SECOND CHANCES
Chapter 2
Renee's POV
"Bella, I'm fine," I lied.
"It's just that you look really tired, Mom."
"It was a long flight." I tried to delay the conversation not really knowing how to start.
"Mom, it's me. I can tell when things are bothering you. You wanted me here alone so you could talk to me so let's get it over with. I know where you stand about this, but I know you want to speak your peace anyway. From the looks of you, it has been on your mind for a long time." Bella replied.
Bella was always very perceptive about my mood. "Bella, I do want to talk to you. I even do still want to talk to you about this marriage thing of yours, but that is not what is bothering me." There was no easy way to say it, so I had better just put it out there. "Phil and I are getting a divorce."
"What?" a shocked Bella asked.
I could swear I heard an engine rev somewhere. And, it wasn't from this noisy truck. I hoped we made it back to town okay. I felt like I was having to scream just to be heard over the engine and the wind. "It's a very long story, hon." Could I get through this without breaking down in tears. Doubtful. Would Bella give me the 'I told you so' look?
"This truck doesn't go very fast, so we have lots of time, Mom"
"Okay. It started a while back when Phil broke his leg. I tended to his every need and he seemed to be taking me for granted. I felt he could have been up and about long before he was. But, he was content to sit at home and not even look for work. You know that I have been substitute teaching while in Florida because I don't have a teaching license there. Since it is summer, though, I picked up a job as a cashier in a department store to bring in some money. Phil's employment has always been sporadic at best. I thought this coaching thing would be more stable than looking to get picked up as a player, but after he got hurt, he couldn't work. At least he said he couldn't work."
I was glad that Bella had to keep her eyes on the road so she couldn't stare at me through this confessional. Phil was much younger than I and I was attracted to his ball player life early on. But, with this confluence of events, I realized that I had once again gotten into a situation where I should have known better.
I continued, "So, things were getting tough financially. Then, Bella, you called me up to tell me that you were getting married. Of course, I didn't like the idea. I think you are both too young as I have told you. I know it sounds so crazy, but it started me thinking. Even though you aren't living with me, I still felt like I was losing my child. I had seen Phil working so well with the younger boys he was coaching and I started to think about if he would want kids." Bella stared at me incredulously.
"So, you were thinking about having another baby?" Bella asked.
"I told you it was crazy. It just seemed that Phil was so happy coaching and I was feeling a little 'empty nest.' So, I asked him if he had ever thought about having children of his own. He said that he did want to have kids 'one day.' You know it was hard for us when you were little, Bella. Maybe I was thinking about having another chance to do a better job."
"You did a great job, Mom. You earned you degree and made a nice life for us. Don't ever feel like you didn't do enough."
Just like Bella. She was always so caring. Maybe she was old enough to get married. She had been taking care of me for years. "Anyway, Bella, this is where the big blow up happens. I told Phil that if he was serious about having a family that we both needed to find better employment so we wouldn't have to struggle. Since he was not working there and I was working only part time, I suggested that we move back to Phoenix. I still had the house there, so it would cut our expenses. Plus, I could look for a full time teaching job. That way, we would have health insurance to cover the pregnancy. At my age, there might be more expenses.
"Phil told me that he really liked living in Florida and didn't want to go back to Phoenix. He suggested that I sell the house and that would give us a nest egg until I could get my license in Florida and he could find work. I felt a little wary about this. I mean, that was our house, Bella. I know that I haven't always been the most responsible person, but even my warning bells were going off. He told me that we had plenty of time to get our finances together because it wasn't like we were going to have a baby any time soon."
"Mom, maybe he wasn't thinking about it the same way as you. But, maybe it is still something that can be worked out," Bella said with understanding.
"I know I am impulsive, Bella. But, I only have a few more years where I can even attempt to get pregnant. I hadn't ever thought about it until now. Neither had Phil, I guess. So, I asked him if he was sure that he wanted to have a child. He said that he definitely wanted kids of his own. He felt he could be a great father and would love teaching baseball to his sons. I asked him when he felt would be a good time to start on this family, then. He said that he still had too much he wanted to do before having kids and wouldn't be ready for at least ten years." The tears started then. I felt so ridiculous. Here I was almost forty and I'm spilling my marital woes to my teenage daughter.
"I am so sorry, Mom. But, really, maybe Phil just didn't understand that you would not be able to have kids then."
"I thought about that, Bella. Of course, I was crying and he couldn't figure out what was wrong. So, I did tell him that I would not be able to have children in ten years. He just shrugged and said, 'Oh.' Oh, Bella! That was all he could come up with." The tears were flowing freely now. I was going to look a mess by the time we got to town. Maybe I wouldn't see anybody I knew. I'm sure they had enough gossip about me without me looking like a train wreck.
"I know, Bella, that Phil and I should have discussed these important things before we got married. I should have learned that from my first marriage experience. These are the things I want you to know. I guess I was just too caught up in the moment. And, having another child was not really so important to me. But, I could tell from Phil's expression that he really did want to have children in the future. That future, therefore, may not include me. For the first time, both of us recognized the limitations of our age difference.
"I let it go, but then a few days later, he brought up selling the house again. Well, Bella, if I wasn't going to part of his future, I sure didn't want to spend all the money I have invested in the house."
"Smart thinking, Mom."
"So, I told him that I did not want to sell the house because it provided too much security for the future. He got so angry. More than I have ever seen him in my life. He started screaming at me that we had bills to pay now and future security meant nothing to him. I told him that if he was that worried that he should go out and find a job. He said he was going out, alright. So, he got up and left. He didn't come back, Bella. He told me he was staying with a friend. Turns out his friend is a woman he met at one of the games. And, apparently, they both have an addiction to pain pills. Maybe that's why he got so angry or why he needed money so desperately. But, he turned into someone I didn't know. I offered to help him get assistance with his addiction. But, he didn't want it, he only wanted me to give him his half of our stuff so he could sell it."
I had to be the lamest mom ever. I wish I could see what Bella was thinking. She probably was ashamed of me for being so incompetent not to have foreseen this whole mess coming. She was being so quiet. "We didn't have much there. The apartment was rented. I gave him his stuff, the wedding rings, and sold what was left. All my clothes from there are in the suitcases. I sent the rest of my things back in a box to Phoenix. We didn't really have any complicated joint property so we filed the papers ourselves. They should be final in a few weeks. I will not be returning to Florida when I leave here."
Bella's POV
I couldn't believe my mother had kept all this from me. I was going to be leaving her all alone, too. No wonder she was so sad. She really was losing everything. We were pulling into town. I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave her at the Bed and Breakfast that we had agreed upon. "Mom, I really am so sorry for everything going on right now. I wish I had known. I could have come to help you."
"Bella, you were planning you own wedding. I couldn't ask you to come."
"I would have come, nonetheless. Mom, are you sure you want to stay here? If you are strapped for cash, I am sure you can stay at the house. Dad won't mind."
"I really don't think I can face Charlie right now, sweetheart. I really just want to go in and take a long bath and sleep. Surprisingly, I feel better now that you know, Bella," Renee said as she forced a smile.
She might have felt better, but I definitely did not. I saw Edward pull up a few cars back. I had so much to talk to him about now. The doorman had already put her luggage on a cart. "Okay, Mom. I guess I'll leave you to it, and come back in a couple of hours and we can have dinner."
"I love you, Bella."
"Love you, too, Mom."