Chapter 2: Numb
Sora lay alone in his bed trying again and again to recall what chores he'd been assigned for the week. Was it washing the dishes and feeding the dogs? Or was it buying groceries? Or was it his turn to help with making dinner? Most days he could never remember, and today was certainly no exception. He rolled over onto his right side before letting out a stifled yawn. From here he could see all around the room.
His room.
Sora shut his eyes as tightly as he could, trying to block out both the light piercing through the curtains and the negative thoughts that were beginning to swirl through his mind.
Even after two years it still felt almost alien to him to describe this space in which he lived as his room. During the war, Sora had no room. Hell, he didn't even have a home. He had nothing. Just his deck, his duel disk and of course, his grit. This had always been his most valuable asset given the world from which he came. A world in which the only thing that really mattered was the strength of your character. Having fought on both sides of the war, he knew this all too well. He was strong. He always had been. He had to be.
But how many had thought the same and fallen nonetheless? It didn't matter which dimension you came from, or fought for, if you were not strong enough you didn't survive. It was as simple as that. The only true equaliser the war could offer for both sides was even simpler, death.
Sora shuddered and rolled over again to this time face the wall, trying desperately to shake the chilling feeling that was starting to creep its way down his spine. It was a feeling he was all too familiar with.
Fear.
But this wasn't a fear of the past, of the Professor, of the war. This was a fear of the future, of what was to come. For two years he had ghosted through life, dedicating all his time and energy to fervently helping those he had originally fought against. He had never once even stopped to think about himself and his own feelings. Now he had begun to do so, was fear really all he felt?
No. It was something else. Something deeper than that. This fear for his future was being manifested by another emotion, he just couldn't decipher what it was. Frankly, he didn't want to know what it was given how it was making him feel.
Sora violently rolled over for a final time, back onto his right side. He took a deep breath and opened his glistening green eyes as wide as he could, trying to take in every minute detail of his dimly lit room. It was small, yet spacious with little furniture besides the bed he currently lay in and the narrow wardrobe at the foot of his bed. Even though Sora couldn't see it from this position, he could feel the wardrobe bearing down on him, casting a weak but judging shadow across his lower body.
He should have given the damn thing to Yuya the day he moved in he thought to himself, pulling the scrunched-up duvet tighter around his shoulders whilst unwittingly exposing his lower half even further. He could never have brought himself to do it however. It was simply too beautiful. The intricate design of dragons and flowers that adorned its camphor wood framework made it quite a spectacle when seen from the doorway, a stark contrast to the rest of his room.
Sora's emerald eyes began to scan the space around him, darting between the few comforts that he'd come to rely on over the last two years. To the right of the doorway stood a small TV on a glass stand, with an old Nintendo Wii perched beside it. To the left lay his collection of stuffed animals and toys, the buying of which was a habit he just couldn't seem to break. The only other furnishing in his room was a small bedside table and drawer where he kept his deck. Atop the table sat a lone photograph inside a basic black frame. Sora glanced over at it, his heart sinking as he remembered what it was.
It was a photo of the Lancers outside a bowling alley close by to the You Show Duel School, taken just after the war had been won. Sora pushed an arm through his duvet and grabbed the photo, pulling it closer so he could make out the individual faces of everyone there.
He carefully inspected the photo, searching the faces of everyone in it for the emotions they carried. Yuya, Yuto, Reiji… Hell even Yuri had shown up. Sora remembered being too scared to go with them, not because he was afraid they wouldn't accept him, but because the war had taught him to not put his trust in anyone but himself. And look where that had got him. Besides Yuya, did he have any real friends? Any relationships that went further than an awkward hello?
Sora could feel the fear in him rising again, but this time it was different. This photo had finally made him realise what was making him so afraid. How did he not realise sooner? The answer had literally been sat on his bedside table the whole time. He could at last put a name to the raw emotion that had been slowly eating away at his soul for so long.
Loneliness.
He had almost no-one. In the two years since the war, everyone had made friends, forged relationships and become a family. Sora was alone.
Tears began to form in his eyes and before long they were rolling down his rounded cheeks, dripping onto the glass of the frame when his chin couldn't hold onto the drops any longer. He painfully tore his eyes away from the photo. He couldn't bear to see their cheerful expressions any longer.
Wait. Something in the back of his mind made him look back the picture in front of him. He wiped away the tears that stained the glass cover before scrutinising the photo even closer. Everyone appeared happy and content, except one person.
Shun Kurosaki.
Sora stared at the boy's face for what seemed like an eternity with questions circling his mind. Why is he the only one not smiling? Could he be like Sora in that the war had changed him to the point where he struggled to cultivate relationships? Sora felt a wave of new feelings wash over him. Could Shun have become just like him? His mind was racing from the possibility that someone could relate to him. However, he was once again struggling to comprehend these feelings that were stirring within him. They were all so new to him. Despite the confusion, one thing was for certain. This boy, Shun Kurosaki, was giving him hope.
Sora was so focused on trying to understand his new emotions that he didn't hear a loud knock on the door and a voice on the other side. Before he knew what was happening, Yuya burst in through the door making Sora drop the photo with a startled yelp.
"Sora it's really late how aren't you-" Yuya stopped himself mid-sentence as his eyes adjusted to the dim light, only realising that Sora wasn't dressed when it was far too late. He instinctively threw his arms up and hid his face behind the palms of his hands. "Could you please put some clothes on!" he yelled, trying his best not to catch a glimpse of Sora's half naked body through the gaps between his fingers.
Sora could only stare back in a state of shock and horror. He hadn't realised how far he'd pulled the duvet up when he was trying in vain to escape his demons. "Sorry Yuya, I didn't realise how late it was," he confessed, giving the clock an accusatory glare as he pulled on a pair of his red boxers.
"It's fine, but maybe you should consider investing in an alarm clock someday," he laughed, before checking that Sora was decent and yanking the curtains open to a flood of white light. "Hey are you okay? You look kinda upset," he remarked, noticing how red and puffy Sora's eyes appeared to be.
Sora flinched slightly, forcing him to take a deep breath and lay back on his bed as his fears came flooding back to him all at once. He'd forgotten how much he'd been crying. But he had to play this cool, Yuya could never find out what he was going through. "Yeah yeah I'm fine, I had trouble sleeping though."
"Ah no wonder you were so tired," Yuya exclaimed. "Maybe a new bed too then perhaps?"
Sora let out a small sigh of relief, his mind at ease knowing that Yuya was none the wiser to his problems. He calmly walked towards his closet to get his clothes for the day, leaving Yuya stood idly in the middle of his room. "So, what is it that was so urgent anyways?" he asked, his voice slightly muffled by the black t-shirt he was pulling over his head.
There was no reply, but he could hear Yuya fumbling with something on the floor behind him.
The photo.
Sora felt his stomach twist and tighten into a thousand knots. If Yuya's holding what he thinks he's holding, he was done for. Yuya would know for sure what had actually been bothering him, there would be no denying it. He wasn't ready for this. He couldn't have Yuya worrying about him now. Sora knew he would pour every ounce of his being into helping him, fretting over him… pitying him. He couldn't allow himself to become a burden to his only friend.
Sora tentatively turned around, praying that Yuya had just picked up one of his stuffed toys maybe. To his complete and utter dismay, there was Yuya delicately holding the picture in both his hands, cradling it just as Sora had done. There was a not-so subtle difference in how Yuya held it though. Whereas Sora had clutched at the frame's corners with a vice-like grip that only served to add to his pain, Yuya handled it with a warmth that reflected the love and contentment he felt towards those in the photograph. He looked as though he cherished it as if it was his own, just as he cherished the memory that was captured so perfectly within the frame's tattered black walls.
He was grinning incessantly, clearly recalling the antics he and his friends had gotten up to that day. He slowly looked up, his grin changing to a tender and heartfelt smile that oozed so much warmth Sora was tempted to run over and hug him. "This was such an amazing day," Yuya explained excitedly. "I just wish you'd have been there too."
Sora could only stare at the floor. He could feel the hot prick of tears beginning to form in his eyes as he became increasingly overwhelmed by a slew of negative emotions. Sorrow. Shame. Guilt. Was he destined to live the rest of his life in a state of perpetual loneliness?
"So do I…" he mumbled quietly with his gaze still firmly fixed on the carpet in front of him.
"Maybe next time ey?" Yuya offered, noticing how quiet Sora had gone all of a sudden. He offered no reply, and instead turned back around partly to finish getting dressed but mostly to try and hide the fact he was holding back tears.
"Anyway," Yuya said breaking the silence and placing the photograph back on Sora's bedside table, "I came up here to tell you that Yuto's coming round later so I'll be busy most of the afternoon."
This barely seemed to register with Sora as he continued getting ready. Why should he care if Yuto is coming round? He showed up here often enough. Him and Yuya were almost inseparable. Although Sora had had the least contact with Yuto out of all of Yuya's counterparts during the war, he did like him the most. He was forgiving and loyal, the two traits Sora admired the most in a person. That and he was in the most lovable relationship he'd ever seen with his best (and only) friend Yuya. He treated him like royalty, like his prince. He was always kind and gentle with Yuya, often doing the sweetest things in an attempt to make him happy, like showering him with little kisses when he was down, or whispering softly in his ear that he loved him more than life itself.
"I'm sure you guys will have fun," Sora answered despondently, but in a much more suggestive tone than he'd intended. He turned back around now fully dressed, half expecting Yuya to have gone already. Instead he was greeted with a red faced Yuya who stood by the doorway awkwardly shuffling his feet.
"It's not like that!" Yuya laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck in an uncharacteristic show of bashfulness. "He's bringing a friend who I haven't seen in a while."
This peaked Sora's interest. Who could it be? Yuya kept in constant contact with all of the Lancers. "Who is it? Ruri? Kaito? Someone from Syncho maybe?" Sora questioned, coming off as much more inquisitive than he intended to be.
"None of those actually," Yuya teased, knowing full well that Sora was indeed being strangely more curious about his company than normal. "It's Shun Kurosaki."
Sora's heart skipped a beat. He staggered backwards in complete disbelief, grabbing the side of the wardrobe to keep himself from falling.
Yuya looked concerned. "Are you sure you're alright Sora?" he asked, offering his hand.
Sora was far from alright. Shun Kurosaki was coming to HIS house. The boy he'd known so well during the war, the boy he'd fought alongside and against countless times… the boy who now was his only hope.
Sora knew there was no guarantee Shun was anything like him. But there was a chance, a possibility. This was enough for him. Enough to stem the tide of emotion Sora was trying so hard to battle against. His body knew this, and it had responded as soon as the words 'Shun Kurosaki' had left Yuya's mouth.
His heart had been the first to react, as if it knew something the rest of Sora didn't. The palpation that he'd felt so suddenly in his chest had sent a shockwave through his entire system, feelings of surprise and astonishment bouncing between the poles of his body before reverberating around his chest and reaching his extremities. Here these feelings settled, tinged with the sensation of pure excitement of the possibilities unfolding before him.
Even if it had only been for half a second, this tremor set his heart afire, jolting it back to life so that it could begin its dance anew, but this time to a much faster beat. Its flutter became a throb, the calm vibrato of his pulse replaced by a brisk rhythmic thumping more akin to the sound of a machine gun than a human heart.
"I…I'm fine," Sora stuttered breathlessly, trying to gain his composure. He swatted Yuya's hand away and gave him a small grin. He was getting over the initial shock, with it now being replaced completely by a scintillating feeling of excited impatience.
"If you say so," Yuya sighed resignedly, still with a look of great concern etched across his face. He turned slightly towards the door. "I'll see you later, but make sure you tell Mom if you're sick okay?"
Sora nodded reservedly in acceptance, the excitement of having the opportunity to meet Shun again almost being too much for him to contain.
Yuya gave him a quick wave before stepping out into the hallway. "Oh and," he shouted from just outside the now slightly ajar door, "it's your turn to wash the dishes!"
Sora stood backed against the wardrobe pouting, as Yuya ran downstairs laughing to himself wildly.