DISCLAIMER: Oop's…forgot the disclaimer…Well; we all know I don't own Naruto…
PART 2: UCHIHA ITACHI
WARNING: When attempting to annoy Uchiha Itachi, it is best to have a backup plan. The Uchiha is very unpredictable, so readers must be prepared for the worst. Once again, the author is not responsible for the welfare of the reader. Perform each given task at your own risk
.LESSON 2: SHARINGAN
We all know that Itachi seems to NEVER deactivate his Sharingan, so you must remember to NEVER make direct eye contact unless you are suicidal or just plain stupid. If you are easily attracted to shiny or bright objects, it would be best for you to just not attempt any of the given suggestions. Also, Readers are suggested to be careful when looking at him. No, it's not because of his eyes, it's because he is very pretty, and you may be tempted to touch him.
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POKE HIM.
Although this may sound very simple, it is not. Itachi is very difficult to irritate therefore it may take many pokes to annoy him. Where do you poke him you ask? Easy! The answer is: It doesn't matter! You could poke him on the cheek, maybe you want to poke him in the eye, (This is guaranteed to annoy him much quicker than the other options. When doing this, tell him that you are trying to steal his eyes. Word of caution, be careful not to get YOUR eyes taken out instead) or if it makes you feel any better, you could even poke him on the ass! When doing this, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. If you are not confident enough to poke him without looking into his eyes, then blindfold yourself and poke him in a random fashion. (However, we strongly recommend that you at least attempt to aim for his eyes.) The only warning for this action is if he has had enough of your constant poking, be sure to quickly stand back (while avoiding eye contact) and protect both your wrist (he may attempt to break it) and your forehead. (He may poke you back there, but it is also possible that he may also attempt to break your forehead in the process.)
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IF SOMEONE ASKS ITACHI WHY HIS EYES ARE RED, SPEAK FOR HIM AND TELL THEM THAT HE POPPED BLOOD VESSELS IN HIS EYES.
You may need the assistance of a friend for this one. Also, when you first attempt this Itachi may stare at you oddly. DO NOT let his stare scare you! (Besides, it shouldn't! I already told you not to look at him!!) If you experience the feeling of an awkward silence, then please take cover in the nearest room and mope. After all, annoying Itachi isn't going to be easy. (Do not forget to take your friend with you if you wish to see him/her alive once again.)
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STARE AT HIS NOSE
When most people talk or address the Uchiha (either a friendly conversation or a battle) they tend to look at either his feet or anywhere but his face. You must do the same, but with a twist. Instead of the typical "look at his fore head" stare at his nose. He may become increasingly uncomfortable with this action. That is a good thing. Do not look at his forehead or past his head, this is too common of a reaction. If it makes you happy, let your fangirl/fanboy side take over and stare at whatever the hell you please! Just remember, when staring at his face, you must stare at his nose. (Once again for the thick-headed ones, DO NOT LOOK INTO HIS EYES!!)
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SLAP HIM, AND THEN TELL HIM TO TAKE IT LIKE A BITCH.
(WITHOUT EYE-CONTACT!!)
Of all tasks, this one proves to be the most dangerous of them all. You are only recommended to perform this task ONLY if you have become desperate enough to irritate the Uchiha: however, if you truly do enjoy living, then it is STRONGLY recommended that you DO NOT perform this task. However, if you were retarded enough to perform this task without reading this caption first as you may have done the first task on the first lesson, then don't even bother running. It's not like you could out run him anyways, after all, the man could kill a person with his eyes. As a matter of fact, he may have already killed you before you were able to read this caption, therefore, writing this would be completely meaningless.
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CLAIM YOURSELF TO BE HIS LONG LOST LOVER.
If you have not died as a result of the task above, or was smart enough to skip it and save it for later, then Congratulations! You have lived to see another day! However now you must claim to be his long lost lover, and don't look at this caption funny!! (Yes, I'm talking to you! Especially the girl in the black shirt who is giggling at the computer screen and receiving funny looks from the people around her!) You read correctly, claim yourself as his long lost lover, even if you are a straight male. You must make it seem convincing; otherwise you would just be wasting your time with attempting to annoy Itachi and making a complete ass out of yourself. (Unless you do this often, then you really have nothing to worry about.)
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TAKE A LIGHTER AND A SPRAY CAN AND MAKE THE FIRE FLARE.
If you have never attempted to do this, please ask your local pyromaniac for help. He/she would be more than happy to show you how to do this free of charge. Place the spray can and lighter to your lips and act as if you are performing the Katon justu. (Word of caution: Please spray AWAY from your face or else you WILL catch fire.) If this does not work, then please return to the first task and repeat this entire chapter.