Clint Barton was the weirdest roommate Phil Coulson had the pleasure of knowing.
He was loud, snacked obsessively, slept most of the day and cried for absolutely any reason. That of course led to Phil being very, very in love with him.
Phil, never having a roommate before, was unsure whether he could put up with an obnoxious tool who brought a different girl home every night and drank like there was no tomorrow. But, there was Clint who worked hard in three different jobs to ensure his place in an apartment on campus, worked even harder to grab his very own scholarship in archery and attended every class he had religiously. In spite of all his little quirks, Phil considered Clint a good friend as well as Natasha his 'super platonic soulmate', in Clint's own words. Of course this would lead to a very confusing and depressing bundle of feelings; this obviously allowed Steve to tease Phil consistently which gave him a reason to tickle the smaller man into submission.
Whatever way Phil felt about Clint, he couldn't let it interfere with their living arrangement or their friendship because Phil couldn't afford to move out and there were no other spots left to change to. This was all entirely pointless because to think about, Clint would have to have some sort of romantic feelings for Phil, which he obviously didn't…
"Hey, what's wrong?" Phil asked, not even phased by the sight of Clint bawling on the couch; cocooned in the fluffiest purple blanket Phil had ever seen and his iPad dangling dangerously from his fingers over the end of the ten year old couch.
"It's the swans… they can be gay, Phil! Isn't that, like, the most beautiful thing ever?" Clint's eyes glittered with tears and his mouth quivered and Phil's heart flipped dangerously.
"That-That's great, Clint. Best news I've heard all day… Pizza?"
"Yeah, thanks." He sniffed adorably into the tissues Phil had left on the coffee table after the 'Star Wars Incident'.
Phil was completely and entirely screwed, he thumped his head on the kitchen counter as subtly as possible before ordering in their usual pizzas.
"Ughhhhhhh…." Resonated from the bathroom in their apartment. Apparently a night out with Natasha Romanova was not for the faint-hearted or the easily-drunk, as Clint has proven time and again.
"Want anything?" Phil asked as he slumped against the bathroom door, barely awake in the early hours Clint crashed in at.
"Mmmmm… Ph'n? W'er?" Clint mumbled, assuming Phil understood him as he never looked up from his position half-way into the toilet bowl.
"'Kay" Phil managed, stumbling his own way through the apartment as Clint could be heard singing to himself… Beyoncé?
Phil was used to being the only sober person in the apartment block, if not on campus. He kept to himself and stuck to his parents' rule about not drinking until he was legal; looking around at his friends' poor and weakened states on nights out, he was pretty glad.
"Water and phone… sip it and don't drop that in the toilet. I'll fish it out once but not again…"
"M'kay… luv ya Ph'l," Clint murmured, rolling the water over his neck and laying his phone against the bathtub. Phil shook his head, figuring he was dreaming and left to go back to his own bed again.
A few hours later, or Phil presumed it was, Clint could be heard sniffling; being still half asleep, in habit, Phil grabbed the box of tissues from the table and made his way back to the bathroom. Clint could be seen, curled up into a ball on the bathroom floor clutching his phone to his chest.
"What's up, Clint?" Phil sat next to him, legs crossed, eyes closed.
"Lookit! Look, s'a pig. Bab'pig-piggle-t. Phil, lookit!" Clint shoved his phone into Phil's face, not realising his eyes were still closed when Phil mumbled his assent and fell asleep right next to him in the bathroom.
"PHIL!"
"What? What?!" Phil skidded his way into the kitchen, catching sight of Clint on top of the counter, eyes watering, and weirdly, he calmed instantly.
"He's- They just- Lookit!" He said, thrusting his hand out and playing the video of dogs taking care of small children and babies, eyes widening as he watched my reaction.
"I know, Clint. I tagged you in it, remember. I know you can't actually take Lucky in with the living rules but at least you feed him and make sure he has somewhere to sleep; so I thought the video might cheer you up. Maybe not…" Phil shrugged, attempting to hide his burgeoning blush as he moved across to the fridge.
"No, no, it did. It's just… We really don't deserve them Phil, seriously! They're all so amazing and loyal even though people are fucked up and fuck them up," Clint huffed softly, crossing his arms and putting his head atop of them, staring intently at me as he calmed himself.
"I know, I know. It sucks. The world sucks but that's why we're here, right? To make the world a better place and stuff. We can't do it all right now, Clint, but you're always giving strays food and taking them to the vet or new homes. You're doing the best you can right now and that's the most you can do," Phil reassured him, unaware of Clint's ears flaming a bright red as he listened closely.
"M-hmm…" Was all Clint could come up with, holding back nervous giggles.
"Want me to make you mac and cheese with my super-secret recipe and we can share an extra-large bag of chips so we don't seem really fat?" Phil offered before his breath was squeezed out of him suddenly. Clint had bounced right off the counter, hugging Phil tight as a thank you and trying not to burst into tears again; although he didn't think Phil would mind all that much.
"Why? Why!? WHY?!"
"Huh!?" Phil was rudely awakened from his power nap on top of his research on his final term paper by Clint's desperate cries
"Cruel world! Why would you do this t'me?" Clint called to the supposed heavens from his knees on the kitchen floor which would've been a sight Phil enjoyed, apart from the tears now streaming down his face.
"What is it?"
"No Oreos. None. I've been working all day and practicing all evening to come home to the eighth level of hell, Philip! One where there are no such creamy delights created by the beautiful being upstairs." Clint slumped onto his belly on the floor, looking at the empty cabinet.
"Wanna share mine?" Phil shook the mini bag he'd gotten from the vending machine in the library, knowing Clint and knowing the state he'd be in when he got home.
"You're the real creamy delight God created Philip J Coulson, love ya!" Clint kissed Phil's cheek, grabbing the whole packet of cookies before vaulting over the couch to watch Dog Cops. Phil tried impressively hard to get back to work and not think about the searing felling on his cheek from the kiss or the gut whirling words Clint uttered so easily. He gave up after an hour and joined the man of his poorly constructed dreams on the couch.
"Would you guys shut up?! Just because I screamed a little, doesn't mean I was actually scared. It was a shock that's it!" Clint sighed harshly as the five of them made their way back into the apartment after their trip to the cinema.
"We never said you were scared. We just said you sounded like a five year old girl!" Barnes chuckled as Clint thumped him on the non-prosthetic arm before slouching into the crouch, arms crossed and face scrunched angrily.
"Aw, c'mon. Leave the guy alone! It's okay, Clint. I had an asthma attack in there, it was pretty scary!" Steve attempted to comfort his best friend's roommate and crush.
"No, you had an attack because the back seats in that place were covered in dust," Natasha reasoned, smirking ever so slightly at her best friend's discomfort. She knew of Clint's deep hatred of nuns, especially in horror films like 'The Conjuring 2' that they'd all decided to see.
"Whatever. I'm going to bed, night. Assholes." Clint was so out of it from the film and his friends' constant teasing that he never realised he hadn't seen or talked to Phil since they arrived back at their apartment.
Trying to blank out his friends' bickering and chatting in his living room, Clint fell into a restless sleep with dreams of empty churches and soulless creatures. Phil, of course, trying to be funny or at least get some kind of reaction out of Clint that wasn't tears or bone-crushing hugs, decided to get his own back. Clint had a thing, a nerf dart thing, he took it up at the most inopportune times; like when Phil had mid-terms due or when his high-maintenance parents were visiting the next day. Therefore, Phil decided it would be a great idea to throw on a dark robe, a white sheet over his head and creeped quietly into the corner of his roommate's bedroom after their friends took off for the night. The plan was to make whispering noises, or say prayers or something until Clint woke up; he'd step forward, Clint would freak, they would laugh about it and go back to bed. Or not…
Clint sat up abruptly, his nightmare ending suddenly at the sound of voices in his room. Well, he hoped there wasn't voices coming from the end of his bed because then he may or may not jump out the window and he really didn't want to let Phil pay for a new window because he had spent his allowance on the vet's bills again.
Then, as if he was asking for it, a figure in black stepped out of the darkness, looking right at him and saying the 'Our Father'.
"AHHHHH! OH GOD I DON'T WANNA DIE, I NEVER EVEN TOLD PHIL I LOVED HIM!" Clint screamed louder and higher than he did in the theatre previously while simultaneously bursting into tears. Phil stood silently before it clicked in his brain how badly this had gone wrong before he rushed to put the lights on and calm his friend.
"Clint! Clint! It's fine! You're fine! It was just a joke, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry! I never want to make you cry, I'm supposed to help stop the tears. I'm so sorry, Clint," Phil ripped off the ridiculous outfit as he jumped on the bed next to Clint, hugging him tight and hoping the guy he was in love with (AND WHO LOVED HIM TOO APPARENTLY!?) would forgive him.
"You're such an idiot!" Clint hit Phil weakly on the torso as he sniffled into his shoulder, holding tightly onto his roommate anyway.
"I know, I'm sorry. It was just supposed to be a prank because of all those nerf darts," Phil chuckled weakly, patting Clint on the back gently.
"Your pranks suck,"
"I know, I'm sorry,"
"I- I meant it you know?"
"I-I didn't know… I'm sorry?" Phil loosened his grip as Clint slid back enough so they could look each other in the eye.
"I kinda love you, ya idiot," Clint grinned at Phil's gobsmacked look, gripping his bicep in an attempt to both move Phil closer and get a reaction out of him.
"Yeah- w-well, I love you too. Ya doofus," Phil grinned back as they inched closer, kissing softly at last.
You'd think after finally getting together and being actually happy as a couple, Clint wouldn't cry nearly as much as he used to. But, nope. That would be incorrect. He cries essentially the same amount even though it may not be for the same reasons as before. For example…
"Hey Clint, babe, I'm home!" Phil shouted down the corridor, knowing his boyfriend had been at work in the children's centre from six o'clock this morning and probably passed out in bed.
"M'here!" Clint's broken tones echoed from their beloved couch over the muted TV voices.
"What's wrong, baby?" Phil asked soothing his upset boyfriend as he joined him in the nest of blankets, pillows and tissues.
"It was so scary! It's okay though. She made it, back to her babies. Safe and sound. It was so close, Phil! What would the lil' baby bunnies do without their Mama? Stupid foxes."
"What?"
"The artic fox was hunting down the fluffy bunny but he escaped!" Clint blew his nose, smile lighting up his face.
"Clint, what have I told you about watching nature documentaries? They always make you cry!" Phil hugged him tight, reaching out to hold his hand as he moved before Clint sobs started up again.
"What? What happened now?" Phil asked, slightly alarmed that he'd done something to upset Clint again.
"You're so wonderful. Holding my hand and buying me tissues…" Clint hugged Phil tight, kissing lightly at his neck as Phil smiled tentatively as he relaxed into the knowledge that having his first ever roommate wasn't so bad at all.
"Hey, Clint. Know what I just remembered?"
"Hm?"
"Swans can be gay, isn't that beautiful?"
"Awwwww! Phil you're gonna make us both cry!"
"It's okay. I bought us some more tissues," Phil kissed Clint's forehead before they both settled down for the evening, awaiting the pizza they both know Phil pre-ordered because they were best friends and boyfriends and roommates, and that's just what they did.