Time to dive right into part two!
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Suggested Listening: "Doubt", Puella Magi Madoka Magica Rebellion OST
O/o\O
The emotional release that day had been cathartic, and the pact they'd all made lifesaving. Mami had even been sure to invite Hitomi to her house that evening so she could be brought into the fold proper. The days were occasionally slow, and occasionally very painful; sometimes Madoka would ask them to hold her during lunch break, sometimes something would remind her of Homura and she'd break into a fit of tears (a couple of times in the middle of class, prompting her to go to the nurse), and once she'd even told them that she wasn't going to be coming into school at all.
But the four stuck together. They made an effort to hang out more, to see each other more, to talk more and get whatever bad miasma hung around them to dispel.
Mami placed a teabag in the pot, her mind wandering to one of those nights back in August over the summer, when the four had come back from visiting the water park.
They had all been exhausted and had milled in her living room finishing up some shaved ice they'd bought on the way home, all of them still lounging on damp towels. The quartet had been bantering back and forth all day, a tradition that had been seemingly lost after Homura's passing, but now was gradually coming back into play after so long away.
The topic was an old one, Sayaka's crush on her childhood friend, a boy by the name of Kamijou Kyosuke. The blunette swatted away taunts and teases like she usually did, her attempts to deflect the questions proving feeble until one moment where she asked a question that struck a chord.
"What about you Mami, you're gorgeous! Surely you've had a boyfriend or two!"
At the time the blonde had been finishing up her shaved ice, only for the question to catch her off guard and for her scoop to fall back into the bowl.
Three sets of eyes looked to her, expectant. With dignity, she set down her bowl onto the triangular glass coffee table, picking up a napkin to dab at her face.
"I…" Mami swallowed, words not coming to her naturally. She broke form for a moment and chuckled self-consciously, brushing a loose bang behind her ear. "I don't… actually… I don't play for the same team, so to speak…"
The admission was a long time coming. She'd kept a lot of her past regarding the Sakura family tight-lipped, even after promising everyone they'd work together through the tough times.
Admitting you were gay, in any context, was awkward, even without local social stigmas. And even now she saw the shock on all of their faces. Madoka leaned forward, the concern on her face almost adorable. Sayaka had her head cocked at an angle, curiosity gleaming behind sapphire orbs. Hitomi… Hitomi averted her gaze, fists clenching at her skirt.
"There was this girl…" she continued, fingers playing off each other, "Kyoko…" Mami closed her eyes and swallowed hard, "We were happy, but one day something… tragic happened and we had to split up. To this day it's one of my biggest regrets that I let her go…"
"Mami…" Madoka sighed, the girl's eyes bowing with empathy.
The blonde waved a dismissive hand, lackadaisical smile on her lips, "Oh, don't you worry about me, I'm fine… She… she might have hurt me in the end, but I cherish all those happy memories together."
Hitomi jutted from her seat, her form stick straight.
"Well, that's… wonderful to hear, Tomoe," the grunette said haphazardly, hands reaching for her affects, "though I realized I'm late to… to…"
The girl's reaching voice was stopped by a palm lancing out and grasping her wrist.
"…'Tomi, you can't run from it forever…" Sayaka sighed, tugging the grunette back towards her seat. The blunette's face became pained, "Neither of us can."
Hitomi was silent, her arm still tensed as she tried to pull it away, like a deer caught in headlights Mami imagined.
Eventually the tea maiden stopped struggling and Sayaka's grip loosened, fingers dropping to grip the proper girl's palm and gently guide her back to her seat.
The two were silent, letting Madoka and Mami share a worried glance.
"S-so…" Sayaka started, hand pushing at the hair at her brow, "About… a year and a half ago? Remember that big fight we had, Madoka?"
"Ah! The one where you two got drunk and upset each other!" Madoka perked, eyes flying wide with recognition.
The blunette rubbed the back of her neck, giving a nervous giggle, "Yeah, so… it wasn't… really… an argument…"
The bubblegum girl leaned forward, giving Sayaka that same concerned stare that she'd given Mami not two minutes earlier.
"Sayaka… you… please…" Hitomi pleaded meekly. The grunette's face was twisted, her lips curled into a grimace and her eyes narrowed.
The blunette shook her head, adamant, "No, I'm sick of us keeping it secret from them, especially Madoka when she had to deal with all of our shit back then! Mami just came out to us, I think they'll both understand!"
Mami's brow flexed, but she stayed her tongue, refraining from the risk of ruining the moment.
"Are you two…?" Madoka gasped, eyes swaying between them.
Sayaka sighed, resting her elbows on the table, "Last year, we got drunk and we…" Hitomi screwed her eyes shut. "We ended up sleeping together…" The air was still, but the girl pressed on, "We've both agreed that it was a mistake and we've been trying to push past it all this time… all of that was thanks to you, Madoka. Without you we probably would have stopped being friends…"
While the look in Sayaka's eyes was conflicted, the smile was genuine and seemed to put the pinkette at ease.
Seeing the relief cross Madoka's face had made her stomach flutter and a subtle, familiar warmth billow from her gut. To the point at hand, though, Mami decided a small, accepting smile was the best course of action, as opposed to verbally responding.
"So, does that mean that you're both…" Madoka fought with the words, "…gay?"
The girl was meek when she was outside of her element, and she spoke the word as if it were taboo. In many regards, it was. Japan was relatively traditional with its practices; women married men, men supported the household, and so on. Which, she'd noted, was odd; Madoka's family was the least traditional of the four, the odd one out (not counting Mami's deceased parents who were pretty straight arrows). Maybe, in a twisted sense, it meant that words like that were more sensitive to her. She was the outsider trying not to offend a native culture, or a child trying to speak in 'adult' for the first time. Whatever the reason, the behavior was adorable.
"No!" Hitomi snapped, her voice layered with panic. The hostess and her two other guests blinked at the grunette, who shrunk into herself under the deeper scrutiny. "I… I mean… n-no…" the girl finished weakly.
Sayaka shook her head and scratched her cheek, "I… well… I don't…. I haven't quite figured that out, to be honest…"
Hitomi didn't bother to look up, but the other two repositioned themselves to look at the blunette.
"I mean… I didn't hate it, but… I just don't feel like that towards Hitomi… And Kyosuke… I l-like him, so, y'know… Maybe I am… a little?" Sayaka shrugged, raising her palms in uncertainty.
"I'm straight," Hitomi barked, slamming a suddenly confident hand onto the table. Everyone jumped, and Mami was getting whiplash from her head nodding between the two, "I… Sayaka and I agreed it was a mistake, and it was. I…like guys, so I don't want any of you to get any ideas about me, okay?!"
It was more a plea than an order, but the other three seemed to understand. Mami shifted in her seat and patted the shorter girl's head, giving her an award winning smile, "We'd never outcast you for something so trivial, Shizuki. And I'm sure we'll all do our best to not make you uncomfortable now that we know."
Hitomi pouted and crossed her arms, grumbling, "Not like Sayaka hasn't been doing that on purpose since we had our talk about it…"
"Hey, it's not my fault you're such a stick in the mud," Sayaka retorted, sighing as she leaned back on her hands. Her eyes found their way over to Madoka, who had rested her chin in her hands and was dopily smiling at the other girls. The blunette grinned, a mischievous glint in her eye, "What about you, Madoka? We're all here spilling our guts, only fair you cough up too!"
"Ehh?!" Madoka stumbled, falling through her hands. Mami reached over to catch the girl before she plunked face first into the soggy Styrofoam cup in front of her. "Ah, thank you, Mami!"
"Not a problem… Though, I have to say, I'm curious as well…" Mami replied, tapping a finger to her chin and letting a playful smile uncurl.
"Aww… you too…?" Madoka pouted. "You guys are ganging up on me…"
Sayaka rolled her eyes, "C'mon, we're not going to bite!"
Madoka sunk into herself, somewhat squeezing her eyes closed.
"I… I don't really know…" she squeaked, her shoulders slumping, "I… care about so many people that it's… kinda hard to tell how many people I love like… that… And the only one I was sure of…"
Mami sighed, knowing that they were about to poke down into a sensitive topic. But the mood was light she decided that it probably wasn't the best time to dwell. She rested a hand on Madoka's shoulder, taking care to thumb the ribbon at the girl's neck.
"And I know she felt the same way about you… You don't need to say anymore, Kaname," Mami cooed. Madoka's grateful eyes met her and Mami's insides began to melt. She steeled herself inside and squeezed her fingers around Madoka's shoulder, a tender, caring move. The warmth in her gut was beginning to get distracting, having wormed its way into her throat. She stood, smiling, "How about I go warm us all up some tea and we can get a jump on our Summer homework?"
Sayaka groaned and hit her head on the table, "Ugh! Do we have to! I thought I could put that off at least one more day…"
A loud beep brought Mami back to the present day, to the teabag lounging in the simmering water. She removed the bag and replaced the lid, shifting the hot porcelain to a tray with two cups and a plate of colorfully decorated cookies, with flakes of green and red.
Mami mused to herself how quickly the years could pass. Last Christmas Eve had been one of the best memories of her life, with her and her four friends all enjoying the holidays together and watching sappy rerunning specials together. She'd never felt more at home than with her raucous friends… well, maybe with Kyoko, but that was a memory she didn't exactly want to pull up. Nor was the day after last Christmas Eve. Instead, she wanted to focus on tonight and her lone guest, waiting patiently for her at the dinner table.
"Here we go," Mami sighed, placing down the tray in the middle of the table. Madoka smiled up at her, gently swishing her legs underneath the table. The blonde seated herself just across, pulling out the finely carved wooden chair and gracefully sliding into place before pouring tea for the two of them.
The plan had been for all four of them to spend Christmas together, like the year previously. Only, it hadn't worked out right. Sayaka and Hitomi's parents, longtime family friends of each other, had apparently connived for the two families to travel south for the winter, and neither felt comfortable leaving their girls alone, especially since Sayaka's parents missed her last Christmas and wanted to make up for it.
So that left Madoka and Mami, and while the blonde had tried to insist they just cancel, Madoka counter-insisted that none of her friends were going to be alone on Christmas. Ultimately the pinkette won out and here the two were, enjoying a post-meal pot of tea and some light conversation. Or, at least, it was supposed to be light, but the events following the previous Christmas party hung over the two like humid summer air.
Madoka took her cup and sipped at the contents, bristling as the hot liquid tore down her throat.
"It's great, Mami," Madoka grinned, setting her cup down on the saucer, "Really warms you right up, doesn't it?"
Mami took a sip of her own cup and winced. The liquid was still scalding hot.
"You have a higher tolerance than I do, then, Madoka," Mami chuckled, fanning her tongue.
The pinkette scratched the back of her head, "Well, my mom always said I had a 'strong constitution', at least when it came to battling the elements…"
Mami smiled, setting her mug down to let it cool, "You sound like Kyoko. No matter what you stuffed in front of her, no matter how hot or cold it was… if it was edible, she'd eat it without complaint…"
Madoka's sheepish grin faltered, her hands cupping her tea for warmth, "You… never really talk about her."
"Hmm?" the blonde hummed, her thoughts momentarily lost to herself. "Oh, Kyoko?"
"Yeah. You talked about her that one time… but you've never really talked about her since…"
The cook frowned, "Mostly because it's… somewhat painful. She was very dear to me. And then came a day where something terrible happened and she decided that it'd be best… not to continue our relationship… to any degree…"
"I'm sorry to hear that," Madoka knit her brows. Her lips pursed, "Ho-w… What was she like?"
Mami leaned back in the chair, finally taking another careful sip of her tea. This time, she could bare it, though it was still definitely on the 'hot' side of the spectrum.
"She was… wild, in a lot of ways. Very passionate is probably the best way to put it," the blonde mused, finger edging around the lip of her mug. "She could put down food like a disposal and never broke a sweat whenever we decided to go out and exercise. She was lazy too, though. She'd always complain about going out and doing things, but she was tapered because her father brought her up very structured," Mami's smile became wistful, leaning forward as she took a heavy sip of her tea.
"She'd do what she had to, but she'd complain about the actual work involved, even if it was for a good cause. Never complained about the good stuff though. She volunteered in soup kitchens from time to time, always ranted about how the aprons were too small, or the pot handles always got too hot to lift, but she never once complained about the people she served…"
A flash of red hair appeared to Mami, Kyoko wearing a tight apron and smiling face pocked with splashes of tomato sauce as she handed out pasta to the homeless. Ever so briefly, Madoka, kindhearted girl that she was, took Kyoko's spot, laughing sheepishly at a bumble in the kitchen.
"Kyoko was… she meant the world to me…" the cook frowned. She drank the last of her tea.
A sniffle brought her back to the present.
Mami didn't realize she'd gotten lost in her musing before looking up to find tears trickling down a shaky Madoka's face.
"Ah, Madoka, are you alright?" she asked, hands reaching forward to wipe the tears away. As her thumb skimmed across the stained skin, Madoka held the older girl's palm in place with her own, leaning into the finger pads and scrunching her face. More tears squeezed from the ducts.
"She sounds nothing like Homura…" Madoka shook, "But the way you talk about her… it's the same way I think about her…"
Mami's fingers pressed back into Madoka's face as they curled in empathy, her heart tearing in two at the mewling girl.
"I… I miss her so much," the pinkette cried. Mami stood and circled the table, wrapping the smaller girl in both her arms. As Madoka buried herself into Mami's chest a mix of desire and heroic desperation bubbled and boiled about her body.
The blonde made a decision right then and there. A very stupid decision, she knew, but a decision nonetheless.
"I know how you feel, Madoka," Mami shuddered. She squeezed the smaller girl and lifted herself from the hold, watery pink (almost red now) eyes staring up at her, confused. "We've both lost people we cared about, and maybe… for a night we might be able to forget them. But only together…"
The blonde bobbed her head to the side and approached a closed cabinet fitted in the corner of the dining room. She popped the latch and reached inside, pulling out a wide-bottomed bottle with a red label and a very bright cork.
"My mom and dad had a modest wine collection…" Mami explained, setting the bottle on the table. She strode over to the kitchen and reached around to her cup cabinet to pull out two crystal wine glasses. She walked back in, set them down, and held up a cork screw. In seconds, the cork was undone and they both stood there, looking at the bottle, "I've only dived into it once or twice… They're for very special occasions… And I think getting us both through a tough night counts…" Mami sucked in a breath before pouring a glass for herself, sticky red swirling around the clear material before settling like a crimson lake floating in the middle of the table. She went to pour a glass for Madoka, but noticed the hesitant look in the girl's eyes. The blonde pulled back, wondering if she'd made a worse move than she thought. "You don't have to drink if you don't want, I won't force you…"
The pinkette eyed the bottle warily… before shakily pushing her tea saucer aside, reaching for Mami's generously filled glass, and downing its contents in one gulp.
Madoka released a satisfied sigh mixed with a bitter wince at the alcohol's acidity. She grinned up at Mami, eyes closed, tears still dampening her cheeks, "I… I'd like some more, please."
Mami swallowed, poured a full glass for each of them, and then guzzled down her first for the night before Madoka could even get hers back to her lips.
Whatever happened that night, Mami had no problem forgetting every misery in her life for just a few hours, no matter what it took.
O/o\O
The morning always brought grogginess. Mami wasn't necessarily the worst waker in the world; heck, she considered herself pretty good at dragging herself out of bed… but that didn't mean that she enjoyed it. It didn't help that most mornings she felt that horrible chill clawing at her chest.
She was always of two minds about it; one, the morning was often a lovely time of day where the sun illuminated prettier parts of the world and the world itself was quieter as it stirred, and two, the morning should never come because it wakes people from rather peaceful slumber.
Luckily, those rare mornings where she was able to sleep in met the two in the middle where she could observe the serenity of the world from the warmth and comfort of her sheets, all while enjoying the cathartic flexing of her muscles in peace.
This particular morning felt hazier and she felt a bitter combination of tastes roll along her tongue. She frowned, recognizing the taste of wine among the menagerie, though the other taste wasn't quite familiar. She must have drunk the night prior. That was unusual.
Added to the 'unusual' list was the absence of her clothing, which her sheets clearly told her had been discarded in bulk before she'd slipped under the covers. That was fine, she'd had her flights with sleeping commando before, though they were more often than not rare. She chalked that up to the probable drinking as well.
Alarm bells in her head only started to go off when she felt patches of damp sheets beneath her body and a soreness between her legs. She furrowed her brow and began to take more detailed stock of her surroundings.
She didn't have to search long, because in moments one of her stretching arms came to slide across a warm body to her left. A warm body covered in soft, supple skin. A warm body completely naked resting comfortably to her side.
Mami blinked before glancing left. Her eyes widened in panic.
A full head of puffy pink hair was curled up on the pillow besides her.
The night flowed back to her.
Opening the wine, downing a glass, then another, then another, then the next bottle.
Drunken jokes with Madoka, who had helped her and then some with the bottles on her own.
That awkward moment of quiet, that moment where Mami decided to drop the pretense and kissed Madoka on a whim of her heart.
That wonderful moment where Madoka reciprocated.
That airy moment where the two had push each other towards Mami's bedroom.
That ceremonial moment where Madoka had slipped off Homura's gift. Along with everything else.
Blood rushed to Mami's face as she finally understood what the other taste in her mouth was.
The blonde had know about her attraction to her junior for quite some time. Madoka had wormed a special place into Mami's heart, a place that Kyoko had filled previously. But Mami thought the crush was just a consequence of her loneliness, that she could simply hold Madoka as a friend and still fill that void.
Drunk Mami didn't seem to agree. And now Sober Mami had to deal with the fallout.
Madoka stirred underneath, fuchsia eyes fluttering open as a yawn escaped her mouth.
The blonde stared down at the girl like a deer in headlights; the pinkette met her stare with a gentle, dreamy smile.
"Mornin', Mami…" the girl yawned a second time, a single slender arm reaching for the headboard.
"I… I… I… I…" Mami's mouth flapped like a fish deprived of water.
Sheets slipped away as the blonde jerked back, away from Madoka. In seconds she'd realized her error and fumbled for the blankets before her generous bust became exposed. The pinkette watched, eyes filled with confusion as Mami continued to stare on in horror.
"M-M-Madoka… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry!" Mami quivered. "I didn't mean to take advantage…"
A finger pressed itself to Mami's lips. Madoka moved up, not even making an attempt to stay decent, and kissed the blonde, pulling back to smile at the floundering senior.
"Mami, you didn't…" Madoka sighed, blinking the bleariness from her eye, using a knuckle to grind out the dew in the corners. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Mami.
The senior hesitated, but gently returned the hold, so cautiously that it barely felt like a hold to begin with.
"I… needed that," Madoka admitted, tightening herself around Mami's middle, making the blonde's heart pound faster. "This whole year I've been stuck on Homura… I haven't really been myself, and I'm sorry… I'm the one that's sorry…" Mami started to cry and finally dedicated herself to the hug and buried her face in the pink tuft. "Do you remember what I said last night?"
Mami shook her head, words stuck in her throat.
"I said," Madoka breathed, "That I love Homura… I won't ever stop… I can't stop. But I love you too. And I need to stop moping over something I can't change. I need to love what I have now… So I chose this. Mami, I chose this. I chose you."
The girl's breath was hot on her skin, which prickled.
"But we were drunk…" Mami moaned begrudgingly.
"We were honest," Madoka replied.
The blonde was still for a time, the pinkette burying into her side.
"I… I feel guilty… I feel dirty," the senior admitted.
"And I feel like we're supposed to feel that way…" Madoka pulled back and looked up into those golden eyes. "But I think we're supposed to work through that… together."
Mami stared into deep pink pools before finally giving in, leaning down, and taking in Madoka's lips.
"I just don't want to be cold anymore…" Mami whimpered, her lips coming loose from the pinkette's.
Madoka smiled, "Then I better get started warming you up!"
O/o\O
And yet another story for the Souls Beyond Time series finally wrapped up! The idea of Mami, in a way, taking advantage of Madoka in order to stem her own growing loneliness has always appealed to me for some sick reason, and the fact that Madoka is very caring and understanding about it makes it even better.
We're about 1/3 of the SBT series, and I'm still debating which story of the canon will be next... most likely it'll be Sayaka focused, but there are other options I've got at my disposal.
And for those of you who saw it, I wrote a Mami/Madoka smut fic for a commission. The timing is purely coincidental, I assure you. XD
I'd love to hear all of your thoughts on the series so far, so please feel free to leave a review or comment!
Also remember that you can commission me at any time; my door is always open!
Thank you all for reading, catch ya on the flipside!