Lindsay stands in the center of a circular room, surrounded by dozens of darkened hallways. Danny walks in with a smile that makes her ache. He lifts his hand, silently gesturing for her to come with him.
But she doesn't move. She feels safer staying where she is.
"Are you afraid of me?" he asks.
"No. I'm afraid of wanting you this much."
"Why?"
"I don't know," she lies.
"Yes you do. You think that I'll hurt you again."
Danny is right. He reaches out to her again. "Come with me."
She starts towards him because she can't resist him. But when she gets close enough to touch him he disappears into a darkened hallway.
Lindsay sits straight up in bed, slightly trembling, breathing too quickly and intensely aware of her heartbeat.
"I'm okay," she says out loud to reassure herself. As startled as Lindsay is by her dream, she doesn't need Freud to analyze its meaning. Ever since her talk with Danny at Cozy's two nights ago, Lindsay knows she has a decision to make, a path to choose. Go with Danny or go her own way without him. She loves him, he loves her. It should be simple but sometimes love isn't enough. Lindsay knows that. Love is just a word and she doesn't even know what it means anymore. That's what she'd told Danny at Cozy's after suggesting they take their time. She promised him they would talk again soon and until they did Lindsay had a feeling her haunting dreams would linger.
--
Danny is waiting for Lindsay when she emerges from the lab into the crisp night air. She doesn't see him right away but feels him immediately. It's like coming too close to an electric field, little shocks pulse through her. She turns and sees him leaning against the building, wearing jeans and a green v-neck shirt. For some reason that outfit, tequila shots and a pool table flash through her mind, turning her warm.
Danny had spent the past two days constantly thinking about Lindsay. And when he wasn't awake his sleep was permeated by her face and voice – sometimes happy, sometimes sad – everything a reminder that he could not be fooled by their night at Cozy's. She loves him, he loves her. But they need more than those words right now to fix things. Those words weren't strong enough to completely break down Lindsay's invisible shield. Danny is still trying to figure out exactly what it will take to do that, to make Lindsay trust him again. He has a feeling he will only find that answer at the end of a winding, difficult path. But he is determined to bulldoze his way down it.
"Hey."
"What are you doing here? I thought it was your day off," Lindsay asks.
"We said we'd talk soon, so here I am." He takes a step toward her, not touching her, but crowding the air of space between them.
"Oh." Lindsay is surprised.
"Want to talk over dinner?"
Lindsay's mind goes blank. She isn't sure what she expected their next step to be but she hadn't foreseen this invitation. It feels too fast, too scary. 'Dinner' is such a complicated word. Does he mean 'dinner' or does he mean 'date'? The way things are between them right now there is a huge, massive difference.
"Dinner?"
"Dinner. You know, you order food off a menu and people serve it to you. Some wine, some dessert."
"Right." Dinner, just dinner, Lindsay repeats to herself, knowing that it's important for them to talk despite her cautious instincts. "I'll meet you at Testo's in an hour. I just want to shower and change."
Danny smiles, a feeling of optimism lifting his sprits as he walks away. Even if it is just one small step at a time, he'll make his way through this unknown path he finds himself on.
--
Lindsay changed her outfit three times before settling on simple jeans and blue wrap sweater. She wasn't sure what look she was trying to go for on this dinner-not-date but then remembered this was Danny. He had seen her at her best and worst – from fancy opera dresses to ragged pajamas when she was sick - there was no pretense between them anymore.
"To us," Danny said, raising his wine glass as they wait for their food. He has to work hard not to just sit at the table and stare at Lindsay.
Lindsay smiles, but Danny's sees the half-hearted effort behind it. She's probably wondering the same thing he is - what does 'us' mean exactly? All Danny can do to answer that question is be brutally honest, be the exact opposite of the way he'd been after Ruben died when he destroyed their relationship.
"I dream about you."
"You do?" Lindsay pauses, surprised by his statement, but replies. "I dream about you too."
"You sure they're not nightmares?" he teases.
"Sometimes they are."
Danny's eyes jump to hers, hurt by her admission. "Sometimes dreams can't be trusted."
"Sometimes there's truth in dreams."
This dinner is not going as Danny hoped. Answers and progress instead of tension and doubt – that's what is supposed to happen. That is the problem with life. You can't predict it.
--
It had started down pouring after they left the restaurant so Danny and Lindsay make a mad dash from his car to the shelter of her apartment building. Together they race up the steps, laughing, finding the situation hilarious for some reason. They're still laughing when they reach Lindsay's apartment and Danny senses her hesitating. For the rest of their meal they'd avoided talking about their relationship as if it was a bomb they were both too afraid to touch, afraid of detonating.
Invite me inside, invite me inside, he mentally pleads as he thinks of ways to delay the inevitable end of their night.
"Thanks for dinner," she says.
"Anytime."
"Do you want to come in and dry off?"
"Sure," he manages to say, just able to not reveal his excitement. This is progress, he likes progress. He moves through the doorway before she changes her mind. Lindsay starts to shrug off her coat, which is dripping wet, and Danny reaches to help her take it off. Lindsay freezes when he touches her shoulders. So does he. Beneath the fabric of her shirt he can feel the heat of her skin. For what had to be the longest moment of their lives, they stand, unmoving. Danny doesn't take his hand off her shoulder. He isn't sure he could. Lindsay turns her head slightly and looks at Danny's fingers, contemplating them for a few seconds before meeting his eyes, a wistful looking coming and going on her face.
Very deliberately he eases her jacket off and mindlessly drops it on the floor. He isn't undressing her, but somehow it feels as if he is doing exactly that. He rests his hands on her shoulders again, slightly tracing them as he turns her to face him.
Lindsay places her palms lightly on the front of his shirt as they look at each other. She feels as if she is on a rollercoaster, moving faster, heading into dangerous territory. Reluctantly she moves her hands away from his chest and takes a step back, breaking the invisible connection between them.
"This is probably not a good idea," she says gently but firmly.
Danny closes his eyes, scolding himself. Nice going, idiot. Now she thinks you're just after a quick roll in the hay.
He reluctantly moves back from Lindsay. "I think I'd better leave now. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night." The words practically blend together into one as he says them as quickly as possible and leaves before making a bigger fool of himself.
Lindsay trails after him and watches his dejected walk down the hallway. "Danny?"
He pauses and turns to look at her. He doubt's she is going to invite him back. He isn't sure he'd be able to walk out a second time if she did. "Yeah?"
"Drive carefully."
He smiles. "I will."
As Danny drives home he's keenly aware of the empty seat beside him. He thinks about the familiar need and comfort his evening with Lindsay released in him – along with more uncertainty. He knows both will manifest themselves in his dreams tonight.
--
Lindsay and Danny need to talk. Lindsay knows that, which is why she invited him over. Talk about where 'things' are going with them. Just friends? Try a relationship again? Right now they seem stuck in a murky, grey area in between and it's confusing as hell. But she also knows why she'd avoided it. Talking is dangerous. Talking is where things always went wrong. The last time Danny said they should talk he told her how he'd slept with Rikki. Talking always resulted in revelations and emotions that Lindsay preferred to keep buried.
Lindsay reminds herself to tackle things one step at a time as she takes in the sight of Danny in her apartment for the first time in months. He looks good perched on the arm of her couch, telling her about the nightmare his case has become, as if he felt right at home.
"Sometimes I don't know why I do this job, you know? It feels like I'm not making any difference."
"You do it because being a CSI is your way of hunting bad guys. It's your way of doing the right thing. You help make the world a safe, better place."
Damn. She thinks he is some kind of hero. That's what got him into trouble in the first place. Her expectations, mixed with his own, made him fear he wasn't enough for her, made him push her away. He feels himself blush and is grateful for the low lighting in her apartment. Danny sighs and shakes his head, then walks over to sit beside Lindsay on the couch. The way he looks at her, as if she is somehow out of focus, makes her heartbeat speed up.
"How do you do that?" he asked.
"Do what?"
"Know me?"
Lindsay smiles and shifts her legs to face him. There is an irresistible sense of rightness about this cozy, domestic scene. Some part of her screams at her that this is where she belongs, what she has unknowingly been waiting for her whole life.
"Show me I'm not wrong to want you," she says. There. No more tip toeing and hesitation. Lindsay was closing her eyes, holding her breath and diving in head first.
Danny is speechless. Is this it? What he had been searching for? The moment, the signal that things would be okay between them? All Danny can do to respond is kiss her. He makes a sound that's part desperation, part surrender and takes her in his arms. He senses the caution in Lindsay but also feels her eagerness. Whatever is going on is working in both directions. As Danny deepens the kiss, Lindsay responds with a soft, little sound that might be the most erotic thing he'd ever heard in his entire life. She wraps her arms around his neck and Danny slides his hands down the length of her back. Visions of how he knows she looks and feels naked make him groan. Danny drinks his fill and manages to drag his mouth away from hers, still feeling thirsty. Lindsay shivers and digs her fingers into his shoulders afraid she'll collapse if she lets go, certain her bones have turned to liquid. Danny looks at her and wonders if he'd ever be able to pull himself from the spell she seems to always weave whenever he is around her.
When they kiss again, there is nothing lukewarm or hesitant about it. Lindsay knows she is back on the rollercoaster now and there's no turning back. She kisses him the way she wants to, the way she did before Rikki. It isn't the first time she's been kissed, it isn't the first time she's been kissed by Danny but, absurdly, small tears run down her face. Lindsay feels herself being transported to months ago, before Rikki and the heartache. Danny tries to pull away when he notices her tears but she won't let him. Instead she manages to fumble his shirt off and revels at the extremely familiar texture of his skin.
Somehow her shirt has come undone as well. She hadn't realized Danny had undone the buttons until he is peeling it off her, dropping it into a pool at her feet. He looks at her, shadows concealing and highlighting the angles of her body. "Are you sure?"
"That would have been a good question before my clothes came off." Smiling, she pulls him towards her. Still wrapped around each other they start making their way to her bedroom. It takes awhile to reach their destination because every few steps Danny stops and pins Lindsay against the wall to kiss her. Finally, she slides beneath the covers and waits for Danny, who is looking at her as if she isn't quite real.
He lowers himself to her and the world disappears. Danny's kisses singe every part of her from head to toe. When he finds the inside of her thighs she gasps and clutches at him. Burying her fingers in his hair, she twists beneath him, feeling achy and frantic. She can feel Danny shaking a little, his body slick with sweat. They urge each other toward the response their bodies demand, until time stops and sensations become everything.
Afterward, they lay beside each other, their bodies tucked together. It's awhile before either of them fall asleep, both resist closing their eyes. Both are afraid they'll wake up in the morning and discover that everything has been a dream.
--
Lindsay wakes up in Danny's arms. He looks peaceful and she wonders if his dreams match his expression. They never got around to talking about where things are going with them and 'things' are here front and center, very much a presence between them now. Lindsay has no regret but she can't deny the extra layer of complication their night together has added. How will
Danny feel? When she feels him stir beside her she tenses up. She does not want anything to spoil their perfect night.
"Hey," he says in a gravelly voice.
"Hey." She pauses, tries to gauge his mood. "Did you sleep well?"
"Hmm." The tone in his mumble reveals pure satisfaction.
Lindsay doesn't know how to act indifferent if that is what she should be doing to keep things normal. She loves Danny, too much to pretend otherwise. What matters now is that they stay strong, move forward. "Tell me something I don't know about you."
Danny doesn't blink at her question as he strokes her arm. He thinks about saying something funny, like how he was kicked out of boy scouts when he was eight but decides on a brutal truth instead. "I slept with Rikki because I am not as strong as people think I am, not as strong as I wish I was."
Lindsay instantly feels pure contentment in that moment, as if she released an internal breath she didn't realize she had been holding. "It doesn't change how I feel about you…we just need to take this slow."
"I know." Tucking her hair behind her ear he says," I don't want to hurt you."
She wants to say simply, Then don't, but this isn't the time for simple answers. Honesty matters now. "I'll take the risk if you will."
A smile plays at the edges of his mouth. "I knew you'd be dangerous the second I saw you in the zoo, you know that?"
"Me? Dangerous? No one has ever described me as dangerous."
"I did."
"Why?"
He leans forward to kiss her on the forehead. "Because you're the kind of girl a guy could fall in love with so hard that it hurts. "Danny wraps his arms around Lindsay. "Don't go anywhere, okay?"
Lindsay's brow creases at his odd request. "I'm not going anywhere," she says softly. That seems to satisfy him and he relaxes immediately. Lindsay means it. She is staying – with Danny, with all their imperfections, with all the perfect moments too. Lindsay doesn't actually believe in forgiving and forgetting, not really. You should learn. Learn from the mistakes, the failures, the successes, and everything in between. Lindsay is learning to like second chances.
A/N: Tremendously huge thanks to A.Boleyn for the beta help. Thanks for reading!