Wiz: The Sonic Guard are the most powerful of them all, always prevailing, always winning.
Boomstick: And executing wounded bitches.
(Remus: Come now, it cannot be that bad.)
(Gunrunna: So much fer dem fancy powaz uv yerz. Can't even save ya from dis!)
(Gunrunna raises a pistol and fires a bullet at Cinder Fall, which blows her head off in a bloody mess)
Wiz: And who else to lead them is none other... than Dangerios Avellus.
(Dangerios: FOR THE EMPEROR!)
(Dangerios raises his blade at Palutena, decapitating her instantly)
Boomstick: But Dangerios didn't really start off as that before.
Wiz: That's right, because before he was Dangerios, he was... Danger Duck from Loonatics Unleashed.
Boomstick: Which turned out to be a meh type of a Saturday cartoon, except Duck's life turned for the worst.
Wiz: 7 years after the events of Loonatics Unleashed, Danger Duck began to doubt if he was any value to the Loonatics themselves, given that he babysitted King Tweetums before the latter was king-
Boomstick: He also stopped an invasion of fish people from Acmetropolis' seas after causing it and so much comic feats.
Wiz: Thus these doubts began to echo across the Warp, in the ears of the God-Emperor of Man.
Boomstick: That's him?! That's the Emperor?! He looks nothing more than some thousand year old skeleton king in a throne. (coughs) Well, eventually, this skeleton dude just turned out to be some kind of super psychic, which Duck was never aware of until... he got killed.
Wiz: See, when the Loonatics were sent to apprehend an evil scientist bent on turning a planet's inhabitants to his slaves with some kind of mind control technique, the fight was on... until there was a sacrifice.
Boomstick: Yeah, really there was. Given that is was going to be by poisoning the planet with some weird looking hydrogen bombs, Duck just jumped in to be the very hero he wanted to be, at the cost of his life. He jumped in there, and rammed the ship he was flying at the bomb bay before the bombs would drop and...
(the ship carrying the bombs explode)
Wiz: Yeah, that. But it was not over for Duck, however. His soul went at the audience of the Emperor, whom he argued with about letting him to his fate, but...
(GEOM: At the cost of what? You would never have the chance to become the perfect hero you've always wanted to be.)
(Duck: (in tears) I couldn't have...)
Wiz: From that point on, Duck began to wallow in his anger and emotion at himself for his own selfishness, then asked the Emperor of what can he do to redeem himself, and as a result, the Emperor used his powers to turn him into religion, mostly into the Imperial Cult, advanced combat, and the process of turning Duck... into an Adeptus Astartes.
Boomstick: Better yet known... as a freakin' Space Marine.
Wiz: On that day, Danger Duck was reborn... as Dangerios Avellus.
Boomstick: But Dangerios was way more powerful than your average Space Marine.
Wiz: That's right, Dangerios' superhuman prowess and physique and skill was way more above than even the Primaris Space Marines, almost on par with the Primarchs.
Boomstick: Are they like the kind of superman type of Space Marines or something.
Wiz: Sort of. The Primarchs are actually the more powerful clones created by the God Emperor of Man, in which there were only 18 found, the other 2 weren't found anywhere else. Dangerios is almost as powerful as they are.
Boomstick: Well given that Space Marines are total badasses in Warhammer 40k, Dangerios stands out as the most, though he's forgotten! He can take damage from heavy hitters like Android 18 and She-Hulk and still stand tall as if they were nothing, crazy enough to hold his ground against Team RWBY all by himself, react faster than the average Space Marine, and even durable enough to climb to the top of Mount Everest.
Wiz: Which is totally impressive, given no one else before Dangerios did, and those hikers surely didn't count, given that it was extremely dangerous for even the physically peak man to just climb on Mount Everest. He's also skilled enough to overpower Erza Scarlet and Esdeath, precise enough to cut 18's limbs off before crushing her skull, and smart enough to coordinate defensive tactics to counter the Harem's disorganized attacks.
Boomstick: Damn, that's total badassery at 40 thousand times higher!
Wiz: There's more to that Boomstick. After being recreated by the God Emperor, Dangerios then met and made comradery and brotherhood out of the 7 other warrior that were to be the future Sonic Guard, and together, they made an unstoppable team, going to war against the Harem at their gods' commands.
Boomstick: And he got himself some hefty kills... which were all women. Bastards.
Wiz: For once I agree. But even then, he was also powerful enough to kill Palutena, the Goddess of Light, resilent enough to fight Supergirl, and strong enough to lift an entire building down on top of the Harem.
Boomstick: Damn that was strong, but you'd be wrong to think that Dangerios is a perfect warrior.
Wiz: That's right, Dangerios does have his fair share of weaknesses, though one stands out above them all:
(Dangerious screams a war cry as he charges at the Harem's Yoko Littner)
Wiz: He's just too reckless.
Boomstick: Yeah, well, he always rushes into battle first in the fight without help, given that he's aware of this and hasn't really done much to change this, so he makes due of his capabilities.
Wiz: Plus, his recklessness limits his resistance to psychics, and while he is faster than the average Space Marine, his armor often slows his mobility and manuvering. Also, his tactics are quite inconsistent, not always working out the way he wants it to be, but still effective in keeping the Harem away from Sonic.
Boomstick: Still, there is a good reason why Dangerios is the leader, because he will lead himself and the Sonic Guard to victory, coming down on the Harem like a rolling cloud of raging thunder.
(Dangerios then shouts "For Our Gods, ATTACK!" and charges at the demoralized Harem with the Sonic Guard)
Wiz: (ahem) Among the 7 of those tranformed from their old lives to their new ones, Illisha Ulthran is the exception, alongside being the only woman in the Sonic Guard.
Boomstick: Well sure she's a beaut, and doesn't really look muscular, but despite being a bit lanky, Illisha is the most powerful psyker of the Sonic Guard, just on equal with Rogen.
(Illisha: I have come so far to destroy you all! Now feel the wrath of the Gods!)
Wiz: But Illisha had no previous foreign life, she started off as a native born in the unforgiven, warborn universe of Warhammer 40k, in the Craftworld known as Ulthwe.
Boomstick: Craft-what? You're making this up!
Wiz: I'm not, see the Eldar once conquered the stars millennia ago, but thanks to their arrogance and greed, they've really discarded their hard work for pettiness, until they were brought to near extinction by the creation of the 4th Chaos God, Slaanesh.
Boomstick: Holy shit! All those souls for one god?! That's totally fucked up!
Wiz: And as a result, the surviving Eldar, mostly those in space, evacuated those who survived in those planets, resided in these giant super spaceships called Craftworlds, and went off to hide in the deepest shrouds.
Boomstick: Shoot, those ships are even jacked up! No wonder the Eldar are techies techies. They made those to sustain themselves!
Wiz: Uh yeah, due to the fact that they're on near extinction. But anyway, Illisha was born as the eldest son of Eldrad Ulthran, the most powerful Eldar Farseer of all time.
Boomstick: Can't blame her, given that she was trained for war to become a ruthless type.
Wiz: Illisha never had a happy life, but she wasn't abused by her father either. When she was 5, she was trained by the Phoenix Lords and Eldrad himself. Mostly, she was trained in sword mastery by Karandras, heavy weapons use by Fuegan and Maugan-Ra, flight and jetpack combat by Irillyth and Baharroth-
Boomstick: And weapons training and tactics from Asurmen and screaming skills from Jain Zar. Damn, she screams louder than my ex-wife! But most importantly, psyker powers from her old man.
Wiz: All this training primed her for battle and Illisha went to war too early 3 years ago, killing her first enemy at about 8 years old, during her earlier stages of training.
(Illisha decapitates a Nob with her sword in a jumping swing)
Wiz: This initiates Illisha's entry to war and she soon went to battle at the age of 16, and spent 10 thousand years of war and strife, including one where she singlehandedly eliminated a Chaos invasion with only just a dozen Howling Banshees.
Boomstick: Until a fleet of them arrived and bit her back fatally in the ass. But Illisha wasn't going down so easily, as she rammed the frigate she was sailing to the Chaos main battleship, effectively killing her in the process.
Wiz: But Illisha wasn't going to die so easily, she was resurrected and handpicked by Kaela Mensha Khaine to stand with her future comrades, the Sonic Guard.
(Illisha jumped down in front of the Sonic Guard, with spear in hand)
(Illisha: You can claim Sonic... from our corpses!)
Boomstick: Her psychic powers are top notch! She's powerful enough to go toe to toe with psychics like Emma Frost and Jean Grey, brought down Ochako Uraraka like a rock impaled on a drill, beat Black Canary in a screaming contest, just by raising her voice to 11 thousand! More than enough to blow her brains off, literally!
Wiz: Not to mention that she's several thousand times stronger than the average Eldar. She can lift and move 50 tons, tank normally fatal hits from Baiken, and magic from Rias Gremory and Morrigan Aensland and durable enough to survive a fall in about 1000 feet high. She's also powerful enough to create a city destroying Psychic Storm. Also, she's fast enough to keep up with lightning quick fighters like Bayonetta and Ruby Rose.
Boomstick: She can even take a lot of punches to the face by Yang Xiao Long, and still stand, with barely a scratch, and precise enough to cut Kurome down to size. And also creative enough to throw a Plasma Grenade at a leaking gas tank, which caused a chain reaction... that killed Chun-Li and Cassie Cage.
Wiz: With so much talent and power, for an space elf, Illisha has prevailed with the Sonic Guard, against all odds, but her self awareness also reminds her that she is by no means, a perfect soldier. She's very powerful, but she's equaled by Rogen and second only to her father.
Boomstick: Yeah, even Illisha herself has downsides: she's really arrogant like most Eldar before and after her, which has brought her to trouble more than once. Plus, her strength and durability has limits, as she can't push past them, and she's not exactly recommended for solo operations, as she's too frail to carry out missions all by herself yet still she does so with ease.
Wiz: But even then, despite all that, Illisha Ulthran always makes it on top, standing above, one day, surpassing Eldrad.
(Illisha then stabbed Makoto Nanaya, decapitated Soi Fon and impaled the brain of Lilith Aensland)
(Illisha: WHO ELSE DARES TO STAND AGAINST ME?!)
Boomstick: Alongside the Space Marines, the Imperial Guard are well known. What they don't have for the power of one, they have only in numbers and tons and tons of fucking powerful tanks!
Wiz: Indeed, Imperial Guardsmen always compensate for their shortcoming physique of Space Marines with super heavy firepower, strength in numbers and varied armored vehicles, the most notable of them all is the Leman Russ Tank.
Boomstick: And oh boy, who leads them is none other than the Lord General, Remus Ratterus.
(Remus: One shot, one kill.)
(Remus fires a high powered round, which blew Mine's head off in a bloody mess)
Boomstick: But Remus surely never started out that way when he was a kid.
Wiz: He was indeed Remy Markene Rat, a ACME Looniversity graduate, who graduated with high honors, which has stemmed from his orphanage at birth. He never heard of his parents and aspired to become an comedic actor. He escaped the life of the slums of Paris, France to live in the friendly, lighthearted environment of the Hollywood, where he was accepted by it's toon department. They sent him to the university and he graduated after four years, at the age of fourteen.
Boomstick: But before he can get to work, Remy got caught in a maintenance accident which brought down 450 pounds worth of expensive equipment down on top of him. That accident costed well over several million dollars.
Wiz: That's... actually correct. Anyway, it wasn't over for Remy, as his aspirations pretty much made the God Emperor a good laugh. But The Emperor had plans for the amnesiac Remy, he then recreated him as a human, mostly a Cadian general who had 10 thousand years worth of experience, yet forgotten, and implicated all that millitary experience right on Remy's mind, effective recreating him as... Remus Ratterus.
(Remus: Must you all die like miserable hungry dogs?)
Wiz: Ever since then, Remus had been the hot shot of the group, often covering them from a distance far away that not even the most accurate sniper can track him down.
Boomstick: He's gotta be the Simo Hayha of the Sonic Guard, except with the camouflage and winter part, partially because he's so accurate, he can snipe an expert sniper like Mine from about 10,000 metres away, which is nearly 5 times longer than the most accurate shot ever recorded.
Wiz: Since the longest shot belonged to a Canadian sniper that shot down a IS insurgent in about 3540 miles, nearly two miles away, Remus' current record is almost 4 times the longer, about 5 miles away from his target. Preferably, Remus is so accurate, that he shot down a Chaos Lord from about 500,000 miles away in a hive he and his regiment was holding.
Boomstick: Remus' sniping prowess has often given him more than enough reason to join the Sonic Guard, but he's also not accurate, he's creative. He can use the environment of the battlefield against his enemies should they stumble across things they shouldn't be around, like gas tanks, exploding cars and so many more. What also counts is his combat prowess, without the sniper rifle, he's resourceful enough to use whatever he gets his hands on, good enough with his sword to go sword fighting with... Weiss Schnee?!
Wiz: He's taken down the Harem's sharpshooters like Yoko Littner, Kinessa, Mine and even it's hardest hitters like Supergirl, Captain Marvel and accurate enough to bring a massive support down on Nora Valkyrie. He's also strong enough to lift his own sniper rifle with one hand, tough enough to endure several arrows from Thorn and smart enough to predict his enemy's next moves.
Boomstick: And damn, no wonder why's he's hardly instrumental in the war effort. I mean, look at his sniper rifle, while regular snipers can carry their own rifles with two hands, Remus just straight up carries his own one handed and uses it with deadly accuracy, like a fucking boss! It's accurate enough to fire a million miles, and has a system which prevents Remus from cleaning it up. He also has a ton of guns like laser pistol, boltgun and so much more standard issued guns used by the Imperium of Man.
Wiz: It's been outfitted with a high-powered scope and a variety of ammunition, such as incendiary, cryo, shock, concussion, armor piercing, high explosive, and Kryptonite, but Remus' most preferred favorite is the High-Powered Shot, which is powerful enough to destroy a sun in a single shot from ground level.
(Remus fires the High-Powered Shot at a sun, which exploded)
Boomstick: Damn that's dangerous. It might be the most riskiest move Remus can pull off.
Wiz: Not really, Boomstick. But Remus does have his fair share of weaknesses: He can carry so much ammunition at once and has to make every shot count, he carries lighter armor which can guarantee his higher mobility but with less protection from anything, and he's kind of cocky and a bit of a fraud sometimes, claiming kills with gorier efficiency, though Gunrunna always corrects him.
(Remus: Though it is true that I indeed vanquished that wretched white demon, known as Weiss Schnee with my blade.)
(Gunrunna: Yew traded choppaz wiv each uvva to a stalemate till yew used a pole to stab Weiss right in da 'eart fore yew cut 'er 'ead off!)
Boomstick: But even still, with these flaws in hand, Remus is a hell of a sniper. Maybe he can be the best of the best snipers.
(Remus arrives with sniper rifle holstered but with power saber and laspistol in hand)
(Remus: If you insist that this is how you want it to be, so be it.)
Wiz: The Tau Empire. A race of technologically advanced aliens, on par with the Eldar.
Boomstick: Oh yeah, like the Blue Man Group, but with guns and giant robot suits that reassembles the giant Japanese robots like the Gundam.
Wiz: And that's only the beginning for Commander Rev'Aris.
(Rev'Aris comes down crashing)
(Rev'Aris: In the name of the Greater Good, you shall be exterminated.)
Wiz: Yet like the rest of the 7 Sonic Guard, Rev'Aris didn't really start off that way.
Boomstick: Yeah, well, back then, he was Alan Revforque, a Lylatian Bengal tiger born in Titania. Alan didn't really have a good life, since his mom died when he was 13 by an accident and when his dad got alcoholic and tried to beat the shit out of Alan, he got the short end of the stick since Alan ripped his throat out with a bottle.
Wiz: As a result, Alan ran away and became a bounty hunter/mercenary, having trained in combat by retired bounty hunters. He hadn't quite got a good reputation due to his unpopularity.
Boomstick: And while Alan was the best of the best, he wasn't well liked and he was never trusted to do anything since no one believed he could get anything right. But the jobs he's done were big wins, and he's never really blew it.
Wiz: But his hard living lifestyle has threatened to jeopardize his career. When not in work, he has lived on cigars, alcohol and women. Till one day, Alan met his fate when he was hired by the Cornerian Armed Forces to eliminate Dash Bowman, which ended miserably.
(Dash Bowman watches sadistically as his soldiers tear Alan apart to pieces like mincemeat)
Wiz: But it was not over for Alan, at least not yet. Since the Tau didn't worship any of the Gods born in the Warp, Alan's soul was transferred to a newborn Tau who was then trained in the Fire Caste, who later on became an Elite. This alone, and the new reverence of utilizing the battlesuits, reserved for the best Fire Warriors, despite being unnamed, the Tau killed so many by the millions for 10 thousand years. And it was then he chose a name more memorable to most: Rev'Aris.
Boomstick: And it was then that he became Shas'O. Hey Wiz, what the hell is that?
Wiz: It's literally the Tau Lexicon word for "Commander".
Boomstick: Wait, what?! He gets to kill people for ten thousand years and he gets to be promoted to a friggin Commander?! What the bloody fuck?! I'd literally wish I was the commander of my own anti-bug military force.
Wiz: Moving on Boomstick. Anyhow, as Commander of his own Sept, the Rev'Andri Sept, Rev'Aris has successfully thrived and led his warriors to success for 10 thousand years of war, effectively like his idol, Commander Farsight.
Boomstick: But how did he live that long? Didn't he just die of old age, or something?
Wiz: No idea, but it was theorized that resurrection by the Gods of the Warp would mean that side-effects mean immortality/longevity, meaning that Rev'Aris has never aged for 10 thousand years.
Boomstick: Wiz, if I die like that, you better hope I don't come back as many of that.
Wiz: I doubt it. But anyway, Rev'Aris has since then joined the Sonic Guard all alone when his entire Sept was wiped out following the Fall of Cadia, forcing Rev'Aris to leave the 40k galaxy, joining the Sonic Guard in the process.
Boomstick: But Revy here couldn't go to battle against those bitches without a suit that's the perfect tool for the job.
Wiz: Known considerably as the XV-97 Revenger/Starstrike.
Boomstick: This baby is like a gigantic mix of Iron Man and Gundam alike, given that it can fly at lightspeeds, survive in outer space, and enter reentry with ease. But what really counts is it's shitload of totally awesome weaponry! While Rev'Aris has usually went to battle with a plasma rifle and a plasma Gatling gun known as Burst Cannon, he actually has more than that.
Wiz: The Revenger battlesuit sports about over a dozen weapons made for combat and has tons on in suit gadgetry. There's a flamethrower, shoulder missile launchers, a jump pack made for surprise attacks-
Boomstick: And even crushing any unlucky bastard under his foot, using them as living landing pads. No, really.
(Rev'Aris jumped high and landed roughly, using a wounded Hinata Hyuga as a landing pad)
Wiz: a in-built radar with 720 degrees range, a Rail Rifle, an giant EMP cannon, a marker light spotter used for Skyray Barrages that he can call from outer space via the Walking Beacon, which is the Sonic Guard's Space Hulk and capital flagship, a nearly half a dozen fusion cannons, a grenade launcher that fires fusion grenades and heavy variants of the usual weapons he wields, even one powerful enough to destroy a Titan in a single shot.
Boomstick: Damn, that's an awesome load of weaponry. But weapons alone aren't what the armor relies on, it's extremely resilient, even without shields, it can tank even the most heaviest hits without falling apart from Kade and even super strong beings like Power Girl, durable enough to survive fall from orbit and precise enough that it's onboard precision system even allows it to dodge even the most unavoidable attacks. Hell, it's shields can even deflect lightsabers and laser bolts, and plasma shots and ricochet a Kamehameha back at the user.
Wiz: And with this suit, Rev'Aris then went on to victory. While he was a mere soldier standing against even the most strongest beings, he's proven that even the technology of Tau can bolster the Gods of the Warp's claim to Sonic, in his own style. With the suit, he's strong enough to kick back a wrecking ball, fast enough to travel in space with no issue via lightspeed, and brilliant enough to outsmart opponents who use brute force.
Boomstick: With this baby, he can totally wipe out an army, but Rev'Aris isn't reliant on the suit's capabilities alone. The suit specializes in adapting and changing weapons via rapid-construct technology that allows him to change weapons and gadgets if necessary. He can totally mow down an army with ease with this suit.
Wiz: But for it's power, it's hardly perfect in it's own right.
Boomstick: This armored suit's durability can last for way too long, but it's weapons and gadgetry are rarely inconsistent, and can confuse Rev'Aris if he switches too quickly.
Wiz: Rev'Aris often stays back in ranged as the suit itself is not designed for melee combat, and thus, he doesn't really engage in melee. Plus, the suit doesn't have an ejection system, and should it be destroyed, it could just repair itself automatically in mere minutes, but when he's out of the suit, Rev'Aris can certainly last for so long fighting in ranged and melee combat and has to be rescued by his fellow Guardsmen. But despite that it's not designed for hand to hand, Rev'Aris makes use of it by kicking, with kicks and leg strikes similar to Crane and Taekwondo.
Boomstick: But then again, even if these flaws, Rev'Aris is one, plasma shooting, gear grinding, flesh stomping machine. He's never one to back down in a fight, with or without the suit.
(Rev'Aris then came down, with twin Burst Cannons in hand, and fires a wide arc at the Harem, tearing down those unlucky enough to get caught by it.)
(Rev'Aris: Thus I shall strike the Killing Blow down on the Harem! You shall NEVER pass!)
AN: That's only the part one of the entire BIO. But then again, if Lil Soniq is reading this, I assure him that this is not meant to upset or offend him in any way. Dun ferget ta R&R, ya gitz!