Angel of Death
Chapter II
There she's standing with her orange blonde silky hair curled lovely to its ends and her breathtaking smile showing on her flawless angel face. I know she's not meant for me, she is always the center of attention because of her cute and friendly like attitude, she's like a magnet for boys and girls. Her friends show up every time with her in hands and they gossip of either the new hot guy or what happened with the English teacher, or sometimes me. The other girls don't like me because I display only arrogance and coldness to them but this certain being is always watching me as I am watching her.
As usual I take my daily route to school when I meet two of the girls that surround her most of the time.
"Oh… if it isn't that weirdo"
"Watch it, he will hear you!"
It's not like I'm not already. Trash. To me these persons are nothing but trash, they dare to speak of someone who they don't even know and more to that they can't even stop their pathetic urge.
As I walk past them, I feel their eyes looking back on me and calling me names because I don't greet them or admire their looks like all the dumbest other species around them.
Today it's snowing. Why is it snowing? Oh right… it's December. I forgot.
The cold but still fresh and white pearls covering the streets look desperately lonely, because they cover everything and there's nothing left. All the roads, houses and trees look like little icebergs out of a sea in a painting. The shapes deformed, the silent sounds escaping from the houses and the drops of snow on the ground mixing in a lovely melody.
My house, one hour away from school, where I don't want to go back to even if I'd be begged for it, but I have to because I'm already sick of being judged and kicked out, especially now in winter.
As I get home I hear screams and shouts, I close my eyes and sigh before I open the door and step in to see my father almost slapping my mom and her eyes filled with tears.
She runs from him to me and slaps me instead calling me a worthless child, I tried to explain her many times that the bus always comes late and either way I still can't be home at the time she wants me to be, especially now because it's snowing too.
"Where have you been?"
"School…"
"And why haven't you come home until now? You're always late even for dinner! You're a disgrace, your teacher called me today to tell me you failed your last exam! If you want to keep living her better get back to your damn studies because that's why me and your dad pay for them!"
"You missed dinner, worthless. Go to your room and don't go out until school tomorrow", said my father with a death glare on his face, the earlier chat with mother apparently faded and now the attention that I never wanted is on me, again.
"Yes", I say and completely ignore them, walking past them and to my room which is upstairs. I like my room, always filled with posters and the smell of fresh air, it's my chamber. The place where I can only be with my self and relax, comforted by the smooth blankets I usually clean, not anyone else. I do my laundry and most of the time cooking, this time I was waited for and didn't get in time, and got scolded for it even if it wasn't my fault. And for tonight no more food, I will make it anyway, this girl confessed to me today and luckily she offered me a bento she made especially for me. Glad I took it.
The next day, cold as usual and the level of the snow increasing by the hour, my parents still cursing each other on trivial reasons and my eyes showing nothing but exhaustion.
I hear someone calling to me and I turn to see this girl panting hard from running dressed in our school's uniform for girls with her black, orange and red combined skirt with boots attached to her long sculpted legs and an orange jacket.
"Ah… umm… wanna go to school together? "
It was the girl I would always watch during break and lunch, the girl that would always smile so brightly all the room would notice.
"No. ", I say to her and decide to just go my way and not let an intruder see where I live, still I was surprised why she would be in this zone since she doesn't even live around here. I think she lives ten minutes away from school, on the other side completely.
"But… I wanted to go with you, all my friends have already went and I'm alone—"
"And I don't care. Go find them".
She watched me and her expression changes drastically from her flushed cheeks and friendly voice to her almost sad face with her eyes on the ground and mouth twitching, it felt like she wanted to dig a grave for her own.
Of course I later regretted that because her mood didn't change and everyone in school found it worrying, the unusual group of retarded people was still with her but it's like she wasn't with them, she looked away in thought. Did I hurt her?
The weather continued to be unhappy with everyone and the snow increased so much that it was almost a storm, the school closed for a short period because of it, the teachers said we have to stay at home until it calms. This makes it a good time for staying in my room and reading or playing piano. It calms me and my anxiety and loneliness washes away as I caress the piano keys and close my eyes connecting the song with my mind. I let go of everything, I just release any bad feeling I've been having the past few days, months, years. Everyone has their corner where they either share their thoughts and worries, problems and solutions with someone they know or they trust. I trust only my self and my piano, the bond we have is nevertheless a through out years one.
I got used to the idea of not having a friend or someone closer to me, my nature is something not everyone likes, and that's why I was rejected everywhere I went and tried to make connections with. My parents locked me in an invisible cage and kept me there, like an animal that's dangerous and it can't be released even if it means hurting it.
Lately my green eyes have formed a habit of showing dark circles around them and it adds to my scary expressionless face, even my tears are getting black.
Knocking loudly at my room door, my father yelled at me for something I didn't recognize I did or even thought of, something probably mother did and she couldn't take the risk of telling father. He came to me his expression changing from angry to furious and his eyes unfocused, his rage filling the room with madness.
"You did it. You stupid piece of shit! I should kick you out! Kick you out right now! "
"What… did I exactly do? "
"Don't talk back on me! "
His firm hand grabbed at my throat squeezing almost wanting to choke me and my mind reacted instantly and I pushed him away with all my force, all the possible one I could use against such a man.
"You dare oppose me? "
"Dad I didn't—"
"Shut up brat!" He slaps me again and I hit the floor and try to restrain my cry, his selfish attitude showing past his eyelashes, and his behavior lately multiplying his strength slowly getting to me as I am a poor kid of only 12 years old. And I'm powerless against him.
"Get out of this fucking house! Now!"
"I—"
"You dare say something? Pack your shit and scram! "
I burry my face on the ground and swear to my self that I have to be strong and face this cruel reality, I had to spend the night outside in the cold snow without warmth, a bed or food. It happened before when I opposed my dad again but he reacted more violently.
As I packed my things for the night cursing the damned house mother came running to me, yet again placing another slap on my face telling me over and over why do I have to ruin father's mood because he's such a busy man and I have to understand he has problems.
Without caring I pushed her hand away when she was about to repeat the previous move and ran down the stairs then outside. I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to find a place where these two creatures wouldn't hurt me again.
The storm strongly washing away the snow and pulverizing it on the ground was making it hard to walk, I wrap my black scarf around my face to keep me warm and protected from the wind but it didn't work too much and I still felt my cheekbones freeze and my eyes water.
The nearby park was famous for its many trees that made the place so comfortable for couples to hang out there and it was surprisingly safe from the snow, so I decided to go there and find a bench where I'd spend the night. I snuggled in my favorite blanket against the hardness of the wooden bed and grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper from my backpack and began writing my next song to play as soon as I get to feel my piano again singing at my touch.
I scratch my forehead with my pencil frustrated from the lack of inspiration and instead ruffle the paper in a weird shape throwing it far away from me. I watch it roll in a pile of snow matching the color of it and the snow slowly covering it with its pureness.
Staring at the pencil I remember her face, her sad face and her mouth switching from forming the loveliest smile to biting her bottom lip in embarrassment and pain. I didn't think I would feel this bad after seeing something that would actually never harm me, because I have always been as cold as ice. But this creature digging with that cheerful smile of hers deep inside my heart causing a harmony that would get to me every time I see her. I rustle in my backpack for another piece of paper and bite my pencil from its end, and I spread words on the blank page clumsily.
And it's killing me to know I've lost your smile
Your perfectly contoured lips forming nothing but sunshine
Just come back and pull my arm
To turn around and change my soul to a thousand flowing colored butterflies.
I finish scribbling and jump as I read again what I've just wrote. I must be the cheesiest person I know.
Rising my head and view from the paper I throw it on the bench and watch nothing but the sky, in its full bliss. Stars across every inch of it shining like diamonds, a new night was showing its marvelous and deep abyss.
I think again about my parents, my past which is filled with bad memories of relatives fighting either over father's side of the family because he seems to think that he's better than anyone at everything and my mother who is the weakest of them all, but her mouth is bigger than anyone's and that's how she always finds a way out of danger, even if it means shoving me forward in the actions. Sometimes I wonder why they even thought of having a child if the only thing they do to him is torture him this way, throwing me outside is not one of the bad things they can do, but it's bad right now since it's freezing cold and I wished to spend the night in my warm room. If that's what they do to me I wonder they would do to each other, there isn't any form of love between them, more of a leader and subaltern relationship in the house. He's the man of the house, the dictator, he commands her to cook, clean and do other house work, while he goes to his job and comes back home angry and relieves his stress on her, and of course again she finds a way to blame me for anything she does, even if I've no idea most of the time. You could call it trauma, because ever since I've been 7-8 nothing good happened, I only get scolded no matter if it's school marks or something I didn't do in the house, but in the past few months this thing happens frequently, me being the victim of everything that happens around them, I am sick of it. I wish to live like a normal child and play, not mature suddenly at my age. I wish to share some compassion with someone. Someone that could understand me somehow and share my pain not asking where it came from just listening to me throw out my sickness. Although I don't even know what this "love" word means it's on the lips of every person I see on the street. I'm convinced it doesn't matter that much, and I wish to never know what it really represents and stay the way I am right now without having that form of affection, because I can't express it my self.
Though as I mentioned, I wish to have someone to listen to me and not blame me for anything, that's all I ask for.
Moving continuously in my blanket to make more warmth I spot a couple that seem to argue a few meters away from me, the woman shouts words at him and the man apparently points at her showing her she's for to blame.
I stare at them and at some point after the whole arguing and her pushing away from him, he embraces her and she starts crying tears, oddly enough I believe she was somehow smiling, so those tears might be tears of joy. I could never understand how can someone cry and smile in the same time. She hugs him tightly and he kisses her forehead motioning her to stop crying otherwise she might lose her make up. She giggles and slaps his nose playfully cupping his cheeks and staring at him lovingly. His expression showing a wide grin as she laughs and pushes him away also showing the direction they should head to, I continue to observe their chaotic moves from tears and frustration to joy and laughing. Of course I watch them run after each other puzzled and wonder if they were actually human to begin with. Moments like this remind me that I don't know the real world outside of my window and outside of the house that keep me locked inside.
I reach to connect my arms around my legs moving them upwards and lowering my face on my frozen knees. Do emotions like this really exist? If so why haven't I found them too already, I should know how to express that wide stupid grin and change my mood that suddenly, I can probably form those mindless laughs too if I try.
But I never tried, I can't think of a moment in my life that I was happy enough to smile so brightly that others would enjoy and also smile back at me. This tightness in my chest that's squeezing my heart and it gives off sudden chills on my spine, what could it be?
If the power of these emotions can't reach me then they don't exist and those persons were either faking it or they spotted me and decided to play around with my judgment.
I let my head fall back and feel the wind blowing in my hair with little particles of snow melting on my heated face like a refreshing morning. I search for my headphones in my backpack and place them in my ears listening to the soft but entertaining voices of my favorite artists.
The night seemed endless, the stars still filling it changing their places, the moon selfishly showing past them her grazing light that illuminated the pure snow a few centimeters around me, and the trees moving in a slow dance with the wind. It was past my night sleep and I just hoped nothing would harm me in this park tonight, no robber or rapist, oh well. I didn't have other choice but to close my eyes and wish to still see the morning orange sun in the middle of the blue clean sky.
The next morning I felt my cheekbones heavy, it snowed and it was freezing on my face since somehow I fell asleep with my head thrown back on the bench in a sitting position.
And I didn't seem to be alone and the only one feeling this cold weather at it's worst.
Black fur covered my view as it jumped in front of my in my lap purring and swinging it's tail as if it wanted to talk to me.
The lovely cat seemed to form a shy smile and covered her face with her little pawns rubbing against them. I smiled a bit and grabbed it to my chest trying to warm her shaking little body. As if I never realized it, but I never felt so alone. The tiny being stared at me and meowed silently as if to distract me from my thoughts still swinging her tail left to right.
I pet her head and she rubbed in my palm like a little fur ball that she was, I sighed and grabbed her in my arms trying to recover from the over excessive cold.
Placing her on the ground, somewhere next to the bench that wasn't covered in the snow, I packed my things in my backpack hoping to go back home and not get scolded again for being outside all night, not like I came her on my on free will.
The cat jumped in the snow, the size of it was almost to my knees, and I am quite tall, so the cat meowed in annoyance that she couldn't make to me without getting wet from the snow. I grabbed her and stared at her joyful purring and couldn't resist the urge to take her with me, no matter what my parents had to say. Without a second thought I pulled out the blanket and wrapped it around her then placed her in my backpack running away to my house.
My parents weren't obviously in a good mood but still welcomed me in, mother surprisingly worried for my state since she felt my skin cold and my face a bit swollen. She quickly told me to run in the shower then go in my bed and not get out of there until dinner, I nodded to her and she walked away leaving me alone, although yet she didn't have the change to see my kitten.
I grabbed the little thing out of the heavy bag and she purred happily to see my face, even if I wasn't smiling or showing any motion. She jumped from my arms and sniffed around my room and for a moment I got worried my mother could enter the room and spot it and probably throw it out without a second thought. So I grabbed it as I heard foot steps coming near my door and shoved her under my bed pulling the blanket lower to cover the endings so it couldn't come out. As expected mother came in the room asking for my state and I told her I'm fine in a harsh tone, she just watched me questioningly and her view moved from my face to the bed, she asked me what's moving there and my heart stopped for a moment. I just couldn't bear the sight of seeing this poor kitty be thrown out the door in the snow just like that. I just simply tried to ignore her but she pushed me away from the bed and the cat had the chance to jump out and purr all over my mother's legs. For a second I thought she would scream but instead I was surprised to see her laughing and telling it to stop because she was tickling her feet. She grabbed the cat and held it in her hands it was so little it could fit pretty well in her adult hands. She motioned to me that she will talk to father about it and in the mean time I should take the responsibility of taking care of the cat, I smiled and jumped happily, something I could never do before like this, and she stared at my shocked. I'm sure she never saw me before like this either so I'm glad I offered her the chance that she probably never might get it.
She told me that I've to buy her cat food whenever it's finished and change her sand, of course I knew that. Also she mentioned I need to show her "love", yet again this word that seems to leave me thinking.
The next day I run to the school bus, somehow exhausted from the night play with the kitten and a glimpse of light seem to brighten my day as the snowing stopped and the streets where cleaned at least the sidewalk and roads. I could finally walk some stations without having to share the same air with certain persons so I decide to ignore the bus, because either way I'd still get in time for school, I go out of the house earlier because you never know when you want to walk more than 1 hour bare foot. Some may not like that due to the long way but when the wind's so calm and fresh I can't help but want to walk alone listening to the music in my ears.
As I arrive to school, the sun still battling for domination against the clouds in the sky, the school bell announcing that we should get in our classrooms before the teachers would yell at us for being late or just being bratty. Sighing on the corridor I watch different groups of people, from nerds to Barbie girls showing each other their new painted nails to boys that seem to never talk, I know I don't fit in either of these and just because of that I try to stay out of trouble or meeting new people. It's true I don't have any friends and I'm not planning on sacrificing my routine to find someone that could understand me, that's rare and mostly impossible.
I feel a delicate hand wrap around mine and clinging as if it wanted to stick there forever. Turning around I spot orange soft locks that seem to lower to my arm touching it and a shy blush forming on the person's face. It was Orihime. I was surprised to see her smiling like today like no other, wonder if she forgot that day I turned her down so harshly. I stumble in my own legs and she laughs silently, obviously I push away from her and she watches me carefully. Not that I was afraid of her reactions more like I was afraid to break her smile again without any intention. She just came along my side and asked me what class I had next and I told her I've math, she suddenly got excited and asked me for my homework she was not the brightest at this subject so she needed help with it, so she again clang to my arm and grinned with her eyes closed. I couldn't figure out what expression to wear in this situation so I just tried to fake a little smile and told her I would help if she really wants to, of course she jumped and yelled a big "yay" that left me speechless. She was beyond cute when she had these moments of hers, and me I tried to hide my face as I secretly watched her.
As the day continued to be slow, the classmates annoying with their mumblings and stupid behavior, the break before the last class started and I ran to her and asked her if she wanted me to help her with math now. She forgot instantly of the conversation she was having with the other girls around her and jumped next to me holding happily her notebook and pencil. I couldn't do anything but sigh deeply at her random instincts and just grabbed a chair and sat down showing her my notes and she stared a bit confused. I knew she wasn't an Einstein all of this but still she nodded and giggled every time I explained something, sometimes in between exercises I could swear she wasn't paying attention at all, but somehow she followed my words and simply reacted to them.
All the room felt like covered in a sunlight every time she looked away biting her lips together and grinning.
After finishing our lessons season she grabbed her stuff and pointed to me that the last class is over and that it's time to go home, she asked me if I always take that route where we met on last time to home and I nodded, she then spend a few seconds thinking and pointed to me sharing her bright idea of going home together with the bus. At first I glared at her and she stopped for a second backing away as if I startled her but then I turned away and couldn't resist but agree to meeting her at the station in front of the school in a bit. She waved to me and walked back to her previous group of girls all the way laughing. I kind of wonder if it was the right thing to do since I'm anti social and I can't form complete sentences without scaring the person I'm talking to or making him misunderstand me. My dispassionate figure and my coldness only keep people away and that to admit does my only good because I find every living creature a threat and treat them like meaningless beings. Even my parents are to that level for me.
Our appointment seemed to take place instead of me avoiding her which was my intention to begin with but something in me told me not to turn away otherwise I will somehow regret it. And here I stand seeing her swinging her backpack around and smiling watching her wrist watch. She probably awaits me.
"Orihime"
She jumps up and claps her hands together running towards me telling me I've been lately about 6 minutes which intrigues me but she sticks her tongue out and chuckles at my seriousness. She pulls my arm suddenly along with her to the bus which was already waiting for passengers and we go in finding two free seats in the back. She asks me what I did before we met and I shook my head in a side as in I didn't do anything special, I knew that she was trying to make conversation with me, but again my unusual self seemed interesting to her and she just couldn't help herself from wondering why I was so silent and didn't fully continue with the subject.
It was slowly getting dark, the atmosphere still chilly and the kids in the bus decreasing one by one at every station. Orihime still talked about what she did today with her friends and how she was over excited that one of her favorite bands was going to have a concert in town. She gesticulated continuously that their album is the best by far and that she bought even t-shirts and magazines with posters that showed them, I just nodded and watched her curiously I swear I never saw someone change expressions so clumsily each time her hands showed something that was supposed to resemble their album or something else. She laughed so much some tears made their way in her eyes and I panicked for a moment but after she noticed my reaction she just waved at me telling me that usually if she laughs too much it gets like that, I didn't understand it and I thought she was lying but still somehow I trusted her and smiled a bit at her pointless struggles to act ridiculous.
We talked almost 1 hour and half before I was aware that we were near my house and for a moment I snapped from my thoughts and asked her abruptly why she took this route and didn't go back home in the beginning, how could I forget she leaves near the school. She just kicked gently my shoulder and told me that she wanted to spend more time with me and that moment I felt that her smile was slowly intoxicating my mind.
We get off the bus at the next station and she asks me if we can spend more time talking in the nearest park, the one that I spend last night in, and I nod shyly not expecting that from her. She grabs my hand and drags me there while she looks around happily to see snow enough to form a snow man or play in it. I denied her offer to play with it and she saddened a little not enjoying my indifferent attitude, still she glared a bit and muttered something I didn't understand then threw a snow ball directly in my face. She laughed so much she couldn't keep herself on her feet and fell back on the snow, her face flushed from the icy crystals that were now on her jacket and face. I just removed the snow from my face and hair and silently cursed her for doing that but still decided I shouldn't spend time whining and get my revenge for it. So I used both my hands to grab as much snow as possible and threw it on her covering her magnificent hair in full white petals. She comes closer to me nuzzling some snow off her face and I watch her expecting another round, yet she hesitates and tells me that just now I smiled to her like she wanted me to. I didn't fully agree but I knew I wasn't being my normal self around her.
Like a snap to reality, I hear loud groans and yells from behind me and she grabs on my arm scared pointing to a man behind me that seemed to breathe in air and exhale fire.
It was my father, at the moment I looked around for a way out of this without him noticing but it was too late, he simply came forward dragged me by my jacket out of the snow and swearing he will break all the bones in my body if I didn't go home with him that second. It's true that I forgot about time, it was past nine pm. Inoue just covered her mouth but couldn't react enough to stop him so she just fell on her knees crying. Her figure fading from my view as I was distancing towards home and somehow guilt and worry filling me, instead of father's aggravated state. I could care less what he was going to do to me either way I was sure that I wanted that moment in the snow to be forever spent with her.
A series of other events happened after my parents continued to act like they always did, getting into fights over nothings and accusing me of things I couldn't even understand. I started to see her less because I got restriction from the teacher to stay at home after trying to choke my mother at a parent's meeting because she called Orihime names for keeping me late that night. I got used to the beating and the bruises didn't even hurt anymore. Instead the wound in my chest kept enlarging by day as I didn't see her at all. I wanted to get in touch with her somehow. I heard she stayed at home almost a month for being sick and then got into hospital because she didn't want to eat anymore. I tried once to find out her number but mother disabled our home phone and I gave up on that hope.
School passed slowly and painfully but we didn't see each other as much, only in school and she seemed to avoid me so we just called off our friendship, apparently our parents hated each other, because mine were too biased and they thought that she did me bad things and didn't deserve to be my friend. This way all the other kids in my class started to hate me because I hurt their idol in class – Inoue – and all the blame fell on my shoulders so that way I just decided to be home schooled. My parents were more than happy to that idea and that way I completely lost contact with her.
After 2 years, near my 14th birthday I hear from my aunt who rushed to my house in tears that my parents had a car accident while getting back from work. I didn't react in any way, somehow I was relieved that there was no one anymore to blame me for even existing but in the same time I was sure that I was completely alone now, my kitten also ran away somehow a while ago as my mother let the front door open and I believe out of curiosity she jumped out the door and didn't come back. I was more mature than before now and realized that I have to manage somehow on my own and start a new life without anyone else in it. I closed my heart completely at that point too.
One year later I decided it was time to go back to school and enter high school safely, when someone kicked my back with a heavy notebook and I turned fast to punch that person but stopped in the middle as a figure full of seriousness and a well sculpted body presented itself in front of me gracefully.
"So you came back to school?"
"I didn't think you're still alive."
"Ah!"
"So how's it going, Orihime?"
She rolled the notebook back in her arms and rushed to the class next to us her hair now longer than 3 years ago down to her hips all silky like satin. I noticed we where in the same class and this time I got in and sat on a chair next to her. She winked devilishly at me without sparing a glance at the teacher then showed me something she scribbled on the corner of a page in her notebook. "I missed you." I read. I moved my glance from it to her who was blush all the way to her ears now, and that same smile that intrigued me. I remained expressionless and ignored her flawless image now, staring at the boring teacher.
"Cold aren't you."
"Really"
"Yes really, how have you been, how are your parents? Is it okay for us to meet now—"
"Miss Inoue if you're willing to share your opinion with us on the present lecture we're listening. " ,spoke the teacher glaring through her.
"Umm… ugh, I'm sorry for not paying attention…"
"Don't do it again."
"Yes sir…" she hit her hand against the school desk and sighed deeply. I restrained a laugh and pointed to her the watch next to our desk upwards that was showing less than 10 minutes before the bell. She pinched her cheeks to hide her embarrassment and whispered to me to meet in the hallway after classes. I nodded and asked the teacher to let me finish reading the current lecture. I could feel her eyes on me as if digging through my soul resulting in me mistaking some words and the whole class laughing silently. I turned to her and she placed the notebook in front of her face whistling. I corrected my self and the teacher watched us suspiciously.
Throughout the classes we met on the corridor just her waving to me, catching the negative attention I didn't really want from others, wondering why she would say hi to someone like me. It wasn't because of my looks, rather my personality. I think that's clear by now. And speaking of which I perhaps got even colder because girls now avoided me more telling me that I've formed a habit of glaring at everyone.
It was dark already although it wasn't past 6pm and the classes were over and somewhat excited I ran on the hallway to our meeting point. As if remembering the past I see her swinging in sides her heavenly smile and red lips added to the shining loveable aura coming from her. I shout her name and she turns to me grinning from corner to corner widely, her eyes sparkling with joyfulness running to me. Our only witness was the moon now.
"I thought you wouldn't come."
"Why?"
"Because…" ,she breathed out and grasped on her chest closing her eyes and her smile vanishing.
"I know I've been away for such a long time."
"Yes…I'm glad to see you're good" , she pats my shoulder friendly and asks for my parents and my life up until now. Worried for my condition she looks down at my face as I lower it. Removing some black locks from my face she keeps our eye connection intact and asks me again, as if begging me to talk to her and not remain silent.
"They died."
"Oh—"
"But I'm alright, It's okay."
"Ulquiorra…"
I pull her closer hugging her soft and tiny body that seemed to fit perfectly in my arms. Rubbing my face against her shoulder I hear her mumbling something totally out of subject, I know she got embarrassed but still tugged me as closer as human possible and told me over and over how much she missed me and how much she longed to see me.
I couldn't resist and retreated from her arms slapping playfully her forehead, even her hair edges glaring at me for it and her cheeks red showing that it wasn't exactly what she expected. I laughed for the first time in years and told her we should go back before she would get into trouble with her parents. But before I could move an inch she caught my hand in hers and pulled me back stating that her parents allowed her to be absent for a little while. I knew they were good people that's why I trusted them with her, after all they took care of her when my parents acted how they long ago. They were right to protect her from me because even if we denied it they wouldn't believe a thing so it was better that way. She seems to expect something from me and either I'm dumb to figure out or girls are just hard to understand.
She moves closer to the window and pulls me too our hands still lanced together. I watch her beautiful face like an angel's in the moonlight showing flawless skin and perfect innocent honey eyes. I try to touch her face in hopes she would let me and I sigh in vain as she closes her eyes shivering slightly. Her scared face annoyed me to the point of hitting my self I couldn't stand a second to hurt her in any way. Either way I tried to form a sentence related to going home but she suddenly gasped and grasped my shirt tugging it with her shaken hands, I tried to ask her what was wrong tracing her rose cheeks to her jaw-line and whispering that I wouldn't ever do anything to her. She just nodded, trusting me nevertheless and only asked me one thing.
"I… Please, can you kiss me?"
In that moment my senses snapped shut and I couldn't think enough to realize that she was still scared and simply lowered myself against her with my hands placed on the window her head titled in a side and eyes closed. I knew that I couldn't act so selfish but I still touched her chin and motioned it upwards to reach my glance her eyes focused on mine.
Since she asked this of me, I tried to do my best in not scaring her anymore than this, so I brush my lips against hers slowly and gently, wetting them with my tongue her body arching in my arms and her mouth slowly giving in and opening for me. At first I tried to keep the kiss soft and not daring to use more force into it, I could feel her elegant arms clashing on my stomach somehow trying to pull me away but she didn't use enough strength as if her body was betraying her. She managed to break our kiss and I backed away from her without letting our glances meet. I could hear her breathe fast and see her legs shaking from the emotion.
"M-More…"
I stared back at her as passion flared briefly in her eyes as she tried to recover her breath and her hand tried to reach to me. She closed her eyes, offering. I tried to regain my mental stability and closed the space between us again. She slid her hands behind my neck wrapping them together and I titled my head towards her our breaths mixing.
I tried to touch her lightly, first her face while still kissing her lips normally then broke it again moving to her neck nipping and kissing in hopes to lower her guard and try to get away that feeling of anxiety from her.
Our touching became petting, by the time I finished with her neck I wondered if it was time to deepen the kiss, although I wasn't master in this it wasn't such a big issue. She was already moaning lightly against my lips so I didn't hesitate and shoved my tongue in her mouth creating a mix of our saliva and a dance of our tongues in each other's mouth. I grabbed her by her hips without breaking the kiss and placed her upward on the window she moved down and kept her trembling legs around me as I kept kissing her. I felt like an incubus ready to eat his prey and suck her dry, every drop of her essence, her shy acts only managing to arouse me more. I tried to push her away at some point when I couldn't keep my self under control and might do more to her so I just told her that we should stop this before it gets out of hand. Of course I could read the disappointment in her eyes that were already watered as she ran away her body still shuddering. I hit the window with all my strength causing it minor damages and swore that I wouldn't hurt her ever.
I stand up furious and hit the book in my hand against the floor feeling sweat covering my temples and forehead. How could I remember these things now…
It's been 10 years already and I daydream of her like this. Sometimes I'm thinking that maybe I do miss her and maybe I should contact her. I didn't think I would meet her in the park today she has remained so beautiful it takes your breath away. Though I should give up on her because I'm not the man she used to see as her potential lover anymore.
I hear the door slam shut and a series of yells and cries from the people that entered, probably my wife scolded my daughter again, this woman never gets old.
"Oh and if it isn't the bastard that left you in the park alone today"
"Hello to you too"
"Don't hello me! Where have you been? You know you have a family too so where did you leave?"
"I don't think that's any of your business"
"Bastard! " "Honey go to bed now", she says to our daughter who was biting on her index finger confused.
"Don't shout like that in front of her"
"Oh so now you care!"
"I do care"
"Where have you been? You're worthless—"
As I hear those painful words coming from her mouth I move slowly from my sitting position and walk aloof to her, in a split of a second I slap her face earning a scared gasp from her, she stumbles on her heels and looks away angrily.
"I'm leaving"
"Where?" ,she manages to ask me.
"Take care of Carie."
"No… Where are you going now?"
"Away. Don't call me."
She tries to grab on me and beg me not to leave her because she was wrong to question my freedom and I still move forward to our room, packing my luggage. Carie comes into our room and she hugs her tightly telling her that daddy will be away in a trip and he will hopefully be back soon. I can't promise her that unfortunately.
I hit the door shut to my car and throw my luggage in the back seat, I just couldn't take it anymore, I knew that this woman can't be the one for me. Not only that I don't love her, but everything I did was for Carie, our daughter.
I drive away, placing a picture of Carie next to me, sadly watching it and the feeling of regret washing over my view.
Orihime sighs munching on a sandwich before she would go to sleep. Her fluffy cat rolling on the floor bored as always distracts her and she hears her phone ringing. It was a message. She finishes eating and goes in her room to find her cell phone. Hmm who could it be she thought, it was a message from one of her co-workers who happened to know Ulquiorra very well in fact he was one of his few good friends and people he spoke with.
"Leaving…town? He knows him! What… he could have told me! And why leaving… Oh god…" Orihime tries not to panic and sits on the bed throwing the phone in a side. She wanted to contact him herself and now she didn't even get the chance to.
Grabbing furiously on the sheets she rips them off a bit and releases her emotions through crying, her make up mixing with her heated breathes. She kept screaming his name in annoyance and rubbing her eyes rolling on the bed and kicking the pillows.