Jughead's Nightmare
I would never have thought that Juggie was capable of having a nightmare. He is so clear about everything he wants, always working, always feeling and always being honest. I have been sleeping her for some nights now and I have never felt him thrash around. We have slept together before and never have I witnessed this kind of pain. His face contorts into a pained expression. His eyes clench and his hand holds tightly onto the sheets beneath him. He is laying straight on his back, thrashing his head.
I grab his hand and squeeze it so tight that my own knuckles turn white. I do this for a few seconds but he never moves. He trembles so I put my face to his and kiss his cheek.
"It's alright," I tell him.
He doesn't budge.
"Jughead," I say, confused as to what is wrong with him. I shake him again but he doesn't move, just trapped in his own personal hell. I shake him, holding onto his shoulder and trying to show him that I am here with him.
"Betty!" he shouts and sits straight up.
It scares me but I keep it under control to calm him. I put my hand on his back, soothing him carefully. I put my hand on his shoulder and my other arm around his body. His entire body is shaking, shivering and breathing heavily, as if he was just in a fight. He turns to me, realizing I am with him. His eyes look surprised and shocked. He bites his trembling lip and then puts his shaking hands on either side of my face.
"Don't break up with me again," he says.
"What?" I ask.
"After Archie telling me…me pushing you away…I know I apologized for it. But I can't ever get rid of the idea that I hurt you. Please…no matter how much I hurt you, don't break up with me. Don't leave me."
I nod, understanding but not quite getting the level of broken that he is currently experiencing. I put my hand on his shoulder, wrapping my arm around him to keep him close to me. He makes me look at him. His eyes are sad. I think I can almost see a hint of water, maybe tears in the brim of his redness that makes my heart break in my chest. I want to squeeze him, make him feel better but I have no idea what to do.
"Betty," he whispers.
I look right into his eyes.
"Please promise that if I hurt you, you'll just tell me. Promise that you aren't going to leave me," he begs.
"Juggie, why are you asking this? What happened?"
He shakes his head and looks down at his lap. Tears fall down his face and onto the mattress. He wipes his hand down his face and presses his trembling lips together. I can feel my heart cracking and breaking wide open in my chest.
"Nightmare," he said.
"I heard you. Tell me what happened."
"I pushed you away. You listened. You left me and said you were never coming back. I thought I woke up but it was in my dream. My dad came to me with your serpent queen jacket and handed it to me. I didn't understand."
He is already getting upset. He is starting to shake again, his breathing getting worse. I kiss the side of his face, putting my hand on the side of his face to keep him close. He rests his face on mine so we are staring right at each other. I hold him there, one of his strong arms around my waist. He kisses my cheek.
"Then he told me that you were dead." His voice breaks at the last part. I put my arm on his shoulders, letting him lay his head down on my shoulder.
"Don't let me get you hurt, Betty. Not anymore. Please," he begs.
"Alright. It's alright, Jug. I'm fine. There's nothing wrong. I've been here with you this entire time," I say, putting my hand in his hair. He doesn't let anyone touch his hair but me. I love putting my hands through his dark beautiful, always greasy long locks.
"Jug, everything is fine," I promise.
"Sorry. I don't know what happened. I never have nightmares like that," he admits. I can see the shame on his face as he pulls away and lays back down. He rests his head on the pillow and closes his eyes but I can see the trembling fear in his jaw. I lay down beside him, putting my arm across his chest.
"Jug," I say.
He doesn't even open his eyes.
"Jug. Look at me, please," I beg.
He opens his eyes and turns his head, still looking afraid but also a little annoyed, as if that terrifying dream also made him feel shame and embarrassment. I don't know what to say or how to say it. I wish that I could fix what he saw or take it away.
"It's okay," I tell him. "We are going to be fine. I have nightmares sometimes about us. We've been together for a long time, Jug. You always help me when I have a nightmare and never let me feel bad about it."
He gives me that tiny smile that makes me always feel a little better. Jug turns on his side to face me so that I can rest my hand on his chest and keep him close to me.
"Let me help you," I beg.
"I'm not good at that," he admits, keeping that smirk.
"I know. Let me try," I ask.
He nods and opens his arms to me so I crawl into them, kissing his neck and then his jaw. After a few seconds my hands roam to other parts of his body as my confidence grows.
"I love you, Betty," he gets out right before a moan.