. A very muscular, hot guy.

"Hi," she repeated slowly, but this time she spoke in a completely different tone.

Jacob just stared. "Yesss..." he said slowly. "Uh, I'm your guide. Yeah..." He blinked, and tried to clear his head. "So... I'll show you to your room... this way."

Hermione felt her heart melt for the mysterious boy. She was momentarily struck by a fantasy of how nice those arms would feel around her, but then blinked and came back to reality. Why would a boy like him fall in love with a girl like her?
But he seemed to be looking at her in such a way that she couldn't help but think he felt the same way about her...
"Shouldn't we find the others..." she began, but her voice trailed of until it was inaudible. He had smiled! At her!
Hermione cleared her throat. "Room. Right. Lead the way." Her lips felt dry.

***

Violet straightened the sail, stiff with exhaustion. Count Olaf had made them sail all night, and the rising sun was hurting her tired eyes. She glanced over at Klaus, who was holding the compass and directing Sunny, who was, in turn, guiding the tiller. Klaus looked back at his elder sister, and the three of them were forcibly reminded of the night on Lake Lachrymose.

"Faster!" bellowed Count Olaf.

"We can't control the wind!" cried Klaus.

Olaf raised his hand as if to slap Klaus.

"Land ho!" shrieked Sunny.

Olaf lowered his hand, and evil grin spreading across his face. "Excellent," he said.

The three surviving orphans looked at each other, wondering what would happen now.

***

Hermione followed behind Jacob, watching him stride effortlessly through the trees. "What luck!" she thought to herself. "I am going to thank professor Lupin as soon as we get back to Hogwarts!"

They soon got to a house- it was the boy's, she assumed. Then she realized that she didn't even know the name of the guide she was following.

"Sorry, what's your name?" she asked quietly.

Jacob looked straight in the girl's eyes. "My name is Jacob. Uh... what's yours?"

"Hermione," she answered. "Shall we..."

Hermione indicated the house.

Jacob smiled again. "Sure," he said.

Jacob led Hermione into the bedroom. His heart was beating. Fast. He really didn't have experience with girls. This was all new to him. He looked her straight in the eye and said, "So... this is your room, and this is your bed..." Jacob trailed off, completely unsure of what to say to get his point across.

"You made the room up very nicely," said Hermione quietly. She stepped closer to Jacob. He was hot- literally. She could feel a warm aura around him. Maybe he had a fever. "Kiss me," she thought. Ron had nothing on him. "Come on..."

Jacob looked the girl's eyes. As far as he could tell, Hermione wanted him too. Might as well find out...

Jacob leaned took a step forward and gently pulled her in close. His lips found hers instantly. Jacob closed his eyes, enjoying the moment.

Hermione wrapped her arms around Jacobs's neck and kissed him back. She felt wonderful; Jacob was the only person that mattered, now and forever. She pushed herself further towards him, fitting in with him more perfectly than she had ever imagined possible, and still being drawn in closer...

***

Firestar stood proudly in front of his clan. "Prepare for battle! Two-legs are invading the forest!" he called out, much to the dismay of all the nearby cats. "Kits and Elders will stay behind. Everyone else- follow me! We attack at once!" He leaped lightly off the Highstone, and crept silently through the forest. There were the two-legs! With a screeching battle cry, Firestar attacked the red-haired one, recalling the warning from Starclan.

Ron saw several furry shapes leaping towards him.

"Hey look at the ca- BLOODY HELL!"

A cat had just bitten his ear!

Tharaman caught up and saw the smaller cats attacking the human who had run away from him. As he appeared, they turned their attention on him as well. Roaring, Tharaman went down under sheer force of numbers.

Meanwhile, Ron finally remembered that he was a wizard and hurriedly apparated away, sending cats tumbling.

Firestar hissed in frustration. Where had the two-leg gone? He turned to the other intruder- the strange cat- and continued fighting.

Tharaman roared and swiped at the cats, crushing several. But more just seemed to take their place, biting, scratching...

***

Hermione found herself lying on the bed next to Jacob. Her memory was hazy, but she could remember the feeling well enough. Her jeans were still on, she was relieved to see, but her shirt and bra were both torn to shreds. Not that she minded...

She rolled over to look at Jacob, loving him so much it hurt. He had not fared much better- his shirt was reduced to charred tatters, although his skin underneath was perfect. Perhaps she should have put away her wand before kissing him.

He seemed to be asleep, chest rising and falling with every breath. Hermione contented herself to watch his muscular form almost hungrily while she waited for him to awake.

***

With a sharp "crack!"Ron apparated on a green lawn. He could hear the ocean close by. "Where am I?" he thought. He pulled out his wand and cautiously knocked on the door of the nearby house. No answer. Muttering to himself, Ron turned the doorknob, which, to his surprise, gave easily. He fell into the carpeted entrance hall and banged his head on the wall.

"Bloody... hell," gasped Ron, holding his head. The scratches and bruises he had received fighting the cats felt ten times worse.

"Hello? Anyone home?" he called. Maybe the house was abandoned. He hoped so- then he wouldn't have to pay for a hotel.

Suddenly, he heard a noise coming from a room at the end of the hallway. "Hello?" he called again. Holding his wand high, he pushed open the door...

His mouth dropped open into a perfect "O." Hermione was lying, half naked, on a bed with her arms around another guy. They didn't seem to notice him. Frankly, he'd be surprised if they would notice an earthquake, the state they were in now.

Ron gave an inhuman roar of fury.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

***

Harry Potter waited until he was out of the forest before slipping a bottle out of his pocket and drinking its contents. Dumbledore had given the potion to him with the intent of having him split it between the three of them, but, after all, why should he? He, Harry, was the Chosen One, the Boy who Lived, the one who had killed Voldemort. He was much more important than Ron or Hermione.

Dumbledore had spent a long time creating the potion- it would give the drinker the temporary ability to sense anyone with an ability to use magic within a mile. Now all Harry had to do was wander around until he sensed someone. Harry smiled. He would find ten- no, twenty, no fifty people with magic to be taught at Hogwarts, and Dumbledore would give him a shiny medal as reward.

Engrossed in the thought of how shiny the medal would be, Harry did not notice that the potion was already pulling him towards a source of magic. When he did notice, he was not bothered in the slightest.

"Oh joy!" he cried. "I am already going to find someone! It was all due to my wonderful abilities and purity, of course."

***

Firestar lay on the ground, bleeding. He was surrounded by the bodies of his clan, and his heart was filled with shame. They had not won. True, they had not lost, either, as the stranger was now lying dead on the forest floor, but his clan had been slain in the process. Rather than live the rest of his existence in grief for his lost clan, Firestar cut his own throat with his claws and joined Starclan.

***