Chapter 2

I Left My Heart and I Refuse to Take it Back

"Just inform me of whatever emergency it is okay?" Erina spoke on her phone with Hisako, while pulling her luggage on the elevator up to the top floor of the building; wearing her simple get up which her ex would always prefer and love, a modest sleeveless floral thigh length fit dress, her phone on hand clutching it tighter.

Upon reaching the given floor, she wheeled her bag to the third door, she rings the door bell and she heard a weak, hoarse and lifeless voice, "Hold on please" called by the voice, she missed his voice, "Standing and walking is a bit hard when you feel dizzy all the ti-" he was cut off when he saw her, "So you came to confirm if the pest in your life is dying?" he asked in sarcastic manner, "Guess what, wish come true, now go home" he told and about to close his door when Erina tackled him not enough to get him hurt and push down, she held her in an embrace holding his shirt from the back tightly, she sobbed wetting his front shirt, Soma was taken-back by the actions of the woman who claimed to despise and curse him, "Please, no need to act. This is what you wished, right?" He breathed a little bit exhausting a little of his energy, "For me to die, right?" again with his sarcastic tone avoiding eye contact with her.

"I will say, I regret my sudden impulse on my anger with you when I decided I don't want to do anything with you, it hurts you're always leaving, it hurts when you're not there when I need you the most, it hurts when our first baby was taken away" she sobbed.

"I can't blame you… it hurts when our little angel did not hold on, it hurts to leave but I need to, I was doing it for you and for our child but things fell of when you gave-up on me" he looked torn and hurt after making contact with her.

"What now, things goes back to normal because you know your own fault?" he spoke with venom.

"I don't, I don't expect to get back the way it was, but right now, I realized the meaning of the word home, I know from being away and divorced with you meant I'm tearing it up, I abandoned you when you didn't with me, you always meant to go back to me, but here I am leaving you, I know what I did now I'm afraid… no scared that my torn home would permanently disappear" Soma swallowed hard hearing her.

"I… I'm afraid to lose you… I know I abandoned you, but after knowing you will be gone, I'm scared… I'm scared because from all the things I have you're much precious than anything, you were there to save me when my father returned, you were there to always make me happy in my bad days, despite being away you were there, it was stupid of me to count the only thing you forgot to be the ground of our fall, I was upset yes but my impulse brought us this" she continued to cry, Soma wanted to put his arms around her and comfort her.

Soma looked around and there was no one there, "Let's head in before someone says I'm kicking a woman out my flat mercilessly" he told and helped her pull her luggage.

"No!" she said and she pulled it herself, and held him close, afraid he would fall and collapse again.

She helped him sit and he did, and sat beside him, "I know we might not be back the way we were but I hope… we can fix what I destroyed" she told, "I know you're mad at me for everything, but please… this time I want to make it right" she told.

"I did what I can back then, I tried to fight but having my old man gave an advice, 'if I love someone set them free' and I did because I love you, I left my heart and I refuse to take it back, I vowed to give my everything to you and I did, I gave my heart and as I promised I would not take it back, I love you and I would not deny it, and having this conversation with you right now is a dream. I wish I wouldn't wake up but knowing my time is limited this would end, it's better for you to leave me before you get yours to pieces" he warned.

"Then let it shatter, this is the only chance I got with you and I wasted it, I wasted the home that we made" she cried again; her eyes were all puffy from the tears, her voice disappearing from the cries, her nose clogged up a bit and her cheeks red, Soma couldn't help it, he embraced her weakly, he tried to give a tight force but his body won't let him.

"We'll try again" she told, "From the scratch, I don't care what people say, this is a new chance, a chance of rebuilding, and I hope you would help me?" he gave a weak smile as a reply.

"I'll try, but my time is limited" he told, "This is like a last wish" he gave a sigh of content and a bitter laugh.

"I'll do everything and anything to help you, you are everything, Soma and you know that" she cupped his face between her palms and Soma then kissed her forehead.

It been a while and they are both snuggled in silence, Erina taking hold of him in an embrace, both were snuggled to his couch; his arms around her while she hugged his torso, her legs pulled up the couch and scooting closer to him. Both were silent and only their breathing can be heard until his stomach started to growl, he sighed, "Where's the kitchen?" Erina asked and he pulled her to take her there.

Started scanning the place and it seemed Soma hadn't touched his kitchen, she looked worried. "You haven't cooked" she muttered.

"I lost my will and my inspiration, I can't cook" he told, "I left my restaurants to my assistant and he's doing well" he told.

"I'm sorry I stripped you with the only thing that keeps you going" Erina sobbed after knowing he stopped the one thing he loved to do.

"I cooked because of you, I was inspired to make delicious dishes for you, I never heard you say my food is delicious, and I wouldn't be anymore" he told, "I can't cook and wouldn't be" he sat on the bar area and scratched his head.

"Don't say that!" said Erina all broken after hearing her ex's hoarse tone keeping his sadness in, "You will, again… I will be there to help you cook and I will be there to push you again, I promise!" she went to him and hugged his head.

"Hopefully" his tone was lifeless.

She made a simple soup that he can eat until he dropped the spoon and started to hold his head in bits of groans and growling from the pain, he fell on his chair and kneeled, Erina was quick to pull him and comfort him but it seemed the pain was severe she started to panic, she looked around and found a bottle of pain killers by the other counter and took one giving it to him, he wasn't responding so she puts it on her mouth and passed it on to his with water, she kissed him pushing the medicine in, she sniffled and sobbed feeling the pain he's in, it was heart breaking seeing her beloved in pain and suffering. Minutes later the pain ended and both are sprawled over the floor; she then helped him to bed and stayed with him, humming the usual songs he liked whenever he was sick.

He slept peacefully, yet it gave her fear that he might not wake up, pulling her phone she smiled sadly at her wall paper, it was her wedding photo with Soma, she left it unchanged since she denied that she still love him yet kept a piece of reminder of whom she loves; dialing Hisako's number she gave a message to find her an expert doctor for his treatment, seeing he doesn't have a proper medication and had been enduring his pain, she needs to do something, he might hate her but she is going to do it and she will help him.

Looking around his room, the setup was simple, too simple for her liking, corners were empty except his work desk, his computer was left open, she gave a weak smile seeing their matching wedding photo, both were so happy and in-love, and beside it is the copy of her ultrasound framed with a carved note attached to the base of the tiny frame, "Eric" was his name carved to it, he was named after his mommy because he was a boy as agreed, a tiny teddy bear toy beside, it was the bear with chef uniform which they asked to be made with baby Eric's name Soma got the toy without the uniform way back in their high school from their first date, they intend to hang it on their baby's mobile. Five months, he could've waited for another four, maybe little Eric was there with them, helping her with his sick daddy.

Erina kissed his forehead and sobbed holding him close, "When things get better, I want to try again" she whispered, little did she know her ex-husband heard her whim.

She thought of things to help him and the same time to be with her, she messed up once, this one she will make it right with him.

After he woke up, "How long was I out?" he asked.

"About an hour, does it still hurt?" she asked and run her hand to his hair and wiping a bit of his sweat.

"No" he lied, everything hurts, his guts wanted to go puke and he just endured it.

"I called Hisako"

"You're going home?" he asked not letting her finish giving her a bored and upset tone.

"No, I called her for me to get the best doctor, I want to help you heal, and I want to be with you more, I… I'm scared Soma… seeing you earlier breaks me, first I lost our child now you?" she cried to his chest and he felt shattered.

"Fine, I want to know my chances in living" he finally agreed and Erina kissed him.

"This is all too fast, but knowing we still love each other, I won't deny, this is a good start" she told.

"I agree" replied the other with a sigh.

~Chapter END~