Clenched Fists
Part Two: Whisper

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Reno drummed his fingers on the top of the bar, waiting nervously for Cloud to come down for dinner. He didn't really know what the hell to say to the kid, not after what had just happened. He just knew they needed to talk. But… What if Cloud didn't want to talk about it? It was weird enough as it was, right? And it wasn't like Cloud had been in his right mind, wasn't like Cloud had wanted Reno to do that to him.

Right? Reno swallowed hard. What if Cloud had wanted it? What if Cloud wanted him? Snorting derisively, Reno shook his head. Who's being melodramatic now, Sinclaire? Cloud didn't want him. The blond bastard was cold as the fucking moon. He didn't want anyone.

Just that moment the perfect example walked into the room, rising up on her toes to pull a couple of glasses down from over the bar. Tifa Lockhart: tall, curvy, drop dead gorgeous, and deadly in a fight. Reno had wanted to get her into bed for years, but everyone knew she was head over heels for Strife, even if she never said a word about it. Cloud could have her any second of any day, but he'd never made a single move on her.

But maybe that's just because he prefers cock to tits. Reno dropped his head down onto his hands and groaned.

"Cloud not cooperating?"

"Huh?" Reno's head snapped up again at the soft sound of Tifa's voice. "No, uh…he said he'd be down in a minute." Fuck. Reno bit his lip against the heat that crept into his cheeks. Was he blushing? Fuck no. Reno Sinclaire does not blush. Besides, I don't have a damn thing to be embarrassed about. I just helped out a friend, that's all. It's not as if there was anything…I mean…I do it to myself all the time, right?

"Reno?"

But what about Cloud? Was he all right? I mean…something's obviously wrong with the kid. He was…crying…and… Truthfully, Cloud had just shown more emotion in five minutes than Reno'd been able to get from him in the last two years. It was like he'd been cracked open. Like he was…raw.

Fingers snapped right in front of Reno's face.

Reno shook his head. "Yeah?"

"I asked if you wanted to stay for dinner."

"Oh." Reno grinned awkwardly, determinedly meeting Tifa's worried eyes. "That'd be great. Thanks, Lockhart."

Tifa didn't take her eyes off of him as she clinked a few pieces of ice into the glasses. "Reno, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm…I'm fine."

Footsteps on the stairs. Slow steps. Hesitant steps.

Reno looked up, his breath catching in his throat as he met Cloud's eyes. They were deep and stormy, shattering with conflicting emotions. He looked terrified and unsure, sated and nervous. Reno wondered idly why he'd never noticed how expressive Cloud's eyes were. Seriously. For a guy who never says a single damn word… Reno cleared his throat and waved a casual hand at Cloud. "Hey."

"Hey," Cloud muttered, taking a seat a few stools over from Reno.

The rest of the bar was empty. It wouldn't actually open 'til sunset, after all. But Tifa was pretty cool about letting Reno in early nowadays. He suspected it was because she could always get him to do work around the place, even down to emptying trash cans and changing out mousetraps, but, hey, a way inside was a way inside. And he'd wanted a way inside. Cloud…was important to him. Reno snorted. Important enough that I don't really mind sticking my hand down his pants apparently. But that wasn't it. Reno wasn't into guys. And he definitely wasn't into Cloud. It was more like…he wanted to help Cloud. He owed it to the kid, really. Well, he owed it to Zack. Because a job is a job, yo. Reno swallowed bitterly.

"Eat, guys," Tifa set plates and glasses down in front of them, and Reno and Cloud ate in silence, barely tasting what they were shoveling down their throats.

Tifa glared at them. "What happened?"

Cloud shot Reno a slow, nervous look, but Reno only shook his head. "So suspicious, Lockhart. But seriously, nothing happened. Well, not here anyways. I just had a real rough day at work. Guess it carried over into my nightlife."

"And Cloud?"

Reno laughed. "You know he sits around moping 24/7, Lockhart. He doesn't need a reason to be sulky."

Tifa didn't look convinced.

Shrugging, Reno slid off his stool and grabbed Cloud's elbow, urging the younger man to his feet. "Come on, Strife. Let's get out of Tifa's face for a while, stop insulting her cooking by looking too mopy."

Cloud looked down at the floor, uncertain. "I…"

"Ah, come on, Strife. Nowhere nice, nothin' fancy. We're just gettin' outta this place for a while. Give Lockhart a little bit of a break."

"But…"

"Go on, Cloud. I can clean up here."

Reno cocked an eyebrow. A couple of years ago, Tifa would never done something like that, encouraged Cloud to go out with Reno. Of course, a couple a years ago she was convinced I'd blown up Sector Seven, so…

"I…okay…"

Cloud still looked nervous, but Reno didn't give him a chance to change his mind. He smiled at Tifa and tightened his grip on Cloud's arm, steering the kid over to the door and out of the bar. He let go once they were outside, though. He wasn't looking to get his ass kicked, after all. Reno looked around. The street wasn't too busy, but it wasn't empty either. There were a lot of kids running around, and a few adults, heads down and hands shoved in their pockets. Reno wasn't really sure where they should or could go. Cloud wouldn't go to a bar, and they couldn't talk with other people around anyway. But he didn't really want to take the kid back to his place either. Look what happened last time we were alone a bedroom together. He glanced over at Cloud, who was leaning against the side of the building. "Any ideas?"

Cloud shrugged. "Got a bike?"

Reno shook his head. "Walked, yo."

Cloud shrugged again. "You can ride with me if you want."

"Uh…sure," Reno's eyes widened slightly, and he followed Cloud around the side of the building.

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It was cold with the wind whipping around him like this, but it felt good. Breakneck speed and hairpin turns. Cloud drove like a maniac. Reno hadn't had this much fun in months, but he took care not to keep too tight a grip on Strife's waist. He wanted the kid to be able to breathe, after all.

He'd been afraid at first that Cloud was going to take him to the church where that girl had grown her flowers. Reno had never been comfortable there. But Cloud had gone in the opposite direction, spinning through the streets until they'd left Midgar entirely.

They didn't ride for long. They stopped at the edge of a wide open field miles outside of the city. There weren't any flowers, just tall grass, dried golden in the autumn air.

Tugging his goggles up onto his forehead, Reno dismounted almost reluctantly, sprawling down in the grass and staring up at the sky as Cloud killed the engine and locked down Fenrir's kickstand. It was evening now. Gray darkness was eating away at the blue of the sky, and a few bright stars ripped through the fabric of twilight. It would have been breathtaking if Reno had actually been paying attention to it. Instead, he just stared blankly and wondered what was going to happen next. He rolled over onto his side and propped himself up on one elbow as Cloud took a seat beside him. "Are we friends, Cloud?"

Cloud didn't answer for a long time. Finally, he just shrugged. "A friend wouldn't have done what I did to you earlier."

Reno scoffed. "If you can't do that to your friends, who can you do it to?"

Again, Cloud didn't answer.

Reno sat up. "Look, Cloud. I've been tryin' to get you to talk to me for two years. For a long ass time I thought you hated me. Truth is I wouldn't 'a blamed you. You had damn good reason. But…I'm kinda gettin' the feeling that you don't really hate me after all."

Cloud shifted slightly. "I never hated you."

Reno sighed. That declaration alone was more than he deserved from Cloud. He'd always hoped there might be some way to patch things up between them. He'd been damn good friends with Zack, after all. But he'd only just been getting to know Cloud when Sephiroth had gone nuts and decided to blow up Nibelheim. Not that Reno blamed Sephiroth. It's what he'd've done. Reno cleared his throat. "Look, man. I owe you a lot—"

Cloud shook his head.

"Shut up. You know…you know what I did. I helped shut you guys up in that hellhole. I was one of the ones sent out to fucking hunt you down. I didn't pull the trigger, but I would have. If I'd been the one to find you, I would have done it." A job's a job. I can't believe I actually believed that. What a bastard.

Cloud just shrugged. "You do what you have to do. Your job was to protect Rufus."

"Yeah, but…"

"No. I might have hated him once,but I know now that, despite what he did to me and Zack, despite the way he used to be, his life was worth protecting. The planet would be a lot worse off now if Rufus Shinra wasn't around. And if you hadn't done your job, you wouldn't have been around to keep him safe. Besides, you loved him…right?"

Reno nodded, fascinated by the fierce gleam in Cloud's eyes. "Like a brother."

"You do what you have to do." Cloud paused. "Zack died because of me. No one else."

"All right, man. Guess I won't bother asking you to forgive me. Just…can you tell me if you're all right?"

Silence. Then, "I'm not."

"You're…you're not?"

Cloud shook his head.

Reno bit his lip, knowing this was a dangerous question. There were a lot of things Cloud could ask of him that he wasn't exactly willing to give. "Can I help?"

Cloud snorted. "Don't bother."

"Don't…" Reno narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Shit, man. I fucking jerked you off earlier. The least you can do is tell me why you went schizo on my ass!"

Cloud pushed himself to his feet. "It's just the dreams."

"Dreams?" Reno leaned forward, shaking his head in confusion. "What dreams?"

"About you," Cloud whispered, straddling his bike and popping the kickstand.

"About…what?" Reno shot to his feet, dead certain he'd misunderstood.

"Let's go back." Cloud flipped his goggles down over his eyes and gunned the engine.

"No, I…" Reno cleared his throat and shook his head, looking down at the ground. "I think I'll stay here for a while."

Cloud just nodded—sadly, Reno thought—and pulled out onto the road, spinning around to head back toward Midgar without even glancing behind him.

Reno laughed miserably. What the fuck did Cloud mean 'about him'?