After class, he walked Eleanor to the office where The Orifice staff gathered for meetings. He eyed her- that rack! – and smiled guiltily as she looked up at him with her dazzling blue-green eyes.

"Mr. Cockllins, I really hope you'll like my article on hunger in north-east Vietnam," she said earnestly.

Screw Vietnam, Mr. Cockllins was thinking, just pull down your top already. But he nodded thoughtfully, "Yes, yes, we need more intelligent conscious-minded young women like yourself to raise awareness about inequality in this world."

He'd said the right thing; she rewarded him with a pleased smile.

During the meeting, his eyes stayed focused on Eleanor. Olive and Penisa - the chief-editor of The Orifice- was very unattractive, and looked even worse next to blond, golden Eleanor. He smiled indulgently at her, nodding as she elaborated on her article.

If only her sister would get on the staff. And that leggy cheerleader, Amy Slattern. Those two sure get around. What a threesome that would…busty blonde twins and their slutty blonde cheerleader friend!

"Yes, yes, Eleanor, that sounds very good,"

After the meeting, he asked Eleanor to stay to "revise" her article – any chance to sit next to her and eye her up some more.

Neither noticed Olive fidgeting outside the door, watching them. Poor Olive, with her frizzy mousy-brown hair and strange outfits, had always hoped that Mr. Cockllins would notice her. Olive thought he was gorgeous with his thick, wavy golden hair and bright blue eyes. She had always hoped that Mr. Cockllins would notice the quiet but uniquely beautiful – this was how Olive liked to think of herself – young girl with a dry wit and artistic style. It could happen! She had read so many articles about male teachers having affairs with their high-school students, unable to resist the charm of youth. Surely, Mr. Cockllins was not immune to the "charm of youth"? She watched jealousy as he sat very close to Eleanor and listened to her attentively – what was she yammering about now? That stupid article was so boring! – looking admiringly at her shining blond tresses and glowing skin. It had always bothered Olive that Mr. Cockllins' gaze lingered ever so briefly on Eleanor's breasts and lips during meetings, but she had brushed it aside. Now, however, it was undeniable that Mr. Cockllins was definitely not immune to Eleanor's youthful charms. He had taken her hand and was stroking her naked back (what on earth had Eleanor been thinking wearing something backless? She looked cheap – and more importantly, she was showing Olive up even more than usual). They were looking at each other intensely. To Olive's horror, Mr. Cockllin's leaned in and kissed her friend. She turned and ran away, frizzy hair flying in the wind as her heart broke (not for the first time – at this rate there'll only be heart-dust left).

Meanwhile, Eleanor was trembling, staring at Mr. Cockllins. He'd kissed her (and she'd enjoyed it)! Oh no – he was her teacher! And she'd cheated on Toad! Well, it wasn't the first time – she'd cheated on him with a French prince and an English werewolf in the past – but this was different – they'd recently actually been enjoying sex together! Tears welling up in her eyes, Elizabeth tore out of the room, slamming the door behind her dramatically.

Shit, thought Mr. Cockllins. He hoped he wouldn't get accused of sexual harassment or rape again. He hadn't meant to, but her breasts had been looking so big and she'd been looking at him with those bright eyes and hadn't minded when he touched her hand and back. Oh well, he'd enjoyed kissing her. If he was lucky, it wouldn't get back to his wife. She'd already been suspicious about Sue-Anne Devil – oh that girl had been like a pornstar! Raven hair, white skin, long legs and big pouty lips - she'd definitely leave him this time. But perhaps that wouldn't be such a bad thing – she'd been getting fat over the last year. If she didn't try to sue him and take half his house, he didn't care if she left.

While this drama had been unfolding, Jezebel had befriended Robbit Wiltson at the Dairi Burger. The girl was fat and had been introduced to Jezebel in school. Jezebel was glowing as Robbit complimented her on her looks, style and all-round perfection. She also liked the fact that next to fat Robbit, she looked more slender and beautiful than ever. She tossed her shiny blond hair like a model in a shampoo commercial and winked suggestively at a tattooed guy who was leering at her from across the room. She was getting more attention than ever today, especially without Eleanor walking around with her boobs half exposed. Wait, why was she getting upset? She had the exact same set. She undid a few more buttons of the fitted shirt she was wearing – her cleavage looked almost obscene. Perfect, that was how she liked to look, like a pornstar. The tattooed guy was almost drooling now and even Robbit was staring at her chest.

"Oh Jezebel," said poor Robbit, staring at her glamorous friend in awe, "You're so pretty, all the guys are staring at you".

Jezebel smiled with satisfaction.

"Well Robbit, you could look quite attractive yourself. You have quite nice blue eyes and pretty brown hair. If you weren't so fat, you could almost be cute," she said patronizingly.

"Oh Jezebel! How sweet of you! That's the nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me," cried Robbit, her shiny blue eyes filling with tears.

"Oh, it's nothing," said Jezebel lowering her eyelashes with false modesty.

Robbit was really very nice, much more appreciative than Lillian Foulest, Jessica's biggest frenemy. She was also much less competition. Lillian was a beautiful girl as well, with silky dark brown hair, a tiny size 00 body (thanks to a special foreign chef and celebrity personal trainer, Jezebel thought to herself sulkily) and perfectly shaped (surgery?) C-cup breasts. She also had an unrivalled wardrobe, always ahead of the latest fashions.

The tattooed guy came over and spoke to Jezebel, ignoring Robbit.

"I'll buy you a burger if you come for a ride with me," he told her, staring right at her chest.

"Make it a burger meal," Jezebel told him in a business-like manner, sticking out her boobs even more.

"Deal."

And so it was that Robbit was left in the Dairi Burger with her unfinished food, while her blonde friend waved at her, clutching a large soda and a to-go bag. The tattooed guy slapped Jezebel's ass, which was encased in a tight black miniskirt. She jumped and turned to look at him, giggling. While Jezebel was in his car, having sex with him – hey, he bought her a burger meal and this is good stuff! – Robbit resolved to lose weight; she too wanted sleazy tattooed guys hitting on her and offering to buy her fast food for sex. Yes, that would be a real accomplishment.