She watched him step over the threshold. Head downturned, bits of snow sticking to his blue wool cap and the shoulders of his coal-grey overcoat. In the low light, she watched him set his briefcase on the ground, those blue eyes she liked so much obscured by the refection of his glasses, he quietly turned and took off his coat, hanging it on a nearby hook. His shoulders seemed to droop a little.
Was he tired? Maybe it would be best to make herself scarce, cloister off in her room, pretend to be talking to Roxy, obsess over that publishing deadline six months from now... Rose considered it, but it felt too depressing, whatever came to pass, she didn't want to be alone without answers.
So she sat in the dark and watched him quietly as he took off his hat, the static making his hair stick off in even more funny directions than usual. He looked so cute that she felt she had to comment.
"So that's the secret to your award winning hairstyle." commented with a half crooked smirk, the sound of her voice a bit surprising in the silence.
"Oh yes," He replied without missing a beat, "Static-ey old beanie," he ran a hand through his hair and struck a farsical pose, "because I'm worth it." He looked back at her and that goofy ear-to ear smile of his made an appearance. In turn, Rose could feel her own snarky expression growing warmer in kind, a bit of color rising in her cheeks.
"Hello John."
"Rose-" A kind of delayed surprise registered on his face, "You're-Um I didn't see you there." he looked at the floor, rubbing the back of his head.
"I guess it is kind of dark." She easily reached over and turned on the lamp beside her, everything was bathed in golden light. "Though, you responded quite sharply for one acting on instinct."
"Haha," He laughed, but this time it was slightly strained, somehow akward. He teetered there in the doorway, looking everywhere but her face. "What can I say..." His voice trailed off to nothing.
Another long moment of silence dragged on while while a cold, heavy feeling began to creep into the pit of her stomach. He still wasn't looking at her. Why? What was wrong? She though about it. Hadn't everything been... perfect?
A though struck her and the blood in her veins had suddenly turned to hard, icy shame. She was supposed to be gone. No one else remained, she no longer had a purpose. Furthermore, she was sure that she had far beyond crossed the line that night. God, he must be disgusted with her, she was disgusted with herself. She'd taken his kindness and messed it up by acting like a stupid slut. That nervous look on his face, he was probably trying to think of a tactful way to ask to her move out.
Her lip trembled in spite of itself, this was why it was never good policy to get one's hopes up.
"So-Rose-" His halting speech confirmed her fears. There was probably nothing else that would make him so nervous. She sat up straighter, trying to tuck her disappointment behind a blank facade. The cold of the polished wood floors was jarring as she set her heels flat on the ground, no longer curled up, prim and put together and prepared for a difficult conversation.
"Yes?" She looked him sharply in the eye, "What is it that you need?"
"I-um-" Taking off his shoes, he stepped past the main entryway, "Is it okay- If I sit down?"
He was mere feet away from her now, she could really see him now, broad shoulders, tailored slacks, the conciliatory look in his eyes as he spoke to her. She had to look away.
"It's your sofa." she replied a bit snapishly, in spite of her intention to be very mature about all this.
"I-I'm sorry- I just- Is it alright if I-" he stopped short as their eyes met once again. His gaze held the suprise of a puppy that had just been kicked. What was he so sad about? It was him that was gearing up to break her heart after all.
"You can sit down," logic-be-damned, she still hated to see him look like that, she tried to reform her face into a smile, but in the end she just averted her gaze "I don't mind..."
"Okay-" the cushions tilted in sideways as he settled into the other side of the couch, only about seven inches away now. She could feel the burn of his eyes on her. She couldn't meet them, if she did there was no doubt in her mind that she would lose it. Another excruciating silence went by. John kept his eyes on her the whole time. Bit by bit it became impossible for Rose to avoid looking at him any longer.
Slowly she lifted her head and turned it to her right. Taking in the final view of the person she loved. The last time she would see him from this distance. If only he would take him in her arms one last time, she would treasure every last detail. His height, the minty smell of his aftershave, wideness of his chest, if only he would brush his hand across her cheek one last time, she would cherish the memory until the day she died. However far flung that might be.
"I,um, well-" His expression was concerned, she watched him become steeled,"There really isn't a tactful way to say this," His eyes softened and in that horrible moment she couldn't stop herself anymore, warm tears were running down her cheeks. Her hands flew up, trying to wipe them away but she had already cracked to bits, anything now would just be picking up the pieces. She didn't want him to finish that sentence, if only she hadn't been dumb enough to think this would work out to begin with.
Suddenly, a warm hand was cradling her face, wiping her tears. She was being pulled into an embrace.
"Rose..." His voice loud in her ear as he held her tightly, gently rocking back and forth, "I'm sorry. It's not your fault... I took advantage of you." He sounded shaky.
She didn't want to hear that, no admission of guilt would make this break easier, nothing could make this cut less deep.
"I treated you badly and for that I have no excuse, but Rose," he held her so tightly that the breath was squeezed out of her, "I never want to let you go again. Please stay with me, I've loved you since that first kiss on the battlefield and I've been an idiot every day since for not trying harder to keep you close."
He pulled away so that he could look her in the eyes again, "So please, give me a chance."
She couldn't imediately reply, at first he wasn't even sure what she was hearing, but when she looked up into John's eyes she saw things in a different light. He was nervous, a wreck even, just like her. They sat togther, desperate and afraid because each was unsure if this first evening alone signified a beginning or an end.
The sound of her laughter was odd as it filled that drafty, earthtone living room. It pealed out from somewhere deep. Like a spell of light, it drove all those ridiculous, self depricating thoughts away. She came out of the spell to a pair of sticken blue eyes, a pair of perfect beautiful gorgeous blue eyes. She thew her arms around his neck and didn't hesitate to put her whole weight into it this time.
"Rose-"
"Sshh" She pressed her two fingers to his lips, his glasses had been knocked askew, she paused to take them off and set them neatly on the side table. Her fingertips came to rest on his temples, she let them fall down to his chin. She smiled, maybe a bit cheesily, but when were these moments without a bit of camp? "There was never even the slightest question, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth."
His skin was as soft as she remembered it, just the slight trace of incoming stubble along his jawline. She took in the texture first with her palm, then with the broadside of her cheek. The tension drained from his shoulders at her embrace, before she knew it he was responding in kind. Rose let her body do the talking, the subtle give and take of such closeness filling in all the blanks.
The way his big, warm hands rested gently in the small of her back, the sweet scent of this morning's shampoo mixed with the slight saltyness of the day's sweat, the sound of his breathing as he held her closer withough hesitation, when he finally pressed his mouth to hers, the feeling was that of someone long parched in the presence of a spring,
They kissed for a long time, just cherishing the gift of time, the lack of any directives or responsibilities that might conspire to keep them apart. There was no need to rush to any conclusions.
It began with a hand, softly creeping up her skirt, he paused before she did, as he started to slide off her nylons, just one sheepish look, there and back, as if to ask for permission. Her eyes narrowed a bit as she calmly loosened his tie and let it fall to the ground, she then quirked eyebrow and began on his buttons, the look in her eyes challenging him to go on. As good an answer as any, Rose thought. It was a challenge John accepted without any trouble. The angle of his mouth taking a more mischievous turn.
As layers peeled away a dizzy sort of ecstasy filled her head, every second felt completely new, the way he softly kissed her neck, the gentleness of his hands as he slid her blouse off. In turn, she got a feel for the athenian lines lines of his phisique, skin taught and smooth with rippling muscles underneath. Not the skinny dork she'd grown up with, but still somehow the same, still kind and gentlemanly and unwavering in his loyalty.
As her bra finally fell away she had a moment of inexplicable shyness. As if some kind of metaphorical dirt sill clung to her that clothes served to conceal.
"No no no-" he gently took her hands in his as she tried to cover up, his voice nothing but a murmur in her ear "Let me look at you," she met his steady gaze with red cheeks, she watched him, frozen in time as his warm gaze ran over her body. He smile like someone looking at a fine piece of art. "You're so beautiful."
"Y-you're squinting you know." she blurted out the first that came to to her head, feeling entirely flustered for the first time in what felt like eons, "C-can you even see anything without your glasses?"
"I can see you just fine. " he laughed, "Though maybe more than just looking would serve us both well..." He released her hands, running his own over her body. His touch was soft, but it seemed to leave a tingling sensation in its wake. Suddenly his big arms were wrapped around her waist and he was kissing her again. Deeper and more forecefully than before, his toungue melding with hers. Rose changed the angle of her legs, there was only small bit of difference between simply being perched in his lap and offering herself. Her cunt just barely grazing the tip of his engorged penis. At the slight contact, the cadence of his breath went funny, and she could just feel him have to hold back as he slowly pressed himself inside her. Considerate, given the thickness of his instrument, but she didn't feel like waiting.
The full force of entry made her gasp, the tightness did make it hard to move at all, but as a rock solid grip steered her by the hips, as they began to catch the rhythm in unison, that wonderful sensation began to rise. First it was the throbbing, X-rated feeling of contact, of being penetrated. And then with each new thrust it grew warmer, brighter, until all conscious thought had been drowned out. Until she was nothing a trembling mess of funny noises and arched backs. The way his body shook brought her even farther, his breath coming to a lower. groaning crescendo. Those few long moments after the final thrust, the light throbbing as he came inside her, filling her to the brim.
As they both came back down, their eyes met once more. Cerulean against violet, each holding the look of complete contentment. John was the first to move, caressing her cheek one more time and planting a kiss on her forehead. Rose smiled back at him, a drowsy look creeping into her eyes, she responded by burying her head between his neck and shoulder and as she lay there, all her troubles were suddenly very far away.
"Rose- Hey, are you falling asleep?"
"Mhm, not really." she mumbled patting his forearm uncoordinatedly, "I'll be here in the morning... and after that too..."
"Oh I see how it is." He sounded more amused than chagrined as he carried her to bed, tucking her carefully under blankets and sheets and most importantly, his own protective embrace. Silence finally settled over that lonely, tasteful apartment. Though its core had become a mess crumpled clothes and suspicious stains, a more cozy home has yet to be found...
(BLAHRG SORRY I'M SORRY I WROTE THIS XDDD)