Self Reflection

ooooOOOOooooOOOOoooo

Chapter 2

Haley Potter sat the Dursleys' dining table in contemplative silence. She'd just finished grilling Harry about every important historical fact she could remember. After forty five minutes, it became clear to Haley that Harry wasn't the most studious wizard, or muggle for that matter. Even some of the more famous historical events he had little or no recollection of learning about in school.

In the end, Haley concluded that historically, their worlds were identical as far as she could tell. They weren't able to find a single event that differed between the two worlds.

Haley grinned inwardly at the thought of Harry's growing frustration as the questions got more and more obscure. He refused to continue answering questions after she had asked if the Union forces were victorious during the Muggle American Civil War.

Haley had enjoyed poking fun at Harry's ignorance of history during their discussion, and it led to a fair amount of playful, if unpracticed flirting from both of them. She found it refreshing to talk to somebody of the opposite sex that didn't think of her as Haley Potter the girl-who-lived, and just saw her as Haley.

She had to admit that Harry was pretty cute. Physically, he was handsome enough, if a little skinny, but the most attractive thing about him was the way he talked to her. Sure he was a bit socially awkward, but he had a humble confidence that comes from somebody who doesn't have anything left to prove. Though, if Harry had been through some of the things she had during her first five years at Hogwarts, she could see why.

Her thoughts suddenly turned dark when she remembered the conversation they'd had about the Dursleys. She had just gotten done telling him that they were from alternate universes, and he asked her if the Dursleys treated her well, as though she didn't just tell him that they were communicating through a rift in spacetime.

Had he suffered abuse at the hands of the Dursleys? His behavior certainly seemed to indicate such.

She looked up at Vernon Dursley who was sitting there reading the newspaper and gnawing on a chicken bone. Was he really capable of abusing a child? He'd never done anything to her that she would consider abuse. Sure he was frightening when he was angry, but any man his size would be right?

Uncle Vernon scoffed as he read an article on the second page of the paper. "These idiots at Parliament need to get their heads out of there arses. A monkey could to a better job of it," he growled. Little bits of food flew out of his mouth as he spoke, and his face began turning a deep shade of red.

Next, her gaze shifted to Aunt Petunia, who was nodding her head in agreement with him. She had a severe look on her face as though she was taking him very seriously. Petunia turned to meet Haley's stare.

Haley smiled at her to divert attention to the fact that she'd been staring. Petunia turned her head up.

"Eat your supper Haley."

It was then that an idea popped into Haley's head. She couldn't remember ever having an actual conversation about her parents with her relatives. Her Aunt would always find an excuse to change the subject. She'd always assumed it was because the memories were too painful for her Aunt Petunia to remember.

"Aunt Petunia, can I ask you something?" asked Haley. She ate a large bite of peas after she spoke, trying to look disinterested.

Petunia let out an exasperated sigh. Real discussions at suppertime were uncommon at the Dursleys'.

"I suppose."

"Did my mum ever show you any magic when you were young?" Haley asked, trying to make the question sound as innocent as possible.

Aunt Petunia's face became grave, and Haley noticed her eyes flicker over to Uncle Vernon for a split second. Following her gaze, Haley saw her Uncle had dropped the newspaper and was now glaring at her, a red flush was working its way up his bulging neck.

"No, and this isn't a conversation to have at the dining table," Petunia said. Despite the firm dismissal, there was an odd quaver in her aunt's voice.

Haley paused. What was that? Fear? She decided to push her luck. "Not even a little bit? Levitation or some small transfiguration?"

"Girl-" Vernon began in a warning tone, but Petunia cut him off.

"Haley! You don't talk about such things while we are eating supper. Go up to your room!" she said, her shrill voice raising almost to a shout.

Haley felt a wave of anger wash over her, and she narrowed her eyes at her aunt, but was somewhat startled to be met with a pleading gaze rather than annoyance.

"Why not, I just want to learn a bit more about my mum. You told me when I got my Hogwarts letter that-" the young redhead began, but she never finished.

Haley and Petunia both let out loud screams as the table was flipped and all of the plates and silverware went flying in all directions.

Haley toppled backwards out of her chair as she clamored to move out of the way. She saw stars as she hit her head on the corner of the cabinet under the sink. She was momentarily stunned, but was roused by roaring shouts coming from Uncle Vernon.

"YOU WON'T TALK ABOUT SUCH THINGS IN MY HOUSE, FREAK! YOUR BLOODY PARENTS GOT THEMSELVES KILLED BECAUSE OF THEIR FREAKISHNESS, AND I WON'T HAVE THE SAME HAPPEN TO MY FAMILY!"

Haley looked up to see Vernon towering over her, shaking in rage. His face had turned a deep shade of purple, and his bloodshot eyes were staring daggers at her. She inched backwards until she was near the hallway that led into the sitting room, and for a moment she thought Vernon was going to continue stocking towards her.

"Vernon," came her aunt's meek voice from the opposite side of the dining room.

Vernon looked over his shoulder.

Haley took her chance and bolted. She flew up the stairs two at a time. When she reached her bedroom, she slammed her door, locked it and braced it shut behind her.

She listened for the sound of heavy footfalls on the stairs, ready to grab her Firebolt and jump out the window. The house was silent besides the sound of her heavy breathing.

Haley couldn't believe what had just happened. Uncle Vernon had never been particularly nice to her, but she had always thought it was due to his gruff attitude towards everyone and everything. She never expected he would blow up on her for something so minor as asking about her parents. Her childhood home seemed much less welcoming now.

Haley's thoughts grew dark as fear gave way to anger. Was that all she was to him, a freak? What about Aunt Petunia? Did she think Haley was a freak too?

The floorboards groaned as Haley stomped over to her bed and let herself fall down face first onto the mattress. She pushed her face into her pillow and screamed as loud as she could.

She flipped over and stared at the ceiling for several minutes, absentmindedly rubbing the growing bruise on the crown of her head. She tried to remember everything she could about the way the Dursleys had treated her throughout her life. A half hour later, Haley was struck by a realization that made her sick.

The Dursleys don't love me. They never have.

It was so obvious now that she thought about it. All of the strange inconsistencies in the Dursleys' behavior led to this conclusion.

The difference in the ways they treated her and Dudley was a key example. She had wondered on numerous occasions why it seemed Dudley got preferential treatment. She rationalized it away so many times. It's just because he's their real child. It's just because he's a boy. It's just because he's spoiled. It's just because he's more dependent.

These were all excuses she'd tell herself for why Dudley was pampered, and she was given much less affection, but now the real reason was crystal clear. Dudley was loved; she was not.

Haley felt numb. Was her entire childhood a lie? She'd always assumed that the Dursleys loved her even though they never explicitly said it, because that's what families do, right? They love each other.

If she could be so wrong about the Dursleys was she wrong about her other relationships? Did Hermione and Ron love her? Did Luna love her? Did Ginny love her?

The sting of tears began to form behind Haley's eyes. She was so confused; she didn't know what to think. She needed to talk to somebody, but the only person she'd ever been able to talk about these things with was… Sirius.

A silent sob escaped as Haley began crying in earnest. She rolled onto her side, hugging her pillow, and felt her arm brush something cold.

The mirror. Harry.

Haley lifted herself up, so that she sat cross-legged, holding the mirror in front of her. "Harry," she said with a sniff.

A moment later she cause sight of herself in the mirror and cringed. She held the sleeve of her shirt between her fingers and palm and began damage control on her makeup for a few frantic seconds before Harry's face appeared.

The nervous yet hopeful smile on Harry's face shifted when he saw her, his brow furrowing. "Haley? Are you… are you alright?" he asked.

Haley opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. Her mouth closed and reopened a couple times in a manner reminiscent of a goldfish.

"Haley? Can you hear me?" said Harry, concern creeping into his voice.

"I – Yes, I can here you," Haley answered.

Harry waited for her to continue, but she didn't. "What's wrong?"

Haley paused gain, unsure how to start. "I talked to Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia."

Harry's expression darkened. "About what?"

"After we talked, I wanted to see what she would do if I pushed her about Mum. I asked if Mum ever showed her any magic."

Harry cringed.

"She tried to shut me up, but I kept pushing her about it, and then Uncle Vernon exploded, knocked over the table and started screaming at me." Haley said, her voice trembling.

The corners of Harry's mouth turned into a sympathetic smile. "I could have told you that would happen," Harry said. His neutral tone indicated that indeed he was not surprised at the revelation.

"You don't understand, Vernon and Petunia have always treated me well," insisted Haley.

"Maybe it's because you're a girl," he stated, his voice flat.

Haley opened her mouth to give an indignant response but balked at his guarded expression. He had refused to speak on the matter earlier, but she felt inclined to press him.

"They are good people. Sure they are stricter on me than Dudley, and maybe Vernon is a bit magiphobic, but I'm sure a ton of muggles are."

He sighed, exasperated, and ran a hand through his messy black hair. "They shouldn't treat you any differently than Dudley! They are your family, they owe you that much!" he growled.

"What? They've provided me food, clothes and a roof over my head without ever being asked to take me in. If anything I owe them!" she exclaimed.

Harry's jaw dropped.

Haley's expression shifted from outrage to realization at what she just said. This was the exact type of rhetoric Uncle Vernon spat at her when she needed to ask for something. "I…" She did not know what else to say.

"Look I'll just give it to you straight. I know you think Vernon and Petunia are good people, but let me tell you what they are capable of. They have treated me like shit my entire life. I grew up sleeping in the cupboard under the stairs. I missed half my meals and never got to eat until I was full."

Haley flinched. The cupboard beneath the stairs was tiny, barely large enough to hold a few boxes and an old telly. Why would they make a child sleep there when there was a perfectly good bedroom upstairs?

"They never paid me any attention as a child, even when I was really young. My earliest memories are of me watching Dudley getting hugs and kisses and everything he ever wanted and me wishing I had somebody to comfort me or tuck me into my tiny, uncomfortable cot at night. That was the predominant theme in my life growing up. The Dursleys going out of their way to show me that Dudley was a member of their family and I wasn't. And even…" his voice cracked, and his monologue halted. He had an ashamed look on his face, indicating that he wished he had not just spilled this very personal secret.

Haley just gaped, indecision rushing through her. Should she try and comfort him or would he be offended? Not for the first time, she wished she understood how boys worked. Then again, Harry was the same person as her wasn't he? She decided just to respond as she would have wanted.

"Harry," she began, and the look Harry gave her resembled that of a cornered animal. "Fuck the Dursleys. We don't need them."

His look of surprise was so satisfying that she couldn't stop her mouth from curling into a lopsided grin.

He started nodding, slowly at first, but his conviction grew as he spoke. "Yeah, you're right. Who treats a child like that? I didn't do anything to them. As far as I know, our mum and dad didn't do anything to them. Petunia was, and still is, a petty, envious bitch who would rather bring others down than better herself, and Vernon is a cruel, bigoted, bully who takes his anger problems out on little kids to make himself feel more powerful." His face contorted in disgust at the thought. She could tell by the angle of the mirror and by the way the ceiling was moving, that he was standing now, pacing back and forth. "They are pathetic. I shouldn't waste any more time resenting them, because they aren't worth the time."

Haley could hardly disagree with anything he said. His assessment of Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon was spot on, but she did not hold the same apparent resentment that he did. They had always treated her with at least some respect, though she was beginning to think that any respect she felt from Vernon was either feigned by him or misinterpreted by her.

Harry, who also seemed to be lost in thought, was the first to speak. "They, er… You said they treated you alright though right?"

"Yes, well, for the most part. They always give Dudley preferential treatment, but Aunt Petunia has always been kind to me, if a little strict. I guess Uncle Vernon has always just ignored me now that I think about it," she explained, trying to remember if she'd ever traded more than a few sentences with Uncle Vernon.

He nodded along. "And you got your own room and everything? The little one upstairs?" he asked, hopefully.

"Yes, I guess Aunt Petunia empathized with a little girl more than a little boy," she said with a shrug, not wanting to pretend like her Petunia was any better than his.

"That's good," he murmured, lost in thought. Then, he looked up suddenly as if just remembering something. "Are you okay now though? I mean, after Uncle Vernon blew up on you? Sorry if I made it about myself," he apologized, a concerned look on his face.

"Yes, I'm fine," Haley replied distractedly, studying his face. There were few boys that could pull off the dark and brooding look without coming off as whiny, but the grimace that seemed to constantly mar his face was actually quite attractive.

He had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, something she no doubt had as well due to the year of mental torment from Voldemort, but otherwise his eyes were the same has hers. He had her father's nose. Their father's nose. He also had James' high cheek bones, but his jawline was more rounded, immature-looking, but gaunt and without the baby fat she would expect on a teen going through puberty. Had he really been denied meals? That would explain why he seemed to be missing baby fat in all the expected placed.

She noticed he had patchy stubble growing in around his chin. I bet nobody had taught him how to shave, she thought.

He cleared his throat, and she looked up to his eyes to see him expecting her to continue. "Oh and, er…" She felt her face grow warm, embarrassed at being caught staring. "Well you know in the doorway from the kitchen to the sitting room where Dudley always stubs his toes?" He nodded in affirmation. This was so weird! "Yeah, I sort of fell over and slammed my head into the corner," she explained, rubbing at the welt beginning to form on the back of her head.

"Ouch, do you feel dizzy or anything? Light-headed? Nauseous?"

She glared at him. "I don't have a concussion, Harry. I know how they feel."

"Do you?" he asked in surprise. "How did you get a concussion?"

"Quidditch."

"You play?" His eyes lit up. "What position?"

"Keeper."

"What! Really?"

"Of course not! What kind of female Harry Potter would I be if I played keeper?" she laughed.

"Not one I want to associate with. Seeker then?"

"Yep."

The two continued to discuss Quidditch and other light topics late into the night, being careful to avoid that looming topic that was always creeping up on them. Sirius.