Kingdom Hearts: Every Fan Fiction Ever

CHAPTER TWO: Dream Dropping Chapter

"DISNEY WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING!"

Soku immediately sat up in bed, in shock. He looked at his alarm clock. Twelve AM. Why do Square Enix protagonists always wake up in the middle of the night?

"That dream was… Disturbing. I need to call someone!" Soku ponders for a moment, "Hmmm… Mary Sue is probably out fighting crime with Bat-Man, my parents are busy being maybe non-existent, almost every other normal teenager is asleep… I know! I'll call Yaomi! He's probably watching his gay porn…"

Soku picked up his hamburger phone, (Because he's quirky.) and dialed Yaomi's phone number.

Yaomi, as always, was in his bed. His room was pink and Hello Kitty themed. It used to be his sisters. At least, that's what he says.

"Screw off, Narrator. I'm reading the Kingdom Hearts official manga."

What? Why?

"Well, two reasons. One, because Kingdom Hearts is a high quality manga series written and illustrated by creative geniuses. Buy it at your nearest book store!"

… Did Square Enix and Disney pay you to say that?

"… Maybe."

That's it. Once Square Enix designed Marluxia and Cloud, I knew they loved ambiguously gay men!

"… You're a dick, Narrator."

At least I don't like them.

Yaomi sighed, "Why did I have to get the homophobic narrator?"

Noklevername gets what he pays for.

"Of course."

Isn't this conversation getting way too long?

"I think we're having a filler conversation for the filler scene."

This is definitely the best story ever.

Meanwhile, in Soku's room…

"I'm the main character of this story, I should be getting some damned lines…"

Stop whining. You'll get some lines when I stop being so amazing and Yaomi stops being such a loser.

"Gee, thanks." Yaomi replied. Oh look, we're back in the Yaomi scene.

Anyways, what's the second reason for reading the brilliant Kingdom Hearts manga, on sale now?

"Did Square Enix-"

Yep.

"Ah. Anyways, the second reason is that I can find out what the f*ck is going on with this franchise. Seriously, I'm confused."

Don't worry about it. This is a fan fiction, every writer is too stupid to care about continuity. I mean, look at all the yaoi shipping.

"Oh god I know a joke is coming…"

… What are you talking about?

"You're about to make a gay joke."

No I wasn't. Why would I do that?

"Because-"

No. I'm not talking to you anymore.

"Look, I'm sorry…"

Tell someone else.

Yaomi then hears his phone, (yes, he has a phone by his bed. This story is logical like that.) and picks it up.

"Did you see my ad on the bathroom stall?" Yaomi asked exasperatingly.

"Wait, what?" Soku questioned, with a confused expression on his face.

"N-nevermind. So, what's up?"

"Well, I just spent five minutes trying to call you. What were you doing?"

Yaomi paused for a moment, "It's hard to explain. The Narrator-"

"Is the Narrator being a dick again?"

"Yep."

You should know a lot about dicks, Yaomi!

"F CK YOU!"

"… Ow…" Soku replied sadly.

"I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!" Yaomi snapped. (Don't worry. It's his time of the month.) Yaomi twitched in anger in response to my comment. That means it worked.

"… You're a bitch in the morning. Anyways, I had this dream-"

"So, you're calling me in the middle of the night to talk to me about your dreams? Who's the gay one now?"

"Still you. Anyways, I had a dream-"

"This is going to get very boring."

"… It is. Anyways, I had a dream, that was filled with darkness, Heart-"

"What's with this franchise's obsession with 'Heart'? I've been reading the manga, and-"

"ARE YOU GOING TO LET ME TALK ABOUT MY DREAM OR WHAT?!" Soku snapped like a insane man's mind.

"I was just planning on padding this story's word count further, but sure."

"Okay, so it was filled with Darkness, Heart, and weird emo pretty boys-"

"Totally unlike us?"

"JUST. SHUT. UP."

I've been trying to make him do the same thing.

Soku sighed, "So, my dream was filled with Darkness, Heart, emo pretty boys, and general vagueness that won't be explained until the fifth sequel."

Yaomi sighed, and rubbed his forehead with his hand, tired, "Look, Soku. Calm down, it was just a dream. It's not like it was foreshadowing or anything."

"Yeah, you're right. Well, I'll bother you about your homo sexuality tomorrow." Soku said, "Maybe I can have another dream about that Kairi girl. Mmmmm, fanservice…"

"How about you realize I'm-" Soku hang up the phone, and Yaomi paused, "… Why is everyone in this story a terrible person?"

It's because the fan fiction world hates you, Yaomi.

"What the-"

MEANWHILE, in Soku's Room…

Soku is laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. "What does it mean…?"

Suddenly, a crash and a stock public domain scream was heard by our hero, "I LOVE MAKING SOUND EFFECTS!" A Creature called out from outside the House.

"What the [DISNEY BRAND CENSORS] was that?" Soku asked himself, as he shot out of bed, running to his window.

As he looked outside, he saw a strange, oddly adorable creature… A Souless! (Totally not a Heartless, because this series is original!

"Eh, whatever. Not my problem!" Soku claimed. Our hero, everyone. As lovable as he'll ever be. After that remark, Soku jumped back into bed, and tried to get to sleep.

Once he closed his eyes, he heard a old-person yell from outside. (Don't ask how he knows what an old person yell sounds like. It's a long, long, long, long, most likely illegal, story.)

Soku hurried to the window to get revenge, by yelling at an old person to get off his lawn, but then he saw who it was. It was… Uncle Ben!

"UNCLE BEN, NOOOOOO!"

The Souless then consumed Uncle Ben in a manner that was so horrifying it cannot be described. I'm not just leaving it un-described because I'm bad at my job, no. It was horrifying.

Soku grabbed his Pick Lock Blade, and pointed it into the air, "Uncle Ben… I SHALL AVENGE YOU!" He yelled. "I HAVE THE POWER!"

Meanwhile, in another world, a man named Wade, covered in red and black, sat on a street bench, eating a chimichanga, his trademarked favorite food.

"Mmmmmm! This is almost as awesome as that time I set up a cutaway gag!" Wade commented. He stared at me, (somehow) "Well? Aren't ya going to cutaway to my cutaway? HUH?!"

No, Wade.

"It's Deadpool."

Fine, Deadpool, I'm not going to cut away. This chapter has had enough filler.

"Fine." Deadpool crossed his arms, "I didn't want you to anyway…"

As Deadpool pouted like a little bitch, a portal opened in front of him, and the Man With No Clever Name approached.

"Oh, hey, ominous obvious villain guy!" Deadpool greeted.

"Hello, insane mercenary. I have a job for you." The Man With No Clever Name told him.

"Hmmm… You're obviously a bad guy, and I'm trying to be a hero…"

"I've got money."

"DEAL." Deadpool yelled, "What's the job ya need me to do?"

The Man With No Clever Name gave Deadpool a photo, "I need you to kidnap her."

"… And by kidnapped you mean murder?"

"No, you idiot!" The Man With No Clever Name fumed, "Kidnap. I need her alive."

"Fine, fine. I'll talk to you in… Three more chapters? Maybe four?"

"Sounds good. You get the money once she is in your possession."

"M'kay!" Deadpool said happily.

The Man With No Clever Name walked into his Portal, "What an idiot… Why would the Great Author ask for him?"

"Ya didn't leave this World yet, asshole!" Deadpool called out.

Yes, Deadpool is getting a role in the story! And he's not the only Marvel character we'll see, either...

Fun Fact: in the Kingdom Hearts: Every Fan Fiction Ever timeline, the Marvel Universe was one of the first Worlds attacked by the Heartless. Though it was returned after the first game, several characters still haven't came back, and many now travel from world to world. (Such as Deadpool here.) Also, in this Universe, Thor is currently in competition with Disney's Hercules. Will we see those two with each other?

... Probably not.