This is a post 5x10 story.
Hailey Upton sighed as she left the holding cell. The talk with Camilla went better than expected. She thought Camilla would deny, or at least tried to bargain with her. She was surprised that Camilla very easily agreed to change her story. She went to the office and turned up her computer. She didn't intend to tell Jay what she did, not then. There would be time for them to be having that conversation, but now she needed to finish the paperwork, both her and Jay's, according to the cover story Camilla had agreed on.
It was 1 am when she was done with two sets of paperwork, printed. She contemplated for a second before putting both on Voight's mail tray. Originally she wanted to wait until Jay was present at the office before doing so, to give the impression that Jay had come and done his own paperwork. However, at this point, she was more ready to face Voight's questions rather than Jay's, so she settled for the truth towards Voight. Suddenly feeling tired after the long day she had, she turned off the light and went to the garage.
After two long days on desk duty and wrapping the next case, one that involved Burgess' CI ending up dead, Jay was ready to go home. He sighed when he saw the therapist' email address on his desk. Remembering what Hailey said, he made a mental note to himself to email the therapist the next day. That was their only contact during the case. He needed to see the therapist, though. As much as he wanted to say he'd do it for his own good, Hailey's threat was the turning point. He enjoyed partnering with her and couldn't risk their partnership over his stubbornness about seeing a shrink. Deep down he knew that he needed it anyway. He was putting on his jacket when he found a report, approved by Voight, on his desk. He skimmed through the report, and made his way to Voight's office.
"Sarge, got a minute?" asked Jay.
"You attended therapy?" Voight questioned him back, didn't answer him.
"I didn't file this," Jay waved the report.
"I know," Voight didn't even look at him. "Anything else?"
"No, Sarge. Thanks," Jay turned and grabbed his keys.
"Don't thank me," Voight growled. Jay didn't respond. He rushed to the garage and drove to Hailey's place. He knocked on the door. After a while, Hailey opened the door, clearly taken aback seeing Jay.
"What… Jay? It's not really the right time," she reasoned, but he would hear none of it.
"Ten minutes?" he asked. Hailey nodded, leading him inside. He had never been inside; usually he just picked her up or dropped her off. Hailey just stood in the hallway, crossing her arms, waiting for him to talk.
"You wrote my report?" asked Jay.
"Yeah, why?" Hailey challenged back.
"Do you know what did you write? You know it's not gonna match with her story," Jay was somewhat angry. She did try to help by writing his report, he was grateful for that. However, what she wrote was going to bury him even deeper. Jay couldn't believe how Hailey missed that. She knew that he slept together with Camilla.
"It will. I talked to her, she agreed to change her story," Hailey explained.
"You did what?" Jay was taken aback. He was at lost for word.
"I talked to Camilla, she agreed that she knew you as your CI, you came in to ask a few questions, had some drinks as Ryan, and that was it. No sex, no nothing," Hailey walked inside her place.
"Why would you do that?" asked Jay.
"Because you deserve a second chance," reasoned Hailey. She led the way to her living room, huffing as she sat on the couch. Jay sat beside her, silently asking for elaboration.
"I know you didn't sleep with all your witnesses, Jay. It was just a moment of weakness. However, you will be punished severely for being involved with a person of interest. You might lose your detective rank, even your badge. It happened to some cops, I don't want it to happen to you," said Hailey.
"So, you decided to take the matter into your own hands, and sweet-talked her instead?"
"Do you honestly think I sweet-talked her? Where have you been these past few months, were you my partner or not? Do I sweet-talk?" retorted Hailey. Jay cringed at her cold tone.
"Okay, you threatened her?" Jay quickly changed his statement.
"Well, not really. I gave her two choices. She chose to cover your involvement, which was smart," Hailey seemed somewhat proud of herself. "I haven't talked to you, but I figured you would understand when you read the report. Didn't expect you to come here livid, though. Guess you give me less credit than I thought."
"I asked Voight, and come to think of it, he did say 'don't thank me'. I didn't realise what that meant," Jay admitted. "Thank you, though. I owe you. Sorry I accused you wrongly," Jay was now feeling very uncomfortable. He felt chills through his body. He just realised the possible consequence of his action. And he owed his career to his new partner, one he treated unfairly those past few months and just accused of burying his career.
"It doesn't mean I'm not gonna ask further. What happened, Jay? And I'm not asking about sleeping with her. You're not fine, even before Luis' case," Hailey insisted.
"I'm not," Jay finally gave up and decided to put everything on the table. She deserved the truth. "I don't know. It was my mum's death anniversary on Luis' case. Along with shooting that little girl a few months ago, and then…" Jay trailed off.
"And?" prompted Hailey.
"This case hit home hard, I saw many child held hostage, killed in war… I spiralled from there. And Lindsay leaving too," Jay put his head on his hands. He was surprised to feel Hailey poked him with a beer bottle, but accepted the bottle. He wanted nothing but drown his sorrow in alcohol, like he did the past two days.
"You need some help, Jay. When was the last time you sleep well?" asked Hailey. Jay shrugged. To be honest, he didn't know. He took some extra patrol shifts, to take his mind off things. Since the shooting case, every time he closed his eyes, he saw her face, and all the kids and babies' faces he saw killed in Afghanistan.
"Jay, I'm no veteran. But I know PTSD. I know some veteran. Hell, I had PTSD before, not from any war, from something else. I know how hard it is to talk to someone. But it helps, really. You gotta trust me on this one. Did you talk to someone?" prompted Hailey.
"No. Not lately… I talked to Mouse before, but he left, he reenlisted. I haven't heard from him since summer. Lindsay and I… we don't talk about things like that. She didn't really know about the PTSD… not until we nearly called it off. And most of it happened after she left anyway." He mentally listed everyone close to him, which left only one person. "Will was… he had his own share of problem. He knew I struggled, he checked in once in a while, but we haven't had a lot of chances to talk."
"You can talk to me. I know I don't measure up to them, but hell, Jay, you spiralled really bad."
"I'm gonna see the shrink tomorrow, if that's what it takes. Hope you'll let me work with you again." Jay referred to her threat about finding a new partner.
"Good for you," Hailey smiled, walking to her liquor cabinet and grabbed a tequila bottle. She passed a glass to Jay, and poured for them both.
"Heard about what happened with Burgess," Jay said nonchalantly.
"We eventually reached an understanding, though," said Hailey.
"Still, you prefer me, don't you?" teased Jay.
"I prefer someone I can trust," Hailey bit back. It stung for Jay, though.
"You don't trust me?" Jay was a bit hurt. He had no right to be angry, though. He just gave away that he didn't trust her when he arrived. Hailey chose her next words carefully.
"I trust you, in the field and out. But not your decisions lately," she answered. "More?" she offered the tequila bottle. Jay contemplated, considering his ability to drive. Screw driving, there's always Uber.
"What the hell," Jay thrust his glass to Hailey who poured another drink. "You know, after the Camilla thing, Voight came to my apartment, looking for alcohol, drugs, whatever. Had it been anyone else, they would be pissed at me for drowning myself in alcohol. You, you fed me alcohol," Jay snickered.
"Well, I need you to talk," Hailey shrugged. "If alcohol is the thing that made you talk, then let it be. I need you to be 100%, Jay. In our line of work, less than that means we're putting ourselves, or someone else, in danger."
"Like when I pointed a gun at you," Jay filled in.
"I know you're not gonna shoot me," said Hailey. She slammed another shot, knowing that they both were going to feel the effect of alcohol tomorrow.
"I haven't said sorry for that," Jay sighed.
"I know you are," Hailey looked at him.
"How was Camilla?" asked Jay.
"I'd rather not answer that. You don't need to know," said Hailey firmly. When Jay opened his mouth, Hailey cut him off. "She asked about you. That's all I'm gonna say. Let it go."
"Easier said than done," Jay rolled his eyes.
"I know." They kept the silence.
"It shouldn't have gone that far," Jay said gloomily. "We both lost someone, and…" he shook his head, trying to find the right word. "Yeah…"
"Sorry I didn't pay attention how hard things hit you," offered Hailey. She touched Jay's knee to emphasise what she was going to say. "I shouldn't agree to let you do the undercover thing. I got eyes, but I didn't put all things together. I simply thought you were coping. I'll try better," Hailey's words were tinted with regret. She finally let her guard down. She really felt guilty. Had she realised how bad he was affected by the shooting and kidnapping, and Luis' death, she would've confronted him. She had always been the nonsense cop. Never did she prioritise friendship over duty. In this case, she prioritised none by letting Jay fall that far.
"No, it was all on me. You know, you asked me. I just didn't tell you. It was me who kept you at arm's length, Hailey. I didn't even ask how you were doing after McGrady's case went down," Jay pinned his eyes at her hand on his knee. "This is no one's fault but mine. You know that."
Hailey shook her head. After all, she didn't notice until it was too late that her partner, the one who spent most of the long working hour with her, got caught up in something that bad.
"Alright, we both feel guilty, so how about we stop talking about it," Jay gave up. He knew how stubborn his new partner is. "We have to talk about moving forward, though. That is if you'll take me back," asked Jay tentatively. He felt a tinge of fear if Hailey really wouldn't partner with him anymore. Though, after their conversation, he felt optimistic.
"That depends on you. I need my partner to trust me, Jay. It's hard, I know. But we can't work together if you don't trust me," Hailey looked straight at Jay. "I cannot have your back if you don't let me, then… it may be for your own good."
"I trust you," Jay wondered how far he had destroyed their partnership. "It needs some work, all on my part. Please," he now pleaded. He never thought he would one day beg his partner to keep working together, but she had snuck up on him. The thought of failing them scared him. Moreover, he hurt her by giving impression that she cannot be trusted. He needed to fix that.
"As I said, it depends on you," Hailey patted his hand. "For now, you talk to the therapist, you focus on fixing things. I'll help if you need me." She added as an afterthought," if you'll let me."
"Yeah, of course," Jay flipped his hand and squeezed her hand. "I'm really sorry," his voice broke and he looked down into their hands, not trusting himself to talk anymore. He didn't need to say what was that for. Hailey understood. He looked up and found her eyes pierced deep into his before she smiled sadly and nodded, squeezing his hand back.
"I'll enjoy having a drinking partner, though," teased Jay to lighten the conversation.
"Please. That tequila is my messed-up alcohol. If I messed up on the job, or had a bad date, or anything, I took a gulp," Hailey laughed.
"I see why you offered me that," Jay broke into laughter. Hailey rose from the couch, squeezing Jay's shoulder as she walked past him.
"Let me fix my title. Drinking partner sounds so… screwed up. Have you had dinner?" asked Hailey suddenly. "I was just finished cooking when you barged in for—oh what—ten minutes," Jay could practically hear an eye roll in the sarcastic but teasing tone. Jay followed her into the kitchen. His stomach rumbled when he saw her opened a pot on her stove. She turned on the heat. Obviously what she cooked was no longer hot.
"I don't know you cook," Jay couldn't hide his shock.
"There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Halstead," Hailey quipped and poured two bowls of chicken soup. She passed one to Jay and they sat on the couch, watching a rerun of a random baseball game. The soup felt comforting to both of them after all the alcohol and heavy conversation.
Jay smiled to himself. If someone told him a week ago that he would be having a heart-to-heart with his new partner, he would not believe them. However, today he was surprised to learn a lot of things about her. She takes nonsense from no one, but is also fiercely loyal and compassionate. He owes her for saving his career, hell, maybe his life, by essentially forcing him to see the therapist, and he vowed to repay the favour in any way he can. He silently swore to be a better partner for her. Who knows he could find a friend in her?
"What?" Hailey asked without looking at him. He realised that he had been staring at her for a good while.
"You know that anytime you need me, you can talk to me?" asked Jay.
"Yeah. Likewise, Jay. Anytime," Hailey smiled at him.
I figured Jay and Hailey must have talked about: 1) her deal with Camilla; and 2) him going to therapy because in 5x12 suddenly all was well between them. Jay must have told Hailey at some point that he went to the therapist. So I figured out this is how it went down.
I wanted to write about something that doesn't attach to any episode, maybe for next chapter. In the meantime I'm really curious about next episode 6x20 as well as the rest of the episodes this season since they will feature both of them (and Adam too) a lot.