IF I DON'T BELONG

Chapter Two

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Harry left for work early the following morning. Being in that house was, at the moment, unbearable. With the excuse of finishing up paperwork, he headed to the Ministry of Magic. He didn't go straight towards the Auror Office, though, instead opting to head to Level Four to hunt down Hermione's office in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Luckily at this time of morning, everything was relatively quiet and he didn't have to worry much about every closing door making him feel like a new bomb was exploding in his head.

At Hermione's office he knocked and opened the door when she told him to enter. "Hey, Mione," he said, closing the door as carefully as possible.

"Harry!" Hermione said warmly, but she frowned when he turned to face her. "Are you okay?"

"Hangover," Harry replied, rubbing his temples as he plopped down into an empty chair beside her desk.

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "What brought this on?"

"Snape," Harry said simply, slumping down in the chair.

"Oh…Neville did say he came in to help with the Death Eaters," Hermione said frowning, concern filling her chocolate brown eyes. "You saw him?"

"Kingsley wanted me in the room with them," Harry grunted. "Since I'm on the case…He wanted everyone in there who could be and I was one of those lucky people," he said bitterly.

"Ooooh goodness," Hermione sighed, pushing her quill and parchment aside and turning her chair a bit so she could face him better. Hermione was the only one who knew about his feelings for Snape…The only one he had told about the kiss and about cheating on Ginny the day before their wedding. "So you're still not…?"

"Over it? No. Not that lucky," he sighed. "I don't understand it. Ginny is great…Evan is great…My life is great, right? But I don't want it," he said, feeling the urge to kick the side of Hermione's desk or do something, but figured it would be rude to do so. "I want him. Even after all of these years, one look at him and just…I dunno. It hurt, how much I wanted him."

Hermione pursed her lips and tapped her fingers on the top of her desk for a minute. "Maybe…it's because you've dwelled on it for too much. Did you ever really try to get over him?"

"Yes!" Harry said defensively, though he couldn't help but wonder if maybe Hermione was right. Had he really tried to get over Snape? Why was it even this hard? They had never really had anything and the man had never been anything other than cruel.

"I think," Hermione said, "that you might have held onto your feelings for him purposefully, in a way. You aren't very honest with things, Harry. You went into a marriage you didn't want with a woman you don't love because that was what people wanted. You went into Auror training because that was what people expected after the war. Loving Snape was the only thing that was really you…If you actually chose a life that you actually wanted and lived the way that would make you happy, then, I think, you might have been able to and would even be able to now, get over him."

Harry blinked in surprise at Hermione's analysis and couldn't help but laugh. "You're really smart, you know."

"Yes, I know," Hermione said with a small smile. "Really, Harry…It isn't fair to you or Ginny or even Evan to keep up this farce."

"It isn't a 'farce'," Harry replied, sighing heavily. "It's just my life."

"Harry, if you're not happy, you're not doing anyone a favor," Hermione said wisely.

Harry nodded slowly and found it hard to look at his best friend. On some level, he knew that she was right. He couldn't be happy in the life he was living now, but giving it up would be hard. He didn't want to hurt Ginny…Even if he wasn't in love with her, he still cared about her a great deal. And Evan…He wanted his son to have everything he didn't. A loving home with two parents…He wanted Evan to have the very best life possible. He shouldn't have to deal with divorcing parents and a gay dad. Merlin only knew how crazy the Daily Prophet would get if they found out he preferred men. The gay rights movement was going strong in the Wizarding world, but there was still a lot of prejudice. He couldn't even think of a good way out of his job, considering he had no idea what it was he actually wanted to do as his career. Professional Quidditch was a viable option, he supposed, but that was Ginny's thing and she was gone enough as it was with her Quidditch schedule.

To Harry, there was no real way out of it.

"He's coming back in today," Harry said.

Hermione frowned sympathetically and reached out to pat his knee comfortingly. "It'll be okay, Harry. You're strong…Just remember that. Just try not to think about him too much and just focus on the job…Which you should be doing anyway," she added with a teasing smile.

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Harry stayed with Hermione in her office for a little over an hour, perfectly content to just sit there while she worked, making small talk now and then until it was time for him to head to the Auror Office. He could feel nothing but dread and some perverse sense of excitement mingled in. He could get through this, he told himself, and he wouldn't go through an entire bottle of firewhiskey tonight. He would go home and spend time with his wife and his son and he would be fine.

It really was such a shame he decided to stop by the restroom on his way to the Office. He was washing his hands when the door opened, and didn't pay much mind to who it was until the dark, familiar figure came up behind him, hardly noticed until Harry looked up into the mirror to see Severus Snape's reflection behind his. Harry gasped in surprise and spun around to look at the man.

"Don't tell me you're going to hide in here today, Potter," Snape said.

"Why would I be hiding?" he asked, wishing he sounded a bit more confident, a bit stronger.

Snape chuckled and moved out from behind him to wash his own hands in the sink beside Harry's. "No reason. It would be pathetic, after all, if you still harbored your ridiculous crush after all this time," Snape said, his comment making Harry feel nauseated. He smirked as he picked up a towel to dry his hands and turned back to face Harry. "Wouldn't it?"

"Yeah. Pathetic," he said, body moving to face Snape as the man walked around him until he found himself pressed back against the sink.

"Though I must wonder why you've been acting so strangely," Snape said quietly, moving ever closer. Harry's heart was racing, his palms sweaty as he grasped the sides of the sink behind him, and found it increasingly difficult to remember how to breathe.

"Umm…" Harry said, licking his lips.

Snape's mouth was very close to his now. Harry swallowed hard, entirely frozen by the feel of warm breath against his face, the smell of mint assaulting his nose. "You are a very stupid boy," Snape murmured.

"Uh huh," Harry said, brain entirely uncooperative by this point.

Then they were kissing. Harry wasn't even sure who started it, only that warm, thin lips were on his and he had never enjoyed the taste of mint so much in his life. He immediately wrapped his arms around Snape to hold him close while he felt strong arms encircling his own body. He moaned as Snape grabbed his arse and squeezed firmly, using this grip to pull him ever closer, pressing his hardness into Snape's leg and feeling the older man's arousal pressed into his stomach.

Snape had him completely under his spell and there was no thinking this through. All he knew was his sudden raging desire and desperate need for anything to do with Snape. He hardly registered that Snape was steering him around and back towards the stalls, even as he stumbled backwards under Snape's direction. Once within a stall, Snape slammed him roughly against the wall of it, moving away only momentarily to glance around the outside of it before closing and locking it. Harry gasped for air and was only starting to come down from his high when Snape was back on him.

"Just as uncontrolled as always," Snape all but purred, that voice sending shivers down his spine and going straight to his already aching arousal. The words themselves didn't make much sense, but his tone was utterly seductive. "Pathetic."

And Snape was kissing him deeply again. Harry had never felt so lost before, so completely gone and a slave to his desire. He had never wanted anyone or anything as he did Snape. This was everything he had been dreaming about over and over again for years. This was every fantasy he had entertained since discovering he had feelings for the greasy git. Neither of their previous two meetings had been quite as intense as this was, enough to leave his body melting against Snape and his mind a dizzy and wild mess.

He felt confused when Snape pulled away, eyes flickering open as he felt a pressure on his shoulders. He was captivated by the intense look in Snape's eyes and let himself be guided down to his knees. His brain was able to somewhat come back to him as Snape pulled open his robes, still staring down at him with those lustful eyes. He knew enough to know what Snape wanted from him and somehow, Harry didn't think he had it in him to deny the man. He was too caught up in this to even imagine pulling away now. His heart was thudding almost painfully in his chest as he raised shaking hands to the man's trousers and fumbled with the button and the zipper before tugging the pants and the underwear down, gaze torn from Snape's as his long, thick cock sprung free. He had never really gotten a good look at the man's dick during their one night together, and looking now, it didn't surprise him that it had hurt so much.

This was what he wanted, he thought, as he wrapped his hand around the base of his member. He felt a strong nervous excitement as long fingers entangled in his hair, pulling his face closer. He had never done this before, but he had gotten enough blow jobs from Ginny to have an idea of what he should be doing. He began pumping his hand up and down the shaft as he flicked his tongue out to run across the head. Those fingers steadily combed through his hair as he wrapped his lips around the head and sucked gently there for a moment before sliding more of the thick cock into his mouth. He made sure to be extra careful of his teeth and slowly slid his tongue all around what was in his mouth while his hand continued working at what wasn't. There was something strange but pleasant about the feel of having a cock in his mouth, mainly enjoyable in his eagerness to acquaint himself with Snape this way, wanting to learn every inch of him by sight and taste and feel and smell…even by hearing, hoping he could draw some moans or any sound of pleasure from the man above him.

Harry had never, ever wanted to please anyone more.

He took as much as he could into his mouth before slowly sliding back down, lips wrapped just around the head once again as he glanced up at Snape's face. The look in those dark eyes was enough to encourage him on. He began moving again, licking and sucking and taking more into his mouth before sliding back, moving his hand the best he could, though it was hard to find a good rhythm to match. He groaned when the fingers in his hair tightened and a quiet moan escaped the older man, pleased by the knowledge that he had to be doing a decent job. His own erection was painful by now and he desperately wanted to cum, but he didn't dare stop what he was doing with Snape, afraid that if he tried to focus his attention on anything else it would be a disaster somewhere. He was going to give Snape his very best and (hopefully) make him want more.

Snape was too controlled to show much, but Harry found ways of telling he was enjoying himself. Snape kept running his fingers through Harry's hair the whole time, a very relaxing and comforting feeling. Now and then, though, he could feel those fingers tightening and grasping at his hair…Sometimes he would thrust his hips forward slightly and Harry would have to pull back quickly, a bit too afraid to let him do too much. The few sounds he let escape, though, were the most glorious…Sharp intakes of breath, quiet moans and grunts, every sound shooting straight to his cock and making him more and more aware of his own need.

After several minutes his jaw began to feel a bit sore, but he tried to ignore it the best he could. He experimentally tried pushing more of the length into his mouth and ended up coughing and having to pull back a moment to catch his breath before continuing. Finally and without warning Snape came and, while the taste was odd, Harry swallowed very last bit before slowly sliding the cock out of his mouth, releasing the head with a small pop.

Before Harry had a chance to even really look at Snape, the man grabbed him and yanked him to his feet, pushing him against the side of the stall again. Talented fingers easily pushed aside his Auror robes and pulled open his trousers, reaching inside to grasp his aching hardness firmly. Harry immediately groaned loudly and clung into Snape as the man stroked him expertly, the man pressing his face into Harry's neck, kissing and licking and biting into his skin, murmuring words in that seductive tone that was nearly enough to make him cum by itself. Harry didn't understand much of what Snape was saying, only that that silky voice was doing wonderful things to his body. He could hardly keep himself from the constant stream of moans that escaped his throat or the pleading, whispered words of "please" and "dear Merlin" and "oh God" and it might have been embarrassing had he been in his right mind. As it was, he was too far gone to know much of anything other than how extraordinary it felt to have Snape so close to him, touching him this way, purring into his ear while that wicked tongue did beautiful things.

"Cum for me, Harry," Snape breathed into his ear.

"Oh God," Harry groaned again. One, two strokes later and he was following orders, grasping tightly at Snape's arms as he came.

"Good boy," Snape said with a smirk, stepping back and pulling up his trousers. "Hurry up. We'll be late enough as it is."

Harry sunk back against the stall a bit, fumbling with his pants to pull them up as Snape straightened his robes and walked out of the stall. He made a hurry of pulling his robes back together and stumbling out of the stall as Snape walked out of the lavatory. He felt a bit dazed as he moved over to the sink, running his hands under the faucet and splashing water into his face and running his fingers through his hair.

What the fuck happened?

Still struggling to pull his thoughts together, Harry shook his head and strode out of the restroom towards the Auror Office. He caught sight of Snape walking into the office of the Head Auror, Kingsley Shackelbolt, and moved between the cubicles to follow him.

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The interview with Snape didn't take as long as it had yesterday, mainly due to Kingsley being summoned for a meeting with the Minster of Magic. It had been a long half hour, though, of Harry watching Snape. Nothing seemed different and Harry vaguely wondered if what had happened had merely been a very realistic dream. Surely he had more control than that? It was too strange to have actually happened, right?

It was the smirk Snape shot him before leaving that assured Harry that had been no dream.

The moment he jumped up he quickly followed Snape, looking around him to see how many people were around before hurrying around Snape and stopping in front of him. "What the hell was that?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "You'll have to be more specific if you expect me to understand what you're babbling about."

"You know what I'm talking about," Harry growled through gritted teeth.

Snape only stared at him.

"In the restroom," he muttered.

"Ahh, that," Snape said, that wicked smirk returning to his face. There was a very nasty gleam in his dark eyes, this one just as foreboding as his look was lustful earlier. Harry swallowed hard and stood his ground, waiting. "That, Potter, was a test. I was curious to see just how…desperate…you really were. I was not disappointed."

He felt like a block of ice dropped into his stomach. "You are an arse."

"I always have been," Snape assured him. "Yet you clung onto romantic notions and pitiful love for this arsehole for…how many years?"

Six. He had been in love with him for six years.

Harry said nothing. His heart ached and throbbed painfully in his chest. He watched as Snape chuckled and moved past him, staring into space for several long seconds before blinking and forcing himself to walk back into the Auror Office. There was work to be done and Harry was willing to do anything to be able to focus on anything else. He felt sick to his stomach…Used…And just as pathetic as Snape said he was.

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Author's Note: Yay new chapter! I started working on plans for this story, so it should be easier to work on now that I have a good few things figured out for it.

To all of my Lost and Damned readers, I love you guys and I'll try to have the next chapter up tomorrow. I was too excited for this chapter, though, to wait on it lol.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed the series so far!

Thanks to vampirexsama and Mai Sensei for reviewing To Just Stay Alive! I'm glad you both liked it!

Thanks to Mai Sensei, slytherinfighter2011, vampirexsama, and Carly for reviewing No One Will Ever See!

Thanks to vampirexsama, OliMaMiS, and loves-Severus-10 for reviewing this story!

To answer loves-Severus-10's question, we will be learning about Snape's wife in this story, though I haven't figured out exactly when yet lol!

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys and continues reading! Please review, you know I love them!