Even the Strongest Fall—Part 2: Into the Depths

by tenjounotora

Even the Strongest Fall: A series of stories exploring PTSD in the family. Part 2: Gordon Tracy — Gordon was involved in a horrible accident, he shouldn't have survived. He did, he healed, and now it is time for International Rescue to start operations, but Gordon still has some demons he's trying to fight and he's not sure if he'll win.

2. On the Diving Block

Chapter 2: On the Diving Block

Gordon was starting to get a little anxious. They had been in the plane for almost four hours. Normally, Gordon wouldn't have been bothered by the flight. He could be patient when he needed to be—not that he particularly like it but he could be. However, as big as the plane was—twice the size of Tracy one, her cockpit was still small and cramped.

Gordon climbed out of the co-pilot's seat for about the fourth time in the past hour and ducked through the door into the cargo hold. The cargo hold was significantly bigger but only had a few small windows which made it feel dark and small. Gordon could, however, stand up straight and walk around a little—which he did. However, he couldn't stand to be back there for long, and five minutes later he was climbing back into the co-pilots seat again.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, why?" Gordon smiled at his brother, trying to hide the gnawing in his stomach.

"Because you look like a caged animal, pacing, waiting for the door to open so you can escape."

"That's actually a fairly good description. Are we there yet?"

Virgil glanced over at him, his brows drawn down a little bit. "Claustrophobia?"

Gordon sighed. He didn't want to admit it, but it was kind of hard to deny at the moment. "Yeah, just a bit."

"You were always fine in the car, I didn't think it would be a problem here."

"I can roll the window down in the car." Gordon jerked his thumb to the small window next to him. "Do that here and I'm swan diving into the Pacific."

"Jeez, I didn't even think. Sorry, bro. I should have came and got you tomorrow when I'd have access to Tracy One."

"Not sure that would have been any better. She is a smaller plane after all."

"True, but there is a more open, lighted area for you to pace in."

"Really should get more lights back there." Gordon sighed and slumped back in the seat.

"Alright, we need to get your mind off of it. What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know." Gordon was taping his foot, his finger picking at the faux leather on the arm rest. "Have you seen the ships yet? Like, are they all done and stuff?"

"Have I seen them?" Virgil let out a bark of a laugh. "I helped build them, doofus."

"Oh, right." Gordon smiled a little, his eyes brightened, his mind off his confines for the moment. "What's mine like?"

"She is the most advanced sub in the world. Nothing in WASP could even touch her as far as her specifications. She won't be able to do much from the island, you'll need my help to get around, but once you're in the rescue zone there will be very little to stop you."

"Wait, what do you mean I'll need your help?"

"She's a mini sub. Brains didn't want to load her down with a huge fuel tank, and the thrusters he designed for her are powerful, but it would take you too long to get anywhere on your own."

"Oh. How big is she?"

"Hm, the cockpit is pretty open, but not much bigger than in here. Only room for one person unless you want to squeeze someone else in there, but it might not be very comfortable."

Gordon jerked a little, his claustrophobia coming back like a sledge hammer. The sub—he hadn't even thought about the size of it. He knew it was a mini sub, knew it would be only him in it, but he hadn't really thought about just how small it would be. He would be alone, underwater, with literally nowhere to go. He started to wonder if he was going to be able to handle it.

"Gordon?"

"Hm?" Gordon snapped his head up and blinked at Virgil.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" He waved Virgil's worry away, and plastered on a smile.

"Are you going to be okay? In the sub? It is pretty small."

"Doing okay here so far so it shouldn't be an issue." He looked away from Virgil, out at the blue water beyond the horizon.

Gordon wasn't sure it was going to be quite that easy. When he had first gotten out of the hospital claustrophobia had been the last thing on his mind—he was just happy to get out of that place. When he had eased himself into the car his father and Scott had brought he was okay, then the door closed. They were both smiling and laughing, but Gordon suddenly couldn't breath. He had no idea what was going on. He had reached over and rolled down the window—even though it had been in the middle of winter. The cool air on his face helped but he still had to close his eyes and try not to think about where he was.

He never told anyone, though it didn't take long for them to guess what was going on. Gordon was hesitant to go anywhere, even the beach because it meant getting into the car. Overall it had taken him a couple months, but it did become easier—as long as he could have the window down, he was okay.

He knew the plane was going to be an issue. He had been trying to prepare himself—mainly riding in the car with the windows up, and closing the bathroom door while he was in there. He was really wishing he had had that extra week to prepare, though he doubted it would have made much of a difference.

Gordon looked back at the cockpit around him. The ceiling was a good couple feet above his head, but he could have sworn it was getting closer. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He probably couldn't last much longer before another trip back to the cargo area. That was something he wasn't going to be able to do on his sub. He would have to stay in the cockpit for hours at a time, by himself, with nowhere to go. He could feel himself shiver at the thought and he hugged himself a little.

"Gordon."

"Huh?" Gordon was snapped from his thoughts yet again and tried to push his unwanted worries away.

"Look." Virgil was pointing out the front window and Gordon had to lean forward to see what it was. A small brown and green dot growing on the horizon. "We're here."

Gordon's heart stopped for a moment. They were, there was no turning back, yet he was excited to finally see this island he had heard so much about. He watched intently as the island grew bigger, the smaller craggy islands around it looking dangerous, yet he was sure there had to be underwater caves all over the place. The plane banked and Gordon was able to get a good view of the house as they passed and of something that brought a huge smile to his lips—a glistening sheen of water in a perfect rectangle.

"Is that—that's the pool? I mean he said it was olympic sized, but—I mean—"

Virgil laughed. "Yes, that's the pool. He wanted nothing less for you."

"But it's huge. I mean, it's almost the size of the pool I won the gold in!"

"Well, there is a reason for that."

"What?"

"Well, we needed a place for Scott's plane to launch from."

"Launch? Wouldn't he just take off like normal?"

"Nope, he's launching."

"And what does that have to do with my pool."

"Oh? It's your pool is it?"

"Oh, like anyone else is going to be swimming in it daily!" Gordon beamed at Virgil. He couldn't wait to get into that nice cool water and do a couple of easy laps under the bright sun.

"No, probably not." Virgil nodded. "The pool retracts under the house, opening the way for Scott's machine to launch."

"You put the entire pool on treads?"

"Something like that." Virgil smiled. "You'll get to see it when we test them out in the coming weeks. It is something else."

"Does everyone get special exits?"

"Pretty much."

"Oh! Where do I get to exit from?"

"Oh, hmm… well, since you'll mostly be riding with me—"

"Are you serious? You mean everyone gets a spiffy exit but me?"

"Well, at least not yet. I think Dad is trying to figure something out. I mean, if there is a rescue in New Zealand or Australia you could potentially get there on your own—"

"No, I see how it is. No love for the little guy." Gordon did his best to keep smiling but doubt was edging its way back into his mind. Did he not get an exit because his father wasn't sure if he would be part of the organization? Or maybe he didn't know if he was going to be capable? Or—Gordon closed his eyes and forced those thoughts into the deepest recess of his mind he could push them into. He had no time for them.

The plane made a second lap around the island and Gordon could now see two figures standing out next to the pool, one dark head and one red head, his father and John. The plane banked away from the island so that Virgil could line her up with the landing strip and then brought her down gently—Gordon's stomach still doing a flip when the wheels squealed against the asphalt.

They taxied into the hanger off to the side of a large rock face and before Virgil could even start the shutdown procedure the elevator on the other side of the small hanger had opened and his father and John walked off of it.

Their father made a wide birth of the plane, avoiding the still spinning propellers, and opened the cargo door. "I was starting to wonder about you two!"

Gordon was already out of his seat and half way to the door. His father stepped aside as Gordon jumped out of the plane and stretched.

"Did you see the shopping list? I had to go to five different stores to get everything." Virgil jumped out of the plane right after Gordon and waved a hand at the contents. "Then this guy was determined to pack everything he owned into one bag—I ended up throwing half his stuff into a trash bag just so we could get going."

Gordon still had his back to his family, not quite ready to face them yet. He had no real reason for this, but he continued to stretch, reaching down to touch his toes. He knew he couldn't delay it any longer so he finally turned around, his hands on his hips. "Don't forget, you're going to wash and iron it all as well."

His father stepped over to him and took Gordon by the shoulders looking him up and down. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good." Gordon looked down and scuffed his shoe on the cement floor.

"Gordon?"

"I'm fine. Really." Gordon looked up and smiled at his father, finally meeting his gaze.

"If I find out you're lying."

"Dad. I'm fine. I wouldn't have come if I didn't think I could handle it." Gordon rubbed the back of his neck and tried to take a few steps away from his father, but he still had a firm hold of him.

"Alright." His father sighed and pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm just glad you're here with us."

"Yeah, me too." Gordon relaxed a little in his father's hold. He knew his father didn't quite believe him, but was glad he wasn't going to push the issue right then.

His father let him go and patted him on the shoulder. "Your Alan is up in his room pouting. Doesn't know anything yet. Keep him company till the others get here."

"How does he not know?" Gordon dropped his jaw. He had been doing nothing but talk about his father's plans with anyone he could, though now that he thought about it, Alan had never brought it up.

"It just never came up." John pulled Gordon over for his own hug before going over to help Virgil.

"I don't know, I mean, this? What does he think we're doing here?"

"Vacation." It was his father that had answered.

Gordon couldn't keep his jaw from hanging at that.

His father just chuckled a little as he sat down a box on a nearby pallet. "Don't worry, he'll find out as soon as everyone is here. Don't go spoiling it now."

Gordon just shook his head and smiled looking up at his father and saluted. "Yes, sir."

"Gordon, catch."

Virgil flung his duffle bag at him and Gordon scrambled to catch it, taking a couple of steps back to keep his balance. "Thanks. I'll go comfort the poor boy while you guys work."

Gordon had glanced around the hanger for the stairs, but had not seen them off hand. He didn't want to draw attention to his issue, though, so he had jumped onto the elevator before his mind could react to it. However, he did not plan on staying in that small space long and hit the first floor button. It took a few seconds but soon the machine pinged and the doors opened.

The first floor opened up into a small hall. Gordon shouldered his duffle bag and wandered around a bit. The hall seemed to open up on one end only, and that was to the kitchen and dining area that led out to the pool. He'd have to remember that for later.

He mounted a nearby staircase to the second floor. This took him up into a large living space where he could see his father's desk and even a grand piano in the corner for Virgil. He followed the hall past the elevator and found a few other smaller sitting rooms and a small library before finding some stairs.

He made his way up to the third floor which opened up to a large rec room. Pool table, video games, ping pong—he was going to have to challenge John to some of that action soon, and there was another small room where he could see a video screen one one wall. He was going to have to take a good long poke in this room when he got some time, but he had a brother to find so he went back to the stairs and kept going up. The next floor wasn't for a while, the sleeping quarters were a bit distant from the rest of the house, but finally he reached the final floor and stopped for a quick breath—he really needed to start running a bit more.

The fourth floor opened into a hallway with doors lining one side. He opened the first door. It was a large room with a big king bed and decorated exactly like he could remember his father's room in Kansas—right down to his mother's jewelry box on the dresser, a family heirloom—not that there was really anyone to pass it down to.

Gordon shut the door and opened the next one. The room was a bit smaller, though it still had a large bed and its own bathroom. Gordon noticed Scott's Air Force jacket on a chair in the corner and closed the door again—there was never anything in his room worth messing with.

The next door proved to be his own. He knew this only because there were some boxes along one side of the room that someone had already gotten into. There were some extra swim fins, as well as goggles, snorkels, and a few of his swim trunks—things he hadn't particularly been using at the moment.

He dropped his duffle at the foot of the bed and started to rummage through the box. He had all kinds of memorabilia from school and his olympic training as well as his time within WASP, but there was one thing in particular he was looking for and it wasn't there. Gordon frowned and looked through it again. It should have been in that box, it was marked with a big GM on the side, the only box with such a label. It was the box his Gold Medal should have been in, but it wasn't.

He stood up. Who would have taken his medal? That must have been why they had opened the box for, but Scott was the one that had taken it, and there surely hadn't been anyone else on the island that would have known why he had labeled the box like that.

He turned around ready to go back down and ask his father when he saw it. It was an accent wall, painted a light blue with just a hint of turquoise to it. His dresser was up against it, as well as an extra chair. Above them both was a display he probably couldn't have done any better himself. There were pictures all over the wall, pictures of him mainly, but of his family as well. They had a theme though, swimming.

There were pictures of him as a baby with his mother at some of his first swimming lessons. Other pictures of him, older now and playing in the wading pool with Alan, and then bigger pools with his other brothers. Pictures of him practicing, training. His father standing with him as he held out the various medals he won as he worked his way up. The pictures were arranged so that the older ones were along the outside and as you looked inward Gordon grew older and more toned until you got to a small circle and the inner most set of pictures. Four pictures to be exact.

One picture was of him and his family at the airport saying goodbye as he left for the Olympics with the rest of the team. Another was of him and some of his teammates during the opening ceremony—taking selfies as they walked the long walk around the track. Then a candid picture of him during one of his races, on the starting block, ready to take off. And then the last one, on the podium the medal around his neck, a bouquet of flowers in one hand, his other over his heart as he mouthed the words to the national anthem, tears running down his face. In the midst of these pictures was the Gold Medal in a clear box—a place of honor.

Gordon sniffed and wiped his eyes. He was crying way to easily recently and made a note that he needed to get a handle on that. Having one cry baby in the family was enough. That reminded of his younger brother so Gordon left his room and continued down the hall.

The door to Alan's room was halfway open and Gordon could see the young Tracy laying on the carpet with his gaming device, shooting away at the zombies projected before him. Grinning, he knocked a couple of times to get his attention.

"Go away. I don't wanna talk." Alan didn't even look, he just continued to shoot at the zombies.

"Geez, I don't see you for a couple of months and that's the greeting I get?"

Alan popped up and flipped onto his back. "Gordon!" His enthusiasm was short lived and he sighed and rolled back onto his stomach again, tossing the game across the floor.

"Wow, you are down. What's up?" Gordon drew his eyebrows together and crossed his arms. He would have time to deal with his own issues later. His little brother needed him.

"I'm mad at John." Alan huffed and started poking at the carpet.

"You? Mad at John? Wow, he must have really screwed up." Gordon dropped down onto his knees and crawled over to sit next to Alan.

"He just completely destroyed my chances of getting into NASA, that's all." Alan laid his face on the floor hiding it from Gordon.

"And how did he do that? I thought he was only supposed to be a character reference." Gordon leaned over, and started poking him in the shoulder.

"Well, first, instead of writing a letter like everyone else—will you stop it!" Alan rolled over, away from Gordon, who could only smile at him. "He went with me to the interview."

"I heard that you begged him to go with you."

"Just to be there, not to destroy all my hopes and dreams."

"Aw, come on, it can't be that bad."

"He told them that I should give up on NASA for now and join the Air Force." Alan waved his arms into the air. "The Air Force! Can you imagine me in the Air Force?"

Gordon didn't answer that, knew it wasn't something he wanted to be answered and just made a noncommittal grunt.

"I mean, Scott, he's Air Force material. He does Air Force good—still not sure why he quit. But me? Not so much."

"Why is the Air Force so bad for you?" Gordon rocked a little where he sat, trying to be patient like Virgil. He knew Alan just needed to vent a little.

"All that structure and stuff, just not me."

"And you think NASA isn't going to be structured?"

"Yeah, I know, but they wouldn't make me go out to conflict zones and shoot at people."

"Ah." That was the issue. Gordon couldn't help but smile. Alan was the pacifist. Yeah, he liked shooting up aliens and zombies, but had never been interested in the war games—plus they were just video games. Shooting other people, that was just wrong. "Well, you could be in aid units and stuff. They have those in the Air Force."

"That's what Scott was in and he still ended up in combat." Alan let his arms flop to the floor.

Scott's time in the middle east was a sore subject for both Scott and Alan. He had come back to them safely, never been shot down, never been injured, but he had come back a little different. He was a bit more strict with them and there were jokes that had been okay before that were not now. It wasn't quite walking on eggshells around him, but sometimes you would just hit a nerve and had to back up and try again. Alan had had a harder time dealing with it than the others.

"Okay, no Air Force then." Gordon readjusted himself so that he was leaning up against Alan's dresser.

"No NASA either." Alan let out a long defeated sigh.

"Any idea of what you want to do then? Maybe a private aeronautics company? You could fly jumbo jets, or even the Fireflash when it comes out."

"I don't want to be a commercial pilot. I want to do stuff that's on the cutting edge, fly farther than anyone else!"

"There are private companies that shuttle people to space. They are getting that moon base up and running for the public."

"Again, that falls into commercial piloting. Plus the private space companies usually only hire ex-astronauts. They've been after Dad for awhile now."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you, squirt." Gordon sighed. This wasn't something they really needed to think about. They were sitting on the answer right now, but Gordon had promised not to say anything.

"I have been thinking about racing." Alan glanced over at Gordon a frown on his lips.

Gordon widened his eyes. "Racing? But you promised Dad that you'd stop after high school."

"And I did. But what else is there for me?" Alan shrugged and pushed himself up to a sitting position.

"Dad wouldn't be happy." Gordon rubbed his face, trying to think. The last thing they needed was Alan trying to run away.

"So? You joined WASP against his will and you're still talking."

"Yeah, remember that accident? He's kind of pushed that in my face a couple of times."

Alan turned and gaped at Gordon. "He didn't!"

"Well, not directly, but I could tell he was thinking it. The way he was looking at me. He wanted to say I told you so so badly, but he bit his lip."

"Oh, well, at least he didn't say it." Alan flopped back down again.

"I'm still waiting. Once he realizes I'm better I'm sure it'll slip out."

"Are you better?" Alan was looking up at him worry in his eyes.

Gordon suppressed a frown, it was starting already. He jumped to his feet and held his hand out. "One-hundred percent! How about we go down and check out the pool? I'm slow enough now that you might actually win!"

"Me? Beat you at swimming? This I gotta try!"

"Alright, last one down has to eat one of Grandma's cookies!"

It was an hour later when Scott finally arrived with the rest of the residents of the island in Tracy One. Alan and Gordon had spent the entire time in the pool, racing each other for a bit and then just floating around and chatting about their year—well more Alan's year, and what he was expecting during his final year at college. It was the first time in months that Gordon could say he was happy. No worries about his therapy, or his recovery. No claustrophobia. Just him swimming with his brother and having fun. He really didn't want it to stop, but Scott appeared on the edge of the pool calling them to a meeting in the lounge.

They grabbed some towels and dried themselves quickly as they made their way into the house, a trail of wet footprints in their wake.

Everyone was there; John and Virgil were sitting in the sunken sitting area with their grandmother and Kayo while her father and another young man stood patiently behind his own father. Scott had taken up his spot, leaning on their father's desk looking out at everyone who was now gathered there.

Gordon tried to cling to the euphoria he had been experiencing hanging out with his favorite little brother—the fact that Alan was his only little brother was pure coincidence. But the happiness he had been feeling for the past hour was slipping through his fingers as fast as the water he had been in, and no mater how tight he tried to hold onto it, the faster it disappeared. Now he stood among his family, and one stranger, and he could feel anxiety seep into him for some reason.

"I'm glad you were all able to make it back here today." Their father was leaning back in his chair smiling at all those around him. "As you all know we are on the verge of a new life together—"

"Wait." Gordon couldn't help but crack a small smile as Alan frowned at their father. "I thought we were just here on vacation?"

"John, didn't you tell him?" Scott took a step away from the desk, turned to to look at John his brows drawn together.

"Not yet." John shrugged.

"Tell me what?"

Gordon couldn't help but feel sorry for Alan. It was a horrible thing to be kept out of the loop from, but a part of him was glad that they had turned their attentions to Alan and not to himself. He was having a hard enough time concentrating on what was going on, which, he realized, he was not paying attention to in the slightest.

"I-I think Alan and G-Gordon should get some shoes on first."

Gordon snapped his head up and looked over to the unfamiliar voice. He then glanced over to Alan who was red and huffing at his family and was a little confused as to what was going on.

He decided to go with the one thing he was sure of. "And who are you?"

"Oh, right. I keep forgetting you two haven't met my top engineer, yet." Their father chuckled as he waved a hand to the man behind him. "Alan, Gordon, this is Brains."

Gordon had known about his father's plans ever since his accident, but this had been his first time meeting the man he had heard so much about. However, he wasn't sure what to think of the engineer in the large glasses. He tilted his head to the side and mused for a moment. "He doesn't look like a Brain."

"M-my name is a-actually Hiram Hackenbacker i-if you prefer."

"Hmm, nah, that's actually worse. Brains it is." Gordon flashed a big smile and could hear those around him chuckle. That was the reaction he needed, make them think he's being funny, and even he could ignore the shaking at his core.

"Gordon." His father frowned at him, but couldn't keep it on for long. "Go get your shoes on. You too Alan. You are both in for a wonderful surprise."

Gordon grabbed Alan's arm and pulled him back down the stairs to the kitchen where they had kicked off their shoes last.

"Do you know what is going on?" Alan was sitting on the floor fighting with a knot.

It took him a moment to figure out what Alan was talking about, I mean they were just putting their shoes on right? "Oh, why we're here you mean?"

"Well, Duh. That is what we were talking about up there. Or rather, they didn't actually say anything but just kept laughing at me." Alan was starting to turn red again.

"Dad told me about it all just after I had woken up, but I haven't seen anything yet." Gordon had wore some slip on shoes and was just leaning on the counter waiting on Alan.

"How come he didn't tell me?" Alan wasn't working on the knot anymore but was looking up at Gordon as if he was expecting some sort of answer.

"I don't know. Probably wanted to make sure you were concentrating on your studies. Otherwise, I'm sure you'd been nagging at him to come to the island all the time." Gordon shrugged.

"Yeah, that's probably true." Alan sighed and went back to fight with his shoe lace.

"Hey, hit me up later and I'll help you get some revenge. It was John's job to tell you right?" Gordon really wasn't in the mood to play any pranks—something that kind of surprised himself as well, but maybe if he forced himself into it it would help is overall mood. More fun with Alan, it worked the fist time maybe it will again.

"Boys, are you coming or not?"

"We are!" Gordon grabbed the shoe from Alan and pulled the knot out and threw it back at him before heading back up the stairs.

They were in the hanger now, looking over the various machines Brains had designed. Gordon's attention was on only one thing, his sub. It was beautiful. He had never seen anything so wonderful in his entire life. It was small, cute even, bright yellow and he could only guess at all the functions Brains may have built into her.

"What the heck is that?" Alan was standing right in front of it scratching his head. "How is this supposed to do anything cool?"

Gordon jumped, he had forgotten the others were there for a moment. He plastered on a smile and walked past his little brother patting him on the shoulder. "Aw man, she can do more than that big green monstrosity!" he vaguely heard Virgil's rebuttal, but didn't care. "She is beautiful."

"Eh, yellow though? Couldn't you have picked a better color?"

"Yellow is a sign of safety, and it's one of the best colors that stand out in the depths of the ocean." Gordon smiled back at his brother

"Depths of the ocean? You mean this is supposed to be a sub?" Alan blinked a few times, but Gordon wasn't listening.

He took a slow lap around his machine, counting the number of steps it took—thirty-four. He vaguely heard Brains rattling off numbers, the specs he assumed, but he had leaned in and was trying to look through one of her windows. "That cockpit looks a bit small." He hadn't necessarily meant to say it aloud and looked up when he realized it had gotten really quiet behind him.

"Well, yes. I wanted to m-make her as compact as possible, but with all the w-windows it shouldn't feel that way once you are inside." Brains pushed his glasses up.

"Why don't you hop in and get a feel for her?" His father was smiling at him, which made Gordon even more ashamed at the trembling he could feel.

Gordon plastered a grin once again on his face. "Nah, not right now. Maybe later." He had his hands flat on the yellow surface, hoping none of them could see the tremor in them which was radiating all the way to his core. It was small, which was both wonderful and terrifying all at the same time.

"Alright, on to the next." His father once again lead Alan away to another part of the hanger.

Gordon hung back, keeping his hands on the sub, waiting for the tremors to stop. He took some deep breaths as he pretended to examine the inside.

"Gordon, you coming?"

He glanced back at Virgil who was the last one standing there. "Yeah." He took one more deep breath and pushed himself away. His hands were still shaking so he crossed his arms and tucked them into his armpits.

They had continued their tour looking at all the birds, but Gordon's mind was on his alone. Would he be able to step inside of her? Yes, he knew he could. How long would he be able to stay inside? That was an unknown. He didn't have the luxury of time though. His father wanted everything ready and in order in a month and that wasn't just him being comfortable with just his machine but with the others as well.

Gordon started to feel sick and was glad he hadn't eaten anything since that morning. He followed everyone back up to the lounge where they sat and talked about the organization. Their operational limitations, legal limitations, protocol, and many other things that were necessary.

Gordon tried his best to pay attention, but his gut kept interrupting it. With every new thing his father piled onto the list his gut twisted, jerked, jumped, did a flip. He should have been excited. He was excited. He just didn't feel like it.

Their father dismissed the meeting after six hours. It was nearing sunset and Gordon decided that he needed to get away. Needed some time to himself to calm down and organize his thoughts. He excused himself quickly and headed down to the pool, past the glimmering water and down a nearby set of stairs. He carefully made his way along the path, stopping a couple of times to catch his breath—throwing up once, but eventually made it to the beach below.

He was living on a fine line. He had to be careful of his back, working it too much, like the doctor said, could send it into spasms. However, if he didn't work it at all it would weaken and he wouldn't be able to do anything. Then there was his mind. He felt as if he had a weak hold over the thoughts that kept intruding on him, threatening to make hims go crazy. He couldn't let his brothers see him struggle, he had to show them that he was there with them, ready to do what was needed.

However, by the time he reached the edge of the ocean, he realized he had pushed himself too far on the wrong side of that line—physically at least, though his grasp on his thoughts was weakening as well.

He was leaning over, a bead of sweat already rolling down his temple. His back was already starting to tighten up on him. He eased himself down on top of the boulder but missed it and slipped down the side, a yelp escaping his mouth as his sore back scraped against the rough rock, the air knocked out of him.

His mind was reeling, not only from the pain of his back, but now from everything that had been said in the meeting. Some part of his mind kept telling him that there was no way he was going to remember everything, that he was going to mess up and that his father was going to be disappointed in him. Another part of him tried to push those thoughts away. They were all going to have to memorize that same information. They weren't going to be expected to know it all in the matter of seconds. He would remind them, have them go over it again and again until it was ingrained in their memory.

Gordon groaned and leaned his head in a hand, his legs spread out before him. He felt about ready to cry, his head felt full and confused and he wasn't sure what he should be thinking. He could feel the tears leak out and run down his cheeks, but he just wiped them away and took a deep breath. He was not going to cry, if he let himself start, he wouldn't be able to stop himself later. So he took a deep breath and stared out at the setting sun trying his best to think of nothing.

The last of the disk had just disappeared under the water when someone sat down next to him. Gordon didn't acknowledge Virgil, he just sat there his legs splayed out in front of him, his eyes on the horizon.

"So." Gordon didn't move, didn't take his eyes off the sunset even though most of the colors had disappeared and the sky was turning the dark inky blackness of night.

"So." Virgil didn't move either, just continued to follow Gordon's own gaze into the sea.

"Didn't take Dad long to have you come talk to me."

"Dad didn't—"

Gordon turned his head and glared at Virgil. "You came out here without your sketch pad. Dad told you to come."

"He told me to talk to you. He didn't say when or where."

"Same thing." Gordon clenched his jaw and looked away.

"Didn't we already talk about this?"

"I'm fine."

"And I'm tone deaf."

"Virgil, I just need some time alone. You know, to think things over. Dad went over a lot today."

"Yes, he did. But that's not what I'm talking about."

"What?"

"Can you stand?"

"Of course I can." Gordon crossed his arms and frowned.

"Then go for it."

"What?" Gordon turned to look at his brother again.

"Stand up." Virgil scooted around so he was facing Gordon.

Gordon frowned and averted his eyes again. "I don't want to."

"You don't want to because you can't." Silence and the sound of the waves on the beach was the only reply to this remark. "Is your back locked up completely or is it just a muscle spasm?"

"Muscle spasm. Between the swimming this morning, packing, the long plane ride, more swimming, and sitting in one spot so long for that meeting… I did too much." Gordon sighed but still did not look at his brother. His back he could deal with, the reason he had left the house in the first place was something he was not ready to let out.

"Not to mention the hour hike down here." Virgil sighed and rubbed his eyes. "We need to get you back to the house and some medicine in you."

"I don't want to take any medicine." Gordon slammed his hands down into the sand then froze as the vibration jarred in his back.

"It will help you."

"It will make me feel like crap." His voice scared away a small crab that had been making its way toward his foot.

"Look. Dad is wanting to start training tomorrow. If your back is still jacked up—"

"It's not jacked up. I just overexerted myself. I'll get a good night's rest and I'll be good to go tomorrow for whatever Dad has planned."

"You still need to get back to the house."

"I'll be able to move in a bit." Gordon's back wasn't the only thing throbbing now, his head was starting to betray him as well.

"How long is a bit?"

"A couple more hours." That would be enough for his back, and for him to get control of himself again.

Virgil let out a hollow laugh. "I'm not leaving you here in the dark for a couple more hours."

"Why not?" Gordon's voice was sharp, snappish.

"I'm taking you back to the house."

"I can't walk."

"I'm not asking you to." Virgil stood up and then squatted down between Gordon's legs. He reached back grabbed a hand and a leg and pulled him up onto his back, not giving Gordon any choice in the matter.

Gordon had bight his lip to keep a scream from escaping as his back was jarred into motion. Once he was firmly on Virgil's back—his face buried in the plaid of his shirt, his brother stood and turned to the path that would take them home.

Gordon was thankful that Virgil avoided the main entry into the house where most of the residents were. Instead he took him through one of the access doors through the hidden hangar and up the elevator, and then to Gordon's room. Virgil laid him down on the floor and helped him to undress and put his sleep pants on, propping his legs up a little under a stack of pillows.

"You need to take better care of yourself." Virgil was squatting down next to him.

"I'm fine." Gordon was still avoiding his eyes and instead was looking under his bed.

"Says the man who can't move." Virgil shook his head as he looked down at him. "You really need to take some muscle relaxants."

"No, I hate them."

"How about some pain killers? Tylenol?"

"If I take some will you leave me alone?" Gordon sighed but still refused to look at his brother.

"Probably not. However, if you take some, I won't tell Dad."

"Damn." Gordon glared at Virgil. The last thing he needed was his dad in there looking all worried at him. "Fine. Just the Tylenol, though. Seriously the muscle relaxants make me loopy for days."

"Alright. It's a deal." Virgil opened the drawer in Gordon's bedside table and pulled out a bottle of painkillers and tapped three of the small white pills into his hand. He handed them over to Gordon who threw them into the back of his throat and swallowed them dry.

"Now, leave me to wallow in my pain."

"Seriously though, Gordon. If you don't think you can do it tomorrow, let me know. I'll make up some sort of excuse if you want."

"I said I would do it and I will. I know my limitations. I just got excited today is all." Gordon sighed.

"Right."

It as silent for a moment and then he heard the door close. Gordon laid there staring at the ceiling, wondering if he was really going to be able to do what he wanted to, what his father expected him to. The first step, he knew, was getting into that sub. Once he was able to do that, then he should be able to get into the other birds without much issue.