Summary: Gob never meant to fall in love with Michael. It just happened. Behind a meaningless rivalry was a love so strong that it could not be denied and had the potential to destroy Gob's life and the relationship he had with Michael.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything!
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Chapter 2: To Choose Death Over Sin
He thought he was free. For a moment he thought that he was already dead, but Michael was too fast. Gob looked up at Michael's face, illuminated by the streetlights. Michael stared down at him and Gob could feel Michael's nails digging into his wrist as he swung below in the darkness, "Give me your hand" Michael said, extending his other one. Gob looked down below at the darkness beneath him. He could hear the water roaring below, "Damn it, Gob, give me your (bleep)ing hand right now!" Michael shouted. Gob was surprised by the angry tone in Michael's voice, and with the raging river underneath him and Michael above him, holding onto him and keeping him from falling to his death, he came to the realization that killing himself didn't seem like such a good idea anymore.
Michael pulled him up until Gob was able to grab onto the rails and climb over. Michael embraced him tightly, and Gob could easily feel that Michael was shaking, "Are you alright?" his brother asked.
"Yeah..." Gob replied. He was also shaking from a combination of cold and fear. He was too frightened to appreciate the fact that Michael was holding him like he would never let him go. He was too drained and tired and he just wanted to go home. Michael pulled back and looked at him.
"Good..." Michael breathed before punching Gob right in the jaw. Gob fell and landed on his back. He could feel blood welling up in his mouth, "What is the matter with you!?" he heard Michael shout, "Are you insane or just retarded!? You could have gotten yourself killed!"
"That was kind of the idea, Mikey..." Gob said, looking up at his brother. He sat up and spit out some of the blood. Michael had hit him pretty hard. That had actually been the first time that Michael had ever really hurt him... physically anyways. Michael sighed in exasperation as he knelt down and wiped some of the blood off of Gob's chin.
"I'm not worth it..." Michael said softly, "Look at me, Gob" Gob's eyes met Michael's, and he didn't see that anger that was in his eyes when he kissed him, "No matter what happens, I'm not worth it. I am not worth commiting suicide" Gob didn't even say anything. He was too overwhelmed by what had happened in only an hour. He had kissed his brother, screwed up his life, tried to end it, and had been saved by that brother who he'd kissed and thought hated him for it. Michael helped Gob up and into the staircar. Gob meekly got into the passengers seat and brought his knees up to his chin, trying to make himself as small as he could. He was bewildered by Michael's behaviour. Michael got mad at him a lot, but had never yelled at him the way he had a minute ago.
The drive back was silent. Gob closed his eyes and rested his head against the window. His face throbbed with pain where Michael had hit him, but it had stopped bleeding. Right now he just wanted to be far away and never have to face Michael again, but then he thought twice about that. Being without Michael was worse, or was being around Michael and having him hate him worse? He wasn't sure anymore. This was all so confusing and he wanted it all to be just a bad dream. He felt like he was a child again. He was in big trouble and he felt helpless. This was like the drive home from school back when he was sixteen and had put some guy in the hospital for locking Michael in his own locker. He would have gotten expelled if his father hadn't bribed the entire faculty to look the other way. Gob knew even then that his father only did it for the family's reputation. The drive home back then had been quiet, as well, but the moment they got home, his parents yelled at him until he was practically deaf. Michael was the only one that didn't give him a hard time, and he knew why. Michael had nearly suffocated in there and was close to passing out. If Gob hadn't gotten him out of there, who knows what would have happened. He remembered the way Michael had looked at him that day. Michael actually appreciated something that Gob had done for him.
They still hadn't said one word to each other when they got back to the model home. Michael went upstairs to change into something dry and Gob decided to do the same. He waited outside the room that he and Michael had shared for the past month, knowing how uncomfortable Michael would feel changing in front of Gob now. They had been sleeping in the room with the twin beds ever since Lindsay and Tobias began having sexual relations again, and it had never been much of a problem for them until now. After Gob had changed into his silk robe and boxers, he curled up on his bed and tried to fight back the tears, not even able to look at Michael.
Michael looked over at his brother, feeling some remourse for the way Gob felt right now because of him, "Come on, Gob. Don't do this" Michael said, trying to be sympathetic. Gob didn't move. Michael went over and sat beside Gob on the bed, "Gob, look at me" he ordered. Gob did what he was told and rolled over to face his brother, "I'm not going to hurt you, and I'm sorry I did. You just... you really scared me. I didn't mean to hit you and I promise that I won't do it again" Gob really had scared Michael. When Michael saw Gob on the bridge about to jump, he was so frightened that he would lose someone else that he loved. Despite what Gob had told him and what he had done he was still his brother. When Gob didn't say anything, Michael laid down beside Gob and propped himself up on his elbow, "Talk to me" he begged, feeling a bit desperate.
"I can't..." Gob whispered, his voice breaking.
Michael felt like he was about to cry. He then put a hand on Gob's shoulder and looked deeply into his eyes, "Gob, if I wasn't able to catch you and you fell I would have followed you. I mean it. You know I love you and that nothing you could ever say or do will change that.
"I can't undo it..." Gob said a bit louder, "It's been said and it can't be unsaid. What's happened can't be undone..."
"How long?" Michael asked.
"Twenty-four years, three months, one week, and five days" Gob answered, actually shocked that he had just admitted that.
"That long?" Michael asked in disbelief, "You've actually kept count of the days?"
"What can I say? I'm obsessed" Gob said, trying to force a smile, but failing.
"That doesn't make any sense"
"Like any of this is supposed to make sense?"
"True... how's your face?"
"Hurts"
"Sorry. Let me see it" Michael tilted Gob's face up a bit, "Yeah... you're gonna have a bruise" Michael looked at Gob for a moment. He looked so defencless. There were tears welling up in his eyes and it made Michael feel a stab of guilt. He didn't know what came over him but he leaned forward and kissed Gob's forehead. His lips travelled lower, kissing down the side of his face, brushing over his bruised cheek. He paused for a moment.
"Mikey..." Gob was cut off by his brother's lips covering his own. It was like before except that this time it was Michael that initiated it. Michael's tongue slid over Gob's lips, seeking enterance. Gob eagerly opened his mouth, allowing Michael's tongue to pass over ever inch. He began to kiss back, knowing what he wanted to do, what he wanted to say, but his mind was stuck on a broken record of, "Holy (bleep), holy (bleep), holy (bleep)!"
Gob pulled away, "What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is what you wanted, isn't it?" Michael replied, his hand sliding under Gob's robe, "For me to kiss you, to touch you?" Gob was too shocked to speak. He had no idea what had gotten into Michael, and to be honest, Michael didn't know either. He just knew that he wanted it, "Do you like it?" Michael whispered against Gob's ear. Gob just nodded his head, "Then stop asking so many questions"
"I'm confused"
"So am I"
Then it was all hot kisses, impatient hands, skin on skin, meaningless inarticulate pleadings, and both the pleasure and the pain (the pain felt by Michael for certain reasons). The experience as a whole was amazing, and Gob was finally able to call out Michael's name when he came.
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Michael woke up the next morning and tried to get up, the key word being tried. The pain he felt was an immediate reminder of what had happened last night. He had sex with Gob, his brother! His mind was a mess and what was going through it was along the lines of, "Oh God, that's (bleep)ing incest and that's wrong and oh God, it was so good but holy (bleep) it's sick and wrong and I can't believe I did this!" Gob wasn't in bed with him. He wasn't even in the room. That made Michael feel slightly better. He closed his eyes and silently cursed himself. This was so wrong in so many (bleep)ing ways and he would give anything for things to go back to normal, or how normal it could be for their family. He didn't wish he hadn't saved Gob, that would have been cruel, but he wished that Gob hadn't said anything about his feelings for him. Then everything would be normal. He wanted everything to go away.
That was when Gob walked in. Michael wouldn't even look at him. He felt so guilty and disgusted with himself. Gob sat down beside Michael on the bed and stroked his hair, "Michael, please... Oh God, I really (bleep)ed this up, didn't I?" Michael sat up and looked Gob in the eye. Gob suddenly felt uneasy by the way that Michael looked at him, "Don't hurt me..."
"Why would I hurt you?" Michael asked.
"Because I (bleep)ed you," Gob answered, looking away, "Go get cleaned up. I'll make us some breakfast and... I'll pack up my stuff and find somewhere else to live. I'll understand if you don't want me living here anymore"
Breakfast was silent. Everyone else was somewhere for the day, which made things easier for them both. Neither of them thought they could face anyone in the family after last night's events. The brothers didn't make eye contact. Every time Gob looked over at Michael his head was down, refusing to acknowledge him, almost saying, "I don't know you" it was like that for a while until suddenly Michael broke the silence, "I don't want you to move out," he said. Gob was confused for a moment. What did this mean? "What happened... it changes things but I don't want you to stop being my brother, Gob" Gob felt guilty. He had damned them both with his secret. Until last night Michael had been pure. He wasn't perfect, but he was as close to perfect as a human could be. At least that was the way Gob saw him.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, feeling a bit embarrassed.
"My ass hurts and I know for certain I'm going to hell, but other than that I'm fine, and... I'm sorry I hurt you"
"It's fine, really"
"No, it's not. I shouldn't have hit you back on the bridge and I shouldn't have made you feel like you had to run away after what you told me. As for what happened last night... I don't know what got into me. I'm sorry, Gob. I shouldn't have..."
"Do you regret it?" Gob asked. His chest was tight with anticipation over Michael's answer. If it was a temporary lapse of judgement, or even worse, out of pity, he didn't know what he would do. At the same time he had to know.
"No, I don't... I should, but... I don't know why I did it. We are in so much trouble..." Michael lowered his head, "You tried to kill yourself after you kissed me, and I broke up with Lucy, I mean... I've just been so messed up lately. Did you know that Maebey is pregnant? My son is going to be a father before he even graduates from high school. I don't have anything against them being together anymore, I've made peace with that, but... I'm just worried about him. Plus things down at work... oh God, I'm supposed to be at work right now"
"Don't worry, I called and said you were sick," Gob said, "They'd get suspicious if they noticed that you were walking kind of weird"
"I just wasn't thinking, okay?" Michael said, "I was lost and confused. Can we just drop the subject?"
"Okay..." Gob said, knowing that Michael was obviously upset about this. He wouldn't back away from the issue, but he would give Michael a bit of time.
XxX
Gob had pretty much left Michael alone for the rest of the day. Later that evening George Michael asked Gob what was wrong with Michael. He'd noticed that his father had been acting strange the whole day. Gob didn't answer. He was too busy moping about his dilema. Besides, if George Michael knew what was wrong with Michael, he'd probably kick Gob's ass.
When he was alone with Michael, Gob asked him a serious question, "What are we going to do?"
"About what?"
"About us"
"There isn't an us. There is never going to be an us" Michael said, sounding very irritated.
"But what about last night, Michael? I thought-" Gob asked, getting a bit desperate.
"Last night was a mistake," Michael snapped, "A mistake we are never going to make again"
"It wasn't a mistake, Michael," Gob insisted, putting his hands on Michael's shoulders and looking into his eyes, "I know you, Michael, and you wouldn't have done it if you didn't want it"
"I did want it, and that's the problem... we can't do this"
"Why not?"
"Look, Gob, you're my brother and I love you. I would do whatever I can to make you happy, but not this"
"Why not?"
"Because it's wrong. I want this but I can't let myself want it," Michael answered. He was torn between what was the right thing to do and what his heart was feeling. He had never been more conflicted in his life, "Stop for a moment and think about it, Gob. Do you realize what we're doing? For God's sake, if people found out it may bring down the company, and we could get arrested! Did you think about that? And what about my son? He could even end up in foster care because of it. This could ruin all our lives"
"Michael, we aren't kids," Gob said, "No one can tell us what to do. And it's not like we can't keep a secret" Michael didn't want to listen to this anymore. He got up and went upstairs, much like last night, except this time Gob followed him.
"Gob, you'll find someone else, someone more suitable for you, and I will, too," Michael said, knowing Gob was right behind him, "It's the best thing for both of us and I am not going to let this insanity go any further than it has, I mean it" they stopped at the door to their room when Gob grabbed Michael and pushed him against the wall. Michael was taken by surprise. What had gotten into Gob?
"Michael, I am not going to stop loving you just because you tell me to" Gob said, starting to get angry with his brother, who was chickening out of what he wanted.
"Then try harder," Michael said, "Because I'm never letting that happen again"
Gob felt desperate. He didn't care who saw them as he brought his lips to Michael's and kissed him. Michael kissed back for a moment before he pulled back, "Stop this or I swear to God, I will..."
"You'll what?" Gob asked, quite curious as to what kind of threat Michael was making.
"I will kill us both. I would rather commit murder suicide before I let last night happen again" Michael answered, glaring at Gob. Was he serious? Gob let go of Michael and backed away. He couldn't be serious, could he? Would he really kill him, let alone both of them? It was hard to tell with Michael. Even when he didn't mean what he said he sounded so serious about everything. Michael opend the bedroom door and before stepping inside he said, "I think it would be best if we didn't sleep in the same room tonight" and then he closed the door on Gob.
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There's the second chapter. I'll have the third one up soon. I hope you enjoyed it and please review.