AN: Don't go straight home after a funeral, evil spirits might follow.
Forbidden Moons-The clown has carnivals. I have phantasmagorias. You also have small fires-one of your burners is smoking. DEBED-
"Does it look like rain?"
Jonathan pulls the drapes aside
HISSSSSS!
Ow.
and squints at the sudden light. What time is it? What day is it? And why is there sun? This is Gotham city. They don't do well with sun...ah. It's still raining, the clouds will catch up soon enough.
"The devil's beatin' his wife," he says absently, realizing far, far too late that-
"Are you sick?" Kitty appears out of nowhere, cardigan in hand. "Come here."
"Jus'-" None of that. "Just tired."
"Please, stay this way. You're not allowed to sleep if this is what I get." She leans up on tiptoe to kiss him anyway, fingers curled around the earpiece of his glasses. "But really, does it look like rain?"
"It is raining, there's just no clouds. They'll catch up eventually."
"Mm." She drops back down and shrugs the cardigan on. "You ready?"
"Always."
They walk. It's not far, and it's a nice day for the moment. The rain isn't even really rain, it's more of a drizzle. Freshens up the sidewalk, though, and the streets, turns the humidity to something a little cooler.
Cold?
No.
Yes you are. You are freezing. Maybe gonna die of cold.
Shut up.
If you stick to the back...
We have to.
He feels Scarecrow grin and a second later a decidedly not PG-rated image flashes behind his eyelids. It's too early for this.
No.
The service is not overly full, and Jonathan decides to take the fact that the sun is shining as proof that yes, this man deserved everything they gave him. If Gotham's going to have one of its four sunny days to bury him, he had to die. It was a public service.
Hopefully he didn't have children...he just knows that any offspring would be ill-mannered and idiotic-oh, no.
He sees green. He knows that shade of green.
"Is that Eddie?"
"Maybe he'll trip and fall into the grave."
Kitty whacks his arm.
"Jonathan, no."
What? He didn't mean 'trip' in any insidious meaning. He really did mean trip, not 'I'm going to push him in and laugh hysterically as he gets mud under his nails trying to get out'.
Though that is tempting...
An older woman-mother, he suspects-is watching them and he smiles at her. This might not have been a wise decision-her eyes narrow at first, in that way people's do when they're trying to place a face, and then they widen, jaw going slack.
He's tempted, he really is, to ask her if she'd like to know what her loved one screamed about before ramming a chef's knife through his skull.
One day, perhaps...he's got it recorded, of course, maybe he'll slip the tape under her bed one night...
There's possibilities. Provided she doesn't die of a heart attack or anything.
"Jon! Kitty!" Damn. "Fancy seeing you here."
"Edward."
"Hi, Eddie."
Edward turns his attention to the slack-jawed old woman and smiles knowingly. Jonathan hates that smile. It always precedes chatter.
"A little bird-" This is Oswald's fault, isn't it, for that incident last Tuesday. May your precious iceberg melt all over your carpet, you spiteful little- "told me that there had been a tragic demise and that the funeral was today."
Ozzy's a dick.
Yes.
Murder!
If you'd like to ferry those flowers in, by all means.
...Batman.
Mm.
"Yeah, well, if you're going to be stupid enough to try to rob us when we order pizza...we had to come, though, because he was timely about bringing it," Kitty's saying, reaching up fiddle with her sunglasses a bit. "I thought sunlight was illegal...I'm sure they have no idea that this was all self-defense."
"They wouldn't believe you. I was looking for you-"
"Of course you were," Jonathan mutters, because Oswald would betray him this way. Kitty knocks her head against his arm.
"-to ask you a riddle!"
Batman, where are you? What good are you if you're going to allow green-clad...things...to just wander around Gotham unattended? Useless swine!
"What has no hands but might knock on your door, and you better open up if it does?"
"An opportunity, though if it's from you I'll be slamming the door."
Kitty has more tact.
"Ah, Eddie, the last time we worked together, you threw us under the Bat-bus."
And they'd immediately returned the favor, but that was neither here nor there. He did it first, and that's the important thing.
Edward grins and tilts his head in acknowledgement. Jonathan wonders if it would be so wrong to shout, "The Riddler is here!" It might cause mass panic.
Hmm...
"Jonathan," Kitty hisses, "don't you dare."
"You know me too well," he grumbles, and she sticks her tongue out at him. Edward sighs.
"Stop that."
The old woman is starting to look as though she's going to raise a fuss. The service is over. It was very nice and he's going to be looking her up later, to offer his sincere condolences in a more private setting.
"We should leave," he says. The clouds are starting to build properly, too. A storm's coming, a proper one that will likely knock out the power. How nice.
"My current abode is compromised by a cat," Edward says. Jonathan wonders how long it will be before Selina robs him blind.
"We'll get lunch." Maybe they can lose him on the subway. Better, maybe they can throw him under the subway.
He waves at the old woman and turns away. This won't be bad, anyhow. Funerals always make him hungry.
THE END