Thank you all for your support! I hope I can live up to all your kind words and expectations! And I'm thinking this Fic is going to be 12-15 chapters, in case you were wondering. Enjoy!
Oddly enough, anger isn't the first emotion I feel. I look away from Katniss's open, wary eyes—she's waiting for me to freak out—and back to her child. Our child. The little girl's blues eyes are staring into mine, so kind and innocent and pure. I say the first thing that pops into my head.
"Can I hold her?"
Katniss visibly relaxes and nods her head. She removes Prim from her hip and gives her to me. The little one immediately snuggles into my side and looks up at me, popping her thumb in her mouth. I can't help the grin that takes over my face.
She's so beautiful, just like her mother. Except her hair. That's a Mellark trait if I've ever seen one: crazy blonde curls that refuse to be tamed. I look away from her delicate, small features and back to Katniss. She's leaning against her cart, disbelief etched into her face.
"Shit, I always knew you guys looked alike, but seeing you again…and holding her…" she trails off, shaking her head. She looks down at her feet and makes a scuff mark on the floor with her brown leather boots—the ones she's had for years.
"Why didn't you tell me about her?" I ask, looking back at Prim. I tuck a blonde curl behind her ear and she giggles again. I begin to trail my fingers along her features, just taking her in; her small straight nose; her wide, open sapphire eyes; her scarlet cheeks; her thin, dirty blonde eyebrows; her small, square chin. I'm in awe, there's no other way to put it. She's mine.
"I don't know," Katniss finally says as I'm running my thumb along Prim's rosy lips, the little girl giggling against my skin. "I mean, I had just broken up with you and I was stupid and freaking out and in a new city."
I look back at her. "Why are you back here?" I ask. Not that I'm mad about that; happiness for this beautiful miracle my arms is all I can feel right now.
"I missed home; and I was offered at job in town." She sighs deeply. "And, of course, there's you."
I raise my eyebrows. "Me?"
She points to Prim. "You needed to know about her. Growing up without a father sucks and I…"
"You don't want that for her," I finish. She nods. Katniss's father died when she was ten. And I hated it. This incredible woman had gone through too much pain in her life, first with her father and then with her sister, and I wanted to remove all of it. But she pushed me away.
"I'm glad you did but, why did you," I struggle to find the right words, "keep her?" Her eyes widen and panicking, I qualify my statement. "Because I know you never wanted kids. And you especially didn't want to raise them on your own."
She relaxes against her cart again, shaking her head. "I just couldn't do it. I wanted to, I hate to admit that, but I did. I went to the clinic three different times. But I just couldn't go through with it." She looks away from me and back to Prim, a soft smile forming on her effortlessly stunning face; she wears not even a spot of make-up. Never has. Katniss has never had to do anything to make her so completely gorgeous than to just wake up. And she doesn't even have to do that; even sleeping she's stunning. "And then I thought that maybe she could be my new start; my new family after losing mine."
"I wanted to be that for you," I tell her honestly, looking at Prim again. I play with her little toes peeking out from her tiny crisscross sandals.
"I know you did," she mumbles back.
My head flies back to her, anger finally making an appearance. "Then why didn't you let me?!"
"Peeta, stop!" She uses her stern voice, the one she only uses when she's trying not to yell. She narrows her eyes at me. "We are not talking about this in the middle of a grocery store."
"So you get to decide everything?" The malice for her, I'm now discovering, runs deep in my veins. And it's ready to make its appearance.
She takes a step closer to me and pushes her finger in my chest. "Enough," she growls. I want to tell her to go fuck herself, that she's not in control of me anymore. But Prim's face snuggles into my neck and I back down immediately. I turn back to her in my arms and see her eyelids begin to droop. Warmth rushes through me like a tidal wave and I look over at Katniss just in time to see her eyes soften.
"Can we go somewhere and talk about this?" I ask, nodding my head down to the sleepy girl in my arms. My little girl.
She clenches her teeth, but nods curtly.
God, even when she's pissed she's the most beautiful person on this planet.
I buy the groceries I've already put in my cart and quickly drive home to drop them off, blowing off my other errands. Hell, I just found out I had a kid; dry cleaning can wait. I get back into my car and drive to the address Katniss gave me. It's about a two miles past the bakery, in a suburb at the edge of town. The house that I pull up is a small stone cottage-like home with a cobblestone walkway and a red hybrid in the driveway.
I practically sprint up the walkway, which is lined with an assortment of flowers and shrubs, each blossom small and bursting with multicolored petals. But before I even knock on the dark green oak door, Katniss opens it and brings her pointer finger in front of her lips.
"Prim's sleeping," she whispers as she waves me in. I nod and walk over the threshold. The living room is spacious, with deep red walls and cream carpet. Brown leather furniture is placed chaotically around the room and boxes are stacked precariously around the furniture. And of course, just like you would expect from Katniss, bookshelves everywhere.
"When did you move?" I ask, walking over to the large couch and sitting down. She sets down a baby monitor on the glass coffee table in front of the couch, and then sits next to me, folding her knees under herself.
"Two days ago," she mumbles, playing with the end of her braid. "I was going to finish unpacking and then contact you, but then…" she trails off. She does that a lot. Because she knows that I understand her—better than anyone else. I've always been able to figure out what she means when she can't say the words.
"I've missed you so much," I tell her, unable to keep it in any longer. I lean in closer to her and lift my hand to her face to cup her face; I run my thumb along her high cheekbone like I've done a million times before. Her olive skin is just as smooth and flawless as I remember.
So fast, she closes the space between us and presses her lips against mine. I'm stiff against her, shocked to say the least, but her lips capture my bottom one and I automatically pull her closer to me; one hand at her back and one hand still on her face. And I kiss her back with everything that I am. Her soft lips meld with mine perfectly and I hold back the moan that threatens to escape from my throat.
But when she goes to slip her tongue into my mouth, I pull away, shaking my head. I can't get sucked into this. I need answers.
"Why did you leave me?" I choke, forgetting the kiss, forgetting the warmth of her body. Tears burn my eyes, ready to fall.
"Peeta…" she trails off once again and moves her face back to mine, going in for a kiss. But I can't do this. I pull away and stand up off the couch, officially done with her head games. She's always done this; distracts me with kisses and sex when there are serious issues we need to discuss. She's an avoider.
"No. We need to talk about this. You broke my fucking heart, Katniss." I run my hands through my hair and she looks at me, her silver eyes welling with tears. "And now your back and you're looking at me like that again, something I've been dreaming about for almost three years, and all I want to do is kiss you and make love for hours like we used to. But we can't—I can't." I take a deep breath and continue, "I want to be a part of Prim's life. She's my daughter and I want to be her father. I'll move in if it would be easier or whatever. I'll do anything. I want her."
Katniss stares at me, chewing her bottom lip. I'm not sure what part of the speech made her particularly nervous, but here she is—chewing on her bottom lip. Finally, she stands up off the couch and stalks towards me. She wraps her arms around my waist and presses her body to mine, resting her head on my chest.
"I've missed you, too," she whispers. I encircle my arms around her and set my forehead on the top of her head. We fit together perfectly—like two puzzle pieces. I've always known that, always felt that I was missing a part of myself when she was gone.
After a few minutes, she pulls her head away and looks up at me. Her silver eyes slice into my heart, picking at the scab that she left when she broke it. "You can stay here a few days a week. There's a spare room and we can set up an air mattress or something."
I nod. That sounds reasonable. But of course she didn't say why she left me; I guess I'll put it off for now. So I ask a question I know she will answer: "Will you tell me about Prim?"
A grin takes over her face, making her look happier than I've ever seen her. "She's perfect, Peeta," she says simply. "She's sweet and quiet and happy all the time. She loves attention and her favorite animal is the elephant. And her favorite color is orange—just like you." Her eyes twinkle and she licks her lips. God, she's beautiful. "She hates bananas but loves blueberries, and only drinks milk."
"Does she still?" I point down to Katniss's chest. She laughs, covering her mouth to stay quiet, and shakes her head. I let out a small chuckle too, embarrassed.
"God, Peeta, no. She hasn't done that for over six months. I meant regular milk—like from a cow and a carton." She rolls her eyes at me.
"What's her middle name?" I ask, pulling away from her entirely and sitting back down on the couch. Katniss joins me, nibbling on her lip again. I reach over and pull it out from her teeth. "Don't do that today. Just tell me what you're thinking and don't be nervous about my reaction."
She nods. "Her middle name is…Lucy."
My eyes widen. "You remembered?" I ask, surprised. Lucy is the name I told her I wanted to name my daughter, if I ever had one. I think it's so simple, yet so beautiful.
She nods again. "I remember everything."
This time I reach for her and pull her into my arms. I can't believe she did that. God, I love her. I will always love her. Her hands weave into my hair as she hugs me back, just like she used to.
"Mama?"
A small voice rings out through the baby monitor and we pull apart. Instantly, Katniss stands and I scramble up to join her.
"Can I come with you?" I ask, grabbing her arm as she turns to leave. She gives me a small smile, nodding softly, and I follow her as she leaves the living room. She walks down a hall with the same red walls as the living room and opens the door at the end of it.
We walk in and find Prim sitting up in her crib, chewing on a tiny stuffed animal elephant. I can't help but grin at her. I've only known her for two minutes, but I know I love her. She's perfect. Just like her mother.
"Primmy, how was your nap?" Katniss picks up the little girl and kisses her cheek before holding her to her side.
"I wan boo-berries!" Prim squeals. Then she looks over at me. Katniss follows her gaze.
"Do you remember Peeta? From the store?" she asks.
Prim nods her head and throws up her arms, almost smacking Katniss on the side of her head. "Pee-da!" she screeches loudly.
Katniss smiles at her. "Remember to use your inside voice, sweetie," she says. "But yes, Peeta's here for dinner." Prim turns her head away from me and back to her mom.
"Boo-berries?"
I laugh. God, she's adorable.
"Yes, blueberries and other stuff too." Katniss takes a few steps towards me. "Here, hang out with Peeta while I get dinner ready." She hands Prim over to me and I smile at her.
"Hey, I have work in about two hours," I tell her, remembering. I kind forgot with the whole discovering I have a child I didn't know about thing.
She nods. "Okay, I'll make something quick. And if you want, you could stop by after you are done." She twirls her braid around her finger. "We still have some stuff to talk about."
I nod. "Absolutely. I'd love to."
She kisses Prim on the cheek and exits the room, leaving the two of us alone. I look down at Prim and find her smiling at me; I smile back.
"Pee-da!" she calls again.
"Primmy!" I call back. She giggles.
I look around the room and spot some toys in the corner. "Do you want to play?" I ask, but she shakes her head and points to a bookshelf in the shape of a cupcake in the opposite corner.
"So-ry!"
I walk over to the bookshelf and crouch down to look at the selection. After a few seconds, I find one of my favorites as a kid and pull it out. I move to the rocking chair with a flowered quilt draped over the back that is positioned next to the books and sit down. I shift Prim so she's sitting on my lap and able to see the pictures.
"My favoride!" she squeals and leans her head back against my chest. I can't help the tears that prick in the corner of my eyes and the grin that takes over my face. It's her favorite too.
And slowly, I begin to read to my daughter for the first time.
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