A/N: Okay... continuing. I'm going to have to make much longer chapters to avoid the "40 Chapters of DEATH" syndrome.

Please review!

Obligatory disclaimer:

Spycrab: CRAB CRAB! Ahem. Zhis ztory belongs to zhe Writer from zhe Black Lagoon, as does Philippe.

...And?

Spycrab: And Team Fortress 2 and zhe affiliated characters belong to Valve. May I go now?

Engie: Nope.

"Pull my other fuckin' leg, it's got friggin' bells on!"

"Yer from 2011? Look, mate, yer on drugs or sommat. Whoi do you think yer from the future?"

"I'm not lying!" Philippe said, fed up. "Here!" She pulled two items out of her pockets and threw them at Sniper, who just barely managed to catch them. He held them in his huge hands and looked at them in puzzlement.

"Wot are these?"

Philippe rolled her eyes in exasperation and turned on the iTouch (the other item being a cellphone).

She scrolled through her music until she found something they might recognize. In short order, she had played the one song from Johnny Cash she owned, Chopin's "Valse le Adieu", the Beatles' song "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da", and a Scottish jig that she had gotten free from iTunes. They stared at the little machine in amazement.

"Now do you believe me?"

"Little lady, I'm thinkin' you just 'bout scared them t' death!" Engineer laughed. "But ya proved yer point, missy. Now I dunno 'bout you fellas, but I'm gettin' mighty cold out here."

They all filed in, Philippe putting her machines back into her pockets. She and Engineer were the only ones to talk on the way in. All the rest of them didn't say a word, not even Scout.

Who was this girl? And where did she come from?

"Have you cooked dinner yet?" Philippe asked.

"No…Why, are you hungry? It's Scout's turn t' cook tonight," Engineer replied.

"Well, I'll do the cooking tonight."

"No, no! We ain't gonna ask ya t' cook-"

"Actually, Engineer, I'd really like to cook. It…relaxes me. Just don't hover."

"'Kay then. Y'all hovering over there, let's go t' the meeting room."

They trooped over in silence. Engineer eyed the men uneasily. It was usual for Sniper and Pyro to be silent, but Scout was usually running his mouth off, Soldier was usually shouting as loudly as he could, Heavy and Medic were usually talking with each other, Demo was usually drunkenly rambling, and Spy was usually torturing someone. But then, this isn't a USUAL day, is it? He thought with a mental sigh.

The moment he closed the door, the Spy immediately tried to reassert control. "Jhentlemen, I-"

"Spah, I need t' speak fer a moment. Speak after Ah'm done."

Everyone jumped. Engineer almost never used that voice. The last time he used that voice, the base had woken to the BLU Spy being tied to the flagpole outside, dressed only in his mask and boxers. Spy quietly sat down.

Engineer sighed. "Alrigh'. I want t' know what y'all think 'bout this missy's story. Person'lly, Ah trust the little lady."

Medic spoke first. "Ze fräulein seems trustworthy…Zhe seems to have no combat training."

"Da. Leetle girl almost ran into flagpole. She not BLU, and not Spy."

"Sniper?"

"Mate, Oi don't think the sheila could be a spoi if she wanted ta."

"The lass seems tae be tellin' the truth."

"Fuck, I dunno. I guess the big guy's right, though. She's a friggin' klutz."

"Mmmf!" Pyro shrugged, then gave the thumbs up.

"The girly maggot seems alright." Soldier mumbled. Everyone looked at one another. Soldier, mumbling? It would have been addressed, but Sniper pointed something out.

"Wot happened t' Spoi?"

Spy, in fact, was going down the hall to assuage his doubts about the girl. Philippe. That was her name. He figured he was the only person to have seen the brief flash of recognition.

Whatever she was cooking smelled good, though.

He peeked in. The girl (Philippe!) wasn't humming over the stove, but sitting at the table staring at the wall. He walked in and watched her, not revealing his presence. She still jerked her head up, feeling as if she was being watched, but apparently put it down to her imagination and resumed staring into space.

A professional would have immediately become suspicious. Hmm.

He revealed himself, decloaking, but it took a cleared throat to get her attention.

"Wha? Oh, hello Spy. You startled me," she admitted sheepishly.

"I guessed zhat, mademoiselle. What are you cooking?"

"Chicken, broccoli, and pasta. Slightly bland, but easy and quick to cook."

"I didn't even know we had broccoli, never mind chicken," Spy said with a small smile.

"I found it in the back of the fridge."

Abruptly changing the subject, Spy asked, "Just out of curiosity, 'ow do you zhink you got 'ere, Philippe?"

"A hole in the fabric of space-time? I have no idea. I'm pretty sure that you're an alternate universe. I do know of you, though… but it will be hard to explain. And, please, call me Phil."

His curiosity was perking up, along with his suspicions. The flash of recognition... "Try me zhen, Phil."

"Okay…Imagine a… movie that is based around the RED and BLU teams. Now, imagine that you could pick a character and control them-but it isn't actually them, just a picture. Sometimes other people control the other players and the other team. It's called a video game. Yours is called Team Fortress 2."

The suspicions died down, but the curiosity remained. "Zhat's 'ard to imagine, but I think I get eet. Is zhere a Team Fortress 1?"

"Yes, but it isn't the same characters."

"Ah."

"And there are…fans. Of the game." She took a deep breath and paused, looking conflicted. "They take the characters and…play matchmaker."

"Merde."

"Well, sometimes people do genderswaps, like making Scout or Sniper female, and sometimes Engineer and Demo. And sometimes they make Pyro female. But mostly…Do you want to know who you are…paired with?"

"Yes…and no."

She took a deep breath. "You are paired with Sniper, Scout, and Medic once in a while. Scout is paired with…everyone. Mostly you, Sniper, and Engineer. Medic and Heavy are almost always paired together, Engineer is never paired with anyone but Soldier and Scout, Soldier is only ever paired with Engineer, Sniper is paired with you, Scout, and Medic, and Demo and Pyro are mostly ignored." She said it fast, as if it would lose its impact if said as quickly as possible. After a moment of silence that seemed to stretch on forever, Spy opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it to say the only words he could.

"Mon dieu."

"Precisely. Do everyone a favor and keep it to yourself, if you could."

"I will do zhat," he assured her fervently. She smiled, and then turned to a hissing sound from the stove.

"Shit! The pasta's boiling over." When she looked back, she found he had cloaked and vanished. She permitted herself a small smile and continued to cook dinner.

She had found a friend.

"Spah, where were ya?"

"I believe eet is of little consequence, oui?"

"Probably scared the fuckin' wits outta the girl."

"First, 'er name iz Philippe, second, Philippe scared me, and third, my curiousity is sated, I vote zhat she remains 'ere. I believe dinner is ready, jhentlemen." He then swept out the door, leaving those in the room staring after him, wondering what she managed to do to convince him.

Funnily enough, he was asking himself the same question.

Sigh...I hate page breaks.