"What's going on?" Temari asked. "Shikamaru, why do you look afraid?"

"Shhhh," he whispered back to her, then nodded toward Ibiki. "When ANBU looks afraid, I'm feeling pretty confident that we should all look afraid."

"Why are you staring at him like that, Hokage-sama?" Genma asked, confused. "Who's Dan?"

"My Uncle." Whispered an appalled Shizune. "He's her former …friend."

"Lover." Ibiki spoke harshly. "And he's dead. Be careful Nara, the Hokage has been affected by an hallucinogenic drug.

"No he hasn't." Tsunade said with great disdain. "He's merely cleaning up, he and his assistant will be back in just a moment."

"What?" Temari squeaked.

Genma shook his head at the two. "Full explanations later, short answer – Naruto is the Hokage and I assume the assistant to be Sakura. Kakashi is playing guard dog, and I do mean that literally."

"Uhm." Shikamaru stared back at the still staring Tsunade. "Hok … ma'am? I'm Nara Shikamaru, I have an appointment with yo…. Er, the Hokage."

Tsunade shook her head, denying his words. "Dan? Why do you pretend to be someone else? Were you on a mission? Oh, you must just be returning to give your report. Come, do that later. I haven't seen you in so long!"

Shikamaru's eyes just couldn't get any wider. Temari coughed, trying not to laugh. Genma was whistling and Ibiki just looked upset. Shizune, though, looked devastated.

"He's not Dan, Tsunade." She tried, "look at me. That's right, look at me. Uncle Dan's gone. He's been gone for a very long time."

Tsunade nodded happily, "and now he's back!" With that, she leapt forward and swept Shikamaru off his feet into a huge hug. "I've missed you so damned much! Do you know how long I've been waiting?" She sprayed small kisses across his forehead.

Shikamaru didn't answer. He couldn't. The young chuunin was struggling to breathe in the tight embrace of his leader, trying hard not to freak out completely.

"This is not good."

Again, most eyes turned to Naruto who was standing in the bathroom door, watching. "Obviously she's been highly effected by this drug. I think it safe to assume this isn't a prank and is possibly a precursor to attack. In fact, it might have been meant to disable me, specifically. With the leader under the influence of such a potent drug, it could cause all sorts of problems, leaving us open to attack.

Ibiki and Genma exchanged glances with Shizune. All three nodded. "Affected or not, the boy …er, Hokage has a valid point."

"Uhm, I hate to interrupt," spoke an annoyed Temari. "But Shikamaru's turning blue."

Ibiki sighed, "You must let him go, Tsunade. Shik… er, DAN needs to be able to breathe."

Tsunade shook her head a bit wildly. "No! I'm not ever letting him go again!" With that her grip tightened and there was a sickening CRACK.

"Oh shit!" Several voices said at once, but not Shikamaru's, for his eyes were rolling back from the suddenness of a broken rib.

"What the FUCK did you do to my boyfriend!"

There was a moment of supreme, appalled silence and then ...pandemonium. Tsunade dropped Shikamaru down to the floor, crying and begging forgiveness. Shizune was trying to get to the poor boy to assess the damage. Temari was hovering over Shikamaru and shooting death glares at Tsunade. Naruto sent Sakura over to find out how bad 'his shinobi' was injured and Kakashi was growling at everyone in general.

Together, Sakura and Shizune took out the worst of the damage, healing what they could on the spot. Temari ran for the first-aid kit in the outer office, coming back with bandages to wrap Shikamaru's ribs with.

Tsunade watched with horrified eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Dan. Please forgive me. Oh please say you forgive me!" Tears were falling copiously down her face as she begged and begged.

After wrapping the chuunin's ribs tightly, Sakura fixed a stare on Shikamaru and whispering, told him to tell Tsunade she was forgiven.

Temari snorted derisively. "Why? She's the one who hurt him."

"And who the fuck are you, missy?" From crying to outrage in under a second. Tsunade was looking like an avenging angel, bent on destruction.

Shizune was afraid she might be getting a migraine from all of this.

"I'm his …friend." Temari said quietly, trying to heed the looks from both Ibiki and Genma who were gesturing frantically for her to shut up.

"Liar. You called him your boyfriend a moment ago." Tsunade fumed.

Naruto whistled, "you might want to leave now." Everyone else nodded.

Temari stood trying to look defiant, but failing miserably. She chewed on her bottom lip a moment, then took Shikamaru by the hand. "Come on …Dan. We need to work on our …mission report. Yep, the mission debriefing will have to wait until we do the report."

Shikamaru stood with her, looking pale as a ghost as he bit back an oath. He gritted his teeth and nodded. The two started to back slowly away from everyone, toward the door.

"You're going nowhere, Bitch. Take your hands off of my Dan this instant. Or else, I will kill you where you stand."

And suddenly, no one moved at all.